


this ultraviolet morning light

by GallifreyanFairytale



Series: rising sun [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: (almost) exes to lovers, Ambassador Zuko (Avatar), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assassination Plot(s), Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Canon-Typical Violence, Demisexual Zuko (Avatar), Firelord Iroh (Avatar), Gay Zuko (Avatar), Guilt, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Investigations, Lesbian Azula (Avatar), M/M, Minor Aang/Katara, Minor Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Past Jet/Zuko (Avatar), Past Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Past Sokka/Yue (Avatar), Post-100 Year War (Avatar TV), Slow Burn, Sunrises, Undercover Missions, Very mild drinking, Zukka Big Bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 86,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29465766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallifreyanFairytale/pseuds/GallifreyanFairytale
Summary: “Sokka?” Zuko’s voice is quiet and raspy as he shifts just enough that Sokka lifts his head up from Zuko’s shoulder. The confession Sokka had ready to go dies on his lips at Zuko’s expression - at the red he can just barely make out in Zuko’s eyes. “Sokka, I… need to tell you something.”Sokka swallows and nods silently, not trusting his own admission to not slip out if he dares to open his mouth. Zuko must be confessing the same thing Sokka wants to. Which, admittedly, Sokka hadn’t actually planned for, but it’s fine. He can adapt to this. He just needs to shift a few words around in his brain, and--“You’re my best friend, you know that right?”And why does Zuko’s tone make this sound like a break up?ORsokka and zuko break up, make up, go undercover, thwart a rebellion, watch the sunrise, and change the course of fire nation history. not necessarily in that order.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: rising sun [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2171784
Comments: 240
Kudos: 371
Collections: Zukka Big Bang





	1. blue (like i'd never known)

**Author's Note:**

> IT'S HERE!! i've been working on this fic since november for the Zukka Big Bang and i'm so excited to finally be able to share it!! the entire fic is already finished and will be posted over the course of the next ten days. it will consist of 7 chapters + an epilogue. i also made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4ylOntT3nronHrcYzGYX6D?si=3lKZza2aRTK3rFvkd4tMVw) to go along with this fic if you're interested :D
> 
> shoutout to [hrmsketches](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/) for the absolutely gorgeous artwork that goes along with this fic ([chapter 4 part 1](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643231800150425600/what-if-we-held-hands-in-the-secret-tunnel) [chapter 4 part 2](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643503632271147009/bonus-drawing-for-zukkaclawthorne-s-this) [chapter 5](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643684790801973248/two-bros-sitting-on-a-rooftop-zero-feet-apart)) and also to my beta [goldrushzukka](https://goldrushzukka.tumblr.com/).
> 
> this takes place in an alternate universe where Iroh became Fire Lord after the war ended, and two years post-war, Zuko moved to the South Pole as an ambassador. It also takes place 5-6 years post-canon (and i also took a little liberty on some of the ages of characters who don't really have canon ages) so Zuko, Mai, & Suki are 21, Sokka & Ty Lee are 20, Katara & Azula are 19, and Aang & Toph are 17. 
> 
> finally, i would like to say my dad & two of my sisters asked me to dedicate this fic to them for being my "anti-inspiration" while i was writing, and i have decided to oblige, so this fic is dedicated to them <3 i hope my homophobic father enjoys the fact that he accidentally asked for a dedication in a gay fanfic :)
> 
> fic title is from afterglow by taylor swift, chapter title is from red by taylor swift

**_i don’t wanna let you go, but_ **

**_dreams slip away, i know_ **

_dream - tessa violet_

* * *

**_SOKKA  
_ **

Sokka appreciates everyone else’s optimism - really, he does - but he isn’t naïve enough to believe Zuko will make good on his word and return. He’d said six months. Six months he would be gone “finding himself” and “figuring out who he is”. And then he’d left in the middle of the night, leaving Sokka a letter bidding him farewell instead of saying goodbye to his face like a normal person.

Today marks six months exactly since Zuko left, and while Katara and Aang might be excitedly chattering about how he’ll be returning soon, Sokka has better things to do than blindly believe Zuko hasn’t changed his mind. Zuko’s moved on, Sokka is sure of it. He’s found something better than his ambassador job, or decided as next in line for the throne, he should be moving back to the Fire Nation. As much as Sokka _wants_ Zuko to come back so things can go back to how they were six months ago before Zuko decided the South Pole wasn’t good enough for him, Sokka isn’t dumb enough to believe that’s possible. Zuko’s written him maybe four times in the past six months; he doesn’t miss Sokka - he clearly hardly even thinks about him.

Which is _not_ fair, because Sokka’s thought about Zuko every single day for the past six months. But life isn’t fair, and Zuko isn’t coming back, so Sokka needs to get a grip and move on. If only everyone else understood that.

They don’t, though. Aang is an optimist by nature, Katara is going to agree with him no matter what, and of course Sokka’s dad wouldn’t want to think his Fire Nation Ambassador would actually straight up quit without warning. But Sokka didn’t think his best friend would run off in the middle of the night without a proper goodbye, and Zuko had done exactly that, so maybe Sokka doesn’t trust him as much as he did six months ago.

So while Aang and Katara rattle on about their plans for when Zuko gets back over dinner, Sokka just picks at his food and stays quiet. He hasn’t been hungry since he woke up this morning and realized today is the six month mark, and Sokka knows his family must notice _something_ is off - he’s not eating _or_ talking - but they all seem too preoccupied with the prospect of Zuko returning that they don’t call him out on it. It’s all _Zuko this_ and _Zuko that_ and it’s infuriating because _Sokka_ is going to have to be the one picking up the pieces when he writes to say he isn’t coming back.

So Sokka stares at his food, only managing a few bites before his stomach can’t handle any more, and he sits in his mopey, broody, silence until he can’t stand listening to Aang and Katara talk about how excited they are to see Zuko again and he excuses himself. He half expects his dad or Gran-Gran to tell him he has to stay, but the four of them just let him go, not even asking any questions when he grabs his coat and heads outside.

The cold wind hitting Sokka’s face is refreshing, pulling him out of his wallowing enough that he can at least smile at the beginnings of the sunset. He starts walking, not headed anywhere in particular, and studies the pinks and oranges of the sky as the sun hangs down close to the horizon. This time of year, the sky won’t darken completely, which means Sokka doesn’t have to worry about being stuck outside with no light and he can walk aimlessly for as long as he wants.

His aimless wandering, as it turns out, is not as aimless as he’d hoped. Sokka ends up at the docks, staring out at the sea and remembering how, almost six years ago, Zuko’s ship had pulled up to their village so he could find the Avatar. Sokka had been terrified, and from the moment the black snow had first started falling, he’d started preparing himself for a death he thought was certain.

And now, here he is nearly six years later, wishing for Zuko to come back.

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

_seven months ago_

Zuko doesn’t know what’s happening with him. He’s probably having a long overdue breakdown, his mind finally catching up to all of the trauma he endured when he was younger and finally feeling safe enough to actually fully _feel_. Because living in the Fire Nation with Uncle wasn’t safe enough for the inevitable breakdown, but the Southern Water Tribe _is_. Go figure.

He’s up too early this morning again, but in the South Pole, his body can’t stick to its usual _rise with the sun_ pattern. Near the solstices, the sun will either hang in the sky all day and night or it won’t rise at all. It was a strange sensation, the first winter solstice Zuko had spent in the South Pole - celebrating his birthday in the darkness. For the first time in his life, Zuko had understood why his father might not have liked him being born on such a day. In the Fire Nation, it doesn’t matter what time of year it is - every day has nearly equal amounts of sunlight and darkness. Sure, the solstice is still the shortest day of the year, but not by much.

The sun won’t come up until much later today, and Zuko is pretty sure it’ll only hover over the horizon for a couple hours before sinking back down. So Zuko really has no idea what time it is. Sokka can calculate the time down to almost the exact minute just by looking at the sun or the stars, and he’s tried to explain it to Zuko, but Zuko isn’t near as smart as Sokka. What Zuko _does_ know is he’s up earlier than anyone else in the South Pole wakes up - both actual South Pole citizens as well as the Earth Kingdom ambassadors. 

He wants to write back to Uncle and thank him for the birthday gift, but Zuko’s brain is already fried. What he really needs is to spar with someone who _isn’t_ Sokka, so he can burn off some steam, wear himself out, and fall back asleep for another few hours. He needs to spar with another firebender, but the only other firebender who’s been to the South Pole in the past year is Aang, and Aang has better things to do than distract Zuko from his mid-life crisis.

Because yeah, he’s decided it’s a mid-life crisis now. Sure, he’s only just turned twenty-one, but he could die at forty-two. Honestly, forty-two is probably stretching it. This is _late_ for a mid-life crisis. Zuko should’ve had one of these by seventeen at latest.

Regardless, no one else is awake anyways, so Zuko’s options are pretty much limited to meditation, making tea, or going on a walk at Agni knows what hour of the morning.

He goes for the tea option.

Zuko spent his first month as ambassador living with Sokka’s family and Aang while waterbenders from the North Pole finished building the ambassadors’ housing. Zuko had been prepared for it to be awkward and tense, but it had turned into one of the best months of Zuko’s life. Really, it wasn’t too different from the days before the war at Ember Island except Toph and Suki had been replaced by Sokka’s dads (and occasionally his grandma and Pakku).

And then the ambassador housing had been finished, and Zuko had moved there. It’s really nice housing, and definitely an upgrade from sharing a room with both Sokka and Aang, but sometimes, it feels too empty. Sure, the Earth Kingdom Ambassadors are _close_ , but they all have their own separate spaces. The emptiness does have its perks, though, like when Zuko decides he needs to make tea early enough in the morning that no sane person would be awake.

He likes to imagine Uncle is preparing tea for himself this early too, back in the Fire Nation. It might not be logical, but it helps Zuko feel a little closer to him.

If Zuko is being honest, there’s only a handful of things he really misses from the Fire Nation: Uncle, the turtleduck pond in the palace gardens, the palace library, the warm weather. Sometimes, he misses Azula too. She’s gotten better over the past five years, but Zuko thinks there might always be a rift between them. He misses the person Azula _was_ , before she learned to be so malicious and before their mother left, more than he misses the person Azula _is_ , and he knows he shouldn’t hold onto the past like that, but he thinks that might be the one thing he can’t let go of.

As Zuko sips on his tea, he wonders if maybe Uncle would have a cure for _whatever_ is happening with him. Whatever crisis or illness or breakdown has his mind always feeling fuzzy and hollow and has his hands sweating while he’s outside in the South Pole winter and has his heart thumping offbeat when Sokka gets too close. It must have something to do with his childhood, right? He can’t trust anyone to not turn on him, to not become another Azula. He doesn’t want to let himself get too close to Sokka because deep down, he’s always going to be afraid of making friends.

Maybe what Zuko needs is a break. Maybe he needs to go ride through the Earth Kingdom on a stolen ostrich-horse again and hope some life lesson finds him.

He could do it, too. He could write to Uncle and ask him to send a replacement ambassador for a few months, and he could help Uncle with reconstruction in the Earth Kingdom instead. Just long enough to get away from Sokka, just long enough to get a break from the icy cold, just long enough to stave off his breakdown because his mind and body might finally feel safe enough _here_ to go into meltdown mode, but they _won’t_ feel that safe in the Earth Kingdom.

Zuko just needs to reset himself, push his looming breakdown back for another couple of years, and then he’ll be good to go.

He’s pulling out a brush and parchment before he’s even realized that his decision has been made.

\--

The finished letter to Uncle sits on Zuko’s desk, rolled up and ready to be sent, while Zuko attends this morning’s meeting. Hakoda is droning on about trade routes and Zuko knows he _should_ be paying attention, but his mind keeps wandering back to the letter. And then it wanders over to Sokka, who’s seated across from him, either scribbling down notes or doodling. Zuko is inclined to think it’s the latter.

Sokka catches Zuko staring, but he just grins and holds his notepad up so Zuko can see it. Sure enough, the page is mostly filled with doodles. Sokka’s gotten much better at drawing over the years, and Zuko can clearly tell what most of the doodles are of. There’s a penguin otter, a couple polar dogs, and about twelve boomerangs. But the biggest drawing - the one taking up most of the space - is of Zuko himself. It’s clearly not finished yet, but it’s wonderful all the same, and Zuko suddenly feels a little bit like crying.

It’s not the first time Sokka has drawn him - far from it - but there’s something about the expression on Sokka’s face - soft, warm, excited. It shoots straight into Zuko’s heart, and he _knows_ with complete and utter certainty that he does not, nor will he ever, deserve a friend like Sokka.

 _Do you like it?_ Sokka mouths, eyebrows furrowing downward. Zuko realizes that he’s just been staring at the drawing with his mouth hanging slightly open.

He nods and lets a smile overtake his face, offering Sokka a thumbs up. Sokka’s face lights up at that, and then he goes back to work. Zuko’s brain might as well be filled with snow for the rest of the meeting, but since they’re really only discussing trade routes between the Southern Water Tribe and the Earth Kingdom, there’s no need for Zuko’s input. So he just nods along and agrees with whatever everyone else is saying. 

Once the meeting finally, _finally_ , lets out, Sokka is the first one to jump up from his seat. Zuko barely has time to stand up himself before Sokka is entwining their fingers and dragging Zuko away.

“I was thinking we could eat lunch together today?” he says. Zuko is too busy trying to tug his parka on with only one hand to comprehend what Sokka’s just said, though.

“Hm?”

“Oh!” Sokka lets go of Zuko’s hand. “Sorry. I said I wanted to eat lunch with you. ...If you’ve got other plans, though, that’s fine!”

Zuko blows a strand of hair out of his face and finishes situating the parka properly. “I--” The letter to Uncle comes back into Zuko’s mind. He’d been planning on heading back and sending it before he could talk himself out of it. But now, looking at Sokka, he figures the letter can wait just a little longer. And maybe he should talk to Hakoda first anyways. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Great!” Sokka grabs Zuko’s hand again, and drags him out into the cold. Zuko barely has time to stuff his free hand into his pocket before they’re met with a blast of cold air. Zuko warms his other hand on instinct, and apparently it was a good call because Sokka squeezes it tighter and presses closer to Zuko. “I forgot my mittens at home,” he admits as they make their way to one of the restaurants that has opened up since the war ended and reconstruction began.

“Sokka, you’ve lived in the South Pole your whole life. How did you _forget_ your mittens?” Zuko raises an eyebrow. He heats his hand up more, though - enough that he knows Sokka’s fingers won’t end up frostbitten.

“I was in a rush,” he explains. “I was up late last night, so I woke up late this morning. I didn’t have time to turn around once I realized I forgot them.”

Zuko rolls his eyes. Only Sokka can invent two new forms of transportation before turning sixteen and still forget his mittens in the middle of a South Pole winter. “Did you just want to get lunch with me so I could keep your hands warm?”

“No. But that _is_ a bonus.” He turns to smile cheekily at Zuko, and Zuko has to turn his gaze to the ground before he gets so lost in Sokka’s eyes that he trips over his own feet. He breathes out slowly, warming the air around both him and Sokka, and watches his boots leave footprints in the snow. 

His brain is going all fizzy again, throwing out any other thoughts in favor of dwelling on Sokka’s smile, and yeah, Zuko decides, he _really_ needs a couple months to just reset himself. He needs to get away from the South Pole, throw himself anywhere else in the world, and force his brain to work right again. Maybe it’s the inconsistent sunlight frying his brain, or maybe it’s the cold, but he needs a break.

But he also needs to eat, so he’ll humor Sokka and eat lunch with him. And he won’t tell Sokka his plans until they’re set, because if Sokka tries to talk Zuko out of leaving, Zuko knows he’ll give in to him. Zuko would do anything for Sokka, and maybe that’s the problem. 

Zuko doesn’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to people he’s decided he’d do anything for. 

* * *

**_SOKKA_ **

_six months ago_

This is, quite possibly, going to be the greatest day of Sokka’s life.

He’s planned it out meticulously for two weeks now, and there’s _nothing_ that could possibly thwart this. He’s examined it from every angle, thought up solutions for every possible scenario, and he knows there is no world in which tonight could go poorly. Even Katara admits Sokka’s plans are well thought out when he really puts his mind to it, and Sokka has done nothing _but_ put his mind to this plan for the past two weeks. Which means it’s going to be _great_. 

It’s going to be _perfect_ \--

“Where are you going?”

Ah. Well. 

That could put a slight damper on the night. But Sokka’s dad really _shouldn’t_ mind that he’s going to spend a nice, ~~romantic~~ ~~,~~ relaxing, evening with Zuko. It’s definitely not the first time Sokka’s left with little to no warning to go visit Zuko. And he _had_ told Katara and Aang he’d be gone tonight. His dad must not have been around when that happened, though.

“Out with Zuko.”

“Oh.” Sokka’s dad’s voice softens at that, which is a little weird, but maybe he’s just tired. Or maybe he’s figured out Sokka’s plan and is remembering his first date with Bato. That would still be kind of weird, but also sweet, so Sokka will let it pass. “Sokka--” he starts, then stops himself. There’s clearly something he wants to say, but he’s stopping himself.

“What?” Sokka frowns. He’s pretty sure his dad, Katara, and Bato are all _well aware_ Sokka has a massive crush on Zuko and they have been for some time now. Sokka isn’t exactly _great_ at hiding his feelings. But he’d assumed that his dad would’ve said something if he didn’t like it before now, wouldn’t he? Sokka _does_ have a whole speech planned out for that possibility too, but he didn’t bother memorizing it because he didn’t think he’d need it, and he doesn’t have time to go search for it right now. He can’t be late!

Sokka’s dad opens his mouth, closes it, and shakes his head. “Never mind. Have fun.”

Sokka grins to stop himself from worrying about what his dad wanted to say. He can figure it out later, after his dinner that is a date but is also not technically a date with Zuko. He has the rest of his life to worry. Tonight, he’s going to let himself live in the moment and not let his anxieties get the best of him. He’s mentally gone through his plan a hundred times today alone. Nothing will go wrong, and his father seeming slightly _off_ doesn’t constitute an alteration to the plan.

The only thing that prevents Sokka from sprinting all the way to Zuko’s house is the basket of food hanging from his arm. He can’t risk tripping and spilling it or shaking it around too harshly. He sets a fast pace anyways and focuses on putting one thought in front of the other. 

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?” Nanouk calls out as Sokka passes him.

“Zuko’s,” Sokka responds, turning and walking backwards so he can carry on a conversation and still head in the direction of Zuko. He can’t wipe the smile from his face either, and at this point, he figures it isn’t even worth trying.

“Ah.” Nanouk smirks. He’s only a few years older than Sokka, which he’s decided gives him divine right to taunt Sokka like an older brother would. Sokka doesn’t mind, though, despite the fact that he gets plenty of teasing from Katara at home. “Well, I wish you all the best.”

“Thanks!” Sokka spins back around just in time to narrowly avoid bumping into one of the Northern Water Tribe healers in the South Pole for an internship. Sokka’s seen her around, but he can’t bring her name to mind right now, when she’s glaring ice daggers at him. “Sorry!” he squeaks out and scrambles away from her.

It’s still not enough to break Sokka’s mood. He arrives at Zuko’s house with a smile on his face and announces himself as he barges it, knowing Zuko doesn’t mind.

“I’m here!” He calls out in a sing-song voice. He pulls his hood down and looks around. “Zuko?”

“One second!” Zuko’s voice calls back. “I’m doing my hair.”

 _Well in that case_ …

Sokka sets the basket down gently and makes his way into Zuko’s room, where Zuko is gathering half of his hair up into a topknot. The leather cord between his teeth is one Sokka recognizes as his own. “Need any help?”

Zuko sighs and lets his hair fall back down. He takes the cord from his mouth and holds it out towards Sokka. “Go ahead.”

Sokka is sure Zuko can do his hair perfectly fine on his own, but he almost never passes up Sokka’s offers to do it for him. Which is why Sokka is already swooping over to him, plucking the cord out of his hand, and settling down behind Zuko. Instead of gathering it up into a topknot, he decides to pull it back into a braid.

“What are you doing?” Zuko asks, but he’s making no move to stop Sokka, so he continues weaving the sections of hair together.

“Braiding,” Sokka answers. “You know you always get frustrated when your hood messes up your topknot.”

Zuko doesn’t even try to argue with that, so Sokka finishes the braid in silence. It doesn’t take him very long at all before he’s tying the cord at the end and announcing that he’s finished. Sokka’s already pulling Zuko towards the door as Zuko thanks him.

Once Zuko has pulled his parka and mittens on (and Sokka has flipped the hood up over his head), Sokka picks the basket back up and they’re on their way. It isn’t a long walk from Zuko’s apartment, and with Zuko warming the air around them, it isn’t too unpleasant either. Sokka can see the wind whipping the snow around them, and he can feel phantom breezes ticking his nose, but if he closed his eyes, he could be convinced he was standing somewhere in the Earth Kingdom rather than the South Pole. 

It can’t be more than ten minutes before they’re seated on a hill that overlooks most of the town. Sokka’s brought Zuko up here before, but he’s still staring out at the lights from the buildings like it’s the first time he’s seen it. Granted, Sokka is staring at Zuko like it’s the first time he’s seen him, so he supposes he can’t judge. But there’s just something about the way Yue’s light softens his edges that captivates Sokka. He really can’t think of anything more beautiful than Zuko drenched in moonlight. 

“Any particular reason you brought me out here?” Zuko asks, eyes still glued to the lights from the town twinkling in the night. It really has grown so much in the years since the war ended.

“The auroras,” Sokka says, because that’s the reason why he chose _tonight_ specifically. “We should be able to see them tonight, and I know you like them.”

Zuko turns and smiles at that, but it’s sort of empty looking, like he’s holding himself back from being fully happy. Sokka won’t let that deter him, though. Zuko does this sometimes - convinces himself he doesn’t deserve to be happy because of things he’s done or things his family has done. Sokka gets it - or, he doesn’t _get it_ per se, but he understands why Zuko does it. And Sokka would be lying if he said he’d never felt unworthy of happiness or love. It’s just a side effect of being a non-bender in a friend group of bending masters and the literal Avatar.

“C’mon, let’s eat.”

Zuko looks conflicted at that for some reason, but it passes quickly, and then he’s smiling for real. “Yeah, okay. Let’s eat.”

It’s still weird to Sokka that he can sit outside in the South Pole winter and have a picnic with Zuko and not have to worry about frostbite or hypothermia thanks to Zuko’s ability to bend the temperature. He never warms the air enough to melt the snow (or, not on _purpose_ , at least), but it is enough that they can sit with their mittens off and eat the food Sokka so carefully packed earlier that day and Sokka’s fingers don’t go numb.

As they eat, Sokka points out constellations he’s sure he’s told Zuko about before, but Zuko still listens intently and adds his own tidbits of information when he can, offering differences in the stories they tell about the stars in the Fire Nation compared to the Southern Water Tribe. They can see more constellations in the Fire Nation too, which Sokka doesn’t think is very fair at all. Why should the hottest places in the world get to see the most constellations?

They’ve only just finished eating when the auroras flicker to life in the sky above them, green lights dancing with the stars and stretching across the night. Sokka pulls Zuko close to him, snaking one arm around his waist, and it really is perfect. The lights aren’t uncommon enough that Zuko’s never seen them - Sokka knows this. And yet, Zuko is entranced, the ghost of a smile playing at his lips like he’s too in awe to bother with facial expressions right now. Sokka’s heart could just about burst at the sight.

Sokka leans his head on Zuko’s shoulder, letting the warmth Zuko always radiates seep into his body. He doesn’t watch the lights - not tonight. Instead, he watches the rise and fall of Zuko’s chest, working up the courage to say what he really came here to say. He _has_ to say it; he won’t back out again. 

Years ago, when he’d asked Katara how she’d known when to admit her feelings to Aang, she’d told him, _“Sometimes, you just know. Everything in the universe just screams at you that it’s time.”_ Sokka hadn’t understood back then, really. He’d pictured Katara seeing visions of spirits telling her to go for it. But tonight? Tonight, he really, truly, understands. Tonight, the auroras and the stars and the snow and the sea and Yue herself are all telling him _it’s time, it’s time_.

“Sokka?” Zuko’s voice is quiet and raspy as he shifts just enough that Sokka lifts his head up from Zuko’s shoulder. The confession Sokka had ready to go dies on his lips at Zuko’s expression - at the red he can just barely make out in Zuko’s eyes. “Sokka, I… need to tell you something.”

Sokka swallows and nods silently, not trusting his own admission to not slip out if he dares to open his mouth. Zuko must be confessing the same thing Sokka wants to. Which, admittedly, Sokka hadn’t actually planned for, but it’s fine. He can adapt to this. He just needs to shift a few words around in his brain, and--

“You’re my best friend, you know that right?”

And why does Zuko’s tone make this sound like a break up?

“Right,” Sokka manages. His brain is too busy suddenly coming up with a thousand terrible ways for tonight to end that it had somehow conveniently neglected to think of before right now for Sokka to give a better response than that.

“I don’t want this to change things between us,” Zuko says carefully, and maybe Sokka was interpreting his previous tone wrong? Maybe he _is_ confessing his feelings? Sokka is getting whiplash from this conversation, and he really has no idea what to think now. His brain has gone from _everything is fine_ to _everything is terrible_ to just totally blank in a matter of seconds.

“Um. Okay,” Sokka responds, and even he can hear how hollow and empty his words sound, but his brain is not currently working well enough to deal with that. Zuko is lucky he’s getting any words at all right now.

“I, um.” Zuko sighs and looks down. “I should have told you sooner, I know, but I-- I didn’t want you talking me out of this, and this is something I need to do.”

Sokka has _no_ idea what to make of that. Sokka has been gung-ho for any plan Zuko has come up with since he first arrived in the Southern Water Tribe as ambassador. Well, except for when he and Aang wanted to steal Katara’s makeup and use Sokka as their model, but that wasn’t, like, anything _important_. And it was only because Sokka was apparently the only one with enough brain cells to be wary of Katara’s wrath.

“I’m--” Zuko squeezes his eyes shut despite the fact that he isn’t looking at Sokka anyways. “I’m leaving. For six months.”

Oh.

Appa could have crushed Sokka into the ground and it would’ve hurt less than that. 

Zuko is rambling on about needing a break, and Iroh having him do some work in the Earth Kingdom with King Kuei, and a bunch of other stuff Sokka doesn’t care to listen to. On any other day, Sokka could listen to Zuko list every Earth King by name and force himself to pay attention, if only to hear Zuko’s voice. But right now, every word Zuko is saying just stabs further into Sokka’s chest, twisting into his heart until Sokka is sure that Zuko driving a literal, physical, knife into him would hurt less.

Because this? This is _not_ something Sokka had planned for. Zuko telling Sokka he’s _running away_ before Sokka even got a chance to admit how he feels? That hadn’t even crossed Sokka’s mind in his breakdown moments earlier. And Sokka doesn’t know what to do or say. He wants to just sink down into the snow and lie there forever.

It shouldn’t feel like a break up, really. They’re not dating, and clearly they never will be, but Sokka’s body doesn’t seem to understand that with the way it’s seizing up and then shutting down, going completely numb. His arms are heavy and his stomach is dropping, dropping, and Sokka thinks he might genuinely get sick. He doesn’t even feel like he’s going to cry, though. He just feels empty.

Everything had been perfect. Sokka was sure he was _this close_ to Zuko being his, but it turns out, he must not have even been a thought that had crossed Zuko’s mind. And really, Sokka supposes, he should have guessed that would be the case. Zuko might be an ambassador right now, but he’s still a prince. He’s still next in line to be Fire Lord. And Sokka is just some nobody from the Southern Water Tribe. It shouldn’t hurt so much, but Sokka has been living in his fantasy world where Zuko can stay in the South Pole forever.

That isn’t the case, and Sokka’s known that from the beginning, but they could have made it work.

Or, that’s what Sokka has been telling himself. But really, they can’t. Really, they never stood a chance. Really, Sokka should have never let himself get so attached to Zuko. Really, this was bound to be disastrous and Sokka was bound to be left feeling like the world was burning around him in the middle of winter, but he’d let flights of fancy take over his mind, and now, he’s paying the price.

“Sokka?”

“It’s fine.” It’s not. “I get it.” No, he doesn’t. Zuko _liked_ the South Pole - he’d told Sokka as much on several different occasions over the past three years that he’d been ambassador. And even when Zuko had gone to visit his uncle in the Fire Nation, Sokka usually went along with him. So no, Sokka _doesn’t_ get it, but he’s not going to tell Zuko that. He’s not going to tell Zuko anything, because if he does, he’s going to break completely.

And Zuko has clearly already made up his mind.

“I’m sorry,” Zuko says softly, his voice almost carried off by the wind before Sokka can catch it. But Sokka _does_ catch it, and it sounds like a rejection and a betrayal and a goodbye rolled up into one. Sokka faced death head on when he was fifteen, but this almost feels worse, somehow. Sokka is pretty sure this is what balloons feel like when they’re popped suddenly and without warning. This is what snowflakes feel like when they have the misfortune of falling onto someone’s face. This is what fire feels like when doused with water.

“When are you leaving?”

Zuko shrugs. “After the temporary replacement Uncle is sending arrives.” He lowers his voice, “A couple days, maybe. A week at most.”

A couple days. Zuko waited until a _couple days_ before he’s set to leave to tell Sokka that he’s going. And honestly, that hurts worse than Zuko leaving in and of itself.

“You’re gonna come back, though, aren’t you?” Sokka whispers.

“Of course,” Zuko responds.

Sokka doesn’t think he believes him.

\--

“Did you know?”

Sokka had meant to say _hello_ or _I’m going to my room to wallow in self-pity, don’t bother me for the next six months_ , but as soon as he saw his dad, his mouth decided to move without his consent.

Sokka’s dad and Bato both frown, while Aang and Katara share nervous glances. Gran-Gran must be either asleep or wherever Pakku is, because she isn’t sitting with them.

“About Zuko,” he clarifies, dropping the basket on the ground. “Did you know?” Sokka’s voice cracks, and he _hates_ it, because he _doesn’t_ cry in front of people. But he’s been on the verge of tears for close to an hour now and he’s one wrong word away from completely losing it.

Sokka’s dad _must_ have known. Sokka can see it in his face, and he’s pretty sure Zuko said something about clearing it with him already. He can see it in Bato’s face too, which isn’t so surprising. But he can also see it in Aang and Katara’s faces, which means they all _watched_ him leave to spend the evening with Zuko and didn’t think to warn him that hey, maybe prepare yourself for the worst, because that’s what Zuko is about to unleash on you.

“You _all_ knew?!” he demands. The lack of any verbal answer is all the affirmation Sokka needs. “You all knew, and none of you thought to tell me?”

“Sokka--” Katara starts.

“No. No! I don’t even--” He pulls the ribbon from his hair and lets it fall loose. “ _No_. It doesn’t matter.” He runs a hand through his hair, if only to give his hand something to do besides hang useless at his side. “I’m going to bed. And I’m calling in sick for any meetings tomorrow.” Sokka doesn’t even know if there are any meetings he’s _supposed_ to attend tomorrow, but he knows he won’t make it to them because he’s going to be too busy sulking and avoiding Zuko at all costs.

He ignores the looks on everyone’s faces and stomps off to his room, barely making it there before he breaks. He throws himself onto his bed, not even bothering to take off his coat or shoes. It doesn’t matter anyways. Nothing matters.

(And okay, Sokka knows he’s probably being a little overdramatic, but he can’t bring himself to care right now. He’s only twenty; he’s allowed to mope around over a breakup that wasn’t technically a breakup but definitely felt like a breakup.)

He wraps his arms around his pillow, drawing it close to him. He squeezes his eyes shut and finally allows himself to cry. If there’s any mercy at all for Sokka in this world, no one will bother him until after he’s finished getting the tears out of his system. He shoots a prayer up to Yue, just asking for fifteen minutes of peace before Katara or his dad come barging in and trying to make him feel better. He deserves at least that, doesn’t he?

It’s stupid, he knows. He travelled the world with the Avatar and helped end a hundred year long war at age fifteen, and now he’s crying over his friend leaving - which is perfectly within Zuko’s rights. Clearly Sokka’s dad _had_ known about this. Apparently everyone besides Sokka had, because try as he might, Sokka just isn’t important enough to tell these things to. And it’s stupid - it isn’t even _right_ ; of course Sokka is important - but he can’t stop crying anyways. Because Zuko is leaving and because he made it evident he doesn’t feel the same and because everyone else knew before Sokka and no one bothered mentioning it to him. And because yeah, Sokka helped end a war and travelled around the world with the Avatar and he’s the Chief’s son, but he’s _never_ going to be as important as all of his friends.

He’s going to spend the rest of his life being the last to know things, and he’s known this for the past five years, but it still _sucks_. Because he’d thought, if anyone would make sure Sokka felt needed, it would be Zuko. For the past five years, it _has_ been Zuko.

But now Zuko’s realized that Sokka is not and never will be anything special, just like everyone else.

It shouldn’t hurt like it does. Of course Zuko would realize that; he’s a master firebender who trained the Avatar and is next in line for the Fire Nation throne. But it _does_ hurt. It burns like fire consuming Sokka’s entire body, like he’s been dunked underwater and the surface has frozen over and his lungs are about to give out, but he’s going to keep hitting the ice anyways like he’s strong enough to break it.

Katara doesn’t come to him that night, like he thought she would. They all just leave him alone and Sokka falls asleep with his pillow still clutched tightly in his arms.

\--

Katara comes in the morning when Sokka is trying to force himself to fall back asleep for just a few more minutes, blanket pulled up over his head, trying to think about anything besides Zuko.

“Sokka.” She sits carefully on the edge of his bed. “We thought he told you already,” she says quietly. “I thought--” she pauses. “Never mind. I thought you knew.”

Sokka lets out a bitter laugh and refuses to look at Katara. “Obviously not.”

Katara sighs. “I know that now.” She’s silent for several moments before she hesitantly asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” No, he doesn’t want to talk about how he went and fell in love with the prince of the Fire Nation when he should have been well aware that nothing could come of it. He doesn’t want to talk about how he went and fell in love with his best friend when he should have been well aware that Zuko would realize he can be friends with anyone and he doesn’t have to settle for Sokka. He doesn’t want to talk about how he knows he shouldn’t be letting this get to him, but it is anyways.

“ _Sokka_.” Katara pulls the blankets down and light creeps into Sokka’s field of vision. He screws his eyes shut, not wanting to deal with seeing anything right now. “Come on. You can’t mope around all day.”

“Why not?” He cracks one eye open in time to see Katara roll her eyes at him. Which, _rude_. Sokka can be a little over dramatic if he wants.

“Well if I remember correctly, you called in sick for all your meetings today,” Katara twirls a strand of hair around her finger, “which means you have a day off, and I’m not letting you spend it lying around like a dying penguin otter.”

Sokka groans. “Why can’t you just let me mourn in peace!”

“ _Because_.” Katara grabs Sokka’s arms and pulls him up into a sitting position, much to Sokka’s dismay. He only lets it happen because he’d prefer Katara _not_ bend water all over him. “You shouldn’t be _mourning_. Zuko’s only going to be gone for six months, and then he’s coming right back. Yeah, he should’ve told you sooner, but I still think you’re being way too melodramatic about this whole thing.” She stands up and tugs Sokka out of his bed. “You can be mad at him all you want, but you’re going to regret it if he leaves for six months and you spent the last few days he was here moping around and being angry. Now,” she crosses her arms and looks him up and down, “change into some clean clothes, because I know those are the ones you wore yesterday, and then you can spend the day with Aang and I to cheer yourself up.”

“I don’t wanna cheer up,” Sokka whines, half because it’s true and half because he knows he’s going to give into Katara, but he doesn’t want to make it too easy.

“Well you could always talk about your feelings?” Katara suggests.

Sokka groans and flops back down onto his bed, lying on his back. “What is there to talk about? Zuko’s leaving, he waited until almost the last possible second to tell me, everyone else already knew, and I’m doomed to be alone forever.” He covers his eyes with his arms. “Can you leave me alone now?”

Some article of clothing - a tunic, maybe? - lands on Sokka. “No. Get dressed.”

“You’re my least favorite sister,” Sokka tells her, though he doesn’t have the energy to put any mirth behind it even if he wanted to.

“Considering I’m your _only_ sister, that’s a given. Now get dressed before I have to dump water on you.”

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

_six months ago_

Zuko shouldn’t have waited so long to tell Sokka; he’s well aware of this. But telling him had solidified Zuko’s assumption that if he’d told Sokka sooner, he would have let Sokka talk him out of leaving. Sokka hadn’t even _tried_ to convince Zuko to stay behind, though. All he’d done was looked at Zuko with this crushed, heartbroken, look on his face that split Zuko’s own heart in half, and Zuko had been on the verge of offering to call the whole trip off for him.

But it’s too late. Zuko’s replacement will be here any day now, and Uncle’s already talked to King Kuei to make arrangements for Zuko to stay in Ba Sing Se most of the time he’ll be gone.

Still, Zuko is dreading saying an actual goodbye to Sokka. He’s not sure he won’t break there and say he’s changed his mind, or do something even more ridiculous like ask Sokka to come with him. The sixteen-year-old boy who both broke into the Northern Water Tribe and went to free Appa with next to no plan still has his clutches on Zuko’s mind, telling him thinking ahead is overrated and everything will work out whether he thinks things through or not.

Zuko tells him that he doesn’t know anything, which is true.

It doesn’t help much. Something in Zuko that’s almost overpowering is begging him to not leave Sokka, and it’s different from the parts of him that don’t want to leave Katara and Aang. Of _course_ Zuko doesn’t want to leave his friends for six months, but the way his chest is seizing at the thought of not seeing Sokka for six months is far harsher than when he thinks about not seeing the others.

And yeah, Sokka is his best friend, but that doesn’t really constitute this _drastic_ of a reaction. If only Zuko’s brain could understand that.

This… this is worse even than when Zuko left Mai behind in the Fire Nation during the eclipse. When he’d had to leave a note because he knew if Mai asked him to stay, he probably would have--

 _Spirits_.

Zuko is never going to make it out of the South Pole if he tries to say goodbye to Sokka in person. 

Sokka is going to hate him for this, but what choice does Zuko have? How is he supposed to tell Sokka he can’t tell him goodbye to his face because whatever look Sokka sends him off with would be more than enough to convince Zuko to stay? He’d sound _obsessed_. It’s honestly nothing short of a miracle that Sokka doesn’t _already_ think Zuko is obsessed with him with the way Zuko spends as much of his time as he can with him. 

Which is the root of the problem, really. Zuko is getting too attached to Sokka. He can’t remember the last time he actually went a full day without seeing him, even if just in council meetings. He needs to distance himself. Sokka has other friends who are far more important to him than Zuko could ever be. Sokka has befriended the entire Southern Water Tribe and half the Northern Water Tribe; he doesn’t need Zuko. He probably doesn’t even consider Zuko _his_ best friend, which is fine. That title deserves to go to Aang, or someone Sokka grew up with, or literally anyone who didn’t chase him around the world for months on end.

It’s fine, though. Zuko just needs to stop himself before he gets so attached that he’ll never be able to leave. And going away for six months is exactly the push he needs.

\--

_Sokka,_

_I am deeply sorry that I’m unable to bid you farewell in person. My ship is leaving earlier than even I usually wake, and I don’t want to wake you - I know how much you value your sleep._

_And I truly am sorry about now telling you earlier about my leaving. Believe me when I say I am not looking forward to_ ~~_being away from y_ ~~ _the prospect of not seeing you for six months. But as I told you, this is something I need to do - to figure some things out and clear my head and “find myself” or whatever Uncle would say._

 _I will try to write_ ~~_as often_ ~~ _when I can, but as I will be moving from place to place throughout the duration of my journey, I can’t promise I’ll always be able to send letters. I_ ~~_can’t wait_ ~~ _look forward to six months from now when I can tell you everything in person._

_Goodbye, and tell Aang and Katara I bid them farewell too. If you want to write during the first couple months, I’d advise you address them to the Fire Nation palace and Uncle will get them to me. I’ll see you in six months. In the meantime, I don’t doubt you’ll be able to befriend the substitute Fire Nation Ambassador - you have a knack for making friends with everyone, and Uncle says he’s very nice._

_I miss you already._

~~_L_ ~~ _Sincerely,_

_Zuko_

* * *

**_SOKKA_ **

_present day_

“Sokka!”

He turns to see Katara and Aang running towards him, Katara clutching a letter tightly in her hand. Perfect. Zuko’s letter saying he won’t be coming back has arrived. It must be that, because Katara and Aang both look concerned, and _of course_ Zuko’s official resignation letter would arrive six months to the date after him leaving. It probably says something like _Sorry for not telling you sooner, but I’m not coming back to the South Pole._ or _Aang and Katara and your dad and Bato and literally everyone else already knew this but I’m leaving you forever and we’re not friends and we never were, bye!_

But when Katara and Aang reach Sokka and Katara shoves the letter into his hands, she tells him, “It’s from Iroh.” Which honestly makes it _worse_. Zuko couldn’t even write to them himself?

“Just read it,” Aang orders, like he can read Sokka’s thoughts. 

Sokka swallows his hurt and looks down at the letter, preparing himself for the worst. He isn’t met with what he’d expected at all, though, because this letter isn’t sent on behalf of Zuko, announcing his stepping down from his Ambassador position. But with the wave of worry suddenly sweeping through Sokka’s body, he almost wishes it were.

_Sokka, Katara, and Avatar Aang,_

_I hope you are all doing well. I am writing because I have become concerned about my nephew._

_He hasn’t written to be in a few weeks, which is odd for him. It is my hope that he has simply been busy with his work, but I fear something may have happened. If you have heard from him recently, please write back as soon as you are able. I’ve written to Kyoshi Island as well, as I know he was supposed to stop there before returning to the South Pole, and I hope to hear back from either of you soon._

_I do not doubt my nephew’s ability to take care of himself wherever he may be, and I ask you to not do anything rash that may bring you harm._

_I look forward to your reply_

_Sincerely,_

_Fire Lord Iroh_

Sokka’s stomach drops as he reads the letter over again, silently begging it to say something - _anything_ \- else. He doesn’t want to be so worried for Zuko, but he can’t help it. He _knows_ Zuko, or he likes to think he does, and Zuko _never_ goes more than two weeks without writing to his uncle. Two weeks is stretching it, really. Zuko generally writes to his uncle every week. So to hear that Iroh hasn’t heard from him in a _few weeks_ is highly concerning, to say the least.

“You haven’t heard from him, have you?” Aang asks.

Sokka does allow himself to roll his eyes at that. As concerned as he is, he’s still upset at Zuko. “ _No_. He’s barely written to me at all since he left.” Sokka scans over the letter yet again, but the words are all exactly the same as they were the first time he read it. “I don’t--” whatever bitter comment was about to fall from Sokka’s lips is interrupted when something catches his eye. He looks up from the letter, thinking it must have just been Aang’s robes catching the wind.

It wasn’t. _Of course_ it wasn’t, because Aang is standing behind Sokka and whatever caught Sokka’s eye was in front of him. _Far_ in front of him, plowing through the icy cold sea - no more than a dark grey speck on the horizon, but it’s _there_ and it’s far too big to be anything other than a ship. A Fire Nation ship, if the color is any indication.

Sokka knows the schedule of the cargo ships that come to the Southern Water Tribe like the back of his hand, and they’re not scheduled to see another one for two weeks, at least. Which means this ship _could_ be Fire Lord Iroh, coming to check with Sokka, Katara, and Aang in person about when the last time they heard from Zuko was. It could be a rogue group of pirates who stole a Fire Nation ship.

It could be Zuko.

But no. _If_ he were sticking to his schedule to return after six months, his last stop would have been Kyoshi Island, and Suki would have sent word that he was on his way. And if Zuko is coming from Kyoshi Island, he’d be on an Earth Kingdom ship, wouldn’t he?

“What is it?” Katara asks, following Sokka’s gaze out towards the ocean.

Aang gasps behind them. “Do you think that’s Zuko?”

Sokka shakes his head. “No way. Don’t get your hopes up.” Sokka rolls the letter back up and hands it to Katara. “It’s probably pirates. With any luck, they’ll just pass us by.”

“Why would pirates want to come to the South Pole?” Aang asks. Then, he quickly adds, “I mean! Just because of the cold! Obviously we have lots of, uh, lootable stuff here that pirates might like.” He squeaks out a, “Sorry!” that lets Sokka know Katara must have glared at him, but Sokka is too busy studying the ship that is slowly creeping closer to bother worrying about Aang’s comment.

He supposes Aang does have a point. The South Pole isn’t somewhere most people would go on a whim that they _might_ find some valuable treasures. It’s not an easy trip to make with all the ice surrounding them like their own natural barrier against the rest of the world. And half the world thinks the Southern Water Tribe is still a barely-there village, so it’s not like they’ve got a reputation that would lure pirates into their dangerous waters.

But what are the feasible alternatives?

“Aang and I could go find out,” Katara suggests. Which is just great, really, because Sokka _loves_ feeling completely useless while his sister and her boyfriend use their magical element powers to go check and see if there’s any danger, leaving Sokka back on the land, unable to do anything but watch.

Sokka isn’t sure if Aang can read the expression on his face, or if it’s just by coincidence that he says, “I think we should wait. It’s just one ship, so even if it _is_ pirates, I don’t think there’s any reason to sound an alarm.” He sighs. “Everyone would default to us to take them in a fight anyways.”

Aang is right, and both Sokka and Katara are well aware of that fact. _Of course_ they’re going to expect the Avatar and his waterbending master to protect them, even if Aang and Katara are still both teenagers. And of course Sokka would stand his ground with them, because he’d die before he let any harm come to Katara or Aang, but he knows they wouldn’t need his help to take on a couple of pirates. They barely needed his help in the final battle against Ozai.

So the three of them stand, watching the ship come closer and closer. Aang is doing his breath control thing that is _painfully_ similar to Zuko’s in order to keep the wind from chilling them. 

“Do you think Zuko’s okay?” Katara whispers. Sokka hears the parchment of the letter crinkling, and when he glances down at her hand, he sees she’s crushing it in her fist. “He probably just got busy, right? I mean, he’s supposed to be at Kyoshi Island, but he must have been travelling before that, and he probably just hasn’t had time to write any letters.”

“Right,” Aang agrees. “That’s gotta be it. We can take Appa and visit the Kyoshi Warriors and get this all cleared up.”

Sokka can tell neither one of them really believe what they’re saying, which means they don’t really believe this ship is going to bring Zuko back to them either. Sokka’s hand goes to his sword. It’s gotta be pirates. It _has_ to be pirates. 

Sokka isn’t sure if he really believes that, or if he’s just doing whatever it takes to keep his hopes down. He _wants_ it to be Zuko, though Sokka isn’t sure if he wants to punch Zuko or kiss him. He doesn’t really need to bother deciding, though, because the ship is decidedly _not_ Zuko’s. It’s not. It can’t be, and Sokka isn’t going to let himself even _consider_ that possibility, because it’s just going to hurt him.

Zuko isn’t coming back. It’s gotta be pirates.

It’s becoming abundantly clear that the ship is, in fact, headed straight towards them. Whoever’s on board is not simply passing by. Sokka _supposes_ it could be a ship that was headed for the Earth Kingdom and got knocked off course, in which case, they can offer shelter for the sailors in the South Pole. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve gotten a ship that was headed elsewhere - generally to Kyoshi Island. But Sokka hasn’t heard news of any storms raging in the sea that would interrupt a ship’s course recently. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible, however, and lost sailors would be much preferable to pirates. Lost sailors they can offer a place to stay for the night and some food. Pirates they’d probably have to fight unless said pirates saw Aang and just immediately _nope_ d out of the South Pole.

A burst of fire shoots up from the ship, and Sokka jumps back into Aang, who uses his airbending to steady Sokka. The fire vanishes as quickly as it appeared, disappearing into plumes of smoke against the light grey sky.

“Was that a cry for help?” Katara asks, hand on the water pouch at her waist.

It looked like a cry for help - Zuko told Sokka firebenders often shoot up flames from their ships in the hopes of catching other sailors’ attention if they’re in danger. But the ship doesn’t _appear_ to be in any sort of trouble. “I-- I’m not sure.” Sokka tilts his head and squints towards the ship. “They look fine. Maybe they were trying to warn us they’re coming?”

“So they wouldn’t be pirates, then,” Aang points out. Sokka notes that he sounds relieved at that. “Maybe they’re just lost?”

Katara nods slowly, but her hand is still on her pouch and she still looks ready to sprint off towards the ship at any moment. “I guess they don’t really look like they’re having any trouble sailing,” she admits. “Maybe it _is_ Zuko’s ship, since he’s supposed to be headed to Kyoshi Island,” she adds like that doesn’t spike hope back up inside Sokka’s chest even though he told himself he _isn’t_ stupid enough to hope for Zuko.

As the ship pushes forward, no more fire makes its way up through the sky, which means they must not be in trouble. So now all he can do is grip the hilt of his sword and prepare himself for the possibility of a fight once the boat reaches the docks. Whether it’s the most likely option or not, Sokka has enough experience to know it’s better to be ready for a fight that doesn’t come than let yourself be caught off guard. 

In hindsight, Sokka should have spent less time preparing for a possible battle while effectively shoving all thoughts of Zuko from his mind and more time readying himself for the off chance that the ship _is_ holding Zuko. Because the person standing on the deck is really starting to look more and more like Sokka’s ~~best friend~~ ~~crush~~ ~~reinstated worst enemy~~ _whatever_ with every passing moment. They’re wearing a red parka - something _very few_ people besides Zuko own, and half of their long black hair is pulled into a topknot. They aren’t close enough for Sokka to look for the scar that would confirm or deny their identity, but Sokka feels something that’s either dread or excitement shoot through his body all the same.

It _can’t_ be Zuko… can it?

Can it?

“I think it’s Zuko,” Katara whispers, like if she speaks too loudly, the ship will vanish and Zuko will go back to being gone.

He _is_ gone, Sokka reminds himself, shaking his head to clear out the thoughts of Zuko’s return. “It can’t be,” he insists, though not necessarily to deter Katara’s hopes. Mostly to deter his own. Because it can’t be Zuko; Zuko isn’t coming back. And if it is Zuko - _IF_ \- then he’s likely only coming back to pack up his things. But that’s a pretty big _if_ which Sokka will _not_ be dwelling on, because the only thing worse than Zuko not coming back at all would probably be Zuko coming back unannounced to pack up all his things and leaving again the next day.

“It could be,” Aang protests. “It looks like him. I mean, how many people do we know who would have a coat like that in Fire Nation colors?”

“Aang’s right,” Katara agrees.

Sokka wouldn’t be so upset with their argument if it wasn’t a good one. He knows Iroh has a red parka, but the person standing on the ship is _clearly_ not Iroh. Zuko’s replacement ambassador has one, but it can’t be him because he’s already in the South Pole. Mai has one, but Mai doesn’t wear her hair in a half-topknot, and Sokka is _pretty sure_ he remembers a letter from Suki saying she and Ty Lee cut Mai’s hair a few months ago.

“Maybe it’s the Fire Nation ambassador to the Northern Water Tribe?” Sokka suggests, despite the fact that he really doesn’t believe that at all. Judging by the look on Katara’s face, she doesn’t either. Sokka can’t even blame her.

It’s not the Fire Nation ambassador to the Northern Water Tribe. It’s not Mai, it’s not Zuko’s substitute ambassador, and it’s not Iroh. It’s not pirates or lost sailors either.

The person shifts just enough that Sokka can see the left side of his face, and he can make out the bold, red, scar covering it, and Sokka feels his breath catch in his throat. He misses one, two, three breaths before realizing he needs to breathe in order to live and he is currently _not_ doing that.

But, in Sokka’s defense, that is _Zuko_ on the ship coming towards them. Zuko, who Sokka hasn’t seen in six months to the day. Zuko, who Sokka is still upset with because he left in the middle of the night leaving only a note behind. Zuko, who Sokka had been moments away from confessing his feelings for when he dropped the news that he was taking a six month long vacation. Zuko, whose hair has grown longer in the time he’s been gone and is being tossed around his shoulders in the wind. Zuko, who promised to send letters whenever he could and then only wrote Sokka a handful of times in all the time he was away. Zuko, who Sokka wants to punch right in that stupid, pretty, face of his.

Zuko, who… has a big, red, lizard creature seated next to him like it’s a polar puppy? A big, red, lizard creature that looks like the illustrations Sokka has seen of dragons, except it _can’t_ be a dragon, because Zuko said dragons are extinct. Zuko and everyone else in the Fire Nation said dragons are extinct. Zuko and everyone else in the _world_ said dragons are extinct.

So it _can’t_ be a dragon.

But Sokka also told himself that it _couldn’t_ be Zuko on the ship, and sometimes he feels like the universe does things just to prove him wrong. Bringing back dragons from literal extinction would be something the universe might do just so Sokka could be wrong about something else today.

“Dragons are extinct, right?” Katara asks slowly. “Like… extinct as in they were all killed. All of them. Or does ‘extinct’ have another meaning I don’t know about?”

“It’s probably just a…” Sokka searches his limited knowledge of animals from other nations for something that might look like a dragon. “A mongoose-lizard?”

“A _red_ mongoose-lizard. Of course,” Katara says mockingly. Sokka doesn’t think any of the three of them are believing a single word that has come from Sokka’s mouth since the ship showed up in his peripheral vision.

“Well…” Aang finally speaks up. Sokka turns to look at him, and he has a sheepish smile on his face. He takes a step back. “I’m not really supposed to say this, but uh… I guess the cat’s out of the bag?” He scratches the back of his neck. “Fire Lord Iroh didn’t kill the last dragons. He claimed he did in order to protect them, so no one would go looking to kill them. Zuko and I found out when he took me to look for the firebending masters, but we swore secrecy. I’m only telling you now because I’m pretty sure Zuko _does_ have a dragon, which means people are going to find out pretty fast that the dragons aren’t actually extinct.”

Okay. Sure. Why not?

Zuko _is_ coming back, and dragons _aren’t_ extinct and Sokka might need to just lie facedown in the snow and scream for a moment, because _how_ is he supposed to process this? How is there any hope for him to process the guy who he may or may not still have feelings for coming back after six months with an animal that is supposed to be extinct at his side while all of the anger he felt the morning after Zuko left is bubbling back up inside of him and threatening to spill over? This is way too much all at once, and Sokka’s brain is doing what it does best at moments like these: just shutting down entirely

Which explains why one moment, Zuko’s ship is far enough away that Sokka could feasibly run back home without Zuko knowing he was ever waiting with Aang and Katara, and in the next moment, his ship is docking and Aang and Katara are rushing up to it, leaving Sokka frozen in place.

Zuko smiles brightly at them, and he shouts something, but his voice is carried away in the wind, so Sokka doesn’t catch what it is. He watches Aang boost himself up onto the ship and tackle Zuko in a hug. Katara is next, using water to raise her up onto the deck and joining the hug as soon as her feet are on the ship.

And Sokka is, of course, stuck watching all of this unfold. But even if he _were_ a bender, his limbs wouldn’t listen to him right now anyways. Vaguely, he wants to walk closer to the ship, _wants_ to be closer to Zuko. But shock has him standing still, staring at his sister and his friends. Staring at the red dragon, who isn’t as big as Sokka had first thought. Staring at Zuko as he breaks the hug and laughs at something, then looks beyond Aang and Katara and makes eye contact with Sokka.

He smiles and waves, and Sokka _barely_ manages to convince his hand to lift and wave back. He’s sure his face is wiped clean of any possible emotion because he’s instantly gone numb, but Zuko’s smile doesn’t falter.

The dragon - because yes, that is definitely a dragon, there’s no denying it anymore - snaps its wings out and glides down to the dock, landing a few feet away from Sokka. If Sokka had a single ounce of _anything_ left in his brain, he might be a little freaked out, but instead he just stares at the dragon and the dragon stares back at him. He’s about the size of an otter penguin - so big enough that it could do plenty of damage, especially in the South Pole.

“Druk!” Zuko calls out. “Leave Sokka alone!” And then Zuko is running up to them, and the dragon - Druk, apparently - is stalking back from Sokka, looking almost guilty. Can dragons feel guilt?

“What did I tell you about flying up to people who don’t know you?” Zuko gives Druk a stern look, and Druk shrinks back even more, hiding behind Zuko. Then, Zuko’s attention turns to Sokka. “Sorry about him. It’s really good to see you again!”

Sokka blinks. “You came back?” It comes out like a question, despite the obvious. But he’s still expecting to wake up any moment now, alone in his room and back in a world without Zuko in the South Pole. Or he’s expecting Zuko to break the news, say he’s only back for a little while, and then he’s leaving for good.

Instead, Zuko’s smile turns downwards and he says, “Of course I did,” like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Like Sokka never had any reason to worry.

And yes, Sokka is still _very_ mad at Zuko. He’s still furious. But at the same time, Zuko is _here_ and he’s _safe_ and he’s _back_ , so Sokka lets himself have just one moment to surge forward and pull Zuko into a hug, burying his face in Zuko’s shoulder.

They can talk later, and Sokka can yell at Zuko for leaving like he did and writing so little and worrying his uncle and coming back with an animal that’s supposed to be extinct. Sokka will let himself be outraged _later_. For just this moment, he’s going to let himself be happy, because he thinks he deserves at least that much. He deserves one single moment where he can feel Zuko’s arms wrapping around him and he can breathe in Zuko’s scent and he can pretend Zuko was never gone.


	2. how far away can i walk (til i'm way too far from home)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has several appearances from the more minor characters that i didn't really think were in the fic enough to warrant a tag (mostly bc including them more would've just made this fic _way_ too long rip) so i hope you enjoy!!
> 
> chapter title from fever dream by mxmtoon

**_this is falling in love in the cruelest way_ **

**_this is falling for you when you are worlds away_ **

_come back...be here - taylor swift_

* * *

**_SOKKA_ **

The anger hits Sokka when they’re all gathered in a circle and Zuko is recounting a story about Toph barging in on a meeting because she’d just found out Zuko was in Ba Sing Se. Druk’s head is resting in Zuko’s lap, and he’s absentmindedly petting him like he’s a turtleduck instead of a fire-breathing lizard beast and something inside Sokka just _snaps_. 

Because all of them - Aang, Katara, Bato, Sokka’s dad, even Zuko himself - are acting like Zuko didn’t leave without a goodbye six months ago. They’re acting like he was never gone at all. Sokka spent so many nights laying awake, wishing Zuko would come back and they could act like nothing happened, but the reality is something _did_. The reality is Zuko left in the middle of the night and it _hurt_ and everyone needs to stop acting like he never left because he _did_. 

He did.

He left, and Sokka cried - he wasted _so many tears_ because he was certain Zuko wasn’t going to come back. Because who runs in the middle of the night leaving only a goodbye note behind and plans on actually returning? And Sokka took it upon _himself_ to be the one prepared for what he presumed was inevitable - the news that Zuko was gone for good. He’d taken it upon _himself_ and he’d prepared to be the one for Katara and Aang to lean on when that happened and they were both left hurt and upset, even though Sokka would have every right to spend a week straight hiding in his room and brooding.

So pardon Sokka for not quite being ready to sit here and listen to Zuko’s stories like he was never away, and like he’s not making heart eyes at his new pet that could burn down the entire town without even trying.

To his credit, Zuko _had_ explained the dragon, and why he’d let Iroh go so long without hearing from him. He’d been contacted by the Sun Warriors - the people who’d led him and Aang to the last dragons - and hardly had time to send word to the Kyoshi Warriors that he wouldn’t be coming to the island when he was expected. Then there was something about destiny and dragons and imprinting that Sokka didn’t understand because he didn’t want to, and Zuko had spent the last two weeks of his six month leave learning how to care for a dragon.

And now he’s here, and Sokka hates it.

He doesn’t hate _Zuko_ , except for he kind of almost does. He doesn’t _hate_ him, because he could never hate Zuko. He mostly just hates the empty feeling Zuko left him with for six long months and he hates the fact that now that Zuko’s back, he hasn’t even apologized to Sokka in person. He hates that no one else was as hurt as he was - that no one else was even hurt at all. Or if they _were_ , they shook it off and moved on, and Sokka _should_ do the same, he is well aware. But he just can’t bring himself to.

Maybe it’s selfish, but he doesn’t really care.

He tries to listen to Zuko after this, he really does. But each word grates into his brain and tears through his flesh. Each word pounds against his skull until he can’t take it anymore, and he excuses himself with some weak lie about needing air.

He stumbles outside, and only once he’s there does he realize he doesn’t have anywhere to run. He just wants to be _alone_ , and six months ago, he would have darted through the streets until he made it to Zuko’s apartment and curled up in the corner until he felt like telling Zuko what was wrong. Yesterday, he would have wandered to the docks, but today, Zuko’s ship is there and the last thing Sokka wants right now is any reminder of Zuko.

Zuko, who is still haunting every single one of Sokka’s thoughts.

He hates it. This isn’t _fair_. Katara and Aang had it so _easy_ \- there was never any doubt that they were _it_ for each other. Meanwhile, Sokka had one girlfriend who turned into the moon, one amicable breakup because they weren’t built to last that still _hurt_ , and one almost-boyfriend who ran off in the middle of the night and barely apologized. He knows love isn’t necessarily supposed to be easy, but he’s living in a house with his dad and Bato, Aang and Katara, and Gran-Gran and Pakku. Sure, Aang and Katara are often gone on “Avatara duties” and Gran-Gran and Pakku technically have their own house, but it still weighs on Sokka, to be the only single one.

Not that he needs a significant other. It’d just be nice. Or it’d be nice if his entire family wasn’t cuffed and shoving it in Sokka’s face right after he’d gotten his own heart torn out of his chest and buried under the snow.

But neither one of those things is going to happen - at least not any time soon. So Sokka sticks to hovering outside his own house like some sort of stalker and kicking puffs of snow up in the air like he can feasibly spend the rest of the night entertaining himself that way instead of having to go back inside and watch everyone act like Zuko is the greatest person on earth.

(Six months ago, Sokka would have agreed. But he’s been forcibly made to see some sense since then.)

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

_five months ago_

Uncle forgoes all proper greetings and pulls Zuko into a bone-crushing hug as soon as he steps foot onto the palace grounds. Zuko can’t say he really minds, even if he’s having a bit of trouble breathing. He’s gotten better at being hugged since the end of the war. It helps that Sokka--

Zuko stops that train of thought before it can go too far. He’s supposed to be _not_ thinking about Sokka. He’s _supposed_ to be proving to himself that he’s not obsessed with his best friend and can live without seeing him just fine.

Mai and Ty Lee - who came with Zuko to the Fire Nation from Kyoshi Island - bow respectfully to Uncle, but are sweeped up into hugs just as Zuko was.

Zuko and Mai let Ty Lee do most of the talking as they follow Uncle into the palace. He’s cleared his schedule for the afternoon so he can catch up with them over tea (and, if Zuko knows anything about Uncle, try to convince one of them to play Pai Sho).

The kitchen staff all bow respectfully before clearing out of the way so Uncle can make tea. Zuko remembers the first few weeks of Uncle being Fire Lord, when the kitchen staff tried to insist he let them make the tea. It didn’t take long before they realized that wasn’t a fight they had a chance of winning. 

“Prince Zuko!” The head chef - an older man named Kouji - exclaims upon seeing him. “It is nice to see you back in the Fire Nation. We’ve missed you.”

Zuko smiles, but it doesn’t quite feel genuine. “I’ve missed you too,” he says, because at least that much is true. He _has_ missed Kouji and some of the other palace staff, but can’t say he’s really missed being in the Fire Nation as much as Kouji and the others must expect of him. Mai and Ty Lee are already off catching up with Kei - one of the young women who’s been working in the kitchens basically since the end of the war - and Uncle is busy with his tea, so Zuko figures he might as well settle into a conversation with Kouji as opposed to awkwardly standing around. “How have things been since I last visited?”

“Same as usual,” Kouji answers lightly. “Fire Lord Iroh refuses to let anyone else make his tea, the staff gossip. Princess Azula has been visiting more often and her outbursts are less frequent when she’s here.”

Zuko nods. “That’s good to hear.” It’s been a long time - too long, really - since he’s spoken with his sister. Uncle keeps him updated on her improvements, and Zuko _tried_ writing letters to her, but once it became clear she was outright refusing to respond, he tapered off with that. He misses Azula, but he also knows it’s probably for the best that they keep some distance between themselves until Azula’s shown enough notable improvement that her doctors recommend a civil meeting anywhere besides the hospital.

“How are things in the Southern Water Tribe?”

Zuko’s smile falters. He hopes he recomposes himself quickly enough that Kouji doesn’t notice, but he’s not sure. He’s never been very good at hiding his emotions. “Good,” he replies tersely. “It’s really grown a lot in the past five years.”

Kouji smiles at Zuko in a way that warns Zuko to be wary of what he’s going to say next. “I’d say it’s better than _‘good’_ with how little you’ve come to visit.” He narrows his eyebrows. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you have eyes for someone there.”

Kouji should, on all accounts, not be insinuating something like that to Zuko, the crown prince and only named heir of the throne. But Kouji also knows Zuko prefers the palace staff talking to him more like a friend and less like he could order their decapitation if he so desired, and he also knows even if Zuko _were_ angered by his words, the worst thing Zuko could stomach doing to him is just walking away from the conversation.

“Haha,” Zuko deadpans, ignoring the way his cheeks heat up at Kouji’s comment. “Because, as prince of the Fire Nation, I’d clearly have good luck with _anyone_ in the Southern Water Tribe.” He ignores the look Kouji answers him with. “Besides, my only real friends there are still Sokka, Katara, and Aang.” Sure, Zuko’s on good terms with the other ambassadors, most of the council members, and several of Sokka and Katara’s other friends. But he’s not sure he’s close enough with any of them to refer to them as his _friends_.

Kouji hums like he doesn’t quite believe what Zuko is saying. He’s not sure why, though. He knows Kouji has witnessed Zuko’s pitiful attempts to make friends firsthand with some of the staff. Namely Kei, just because she’s friends with Mai and Ty Lee and Zuko wants to be at least somewhat friendly with anyone who actually gets Mai to like them.

“So tell me about your friends, then.” Kouji is playing at _something_ here, but Zuko’s brain is still in a travel-fried state where he kind of just wants to nap despite the fact that he spent hours on a balloon with nothing to do _but_ nap. So Zuko decides to humor him.

“What do you want to know? Aang is still making sure he has time in his schedule to both restore balance and go penguin sledding. Katara is still teaching girls and women from the Northern Water Tribe how to use their bending to fight and working to tear down the patriarchy with her bare hands.”

“And Sokka?”

 _And Sokka_.

“He’s…” He’s doing, like, twelve different jobs at once, Zuko is pretty sure. He doesn’t understand half of them, but he knows Sokka is putting in a lot of work nonetheless. It’s clear he cares about every single person in the Southern Water Tribe as if they were his own blood relatives, whether they’ve been there since before he was born or they came from the North Pole (or elsewhere) sometime in the past five years. 

And yet, with all that he does, he still makes sure he has time for Zuko. Or, he _did_. Then Zuko had to go and decide his greatest idea ever would be to resolve his midlife crisis at age twenty-one by running away from his best friend like a coward. In hindsight, there were probably several other ways Zuko could have resolved his issues (namely: talking about them). But then again, how can Zuko explain the fact that he’s worried he’s getting to the point of obsessing over his best friend and not sound crazy?

“He’s doing well.”

Kouji raises an eyebrow.

“He’s working really hard - he has been since the end of the war, really. He’s been coming up with a lot of ideas for new inventions, and most of them don’t make a lot of sense to me, but they all sound incredible. And if anyone could figure out a way to make them work, it’s Sokka.” Zuko feels his mouth unconsciously slip into a smile. “He’s, like, crazy smart. I mean, he’s also really stupid, but he somehow still manages to be a literal genius. I swear he comes up with a new brilliant solution to our problems in every single meeting. Honestly, the council could be just Chief Hakoda and Sokka, and things would probably run just as smoothly.” It’s a little overkill, but Zuko can’t be expected to _not_ hype Sokka up. What kind of friend would he be if he didn’t?

“Who are we talking about?” Uncle jumps into the conversation, startling Zuko. He’d approached from Zuko’s left, so Zuko hadn’t seen or heard him coming.

“Chief Hakoda’s son,” Kouji answers.

“Sokka,” Zuko corrects, because Sokka deserves to be known by _his_ name, not his dad’s. Besides, Uncle knows who Sokka is.

Uncle hums in the same way Kouji did earlier - like he knows something Zuko doesn’t. He and Kouji seem to have a conversation solely through eye contact, and Zuko suddenly understands why Katara and Aang get so frustrated when he and Sokka do the exact same thing. “Fire in the heart sends smoke into the head. You would do well to remember that, Prince Zuko.”

Kouji nods in solemn agreement while Zuko just looks between the two of them. He’s stopped from griping about how that doesn’t make any sense by Ty Lee throwing her arms over his shoulders. She rests her chin on his left shoulder so when she exclaims, “I haven’t seen Sokka in _forever_ , we should go visit the South Pole again sometime!” He doesn’t flinch at the volume. And thanks to - _of course_ \- spending so much time with some as affectionate towards his friends as Sokka is, he doesn’t flinch at Ty Lee’s sudden touch either.

“Absolutely not.” Mai situates herself on Zuko’s right and rolls her eyes at the way Ty Lee is draping herself over him. “You can go, but as far as I’m concerned, weather that cold is _not_ for anyone who grew up in the Fire Nation.”

“I’ve lived there for three years now,” Zuko points out.

“Yeah, because Sokka’s there.”

Zuko is pretty sure Ty Lee giggles, but her face is still right next to his bad ear, so he can’t be sure. Zuko fixes Mai with a glare and she shoots him a look that clearly says, _“You know I’m right.”_

She’s _not_ \- she can’t be. But Zuko knows better than to fight with Mai, so he just ignores her and switches his attention to prying Ty Lee off of him.

\--

Ty Lee _might_ be tipsy, if the amount of times she’s burst into giggles for no reason in the past few minutes alone is anything to go off of. Between that, and the pink in Mai’s cheeks, Zuko is fairly certain they had _something_ to drink besides Uncle’s jasmine tea before they stumbled into his room and plopped themselves on his bed without asking.

Currently, Ty Lee is playing with Mai’s hair and giggling periodically while they both ask Zuko questions, distracting him from the letter he’s _trying_ to write to Sokka. Or Katara. Or Aang. Or all three of them? Zuko hasn’t exactly decided yet, and by the looks of it, he’s not going to get past the first two sentences tonight.

“So,” Ty Lee drawls, and then interrupts herself with another fit of giggles. Zuko is going to take a wild guess and say she probably had more to drink than Mai. “Sokka?”

Zuko looks over to the two girls seated on his bed. Ty Lee tries to wiggle her eyebrows suggestively - or at least, Zuko _thinks_ that’s what she’s trying to do - but she can’t seem to get her eyebrows to coordinate with each other. She doesn’t get frustrated, though. She just laughs about it and presses a kiss to the top of Mai’s head. The red in Mai’s cheeks darkens, briefly, in response.

Zuko sighs. “What _about_ Sokka?”

“You two just seem really close, that’s all,” Mai responds, effectively cutting off whatever Ty Lee had opened her mouth to say. Ty Lee frowns in disappointment, but she makes no effort to add on anything to Mai’s statement.

“I mean. I guess.” Zuko twists his hands together. Is this some kind of intervention? Have Mai and Ty Lee decided they need to give him a _“You’re too obsessed with your best friend”_ talk like Zuko isn’t well aware that he has a problem, and for once, he’s actually trying to do something about it. “Why?”

“ _Dude_ ,” Mai says, like that answers anything. She reaches her arms out. “Get over here, dummy.”

Once again, Zuko knows better than to argue with Mai, so he sets his brush down and climbs onto the bed. Mai pulls him into her arms and immediately sets to work taking his hair out of the half-top knot he has it pulled up in. “You’re really dense sometimes, you know that?” She asks. “What is in your hair?”

Zuko reaches up, trying to remember if he might have possibly gotten food in his hair at some point today. It isn’t likely, but he supposes it isn’t impossible.

Instead, he finds Mai’s fingers are fumbling with the leather cord Sokka gave him, trying (unsuccessfully) to untie it. “Oh.” He pushes Mai’s hands away and unties it easily. Once it’s out, he ties it around his wrist - the spot it generally stays whenever it’s not in Zuko’s hair.

He rubs his thumb against the cord and thinks back to the day Sokka had given it to him. The two of them had stayed up _way_ too late the previous night and Sokka ended up crashing at Zuko’s place. Neither of them had remembered they had an early morning meeting until Ambassador Shi had knocked on Zuko’s door ten minutes before the meeting was scheduled to start and asked if he and Zuko were still going to walk together.

He and Sokka had to rush to get ready, and Zuko was planning on putting his hair up while they walked, but he’d forgotten to grab a ribbon before they’d left. He was going to just sacrifice his punctuality to go back and get one - the Water Tribe council members might not care if Zuko wore his hair down to the meeting, but Zuko most definitely did - until Sokka offered up the leather cord that was in his own hair.

Shi had pointedly looked away while Sokka pulled half of Zuko’s hair up into a topknot.

Hakoda had given Sokka a strange look when he walked into the meeting with his hair down, but Sokka just ignored it and no one asked him any questions, Zuko had tried to give the cord back to Sokka once the meeting was over, but Sokka had told him, _“Just keep it. I’ve got plenty more.”_

“Looks like a Water Tribe thing,” Mai notes.

“Sokka gave it to me,” Zuko admits. 

Ty Lee giggles again. 

Mai runs her fingers through Zuko’s hair, untangling knots as she goes. “Like I said. Really dense.”

Zuko decides he doesn’t have the brainpower to read too deeply into what Mai is saying right now. He can dwell on it later - he has five and a half months left to… what had he said… _find himself_? Yeah, that sounds good. Sounds like something he should probably be doing. He’s finding himself, and he’s finding himself outside of the context of being Sokka’s best friend and the Fire Nation guy who’s friends with Avatar Aang and Master Katara for no fathomable reason except they ended the war together.

“ _Super_ dense,” Ty Lee agrees.

Zuko scoffs at that. “You just agree with anything Mai says.”

“That’s ‘cause Mai is always right.” She laughs and pats Zuko’s head. “You’ll understand someday.”

Zuko highly doubts there will come a day when he understands Mai and Ty Lee’s antics fully, but he won’t start that argument with them. Not right now, at least. He’s got the rest of their week here to argue with them to his heart’s content, but he’s not going to ruin this one pleasant moment when being back in the Fire Nation actually feels _nice_. 

\--

_four months ago_

“Where are we going?”

Zuko has had many bad ideas in his life. Letting a blind person drag him through the busy streets of Ba Sing Se has to be pretty high on the list, objectively. And yet, here he is, with Toph’s vice like grip on his arm pulling him after her, towards Agni knows where.

“I told you - it’s a surprise! I want you to meet my friend.”

Toph nearly barrels straight into a couple of boys who are looking up at the sky instead of in front of them, but Zuko yanks her out of the way at the last minute. He barely has time to shout a _“Sorry!”_ back to the boys before Toph is dragging him around the corner.

She finally stops and lets go of Zuko’s arm in front of a tea shop, like that isn’t the _last_ place Zuko wants to visit while in Ba Sing Se. He already promised Toph he would let her take him wherever she wanted, though, so he can’t back out now.

Toph pushes the door open, announcing her presence in a loud voice, and Zuko has no choice but to follow.

“Toph!” A familiar voice exclaims. Zuko can’t place _why_ it’s familiar until his eyes land on the girl standing at the counter as he and Toph approach and his good eye widens in surprise. Her expression mimics Zuko’s. “Lee?”

“Um,” is all Zuko can really manage.

Jin hasn’t changed much in the years since he last saw her, apart from growing taller. She does look vaguely _older_ , but not in any one way Zuko can pinpoint. 

“Zuko, this is Jin, the friend I was telling you about,” Toph says like she can’t sense Zuko’s inner turmoil. He _knows_ she can - she can sense any change in emotion or demeanor with her seismic senses - and she’s just electing to ignore it. “Jin, this is my friend Zuko.”

Jin’s eyes widen even more. “Your friend Zuko as in the crown prince of the Fire Nation?”

“That’s the one!”

Zuko waves awkwardly. “Hi?”

Jin scoffs. “I knew you were a firebender, but _really_?” She raises an eyebrow. “The _prince_?”

Zuko shrugs sheepishly. He had, quite honestly, never expected to see Jin again after he’d given into Azula in the Crystal Catacombs. And even after he’d joined Team Avatar, it hadn’t really crossed his mind. There are tens of thousands of people living in Ba Sing Se, how could Zuko have expected to find Jin amongst them? And even if he _had_ , he didn’t think she would take very kindly to learning that he’s, you know, _prince of the Fire Nation_.

“I take it you two know each other?” Toph asks finally.

“We went on a pretty disastrous date, then decided we were better off as friends.” Jin laughs. “I don’t think I’m Zuko’s _type_.”

“I don’t have a type,” Zuko protests.

“You sure?” Toph pokes his side. “Because I’m _pretty sure_ your type is Southern Water Tribe, apparently smart, likes to braid hair, maybe they have a dad who’s in an important position of power…”

Zuko is prevented from saying, _“Why would you think Katara’s my type?”_ by Jin’s boss yelling at her to get back to work. Toph orders for both herself and Zuko and then drags Zuko over to a table to sit down.

“You dated _Jin_?”

“It was one date,” Zuko corrects. “And I’m still hung up on you describing Katara for my ‘type’?”

Toph furrows her eyebrows, then breaks out into borderline maniacal laughter that earns them several glares from the other customers seated around the shop. “Oh, Sparky.” She wipes away a tear. “You crack me up.”

Zuko is confused, to say the least. 

“You can’t honestly sit here and tell me that _isn’t_ your type.”

“I don’t _have_ a type,” Zuko insists again, because he _doesn’t_. He also isn’t particularly interested in looking for a significant other at the moment, so it’s not like he’s taken much time to consider it. He’s only _really_ dated Mai, and then she came out as a lesbian, so apparently Zuko’s type is girls who can’t like him back?

Once again, though, it doesn’t really matter. Zuko isn’t going to bother thinking about dating anyone until Uncle’s advisors decide to get on him about an heir, and at that point, he’ll probably just be shoved into a politically advantageous marriage. Really, that’s always been where Zuko’s love life was headed. There were a few, brief, moments when he thought he might get out of it - the ferry to Ba Sing Se, namely, but Zuko doesn’t think about that - and those moments were never long enough for Zuko to go and fall in love with someone. The closest he’s come was Mai, and he’s not entirely sure he would have wanted to stay with her even if she _was_ into guys. There was just something about their relationship that wasn’t quite _right_.

“Sure you don’t.” Toph clearly doesn’t believe him, even though Zuko _isn’t_ lying (as far as he’s aware, at least) and Toph can surely sense that. And he’s _definitely_ never seen Katara as anything other than a little sister who could definitely kill him if she so desired (though, that’s all little sisters in Zuko’s limited experience), so he genuinely has no clue why Toph described _Katara_ of all people as being his type.

Unless she meant someone else? Has Zuko even mentioned anyone else he’s met in the South Pole to her? There’s Buniq, who is actually from the Northern Water Tribe, but Toph wouldn’t know that. Zuko is pretty sure he’s only mentioned her once or twice, though, and Zuko has literally no idea what her dad does because he’s in the North Pole, so how would Toph know? The only other people Zuko can think of even _close_ in age to him Toph would know about are Sokka and Nanouk, but she can’t be talking about them.

Maybe she’s going crazy.

It’s Toph. It was only a matter of time.

Any further conversation between them is halted when Jin brings them their tea, and then sits down next to Toph. “I have a fifteen minute break, so you,” she points at Zuko, “are going to explain yourself to me as quickly as possible.”

Toph smirks and then loudly slurps on her cup of tea. Zuko makes a face at her despite knowing full well she can’t see it. She flips him off, then takes her cup of tea and promptly leaves, joining a conversation with some other people she must know somehow considering the ease with which she joins them.

“What do you want me to explain?”

“ _Crown Prince_?” Jin demands.

“To be fair,” Zuko wraps his hands around his cup, soaking in the warmth through his palms, “I was the _banished_ prince when you met me. But… yeah. Sorry.” He brings his cup to his lips and takes a slow drink mostly just to stop himself from saying anything else.

Jin frowns at Zuko, looking at him like she’s trying to piece together a puzzle. Finally, she says, “Do you know why I didn’t report you for being a firebender?”

Zuko swallows and sets his cup down. “At the time, I just thought you didn’t figure it out,” he confesses. It was highly unlikely that she wouldn’t, and lighting the lanterns was a pretty reckless move on Zuko’s part, but Jin hadn’t said anything, so Zuko kind of thought he might have gotten away with it. It’s not really until right now, looking back on the moment, that it’s obvious Jin knew and chose not to turn him in. “Why?”

“Your scar,” she tells him, and Zuko unconsciously lifts his hand to brush against the rough skin on the left side of his face. “I guess I just thought… you might be a firebender, but you were clearly hurt by the Fire Nation, same as all the other refugees in Ba Sing Se.”

“I _was_ hurt by the Fire Nation,” Zuko says. He wraps his hands back around his cup, mostly to stop them from shaking.

“You’re the prince.”

“Did you miss the ‘banished’ part?” Zuko snaps before he can stop himself. He winces at the harshness of his voice. “Sorry. I just mean… being the prince didn’t protect me from my father’s wrath any more than any other Fire Nation citizen would have been protected.”

Jin blinks and her jaw drops. “Did _he_ give you the scar?”

Zuko nods. It’s been a while since he’s had to tell someone - most people just _know_ , or they don’t ask. Everyone in the Fire Nation knows Zuko’s father burnt his face in their Agni Kai and Zuko’s told all of his friends the story at this point as well. No one in the South Pole has mentioned it since Sokka snapped at some old guy from the North Pole who’d made a snippy comment about it, and Zuko doesn’t know if they found out his father gave it to him or they just don’t want to risk the wrath of Sokka (and Katara and Aang). Zuko had honestly figured it would be common knowledge in the Earth Kingdom - or at least Ba Sing Se - at this point, but apparently not.

Jin mumbles something under her breath. “I’ve hated Ozai my whole life, but _wow_. He’s somehow even worse than I thought.”

Zuko hums in acknowledgment, because that’s still about all he can offer when it comes to his father. He prefers to just avoid thinking about him at all costs, because then he doesn’t risk thinking about all the trauma his father put him through long enough that he has a breakdown. Zuko likes to think he’s pretty good at avoiding breakdowns, albeit maybe avoiding them by refusing to think about things isn’t the healthiest way to go about it. 

But whatever. That’s not relevant.

“So you _were_ here as a refugee?”

“Yes.”

“But Toph says you’ve been living in the South Pole, rather than back in the Fire Nation?” She raises an eyebrow. “I assume since you’re back to being the Crown Prince, you’re welcome back there?”

“Ah.” Zuko sips his tea. “I stayed in the Fire Nation for the first two years after the end of the war, in the palace with Un-- with Fire Lord Iroh, but there are… a lot of bad memories attached to that place. So I’ve been in the South Pole as the Fire Nation Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe for the past three years.”

“Really? So was Toph’s description of your _type_ accurate?”

Zuko sputters, and Jin just laughs.

“I’m not sure if that makes me more or less convinced that you’ve got a special guy or girl back in the Southern Water Tribe.”

“I don’t--” Zuko snaps his mouth shut as soon as Jin’s words fully sink into his brain. _Guy or girl_. Why is _that_ what caught him off guard, rather than the fact that Jin seems to not only believe Toph but think Zuko has some mysterious significant other in the South Pole? Zuko wants to tell Jin he doesn’t _like_ guys, but--

Zuko was _probably_ just confused. That whole thing with Jet on the ferry to Ba Sing Se was the result of Zuko being _confused_. He’s at least 80% sure of that. But he still can’t make himself tell Jin he’s not into guys for some reason.

 _It’s because you_ are _into guys_ , Zuko’s brain helpfully supplies, taking on the voice of the boy he made out with at age sixteen on a boat.

“See,” Jin says playfully, “now I’m pretty sure you _do_ have feelings for someone in the Southern Water Tribe.” She taps her finger to her chin. “What did Toph say… they like to braid hair, they’re smart, their dad is important? I’m going to be honest, I don’t really know how the government works in the Water Tribes. Do they have monarchs?” Jin gasps. “Are you having a secret love affair with the prince or princess of the Southern Water Tribe?!”

“Um. _No_.” Zuko shakes his head vigorously. “They don’t have a monarchy in the Southern Water Tribe, and I’m definitely not having a secret love affair with anyone.”

“Okay…” Jin responds like she doesn’t believe him at all. “So no monarchy. Who’s in charge, then? Is it a council of people? Do any of them have kids your age?”

Zuko frowns. “Do you really want a lesson on the government in the Southern Water Tribe, or are you just going to spend the rest of your break trying to pry answers that don’t exist out of me?”

“You might be Prince of the Fire Nation, but as the girl who kept your firebending a secret, I reserve the right to tease you about a possible crush,” Jin responds, crossing her arms.

“I don’t have a crush on anyone!”

“You’ve really got to learn to stop denying things in a way that makes you sound ridiculously unbelievable.”

Zuko narrows his eyes at Jin, but if he’s being honest, it’s nice that Jin is talking to him like an old friend instead of a prince. Whatever conversation is happening between them right now is a thousand times better than the alternative of Jin refusing to even look him in the eye for fear of doing something to offend him.

“C’mon, it’s not like I’m ever going to go to the South Pole.”

“I really _don’t_ have a crush on anyone,” Zuko tells her, hoping she can sense that he really is being honest. “I didn’t take the Ambassador job to find a significant other, and I’m not really concerned about falling in love right now.” He shrugs. “If it happens, it happens, but I’m pretty sure there are going to be several very angry Fire Nation council members if I start dating someone from the Southern Water Tribe.”

Jin sighs. “I _suppose_ you have a point. But if you ask me, I think you should be allowed to fall in love with whoever you want.” She shoots a look at the counter, and stands up. She places a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “Seriously. If you want to date the prince of the Southern Water Tribe, I think you should go for it. I bet he even likes you back.”

“The Southern Water Tribe still isn’t a monarchy!” Zuko calls after her as she walks away to get back to work, because apparently that’s the biggest issue he has with Jin’s advice. Not the fact that she said Zuko should date a _prince_ as opposed to a _princess_. 

_Well duh,_ Jet’s voice says. Zuko really wishes he could punch his internal monologue in it’s stupid wheat-chewing mouth. 

Jin doesn’t respond, and Zuko lets himself sulk down until Toph returns to their table, notably without her teacup. Zuko doesn’t know where she left it, and he doesn’t want to ask. For all he knows, she bent it into a knife that she’s now hiding up her sleeve the same way Mai does.

“Any new realizations since I’ve been away?” Toph swipes Zuko’s cup from him with somehow perfect aim and downs it like a shot. Zuko tries not to think too hard about where she might have learned that. 

“Were you eavesdropping on my conversation?” Zuko asks instead of answering Toph’s question.

“I hear all, Sparky. Never forget that.” She slides the cup back over to Zuko. “Listen, I don’t know anything about love except it’s gross, but I _do_ think you’ve got someone you’re really missing right now.”

The only person Zuko is _“really missing”_ \- the person Zuko has been missing since before he even left - is Sokka. And Toph is right. She doesn’t know anything about love.

\--

_three months ago_

Councilman Chao is by far Zuko’s least favorite member of King Kuei’s council. On any other day, he could handle whatever huffed comments he makes, but Zuko’s spent the past week hardly able to sleep because he can’t get Sokka out of his mind for some reason, and Katara and Aang’s brief stop in Ba Sing Se yesterday did absolutely nothing to help.

So Zuko is sleep deprived, missing his best friend so much it physically hurts, and he’s already annoyed at Chao for his passive-aggressive comments about Councilwoman Hui, who had to miss today’s meeting because she’s sick. He can’t be _sure_ Chao’s comments are rooted in misogyny, but Chao also didn’t act this way when one of the male council members got sick two weeks prior. 

All this to say, Zuko _knows_ he should hold his temper - especially while in Ba Sing Se doing very important work for Uncle which is half to make himself and the rest of the Fire Nation trustworthy. He is well aware he can’t snap at Chao for every remark he makes that gets under Zuko’s skin. If he tried, King Kuei would have sent him back to Uncle two weeks after Zuko’s arrival, and Zuko really wouldn’t even blame him. But today, Chao has decided to push too far, and Zuko is not in the mood to let this slide.

Chao could have said anything he wanted about Zuko, and Zuko would have just let him. But this is not about Zuko; this is about Sokka, and Zuko will die before he lets anyone, least of all Chao, insult his best friend.

“I just don’t see why we’re listening to some kid about this,” Chao states, waving the reports in his hand like that makes his opinions worth listening to. “Sure, he’s Chief Hakoda’s son, but what does he know about trade routes? His plans are ineffective, and I’m not sure _why_ we’re bothering--”

“I’m _sorry_ ,” Zuko interrupts before he can stop himself. Chao, miraculously, shuts up, even if only because of shock that anyone would interrupt him. “Am I misremembering, or is Sokka not the reason you can travel back to Gaoling to visit your family via air balloon instead of having to travel over land?” Chao actually shrinks back at that, and Zuko has to force himself to not count that as a full victory. He has more to say. “His plans rarely have any glaring flaws in my recollection, and this particular idea concerns trade routes specifically between the Earth Kingdom and the Southern Water Tribe, so it would be more concerning if Sokka _weren’t_ involved. You don’t have to like Sokka, but do not undermine his intelligence. He took out Ozai’s entire air fleet during Sozin’s Comet when he was fifteen. My best guess about what you were doing when you were fifteen, Councilman Chao, is chasing after a girl who had no interest in you and villainizing her for not liking you back..”

The Ambassador from the Northern Water Tribe - Yura - who is seated on Zuko’s right clamps a hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter. Chao looks scandalized. Zuko sits back and fixes him with a glare, not even caring if King Kuei is about to tell him off. Some traitorous part of him _wants_ to be sent away so he can run back to the South Pole and gripe to Sokka about Chao and let Sokka drag him out in the middle of the night just so they can see the auroras and--

King Kuei clears his throat. “I do believe Prince Zuko has made a couple of good points. The Chief’s son has been involved with matters concerning trade between our nations for several years now, and he has proven himself to be someone who wants to see _both_ of our nations prosper.”

Zuko lets his glare turn upwards into a smirk.

“ _However_ , Prince Zuko, I cannot condone such comments towards my council. I expect better from you.”

Ah, well. You win some, you lose some. “I apologize,” Zuko bows his head towards King Kuei. He isn’t sorry, and he’s pretty sure everyone in the meeting is well aware of that, including King Kuei himself, but the Earth King accepts Zuko’s apology as good enough anyways and continues forward with the meeting.

Yura elbows Zuko. “Why was Sokka your breaking point?” she whispers.

“What?”

“I’ve seen you physically holding yourself back from fighting with Chao ever since you got here,” she explains. “Why was it him insulting Sokka that pushed you to the breaking point?”

Zuko shrugs. “I don’t like when people talk bad about my friends.”

Yura stares at him for a very long moment, then sighs and turns her attention back to the council member who is currently speaking. Zuko is getting tired of everyone acting weird around him when Sokka is mentioned. Mai and Ty Lee are one thing, but people Zuko’s barely ever spoken to or not seen in five years? It’s like they know something about Sokka that Zuko doesn’t, but how could they?

Maybe it’s jealousy flaring up in Zuko’s chest when he thinks that Yura - who could have met Sokka before, Zuko supposes, but has never lived in the South Pole - could possibly know Sokka better than Zuko does. It’s irrational, he knows, and he doesn’t necessarily dislike Yura for it, but it _does_ make his skin crawl. 

And it makes the ache of missing Sokka cut that much deeper.

\--

_two months ago_

Zuko doesn’t know who would send assassins after King Kuei. He’s hardly influential in meetings, leaving most of the work to his council, and despite not having an heir, he has a plan in place for if he were to die suddenly (which is mostly thanks to the combined efforts of Sokka and Uncle). The only thing assassinating King Kuei would do is _maybe_ cause a rift in the healing efforts between the nations, but that’s _only_ if the assassins could be traced back to the Fire Nation but not traced specifically to one of the various rebellion groups that have sprung up since the war’s end.

And yet.

Yura was with King Kuei when the assassination attempt happened, and Zuko is well aware Yura could kill a man with her bare hands if she put her mind to it. She isn’t a bender, and Zuko thinks that might be because Tui and La knew she would be far too powerful if she were. Kind of like Sokka. 

So between his bear and Yura, King Kuei was perfectly fine apart from being terrified ( _“You should have seen his face! It was so pitiful it was kind of funny,”_ Yura had told Zuko.) Still, word had been sent to the Kyoshi Warriors asking for assistance post-assassination attempt because Suki had insisted that was part of their official duties - bulking up security after assassination attempts until it was determined who the assassins were acting on behalf of and how an attempt could be prevented in the future.

Of course assassination attempts are, objectively, bad. But Zuko can’t help being excited to see Suki, Mai, and Ty Lee again.

(He likely wouldn’t have been so excited if he knew the conversation Mai was planning on subjecting him to, but that’s unimportant.)

It happens maybe a week after the Kyoshi Warriors show up. Ty Lee and Suki are on duty during the night shift, so Mai invites herself into Zuko’s room. She removes the brush from Zuko’s hand and tells him he’s done working for the day because she has a bottle of sake and no one to share it with besides Zuko.

Zuko begrudgingly agrees, because he knows the Warriors will be returning to Kyoshi Island soon, and he wants to spend time with Mai before then. Mai pours them each a glass and they situate themselves on the floor, seated across from each other. The conversation starts innocently enough, just talking about how they’ve been since they last saw each other.

It takes a sharp turn towards disaster, though, when Zuko’s drank enough that he turns mopey and broody because the sake has gotten into his brain and torn down all of the walls he painstakingly built up to keep thoughts of Sokka from taking over.

While Mai is rambling on about how pretty Ty Lee is, Zuko takes his hair down and stares at the leather cord in his hand. He has other ribbons he could be putting in his hair, but he’s used the cord from Sokka every day since he left the South Pole. Even while in the Fire Nation palace, when he had to wear his stupid Crown Prince hairpiece, he still tied his hair up with the cord first. 

He doesn’t know why Mai’s gushing about her girlfriend is making him miss Sokka even more, but it is. This trip was supposed to help him get _away_ from that mindset - of constantly wanting to be by Sokka’s side, of wanting to spend every moment he can with him. He’s supposed to _not_ feel like this anymore, and it’s not like Zuko’s _lonely_. Yura is his friend (sort of) (they slide notes back and forth complaining about Councilman Chao during meetings, but that’s something Zuko and Sokka do, which basically means he and Yura are friends), and he meets up with Toph and Jin regularly. Even before he arrived in the Earth Kingdom, he’d had Mai and Ty Lee at least with him. It’s not like Zuko is completely friendless these days.

But being with Sokka is _different._ Zuko doesn’t want to say it’s _better_ ; it’s just… different. And Zuko _misses_ him. He misses Sokka taking him stargazing and listening to him talk about the constellations, he misses sitting across from Sokka in meetings and being able to talk to him with just a look, he misses Sokka showing up at his house any hour of the day and walking in like he lived there, he misses Sokka dragging him along to do _whatever_ so he didn’t have to third wheel with Katara and Aang, he misses _Sokka_.

“Are you even listening to me?” Mai asks. She leans forward and flicks Zuko’s nose.

“Ow,” Zuko complains even though it didn’t hurt.

“What are you thinking about?”

Zuko shrugs and sighs melodramatically. Maybe he wants Mai to lure the truth out of him, just so he doesn’t have to keep all his feelings bottled up. Maybe he wants to talk about Sokka the same way Mai has been talking about Ty Lee.

Mai cracks a smile. “Is it Sokka?”

Zuko looks at the ground. He doesn’t have to answer - the tone of Mai’s voice tells him she already knows she’s right. “I don’t know why I keep thinking about him,” Zuko admits. “It’s like… no matter what I do, he’s always just _there_ , in the back of my mind. The whole time I’ve been gone, there’s just this constant ache of not being able to see him.”

Mai rolls her eyes. “I thought you would have figured it out by now.”

“Figured _what_ out?” That he’s bordering on obsessed? He _knows_ this; that’s why he’s in the Earth Kingdom and not back in the South Pole letting Sokka weave their fingers together because his hands are always cold and Zuko’s are always warm.

“Agni, dude, you’re so stupid,” Mai tells him. She tips the rest of the contents of her glass into her mouth, swallows, and then says, “You’re in love with Sokka.”

Zuko blinks.

“Of course I love him; he’s my best friend.”

Mai scoffs. “Not like that. You’re _in love_ with him. The same way I’m in love with Ty Lee. The same way Katara and Aang are in love. I wanted to let you figure it out yourself, but I’m _tired_.” She grabs the bottle of sake and refills her cup. “You’re in love with Sokka, and you have been for like, the past three years, at least.”

“No,” Zuko says before he can think of any actual response to Mai’s accusation. “What?” He adds next, because this doesn’t make sense. He’s not _in love_ with Sokka, he can’t be. He’s not into guys, and Sokka is very much a guy. He points at Mai. “You’re wrong.”

 _I don’t know,_ Jet’s voice says, because of course it picks _now_ as the perfect time to come back. _I think she might have a point._

No, she doesn’t have a point, and now Zuko is going to pointedly _not_ think about any possibility of Mai being even somewhat right, because he literally cannot be in love with Sokka. Even if he _were_ into guys, Sokka is from the Southern Water Tribe and Zuko is the Fire Nation Prince and he’s also definitely supposed to provide an heir at some point. So that’s pretty much a no-go, which is why Zuko will not even stop to _consider_ it.

“Why are you so stubborn? You do realize it’s, like, perfectly fine for you to like guys, right?” Mai raises an eyebrow. “I mean, obviously _I’m_ not going to judge you for that, but it’s also very much legal now. You were still living in the Fire Nation when your uncle repealed those laws.”

“Mai, it doesn’t matter if it’s legal or not for me,” Zuko tells her, and this is a dangerously serious conversation to be having while tipsy, but maybe that’s what’s giving Zuko enough courage to say it in the first place. “I’m next in line for the throne. No one’s going to just sit back and let me marry a man, _especially_ someone from the Southern Water Tribe.”

Mai opens her mouth, then closes it again. She stares hard at Zuko for several moments before saying, “I think you’re the reason Fire Lord Iroh repealed the laws banning same-sex marriage.”

“I’m _what_?”

“It took me a while to figure it out,” Mai continues, gesturing vaguely with the hand that isn’t holding her cup. “He repealed those laws so quickly, before he really had time to fully win over the council and the nation and… I don’t know. Everyone else. My point is, there was really no reason for him to bring those laws to the center of attention so quickly, but he did, and I really didn’t get why. It was like it had to be something personal. And I guess I don’t know much about his son - maybe his son was gay and it was in honor of him - but I’m pretty sure he did it for you.”

“I’m not gay,” Zuko states with far more confidence than he currently feels. He can feel Jet laughing at him. 

“Right, sure, you can use whatever label fits. But I’m still pretty sure he did it for you.”

“How would Uncle even _know_?” Zuko challenges, but then it hits him. Uncle was on the ferry to Ba Sing Se too, and Zuko was _careful_ , but Uncle has always been too observant for his own good. (Or, too observant for _Zuko’s_ own good.) So _of course_ Uncle figured out there was _something_ going on between Zuko and Jet, and of course he doesn’t realize it can’t possibly have meant anything, because Uncle thinks every single kiss must mean _love_.

“Iroh figures things out, you know that. I think repealing the laws was his way of saying he supports you without confronting you about it.”

Zuko sighs. He sets his cup down and falls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “I can’t be gay, Mai.”

“I’m gonna stop you right there,” Mai says. “You don’t have to be gay. I don’t care what your sexuality is, and I’m not going to try to convince you one way or the other. All I know is I’ve seen the way you and Sokka interact, and I’ve seen your face when you talk about him. And I know there’s a big difference between saying you _aren’t_ gay, and saying you _can’t be_.” She reaches forward and wraps her hands around Zuko’s forearms, pulling him back up into a sitting position. Then she puts her hands on his cheeks, looking him in the eye. “Zuko, regardless of whether or not you have feelings for Sokka, I need you to know that you shouldn’t stop yourself from falling in love because you’re supposed to be Fire Lord one day. I know you’ll give all you have to the Fire Nation when the time comes, but you deserve to be able to make a selfish decision when it comes to your love life.”

“That’s not how this works,” Zuko responds, because considering otherwise for even a moment is just going to cause him pain. He already _felt_ that kind of hurt five and a half years ago on the ferry to Ba Sing Se. He already did that. He had his secret affair before settling down with someone Uncle’s advisors and council will approve of, and he let the pain run its course, and he’s not _doing that_ again, because he _can’t_.

Forget if he likes guys or not, he can’t go run off all willy-nilly with someone he can’t ever hope to marry. So he’s not even going to consider it. He doesn’t deserve that and Sokka whatever hypothetical partner he might develop feelings for doesn’t deserve that either. Which is why Zuko is content waiting for someone to shove him into an arranged marriage and he’s going to _not_ think about how the idea makes his stomach turn, because he can’t.

He can’t.

\--

_one month ago_

King Kuei sends Zuko to the North Pole with Yura because he’s one of the few people he doesn’t have to worry about her straight up murdering while stuck on a boat together, and because apparently the fact that King Kuei’s bear likes Zuko makes Zuko trustworthy. Zuko isn’t going to argue with that logic, though, because he’s been getting restless in Ba Sing Se. The North Pole isn’t the first place Zuko would choose to go (actually, it’s the exact opposite of where Zuko _wants_ to go) but he’s excited nonetheless. If only because it means he doesn’t have to put up with Chao for two and a half weeks.

They’re only _in_ the Northern Water Tribe for a few days so Yura can meet up with the Northern Water Tribe Ambassadors to both the Fire Nation and the South Pole as well as the Northern Water Tribe council and Chief Arnook. Zuko was only sent along because they had to travel by boat and King Kuei adamantly refuses to send any of his council members or ambassadors on long trips without a… what word did he use… _companion_?

Yeah, Zuko wasn’t too fond of the word choice, but once again, he isn’t going to complain.

So he and Yura go to the North Pole. Zuko mostly just silently follows Yura around, because he really doesn’t have anything else to do and if he’s alone for too long, the cold will seep in and make Sokka’s absence completely unbearable.

Zuko supposes that’s why, on the last night of their visit, after he tosses and turns for hours trying to think of anything besides _Sokka_ , he gives up and decides to go for a walk. He has genuinely no idea where he’s going, but if he stays still for any longer, he’s going to end up crying, and he’s really not sure he’d be able to stop. He has about a month and a half before he returns to the South Pole, but it feels so far away and he’s really not sure he can make it that much longer. He’s tempted to just finish up what he needs to in the Earth Kingdom as quickly as possible and then jump on the first ship back to the South Pole, because everywhere he looks is just _SOKKA_.

Finally, Zuko ends up finding a bench to sit on and he stares up at the sky. There’s a full moon tonight, and Zuko knows that on the other side of the world, Sokka will stay up to stare at it and think about the princess who sacrificed her life to save her people and the rest of the world. When Zuko looks at the full moon, he thinks of Yue, yes - he knows she’s up there and he knows she’s watching over Sokka because if even half of what Sokka said about her is true, she’s just that kind of person. But mostly, Zuko thinks about Sokka. 

The moon is something of a fear monger in the Fire Nation. Total eclipses don’t happen all that often in the Fire Nation, but they are always something to be wary of if you’re a firebender, because they render you powerless, even if only for eight minutes.

But it’s different in the South Pole. The moon gives waterbenders their power, so of course they’re reverent of it, but it’s more than that. Being in the South Pole taught Zuko that the moon is beautiful. Not Yue, necessarily, though Sokka says she was and Zuko will agree even if he doesn’t really remember what she looked like. Just the moon in general, casting soft white light down across the world and out towards the stars. Zuko knows he’s supposed to be wary of the moon, because she stands for water and water is the opposite of fire, and because she can block the sun and temporarily take away his bending. But he isn’t - not anymore. Even sitting in the North Pole, surrounded by snow and ice and with only one sort-of friend here with him, he can only look up at the moon in awe and let her remind him of the nights Sokka would sit and stare at her for hours.

If he weren’t so cold, Zuko thinks he might start crying, but the tears feel frozen inside of him, so he just stares in the same, longing, way Sokka does. But he isn’t thinking about a princess who sacrificed herself to give everyone else a chance at survival; he’s thinking about the friend he left on the other side of the world with the worst goodbye ever and wishing he were sitting next to him. The stars here are completely different than the ones in the South Pole, but Zuko knows these constellations from when he was little. He wishes he could point them all out to Sokka and tell his own stories and then Sokka could say _“That doesn’t look like a Tsungi Horn!”_ and proceed to make up some outlandish story of his own. He wishes he could watch Sokka watching Yue and study how moonlight looks when it washes over his face and half-wish he could paint but fully know that no artistic rendition could do Sokka washed in moonlight justice.

“Mind if I sit down?”

Zuko starts at the voice and looks over to see Chief Arnook standing a few feet to Zuko’s left. So that explains why he couldn’t have heard him coming.

Zuko moves to the far right side of the bench. “Um. Sure.” He watches cautiously as Chief Arnook sits down just left of the middle of the bench and looks up at the moon.

That’s when it hits Zuko. Yue was his _daughter_.

Zuko suddenly feels both like he’s intruding and like he should say something. Because while Zhao was the one who killed the moon spirit, Zuko _did_ break into the North Pole and steal Aang’s body, which allowed Zhao to get to the point where he could kill the moon spirit.

So he says, “I’m sorry,” without really thinking about where he’s going next with that. Chief Arnook looks over at him, confused, and Zuko gestures vaguely to the moon. “About Yue. I didn’t… I didn’t _know_ Zhao wanted to kill the moon spirit, but I _did_ take Aang, which left Tui and La unguarded, so I feel at least partially responsible for what happened.”

Chief Arnook sighs deeply, and Zuko can’t tell if it’s good or bad. Maybe he should’ve just left, even though he _knows_ apologizing was the right thing to do.

“It was always her destiny,” Chief Arnook tells him. “I didn’t understand at first, but the spirits showed me her fate when she was born. Whether you had been here or not, the outcome of that battle could only have ended with Yue’s sacrifice.”

“It shouldn’t have had to,” Zuko says, and he knows for a fact that much is true. Yue was just barely sixteen, and Zuko _wishes_ he’d gotten the chance to meet her properly, when he wasn’t so bent on capturing Aang. He _wishes_ he’d been able to know her for real instead of through the stories Sokka has told him. “Yue had to give herself up because of a war _my_ ancestors started, and for that, I am sorry.” Zuko shakes his head. “She _shouldn’t_ have had to make that sacrifice, and especially not when she was so young. I didn’t know her, but I know what Sokka has told me about her, and she deserved to be allowed to live.”

Chief Arnook nods politely. “Thank you, Prince Zuko.” He looks back to the sky. “Yue always had some difficulty making friends, but she and Sokka grew very close in the short amount of time he was here, and I am forever grateful she had someone like him by her side when her time came.”

Zuko does not tell Chief Arnook about the nights he knows Sokka has woken up in tears because the spirits decided he should relive Yue’s sacrifice in his dreams, nor does he tell Chief Arnook about the nights Sokka has cried while watching the moon because the feeling of Yue fading from his arms is one that will haunt him forever. He doesn’t say anything, because it isn’t fair to the chief _or_ Sokka for those secrets to slip out of Zuko’s mouth. He just forces a tight-lipped smile onto his face and hopes Chief Arnook isn’t looking for a verbal affirmation that Zuko is listening to him.

“I must admit my surprise that Sokka told you about my daughter.”

“Oh.” Zuko mentally slaps himself for that response. “I-- Um, sorry?” As far as Zuko knows, Sokka wasn’t going against any cultural rules of the Water Tribes when he told Zuko about Yue, but he supposes it could be different between the two tribes. 

Chief Arnook chuckles. “Don’t apologize. I didn’t realize you and Sokka are so close.”

“Oh,” Zuko says again. He looks down at his hands. He didn’t grab mittens before leaving because he can keep his hands warm well enough with his firebending, so he just picks at his nails and tries to figure out how he’s supposed to respond to that. Yes, he and Sokka are close. Or they _were_ before Zuko left him for six months just to spend every day wishing he could turn around and run back into his arms.

Zuko ends up shrugging. “Yeah, I mean… Yeah.” Obviously his Ambassador position wasn’t given to him for his eloquent speech. “Sokka’s a really great guy - he’s kind, and smart, and creative. He’s selfless and loyal to a fault, and he cares so deeply about everyone and everything. Yue was lucky to have him.” Zuko glances upwards. He hopes Yue knows how honest he’s being, even though he doesn’t really know why he _is_ being so honest with Chief Arnook. Maybe it’s the ache of being away from Sokka weighing him down or maybe he’s looking for someone to tell him something he doesn’t know he needs to hear or maybe it’s the fact that in a place strikingly similar to this one, there’s a chief who Zuko _would_ willingly open up to because Hakoda has opened his arms to Zuko time and time again. “He loved your daughter, and I know there’s a part of him that always will. He still watches the moon too.”

Chief Arnook gives Zuko a strange look that is all too familiar. It’s one he saw on Uncle and Kouji on his first day back in the Fire Nation. It’s one he saw on Mai and Ty Lee that evening. It’s one he saw on Toph the day she reintroduced him to Jin, and one he saw on Jin that day as well. It’s one he saw on Yura during the meeting when he spoke up in defense of Sokka. It’s one he saw on Mai when they got drunk and she told Zuko he’s in love with Sokka.

It’s the look Zuko _thought_ meant everyone knew something about Sokka that Zuko didn’t. It’s hitting him, though, that the look means everyone knows something about _Zuko_ that Zuko didn’t. But he thinks he might be almost there.

“You really care for Sokka, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Zuko murmurs as his blood runs cold because _oh_. “Yeah, I do.”

 _Oh_.

It washes over his body all at once, like a wave pulling him under the surface of the ocean, until his limbs are numb and tingly and his head sways. He’s completely frozen in place, eyes staring straight ahead but not really seeing anything.

_Oh._

Zuko is in love with Sokka.

Zuko is in love with Sokka, and he’s probably been in love with him since he moved to the South Pole, if not earlier than that. Zuko is in love with Sokka, and he didn’t realize it because he never felt this way about Mai - not even _close_. He never felt like this with Mai, never felt like this with Jin. The closest he came to this was with Jet five and a half years ago, and even that is hardly comparable to _this_. If what he feels for Sokka is real, not even what he felt for Jet was _right_. Though maybe only because it never had the chance to get there.

Oh _no._

Zuko is in love with Sokka, who is on the other side of the world right now, as far away from Zuko as he could possibly get, and Zuko is _in love_ with him. Mai was right, and Zuko is even denser than she and Ty Lee accused him of being. Toph was right when she described Zuko’s type because she wasn’t describing Katara; she was describing _Sokka_. Jin was right when she teased him about a secret love affair with the prince, because Sokka is as close to a prince as the Southern Water Tribe has and Zuko is in love with him, Zuko is _in love with him_.

Everyone was right. And everyone knew. Even Yura, who Zuko had barely had a real conversation with before their trip to the North Pole, was able to figure it out.

Which means Katara knew, and Aang knew, and Hakoda and Bato probably knew too.

Did _Sokka_ know?

There was a night, not long before Zuko had decided he needed to leave, when Zuko had opened up to Sokka about the Agni Kai against his father. Sokka knew the basics already, of course - all of Zuko’s friends did. But only Sokka knew the feeling of deep-seated dread that settled over Zuko when he saw his father standing across from him, only Sokka knew that Azula’s maniacal grin still haunts Zuko’s dreams, only Sokka knew how Ozai had left Zuko lying on the ground, discarded, neglected, and Uncle had been the one to come to his rescue. 

Only Sokka had watched with his lips slightly parted as Zuko led his hand up to the scar like a display of trust. 

(Of love?)

In that moment, Zuko had known that he would spend the rest of his life with Sokka if he could. And in that moment, Zuko had known that he was getting too attached to his best friend. He just didn’t have the words to describe what that attachment truly _meant_ at the time.

But Sokka… 

Sokka had slowly, gently, lowered his hand from Zuko’s face, and he’d leaned in closer, _closer_ , until his lips were brushing against Zuko’s scar. The world around them had been made entirely of biting wind and whirling snow, but Zuko had practically melted into Sokka’s arms and Sokka had just held him.

Does Sokka… does Sokka _reciprocate_ these feelings Zuko just realized he has?

He thinks back to the night he told Sokka he was leaving, and looking back, it seems… strikingly like a date. Dinner under the stars and aurora borealis? If Zuko were dating someone, that would probably be the _ideal_ date, though maybe just because the only person he’s seen the auroras with is Sokka.

But if Sokka _knew_ Zuko was in love with him--

And Sokka was in love with Zuko back--

And Zuko _left_. Zuko left in the middle of the night, leaving behind a goodbye note like a coward, and he’s barely written to Sokka since he left because every time he tries, it just _hurts_ , and, and, and--

And it took travelling to the other side of the world for Zuko to realize that this isn’t just friendship, it isn’t a weird obsession, it isn’t a midlife crisis. He’s just--

He’s just gay. He’s just in love with his best friend who he’s never been further away from, who he never _will_ be further away from, because this is as far away as physically possible.

He needs to go back. He needs to get back to the South Pole as quickly as possible and tell Sokka he’s _sorry_ about a million times over and then explain that he only _just_ figured it out and he’s _sorry_ it took almost five and a half years and a trip to the other side of the world to finally _get it_ , but he understands now. 

He’s in love with Sokka, and everyone has been telling him to go for it. Everyone has been telling him he’s _allowed_ to be in love with Sokka and he’s _allowed_ to pursue it. Everyone from Jin to Mai to Uncle has been trying to tell Zuko that they’ll fight on his behalf without using words that Zuko could have possibly hoped to understand before now.

What was it Uncle had told Zuko before he left for Ba Sing Se? _“Follow love and it will flee, flee love and it will follow; one often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.”_

 _Of course_ Zuko hadn’t known what that was supposed to mean back then, but he thinks he might now. Because - like he told Mai - he ran away from the South Pole, from _Sokka_ , and there hasn’t been one day in the past five months that Zuko hasn’t thought about him. He ran as far away as he could, and now he’s sitting in the snow on the other side of the world, coming face-to-face with the fact that he’s in love with Sokka.

And all Zuko _really_ knows is that he needs to go back.

\--

_present day_

Zuko barely waits ten minutes after Sokka leaves to go out after him. He should have done this a month ago after he’d first realized, but as soon as he’d gotten back to Ba Sing Se from the North Pole, he’d been handed a letter from the Sun Warriors telling him his presence was needed immediately, and he hadn’t expected them to force a literal dragon onto him (not that he doesn’t love Druk, but _seriously_? A guy could use a little warning.) He’d expected to be with the Sun Warriors for maybe a few days, and then he would find the first ship headed to the South Pole or he’d just straight up steal a balloon and fly himself back, but he’d ended up spending two and a half weeks with the Sun Warriors so he could learn how, exactly, to take care of a dragon and get Druk to trust him enough that he wouldn’t melt the entire Southern Water Tribe in response to one loud noise.

Zuko should’ve told the Sun Warriors to suck it and deal for another week while he went back and spoke with Sokka, but he didn’t.

So the ten minutes he forces himself to wait before running after Sokka feels like an entire eternity. Druk follows him, and Zuko allows it because he’s not sure how the others would feel with a dragon sitting alone in their house made of ice.

“Stay here,” he whispers to Druk once they’re outside. Druk puffs smoke out at him angrily, and Zuko clears it with a wave of his hand. He narrows his eyes. “You can handle being alone for a few minutes.” Druk apparently realizes that Zuko isn’t going to budge, because he lies down in the snow, curling up like a cat. Zuko crouches down and pats his head. “Good boy. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

He stands back up and looks around until he sees Sokka, who has his back turned to him. He takes a deep breath. He’s had a full month to plan this out thanks to the Sun Warriors and Druk. Even if Sokka _doesn’t_ feel the same way, the least Zuko can do is explain that he didn’t realize how he felt and now that he _does_ know, he can work on moving past said feelings and not doing anything that might make Sokka uncomfortable.

Zuko clears his throat as he approaches Sokka despite knowing Sokka must hear him coming. Zuko can never hear people approaching from behind him in the snow, but Sokka grew up here, so his ears are just tuned to that sort of thing. 

When Sokka doesn’t respond, Zuko almost just turns around and goes back inside. But _no_ , he decided he was going to do this a month ago in the North Pole. He can’t back out now. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” He asks.

Finally, Sokka turns around to look at Zuko, and Zuko takes a full step back at the expression on Sokka’s face. His eyes are red - maybe from crying, or maybe from the cold, Zuko can’t tell. His eyebrows are furrowed and he isn’t looking Zuko in the eyes. He looks vaguely angry.

“What do you want?” He snaps.

Zuko blinks, taken aback. He’d expected Sokka to maybe be a little upset at him, but it’s not like he grew up somewhere he could even _consider_ that he might be attracted to men, so he thinks he has a perfectly valid reason for taking so long to figure this out.

Okay. Three years is a little excessive. But _still_. 

And anyway, Zuko hasn’t even said anything and Sokka is mad, which doesn’t make sense. He hadn’t been mad on the docks when Zuko’s ship had gotten in, and he hadn’t been mad on the walk back to the house or when Katara and Aang had sat Zuko down and demanded he tell them every detail of the past six months.

“Look,” Sokka continues without waiting for Zuko to remember what he was going to say and how he was going to say it. “Katara and Aang and all the others might be fine acting like you were never gone, but I’m _not_ , okay? You,” he jabs a finger at Zuko’s chest, “You left. In the middle of the night. And I spent six months thinking that meant you were never coming back. So unless what you want to say to me is _Yeah, I’m going to be moving back to the Fire Nation without warning in a few days just like you expected, Sokka. You were right all along!_ I really don’t want to hear it and you should just _go_. I don’t have any interest in talking to you or accepting some superficial apology.”

Zuko’s stomach drops. He would have, quite honestly, rather had Katara slit his throat with an ice knife than hear those words from Sokka’s mouth. He would’ve rather stood across from Azula in the Agni Kai arena and let her shoot him full of lightning, rather been dropped in the middle of the ocean, rather Ozai get his bending back and give Zuko a scar on the right side of his face to match the one he already has.

And the worst part is Zuko can’t even blame Sokka, not really. He _did_ leave for six months, and he _did_ run like a coward in the middle of the night. He didn’t write to Sokka nearly as much as he’d wanted to - as he’d _promised_ Sokka he would. Sokka has every right to be angry at Zuko.

And he’s made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t feel the same way about Zuko that he might have six months ago. He’s made it clear that Zuko missed his chance.

Which is probably for the best, anyways, because what was Zuko expecting? That he lives in a world where the prince of the Fire Nation can marry anyone besides a hand-picked nobleman’s daughter? That he lives in a world where he deserves to fall in love?

So Zuko doesn’t say any of what he wanted to. Instead, he says, “I just… I wanted to say I’m sorry for how I left, and I-- I really missed you.” He sniffs and mentally blames it on the cold.

He doesn’t wait for Sokka’s response, doesn’t look at Sokka’s face because he doesn’t want to see the hard, angry, expression resting there that Zuko _absolutely_ deserves. He just turns around and heads back to where he left Druk, planning out how he’s going to tell everyone else that he’s tired and just wants to get some rest, because he can’t handle being around anyone else after _that_.

It’s fine, though. Or it will be, eventually.

At least, Zuko hopes so. But he’s never really felt like he deserves hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's just something so poetic about realizing you're in love with your best friend while on the literal other side of the world..


	3. you were all i wanted (but not like this)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me after rereading this chapter: girl are you okay?? who hurt you??
> 
> chapter title from all you had to do was stay by taylor swift

**_i don’t wanna go, think i’ll make it worse_ **

**_everything i know leads me back to us_ **

_i miss you, i’m sorry - gracie abrams_

* * *

**_SOKKA_ **

So maybe Sokka feels a little bad about snapping at Zuko. He certainly hadn’t _intended_ to be so verbal about his anger - it had just come out. And he did _mean_ what he said, he just hadn’t meant to say it like _that_. 

So yeah, maybe Sokka feels a little bad and maybe Zuko’s somber voice telling Sokka he just wanted to say he missed him is still echoing in Sokka’s mind eight hours later as he gets ready for this morning’s meeting.

_Maybe_ the part of Sokka that still loves Zuko is telling him to run all the way back to him and apologize and finally _actually_ tell Zuko how he feels. But he can’t do that, he can’t let himself put his heart out in the open like that right now. Maybe he’ll get to that point, but probably he won’t, and it’s not like it matters anyways because if Zuko actually cared about Sokka, he wouldn’t have left like he did. At the very least, he would’ve told Sokka he was leaving sooner.

Sokka isn’t the same naïve person he was six months ago, and he’s still pretty sure Zuko won’t stick around for long. That’s how it goes - he leaves once, realizes the entire world is better suited for a firebender when compared to the South Pole, and then he keeps leaving for longer and returning for shorter visits until he eventually just doesn’t come back. Maybe Sokka was _hoping_ Zuko wouldn’t come back, because it’d be easier than watching him slowly slip out of his grasp.

Sokka hates morning meetings, and this morning more than usual. It’s highly unlikely Sokka will even be _needed_ at this meeting, but as next in line for Chief or whatever, he still has to go. At least when he _is_ Chief, he can ban meetings before eleven in the morning.

Katara and Aang already have breakfast made when Sokka emerges from his room. Sokka doesn’t even ask what they made, because if Aang is helping cook, that means the entire meal is vegan and Sokka is happy not knowing what meat substitutes they used. He just takes what they hand him and starts eating.

Katara scoffs. “You’re _welcome_.”

Sokka tries to say _Thank you_ through his mouthful of food, which goes about as well as could be expected. Katara makes a disgusted face, but behind her, Aang is biting back a laugh.

“You’re gross,” Katara tells him, which might hurt more if she didn’t say that literally every day that she sees Sokka. “Let me do your hair; you’ve got like four minutes until you have to leave because you don’t know how to wake up at a decent time.” She doesn’t even ask permission, she just pulls the ribbon out of her own hair and sets to work tying Sokka’s up. Sokka lets it happen, because Katara is one of the few people he trusts to actually do his hair right. Katara, his dad, and Z--

Well. Never mind.

Sokka shoves the rest of his breakfast into his mouth, then hurries to grab his parka and mittens and tug his boots on, mentally checking each action off a list as he goes. By the time he’s done that, Aang has cleared the dish Sokka used. He shouts a thank you to him, hugs Katara goodbye, waves to Aang, grabs his bag, and then he’s off, tearing through the streets in order to make it to the meeting on time.

He arrives with a few minutes to spare, and takes a moment to catch his breath before stepping inside. This meeting is going to be an hour and a half of pure _boredom_ , but at least he won’t have to see--

Sokka almost groans in outrage, because Zuko is _here_. Sokka had expected he would have at least one day before Zuko resumed his ambassador duties, but no. He’s here, seated right next to the guy Iroh sent to replace him that Sokka had never bothered learning the name of. Zuko’s talking to him in a hushed voice, and Sokka knows it has to be about what Zuko missed while he was gone, but it still makes something angry flare up inside his chest like fire.

Sokka does not sit across from Zuko. He takes the seat next to his dad, where he’s been sitting ever since Zuko left. He does not look at Zuko, though he thinks he can feel Zuko’s eyes boring into him. He doesn’t look at anyone, actually. He takes out his parchment and his brush and begins to write whatever meaningless words he can think of, hoping everyone will assume he’s working on something important and not bother him.

As his dad starts the meeting and drones on about _whatever_ , Sokka ends up just sketching every constellation that can be seen in the South Pole. Once he finishes that, he moves onto the ones he remembers seeing while in the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom that aren’t visible in the South Pole. Eventually, he runs out of those too and starts writing the words to one of the old stories his mom used to tell him. Anything to keep looking down at his paper instead of up at anyone else and risking accidental eye contact with Zuko.

If Sokka hadn’t been so intent on _not_ looking, he wouldn’t have been shocked by a couple of things. The first being when a frantic messenger passes behind Sokka and actually gets Sokka to look up. His eyes don’t get to the messenger, though, because they catch on Zuko, and then the second thing he should have noticed earlier: Druk.

Druk is seated between Zuko and his replacement ambassador, and said ambassador is one of the few people in the room not watching Druk nervously. 

Or, well, most people are now turning their attention to the messenger, who Sokka can still feel standing behind him and breathing heavily. He can hear his dad unrolling a scroll too, but on his way to turn and watch his dad, Sokka’s eyes catch Zuko’s which is exactly what he _didn’t_ want to happen, but the spirits have never once been on Sokka’s side.

Zuko smiles at him, his hand temporarily pausing scratching Druk’s head. Sokka fixes his face into a scowl, which causes Zuko’s smile to drop immediately. _Good_. 

Zuko looks down at Druk and Sokka looks over at his dad. His expression is unreadable, so Sokka looks past him over to Bato, seated across from Sokka. Bato is far easier to read, and he can read Sokka’s dad even when Sokka and Katara can’t. Bato is confused and worried, which means Sokka’s dad is concerned and Bato has no idea why. 

Everyone is silent as Sokka’s dad reads the letter. Once he’s finished, he dismisses the messenger, rolls the letter back up, sets it down, and continues the meeting. Bato still looks on edge, with the way his eyes keep flicking to the letter and his hands won’t stay still, but there must be a reason Sokka’s dad isn’t immediately addressing the contents of the letter. Either it isn’t important enough to interrupt the meeting or he doesn’t want to worry anyone.

Sokka hopes it’s the former, but he’s afraid it’s the latter.

Sokka racks his mind for possibilities as to what the letter could possibly say that would make his dad would want to hide it from the council. An apprehended assassin? An assassination attempt on Fire Lord Iroh or King Kuei? An assassination attempt on Chief Arnook? Maybe it’s a letter from the North Pole - maybe Chief Arnook is dying? And they don’t have anyone to take over as Chief? No, that wouldn’t make sense - Sokka knows they must have put something in place after Yue--

Yeah.

Anyways.

Maybe it’s just a summons to the North Pole for some reason completely unrelated to the health and safety of Chief Arnook. Yeah, that must be it. Sokka’s dad is being summoned somewhere - either to the North Pole or elsewhere - and he isn’t going to announce it to everyone right now because he just found out and doesn’t know when he’ll need to leave or who he’ll take with him. Which is just so super cool for Sokka because it’s not like his best friend who he’s still very upset with just got back from _also_ leaving Sokka behind on short notice.

The rest of the meeting goes exactly as planned. Or, at least Sokka _assumes_ it does. He is still very much not paying attention and because his brain hates him _that_ much, he ends up sketching a portrait of Druk. Definitely just because he’s never drawn a dragon before and not because he wants to look at Zuko but he also _doesn’t_ want to look at Zuko so he just settles for watching Druk instead.

Sokka tunes in just as his dad is wrapping the meeting up and telling everyone they’re free to go. He starts to gather his things until his dad says, “Ambassador Zuko and Councilman Sokka, could you two stay behind, please? I have some more things I want to go over with the two of you.”

Sokka freezes. He doesn’t hear Zuko verbally agree to his dad’s request, but he knows Zuko will listen because it’s not really optional. Sokka also knows his dad does not have anything he needs to discuss with the two of them, which means his dad must be staging an intervention. Sokka’s best guess is this was half Katara and Aang’s idea. No wonder they were being so nice to him this morning.

So now Sokka’s going to have to sit here and listen to his dad talks to him and Zuko about being nice to each other in a professional setting even if Sokka is ticked off at Zuko and as a result, Zuko probably won’t ever want to talk to Sokka again. Fun. This is exactly how Sokka wanted to spend his morning: In a meeting he didn’t need to be at and then getting a stern talking-to from his dad about how “We don’t yell at our ex-friends, even if they left us in the middle of the night and broke our heart in the process”.

Sokka watches everyone except for his dad, Zuko, Bato, and himself file out of the room. He risks a glance at Zuko, who is already looking at him. Zuko raises his eyebrow. _What’s going on?_

Sokka shrugs. _I don’t know_.

Well, at least their communicating-via-only-facial-expressions thing that annoys Katara half to death is still very much intact, even if their friendship isn’t.

Once everyone has cleared out of the room, Sokka’s dad clears his throat. He doesn’t ask Bato to leave, which strikes Sokka as a little odd if this is supposed to be an intervention. Is Bato going to be helping him? Sokka sincerely hopes not. Bato is great, Sokka doesn’t think he can handle two father figures telling him to get a grip in front of Zuko and his not-scary-at-all dragon.

Sokka’s dad picks the letter back up and unrolls it. “I’ve just received word about a potential uprising in the Earth Kingdom.”

Oh. So this _isn’t_ an intervention. Cool.

Wait-- _uprising_?!

“The letter is addressed from the Order of the White Lotus, but given the location, I presume it was written by King Bumi,” Sokka’s dad continues. Sokka relaxes a bit. Bumi almost definitely has no idea what he’s talking about. It’s probably all just a big misunderstanding. 

“There’s a group based in Omashu that is bent on starting another war. Their motives are unknown, but they don’t seem to be composed of only firebenders and Fire Nation citizens like the other rebellion groups that have attempted to rise up since the end of the war.” He rolls the letter back up and sets it down. His eyes rest on Zuko, and then on Sokka. Okay so maybe it’s not a big misunderstanding, but Bumi could still be over exaggerating-- 

“I would like the two of you to go to Omashu and see what you can find out about this group.”

_Hold on._

That’s just the icing on the cake of Sokka’s already perfect morning. He would have preferred an intervention, to be honest. He can sit and tune his dad out. But he can’t unhear the fact that his dad is perfectly fine sending Zuko on a top secret mission literally the _day_ after he got back.

(Once again - acting like he never left. _Why_ is _everyone_ acting like he never left?!)

And even worse, Sokka’s dad wants to send _Sokka_ with Zuko. Sokka. With Zuko. Trapped on a ship or carriage or balloon or whatever, sending them all the way to Omashu with crazy King Bumi in order to investigate a rebellion that honestly doesn’t even concern the Southern Water Tribe.

“What.” Sokka states, cutting off whatever Zuko’s response was going to be. “ _What_?!” He repeats, because he can’t have possibly heard his dad right. There’s no way. Sokka has to be able to catch a break at _some_ point, doesn’t he? “You want--” he glares at his father. “Let me get this right. You want to send _Zuko_ , who just came back yesterday, on your super secret spy mission? _Zuko_? Like he didn’t _literally_ ditch us in the middle of the night and then proceed to show back up to the South Pole - where, might I remind you, our buildings are primarily made of ice - with a _fire-breathing dragon_?” Sokka gestures at Druk, though he pointedly does not look at Zuko _or_ his fancy new pet. 

Sokka crosses his arms. “I just don’t think he’s trustworthy enough for this.”

Sokka’s dad’s eyes widen at that, and Sokka is pretty sure his expression is mirroring his dad’s. He definitely had _not_ meant to say that out loud. He was _thinking_ it, but implying that the Chief’s judgment of someone is bad is _not_ the way to go. Sokka might have some diplomatic immunity as the Chief’s son, but that one’s gonna come back to bite him in the butt.

It doesn’t take long to happen either; Sokka’s dad’s expression hardens almost instantly. He doesn’t get angry often, but Sokka is pretty sure he crossed a line here.

“Ambassador Zuko was perfectly within his right to take a break. He filled out all the necessary paperwork, assured his replacement was settled in before he left, and came back exactly when he said he would. Anything beyond that was not required of him, regardless of what you may have convinced yourself.”

This isn’t technically a _You have to be professional even if he broke your heart_ talk, but it might as well be.

“I am very confident in Ambassador Zuko’s ability and my choice in sending him. His presence in this is not optional. Yours, however, may very well be.”

Okay.

That stings.

Telling your own son that the guy who left for six months is more important than him? That _sucks_. 

Sure, Sokka might deserve this, but Zuko doesn’t deserve to be held up on a pedestal either. Someone’s gotta take him down a few notches, and if it has to be Sokka, then so be it. If everyone else wants to act like Zuko’s perfect and has never done anything wrong, then Sokka will just have to take the responsibility of proving everyone wrong on _himself_.

“Fine.” He shoves his stuff in his bag, throws his coat on and shoots his dad one final glare. “You want to send Zuko? _Fine_. But when he proves that he isn’t as reliable as you think - when he proves that he’s only ever going to let you down - I’m going to say I told you so.” He storms out of the room, ignoring his dad calling his name. Best case scenario, his dad sees Sokka’s point and rescinds his offer to Zuko and Sokka can go on this mission _himself_ and put some distance between himself and Zuko. Worst case scenario, Sokka’s dad stays mad at him for a few days, sends Zuko, and Sokka still doesn’t have to see the jerk.

Sokka can’t believe he really spent so long wishing for Zuko to come back. What a waste of tears.

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

Druk hisses at the direction Sokka left in as soon as he’s out of earshot. Bato stifles a laugh at that, but Zuko is going to have to appreciate the humor of it later because right now, Sokka’s words are still ringing in his ears. _I just don’t think he’s trustworthy enough for this. When he proves that he’s only ever going to let you down, I’m going to say I told you so._

Zuko isn’t entirely sure Sokka is in the wrong there. Zuko doesn’t need to be going on this mission so soon after returning to the South Pole, and Sokka has every right to be mad that Hakoda wants to send him. Zuko should be catching up with everything he missed while he was away. Sokka should be the one going on this mission, and not with Zuko. With Katara or Aang or… pretty much anyone else.

“I don’t have to go,” Zuko tells Hakoda before he or Bato can say anything else. “Sokka’s right - I just got back. I’ll just stay behind, it’s fine. I’m sure Katara or Aang would be willing to help.” He stands up, sure that will be the end of the conversation. Hakoda was just trying to be nice when he said Zuko was the one he really wanted to go investigate. 

Hakoda shakes his head. “I understand if you want to stay behind to settle back in after your trip, but I don’t want you staying behind to make Sokka happy. I’m sure he’ll come around - he just has to let his anger run its course first.”

Zuko isn’t sure he believes that. He’d _like_ to, sure. He’d _love_ to believe Sokka just needs to be angry for a few days and then things between the two of them can go back to the way they were six months ago, but he can’t remember a single time he’s seen Sokka so upset before. This doesn’t seem like something that can blow over in a few days. This seems like maybe he just needs to apologize again, and let Sokka go to Omashu without Zuko to put some space between them. Even if space between them is the _last_ thing Zuko really wants right now, so soon after returning to the South Pole.

Hakoda claps Zuko on the shoulder. “I know you were hesitant about accepting the ambassador position, but you’ve done an excellent job these past few years. And if there’s anyone in the South Pole qualified to investigate a possible uprising, it’s you and Sokka.”

“But--” Zuko starts, even though he isn’t sure where that sentence is even going. He sighs and shakes his head. “I don’t want…” Zuko searches the tumultuous ocean that is his mind for the right words, “I don’t want to cause a rift between you and Sokka.”

“Sokka and I will be fine,” Hakoda assures Zuko. He supposes that makes sense - he knows Sokka and his dad have a healthy father-son relationship. But sparking an argument between them still sets Zuko on edge. 

Apparently Hakoda can tell this whole situation isn’t sitting right with Zuko, because he adds, “I’ll talk to him this evening. But I want _you_ for this mission, Zuko. You’ve gone undercover in the Earth Kingdom before. I know I can trust you, and given the fact that Ambassador Vien is still here, I don’t have to worry about your absence causing a vacancy in the council. And while this is a strictly investigative mission, if things go sideways, I know you and Sokka are two of the most skilled fighters in the South Pole. If Sokka chooses not to go, I’ll talk to Katara about joining you instead of leaving with Aang to travel to the Northern Air Temple, but I would much prefer to send you and Sokka.”

It’s clear this is the end of the conversation, so Zuko just nods respectfully and watches Hakoda extend his hand towards Bato, and then guide his husband out of the room, leaving Zuko alone.

He knows somewhere not far from him, Sokka is stewing in his justified anger. Zuko wants to go look for him, but he doesn’t even know what he would say. He’s already apologized, and while Sokka didn’t necessarily seem to believe him, there isn’t much more Zuko can do. Really, the best thing he can do now is just leave Sokka alone.

It’s weird. Zuko was on the polar opposite side of the planet from Sokka just a month ago, and yet, even that didn’t feel near as far away as Zuko feels from Sokka right now.

* * *

**_SOKKA_ **

“Are we going to talk about this, or are you just going to stare at your food like it’s personally offended you?”

“You and I both know I don’t talk about things,” Sokka responds, still staring down at his food. If he were a firebender, he’d probably have set it alight by this point. Nanouk scoffs, but doesn’t say anything else.

Sokka doesn’t even know _why_ he turned to Nanouk. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone, but… he also doesn’t really want to be alone. If he goes home, Katara and Aang will pester him about why he’s so moody. He can’t go to his dads for obvious reasons. Pakku is crusty and just plain _annoying_ and he’s always wherever Gran-Gran is because apparently he doesn’t have a life beyond being passive-aggressively misogynistic and occasionally going to White Lotus meetings. And the one person Sokka has always been able to rely on when he’s in a mood like this is the same person Sokka is upset with.

So Nanouk was the only option left, really.

Not that Sokka doesn’t appreciate him - he _does_. Nanouk just doesn’t _understand_ , and that might sound like a very angsty teenager thing to say, but it’s _true_. Nanouk has never been interested in romance, which Sokka is very much chill with, but it makes it difficult for him to understand how Sokka is feeling. Especially when _Sokka_ doesn’t understand how Sokka is feeling.

He resents Zuko and doesn’t want to see him ever again. But at the same time, he wants to run back into Zuko’s arms and beg for forgiveness.

“Look,” Nanouk says after several minutes of heavy silence between them. “I’m happy to get lunch with you on a friendly outing any day of the week. You know that. But you’ve hardly eaten anything, which means there’s something wrong, and based on the fact that you didn’t completely isolate yourself, you want someone to draw the answers out of you.”

“I didn’t come to you for a psychoanalysis,” Sokka growls. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Sorry. I don’t know why I’m being like this. I just--” He clenches his hands into fists. “It’s complicated.”

“Start with something simple, then. What, exactly, is this about? Be as vague as you want.”

Sokka groans. He knows what this is about, what _everything_ is about. It always comes back to Zuko. It might be a cute sentiment if they were, you know, happy and in love. But right now, it’s just _frustrating_.

He mumbles the answer under his breath, well aware Nanouk won’t be able to make out what he’s said.

“What was that?” Nanouk’s tone is playful, like he already knew what Sokka’s answer would be, but he’s trying to coax Sokka into saying it out loud because that’s step one for dealing with your post-teen angst or whatever.

“It’s about Zuko!” He snaps, louder than he had intended to. He ignores the odd looks his outburst earns him and slumps down. “It’s about Zuko, okay?”

Nanouk nods slowly. “Alright, now we’re getting somewhere.” He takes a bite of his food and chews thoughtfully. After a few moments, he starts speaking again. “Let’s take it a step further. Are you mad, or are you reverting back to your seventeen-year-old self who thought he was annoyed by Zuko but really just had a crush on him?”

“Now is not the time to bring up my past mistakes, Nanouk” Sokka says instead of answering the question.

Nanouk simply raises an eyebrow.

Sokka grumbles. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I’m mad at _him_ , but I’m also mostly mad at everyone else, and I think I might have taken it out on him more than he deserved, which I feel bad about, but I just keep making things _worse_ every time I open my mouth. It’s like…” Sokka fiddles with his sleeve. “It’s like I don’t know if I love him or hate him, or maybe both at once.” He buries his head in his hands. “I don’t know. That doesn’t make any sense.”

Sokka wants to be upset with Nanouk for tricking him into spilling so much, but it actually does feel good to get the words off his chest, even if they were jumbled and nearly incomprehensible. It also helps that he isn’t talking to Katara or Aang, who would both offer him advice with the best intentions but which would ultimately be useless to Sokka because it would not involve letting Sokka allow himself to be angry.

“Sokka,” Nanouk says carefully, “you’re allowed to have mixed feelings towards people. You can love them and be upset with how they treated you at the same time. You can love them and know you’re better off not being together.”

“ _No_ ,” Sokka blurts out. It takes a second for his mind to catch up and realize why he’s arguing with Nanouk. It has nothing to do with his statement about mixed feelings - that makes sense. It has to do with Nanouk’s last sentence - about loving someone, but knowing you shouldn’t be together. Something about that idea is twisting Sokka’s insides and making him want to run far, far, away until the sentence stops banging around in his head. Objectively, Sokka knows that must be true for someone somewhere, but he _doesn’t_ want it to be true for him.

He doesn’t want it to be true for him _and Zuko_.

But he’s afraid it is.

“I mean--” Sokka blinks. He’s grasping at straws in his brain, trying to grab onto enough words to make a sentence, but his mind is busy wandering down Zuko-related rabbit holes, so it’s not going very well. “I just… I don’t…” Sokka groans again.

“Sokka, it’s _okay_.” Nanouk folds his hands together. “I know you’re not good at talking about these kinds of things, but if you want my advice, I think your best bet is to talk to Zuko. He’s still the Fire Nation Ambassador, and even if he isn’t your friend, he’s still your co-worker. You can’t spend the rest of your life refusing to speak to him, and I don’t think you want that. I think you want things to go back to how they were before he left, but you’re afraid it’s too late.”

Nanouk is _right_ , and Sokka hates it. He wants to erase the past six months, go back to the night Zuko told him he was leaving, and get a redo. He wants to speak up first, before Zuko has a chance to drop his bomb on Sokka, and see how things change. He wants to go back to the way he and Zuko could work in sync without exchanging a single word, always knowing both what the other wanted and what the other _needed_. He wants to go back to braiding Zuko’s hair over and over and talking about nothing at all just because Zuko has trouble sleeping under the midnight sun and Sokka has always been one to stay up late.

But Sokka is so, very, afraid that he messed up any chance he might have had to go back to that. Even more than that, he’s afraid that he lost it as soon as Zuko decided to leave and he spent six months wishing on shooting stars for an impossibility he will never be granted.

\--

This morning’s meeting was (thankfully) Sokka’s only one for the day, which gives him the perfect opportunity to wallow in self-pity as he wanders around town and ignores everyone else. Really, he just doesn’t want to go back home, but he only lasts about an hour before he gets bored and ends up at home anyways.

Sokka’s dad isn’t home when Sokka arrives, but everyone else is. Including Pakku because, as Sokka has clearly established, the universe just wants to see him constantly suffer.

They’ve clearly all just finished eating, because the dishes haven’t been cleared away yet. Aang is gesturing animatedly, telling a story. Sokka prays to the spirits that he can just quietly slip past them into his room since everyone’s attention is focused on Aang, but of course he isn’t that lucky.

“Hi, Sokka!” Aang interrupts himself to wave at Sokka, who has his back pressed to the wall as he tries to sneak past everyone. And everyone, of course, looks at Sokka.

Sokka smiles sheepishly, like he wasn’t very obviously trying to avoid them all. “Hi, guys. Sorry to interrupt, but I’ve got, uh, a lot of work to do! And I actually already ate lunch with Nanouk, so I’ll just go head to my room and try to get some work done--” He gestures in the direction of his room and makes to leave.

“Sokka,” Bato says. He raises an eyebrow at him. Bato knows full well that Sokka is ahead on literally all of his work and has gotten to the point where he really _doesn’t_ have anything he needs to work on right now. Of course he has several miscellaneous projects that he _could_ work on, but those legally do not take precedence over family time. “Surely you have a little time to spare.”

Sokka sighs. Bato is saying _Surely you have a little time_ , but what he means is, _If you don’t sit down like a good kid, I’m telling Katara what you said about Zuko and we can see how_ she _responds to you acting like a child at almost twenty-one years old_. “Yeah, okay. I guess I have some time.”

Sokka plops down in the empty space in between Katara and Bato because the other option is beside Pakku, and Sokka would rather die. Aang picks back up with his story, but Sokka is very lost because he missed the first half of it. So he props his head up on one hand and uses his other to trace patterns on the table. Maybe if he stays quiet, everyone will forget he’s there and not try to talk to him.

Because being quiet is the most Sokka-like thing he could attempt in order to get attention _away_ from him. Obviously.

After Aang finishes his story, Gran-Gran starts asking him questions, which Aang answers as thoroughly and genuinely as he can, same as he always does.

Katara elbows Sokka. “You okay?”

Sokka nods. “I’m just tired.” He glances around. Bato is locked in a conversation with Aang and Gran-Gran about food and Air Nomad culture, which makes this the perfect time for Sokka’s great escape. “I think I might just go lie down for a little while.”

Katara gives him a strange look. “You sure you’re feeling alright?”

“Yeah. I think I just ate something bad at lunch,” he lies easily. “Seriously, I just need to take a nap, and then I’ll be fine!”

Katara doesn’t exactly look like she believes him, but she lets him off the hook anyways. “If you’re sure. Let me know if you need anything though, okay?”

“Will do!” 

Sokka pushes himself to his feet and quietly pads back to his room. No one tries to stop him this time, thankfully. Sokka all but falls into his bed and stares up at the ceiling.

This is the place Sokka grew up in, and he has a thousand memories here tied to Katara, to his parents, to Bato, to Gran-Gran, to Nanouk, to everyone else who left to fight in the war, to all the women and children who were left behind. 

But Sokka is staring at his ceiling and all he can think about is Zuko.

He’s thinking about two years ago, when Katara and Aang drug him out to go penguin sledding on Aang’s birthday, and Sokka had forced Zuko to go with. They’d stayed out late and they had all been shivering and wet with melted snow when they got back home, but Zuko was telling them about Azula never quite getting the knack for swimming despite their annual vacations to Ember Island when they were little, and Sokka was so _happy_. 

As soon as they were inside, Katara had dried them all off with a wave of her hand and Zuko had warmed them up with a flick of his wrist. Katara had immediately drug Aang off to start making hot cocoa, leaving Zuko and Sokka alone, standing by the doorway.

“Do you wanna stay the night?” Sokka had blurted out like they were little kids and Zuko’s parents were supposed to pick him up soon, but they were having too much fun to stop playing now, so the only solution was a slumber party.

Zuko’s face had softened and he’d nodded excitedly.

The two of them along with Aang and Katara had sat on the floor of Katara’s room and played stupid slumber party games. When their hot cocoa was gone and they could hardly keep their eyes open, Katara had kicked Sokka and Zuko out of the room.

Sokka had tossed Zuko some of his pajamas to change into, and he’d seen Zuko in blue before, of course, because Zuko had needed to borrow one of Sokka’s parkas the first time he’d visited the South Pole. But that was different, and Sokka wanted to live in this moment forever.

Instead, he’d just laid back on his bed, looking up at the ceiling so he wouldn’t do something stupid like kiss Zuko and ruin their friendship forever. Zuko had laid down next to him, his hand finding Sokka’s.

“What are you looking at?” He’d asked.

“Nothing,” Sokka had answered, because mostly, he was just trying to not openly stare at Zuko. He squeezed Zuko’s hand. “Thanks for letting me drag you along with us today so I didn’t have to third wheel.”

“Glad I could save you from such a horrendous fate.”

“Hey,” Sokka had turned to look at Zuko, only to find that Zuko was already looking over at him, “you saw first hand how oogie they were all day.” Sokka put on his best Katara impression, “ _Aang, sweetie, the light of my life, I love you so much, let me kiss you for three hours right in front of Sokka and Zuko while they’re trying to eat lunch!_ ”

Zuko had snickered, and at that point, Sokka had already long since figured out a whole variety of ways to get Zuko to laugh, but every time, it still made his heart stutter in his chest. “I hate to be a wet blanket, but I saw how you and Suki interacted, and I’m not sure you’re much better than Katara,” Zuko had pointed out.

Coming from anyone else, Sokka would have straight up denied it. But because it was Zuko, he just gasped in mock offense and said, “How dare you compare Suki and I to Katara and Aang? I think you’re just jealous.”

Zuko scoffed.

Sokka reached forward and brushed a strand of hair from Zuko’s face. “Seriously though. Thank you. I had a lot of fun today.”

“Me too,” Zuko had said sincerely. “I’m really glad you’re my friend, Sokka.”

Sokka had grinned, despite the use of the word _friend_. Sure, he’d wanted to be more, but he was mostly just thrilled that Zuko had actually _told_ Sokka he was glad to be Sokka’s friend. Zuko has never been very good at sharing how he feels, so the statement had made Sokka’s insides feel all warm and fuzzy.

“Good, ‘cause you’ve got me forever,” Sokka had told him, not entirely thinking about the implications of what he’d just promised. All he knew was he never wanted there to come a day when he couldn’t fall back into Zuko’s arms.

“Forever,” Zuko had repeated softly. “I like the sound of that.”

Sokka wishes he had just kissed Zuko right then and there, when they were eighteen years old and promising each other forever like that was something they had to offer. Like they weren’t meant to be right-person-wrong-time star-crossed lovers in some overdramatic, poorly cast, Ember Island Players play. Like the stars could have aligned for them - two kids who spent most of their lives caught up in a war far bigger than them, two kids who were raised knowing they would always be on opposing sides.

Maybe if he’d kissed Zuko back then, they could’ve figured it out instead of letting everything slip through their fingers like melting snowflakes. Maybe, if he’d kissed Zuko back then, they could have actually had a shot at forever.

\--

Sokka’s dad confronts him that evening. Sokka is prepared for a fight, but it doesn’t come. He just explains to Sokka why he wants him and Zuko to go to Omashu - that he’s sending Zuko because Zuko has experience in going undercover in the Earth Kingdom and because his replacement is still here to fill in for however long he’s needed. It makes sense, when put like that, Sokka supposes. He still doesn’t _like_ it, though, and he’s halfway to saying he doesn’t want to go with Zuko when his dad has to go and drop the one thing that could change Sokka’s mind.

“I understand if you don’t want to go, and I’m sure Katara would be willing to take your place.”

Sokka stops short. “Katara is supposed to leave to go to the Northern Air Temple with Aang soon,” he points out. Surely his dad must have forgotten about that, otherwise he wouldn’t have suggested Katara go with Zuko to Omashu instead of Sokka.

Sokka’s dad purses his lips. “I don’t have any other options. This isn’t something I feel comfortable handing over to just anyone.”

Sokka groans internally. Katara gets on his nerves every single day, but she’s his _sister_ , and he can’t force her to give up the trip to the Northern Air Temple that she and Aang have been meticulously planning for _months_ just because Sokka is being melodramatic over a faux breakup. He lets out a deep sigh.

“I’ll go.”

Sokka’s dad actually looks a little surprised at that, like he didn’t realize Sokka would willingly give up his own comfort so Katara could go on vacation with her boyfriend. But as the eldest sibling, it’s Sokka’s job to look out for Katara, and Katara’s spent half their lives being the one to look out for Sokka. The least he can do is just grit his teeth and work with Zuko for a week so she isn’t roped into this instead of something she’d much rather be doing. Something far less dangerous than investigating a rebellion.

If everyone else can pretend Zuko was never gone, Sokka should be able to as well, even if only temporarily.

“You will?”

Sokka nods quickly, before he can backtrack and change his mind. “Yeah. Zuko and I have worked together for years, we’ll be fine,” he says like he actually believes it. He figures the chances of them just straight up splitting up from each other as soon as they reach Omashu and not talking unless they’re relaying information back and forth is pretty high, but he’s definitely not going to tell his dad that. A little omission of the truth never hurt anyone.

\--

The next day is half Sokka’s dad briefing him and Zuko and half packing for the trip. Despite spending half the day together, Sokka and Zuko don’t talk to each other. If Sokka’s dad notices, he doesn’t mention it.

He explains that the mission is strictly investigative - they are _not_ to be picking fights with anyone. There’s a team of specialized soldiers made up of members from all three remaining nations whose sole duty is to dismantle any groups bent on reigniting the Hundred Year War, and Sokka and Zuko are to send word to them as soon as they have enough information. 

They’ll take an air balloon to Omashu, and King Bumi has a guide of some sort set up to be waiting for them. She’ll brief them on what she and Bumi know (Sokka has to stop himself from laughing at that - Bumi _knowing_ something), and she’ll be there to help Zuko and Sokka if they have any questions. Or if they’re still refusing to talk to each other and need a third person to play messenger, Sokka supposes. 

Much to Sokka’s dismay, Druk will be joining them. Granted, no one in the South Pole or anywhere else in the world is equipped to care for a dragon while Zuko’s gone, so Sokka doesn’t exactly have an argument _against_ Druk coming along, but he’s not sure how he feels about being stuck in an air balloon with a dragon.

Sokka does not wave goodbye to Zuko or Druk as he leaves and they turn to go separate ways. He thinks about it, but then he remembers he’s not talking to Zuko because he’s mad at Zuko and Zuko hates him. So he stuffs his hands in his pockets, does not acknowledge Zuko at all, and makes his way home to pack.

Gran-Gran is the only one home when Sokka returns, which means Sokka can pack in peace. Sokka has no idea how long they’re going to be in Omashu, really, so he’s not entirely sure how much to pack. Depending on how things go, it could only take a couple of days or it could take a couple weeks.

He hopes it’s only a few days, but with the way he and Zuko are very much not working together, he’s afraid it’s going to be longer.

He takes a break halfway through for lunch. He’d been planning to just take his food to his room and eat while he finished packing, but that would mean leaving Gran-Gran to eat lunch alone, and Sokka would not be caught dead treating his Gran-Gran like Pakku would. (Okay, maybe Sokka just doesn’t like Pakku, but you can’t _blame_ him. And Pakku is definitely not here right now, so Sokka thinks that proves his point is valid.)

Once he finishes packing, he spends the rest of his day doing mindless busy work to prevent himself from thinking too hard about the fact that he willingly signed up to go on a secret mission with the guy he hates but also loves and either way can’t say a single sentence to. 

The things Sokka does for Katara. She’d better appreciate him for this.

And speaking of Katara, she gets back home late and waves off Gran-Gran when she offers dinner, claiming she already ate. She still sits down at the table with everyone else to join the conversation.

“Where’d you eat?” Sokka asks, because Aang is sitting right next to him, so it definitely wasn’t a date-night thing, and those are usually the only times Katara won’t eat dinner at home.

Aang tenses next to Sokka, which is disconcerting. Katara’s eyes go wide. “Uh-- Just. Um. Around. You know.”

Sokka is going to be real pissed if this is how he finds out Katara and Aang broke up and Katara is already dating someone else and definitely not planning to go to the Northern Air Temple with Aang anymore. He narrows his eyes at his sister. “Why are you being so vague?”

Katara looks down at the table and mumbles something under her breath. Sokka looks to his dad and Bato for help, but both of them are very obviously avoiding eye contact with him. _What is going on_?

“What?” Sokka demands.

Katara sighs. “I had dinner with Zuko.”

Oh.

So everyone is, what, trying to protect Sokka by not mentioning Zuko? Pulling the same thing they did six months ago after Zuko first left - walking on eggshells because Sokka’s just _that_ fragile? 

Or did Katara just know Sokka would be irritated that she’s still fine pretending Zuko was never gone? Sokka appreciates the sentiment, but it isn’t really the thought that counts in this situation.

“Cool,” Sokka grumbles and turns back to his food. He shoves a spoonful of soup into his mouth before he can say anything else he might regret. Katara is allowed to go get dinner with whoever she wants, and she’s allowed to be friends with whoever she wants. She’s nineteen - she’s old enough to make her own decisions. Sokka has never been able to control Katara, and he definitely isn’t going to be magically granted that ability now, so he’s just going to have to grin and bear it.

Besides, Sokka knows when he’s outnumbered. He knows everyone else here is willing to jump to Katara’s defense if Sokka tries to say anything, and he knows griping about Zuko now could just end up convincing his dad he’s not in the right mindset to go to Omashu, and force him to send Katara instead. Sokka can bite his tongue for one night for Katara’s benefit. And as soon as the rebel group in Omashu is taken care of, Sokka can go right back to making his distaste towards Zuko and the fact that his entire family is right back to being best friends with him as obvious as he wants.

Bato interrupts the tense silence by changing the topic to Katara and Aang’s upcoming trip, and the dinner conversation manages to smooth itself over. For a little while, Sokka forgets about how he has to wake up early tomorrow to head to Omashu with Zuko and he just lets himself be happy.

\--

The morning still comes, unfortunately, with Aang waking Sokka up to make sure he eats breakfast before he leaves. Sokka had been planning on skipping breakfast and sleeping in as long as possible (if only to avoid the dread settling in over his body just a little while longer), but he can’t say no to Aang. So he drags himself out of bed and eats breakfast with Aang as quickly as he can, thinking _maybe_ he could fall back asleep for twenty more minutes if he hurries.

Sokka is not so lucky. It takes less than ten minutes of being awake for Sokka’s entire body to start vibrating with worry, and there’s no way he’s falling back asleep like this. He tells himself it’s just the cold making him shiver, but it’s summer and while it _is_ still cold because this is the South Pole, it’s nothing Sokka hasn’t dealt with his entire life. It’s definitely not cold enough to make Sokka shiver like he is, but he can pretend.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Aang asks for the third time in the past fifteen minutes.

“Yes,” Sokka lies for the third time in the past fifteen minutes.

“I know you’re still mad at Zuko,” he says, which is different from how this exchange has gone the previous two times, and it catches Sokka far enough off guard that he nearly chokes on his food.

“What?” He squeaks out.

Aang continues on. “It’s okay for you to be mad, but don’t let this ruin your-- friendship. Don’t let your anger stop you from healing. It can be tempting to hold onto bitterness, but it’s only going to hurt you in the long run. I know it probably doesn’t feel like that right now, but if you hold on long enough, you’re going to look back and wonder why you wasted so much time dwelling on your anger and letting it fuel you instead of learning how to let it go.”

“I’m not bitter,” Sokka says bitterly.

Aang crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow at Sokka. “I’m not saying you have to forgive Zuko no questions asked. I’m just saying people do a lot of things they regret when they’re angry, and you’re going to be stuck with the person you’re most angry with right now for several days _at least_.” His face softens. “I’m worried for you - for _both_ of you.” He looks like he wants to say something else, but he must decide against it because he shakes his head, sighs, and goes back to eating his breakfast.

Sokka wants to write Aang’s spiel off as Air Nomad nonsense, but his tone is too sincere for that. And like he said, he isn’t _telling_ Sokka what he has to do, nor is he forcing Sokka to prematurely forgive Zuko when he doesn’t really mean it. He’s just worried.

Sokka’s worried too.

Likely for different reasons than Aang, but at least they can agree on being nervous.

“What if…” Sokka begins, startled by the fact that he actually spoke out loud. “What if I don’t know _how_ to let go?”

Aang looks over at Sokka, shock flitting briefly through his eyes. “Why are you so intent on holding on?” he responds. “Figuring that out is the first step. Are you holding on because you don’t know who you are without your anger, or… are you holding on because you’re afraid that letting go will leave you vulnerable and put you in a situation where you could get your heart broken again?”

Sokka knows Aang is the Avatar, but he really has no business being so wise and able to read Sokka like an open book. Sokka doesn’t give Aang an answer, but he doesn’t need to. They both know it’s the latter.

“Heartbreak is a part of life, Sokka.” Aang piles he and Sokka’s empty dishes into his arms and stands up. “No one wants to face it, but we can’t spend our lives hiding in fear of it. If we want to open ourselves up to the good things in life, we have to be willing to open ourselves up to heartbreak too. ...I think you probably know that, but a verbal reminder doesn’t hurt.”

Aang turns to walk away until Sokka chokes out, “Aang, wait--” his hand is coming up to fist itself into Aang’s robes before he can think twice.

Aang looks down at him, silently telling him to continue.

“Do you think I was the reason Zuko left?” he whispers.

Aang slowly sits back down and sets the stack of dishes back on the table. “What do you mean?”

“Do you think…” Sokka sighs. It’s not like Aang doesn’t already _know_ , but he’s never actually admitted it to anyone out loud besides Suki. “Do you think he knew about my feelings? And I… I don’t know, made him uncomfortable or something?” An evening spent outside in a near-snowstorm makes its way back into Sokka’s mind and he physically grimaces, pushing the thought away. “I know it’s really self-centered, but I just… I guess I’m scared I did something wrong.” He hadn't wanted to admit it, but some part of Sokka is afraid he _deserved_ Zuko leaving - that he'd brought it upon himself.

Aang purses his lips. “I don’t know why Zuko left, and I’m not going to pretend I do. But I don’t think it was because you made him uncomfortable, and I… don’t think it was because your feelings were unrequited. Katara and I--” Aang bites his lip, looking conflicted. “We both thought he was going to ask you to go with him.”

“What?” They thought Zuko--

So Sokka _wasn’t_ making up Zuko reciprocating his feelings? He’s talked himself in and out of that argument so many times, but if Aang and Katara both thought-- If Aang is telling him--

Sokka shakes his head. “Why would he want me to go with him?”

“Sokka…” Aang reaches out and puts a hand on Sokka’s arm. “I promise I’m not just saying this because I think it’s what you want to hear, but… Zuko was in love with you. I think he might still be.”

Sokka squeezes his eyes shut. Knowing that Zuko _was_ in love with him is one thing - Sokka has accepted that they might have just missed their chance. Or, he hasn’t exactly _accepted_ it; he’s figured that’s just what all the signs are pointing to.

But being told Zuko is _still_ in love with him? After Sokka yelled at him, badmouthed him to his face, and then refused to speak to him?

No. _No_. Sokka won’t believe it, because he can’t handle the guilt. Even if Zuko deserved it - even if Zuko deserved every word that came out of Sokka’s mouth - what he _didn’t_ deserve was to hear it from someone he’s in love with. Sokka would know, Sokka’s been all but straight up told he wasn’t important enough to know about a life-changing decision someone he’s in love with made until two days before said someone left for six months. Sokka’s been shown he wasn’t even important enough for a goodbye. Sokka’s had his worst fears confirmed - that _everyone_ eventually realizes he isn’t important or special or worth it - by the person who he thought might be the love of his life.

But Tui and La, he still wouldn’t wish that on Zuko.

\-- 

Aang helps Sokka carry his bags to the balloon. Katara was up late after being called to help the healers from the North Pole, so they let her sleep for the time being. They’ll have to wake her before Sokka leaves (because _Sokka_ will not be leaving someone behind in the South Pole without an in-person goodbye unlike _someone_ ), but for now, they can let her sleep in.

Zuko and Druk are already at the balloon when Sokka and Aang arrive. Zuko is grinning at Druk, who is perched on the side of the balloon, and Sokka supposes that the way those two interact _might_ be considered cute in some situations. Druk huffs a puff of smoke out at Zuko, and Zuko does the same right back to him, and Druk almost seems to smile. Zuko scratches Druk’s chin, and Sokka imagines he’s purring like a cat, but he doesn’t really know what sound a dragon makes.

Sokka knows Aang and Appa are spirit-bonded or whatever because Aang is the Avatar, but he wonders if something similar is going on with Zuko and Druk. He’s beginning to understand why the Sun Warriors were so insistent that Druk go with Zuko.

And then Aang has to go and alert Zuko and Druk to their presence by exclaiming, “Sifu Hotman!”

Zuko starts and looks up. His smile falters slightly when he sees Sokka, and Sokka feels a twinge of guilt deep inside of him. 

Druk climbs off the balloon and onto Zuko’s shoulders. Zuko doesn’t even blink, despite the fact that Druk is really too big to be perching himself on Zuko like that. The dragon’s tail curls around Zuko’s left arm.

Is it weird for Sokka to be jealous of how easily Zuko’s _dragon_ interacts with him? (Didn’t Zuko and Sokka used to interact like that - like they knew what the other was going to do without saying anything at all?)

“Flameo,” Zuko deadpans as Aang tosses one of Sokka’s bags into the balloon, and then crashes into Zuko, wrapping his arms around the firebender. Druk, somehow, manages to stay on Zuko’s shoulders through the whole ordeal, though he doesn’t look too pleased about it.

Sokka takes his time setting the rest of his stuff in the balloon and tries not to listen to Aang coo over Druk. But when Aang says, “Flameo, hotdragon,” to Druk, Sokka can’t stop from glancing over at Zuko. Zuko meets Sokka’s amused expression with an identical one of his own, and Sokka can _almost_ believe there’s no tension between them. Zuko rolls his eyes. _Aang’s never going to change, is he?_

Sokka stifles a laugh. _No, he isn’t_. But he knows neither of them _want_ Aang to change. It’d be weird if he didn’t always have at least a little of his child-at-heart attitude lingering. And it’s the one thing that keeps Sokka hopeful, because if _Aang_ can balance a childlike wonder with being both the Avatar and the only remaining airbender, everyone has the ability to find goodness in the world. Maybe that’s what this half-second exchange between Sokka and Zuko is - a little goodness in the world.

The moment ends as quickly as it started, though, when Zuko looks away sharply, like he hadn’t meant to look in Sokka’s direction at all. He probably hadn’t. Old habits die hard.

Sokka grimaces at that thought. Is that what he is to Zuko - an old habit? He sincerely hopes not. Even if that hope is a teensy bit hypocritical considering the fact that Sokka has basically been treating Zuko like an old habit he’s trying to quit ever since Zuko got back.

It isn’t long before Sokka’s dad and Bato arrive to send them off, with Katara trudging behind them, still rubbing sleep from her eyes. She mumbles something to Aang before leaning against his side. Aang wraps an arm around her, clearly supporting most of her weight.

“Morning, sleepyhead!” Sokka strides over to his sister and ruffles her hair. He’s guessing she just woke up a few minutes before leaving the house, because her hair hasn’t been done yet today. He’s not even sure she brushed it out. “Oh how the tables have turned.”

Katara flips Sokka off without even lifting her head to look at him.

They make their goodbyes quick. Sokka and Zuko shouldn’t be gone too long, and the others all have other things they need to do today. Although, Katara’s prior commitment might just be a nap. They also don’t want to drag things out long enough to bring any attention to themselves, because it’s not exactly public knowledge that Zuko and Sokka are even leaving. Obviously it’ll be evident when they don’t show up to any meetings while they’re gone, but the goal is to keep it on the down low.

Just one more reason Sokka wants this mission to be over as quickly as possible. 

Before he knows it, their balloon is lifting up into the air. Sokka leans over the side and waves to his family until they’re too far away to make out.

Only then does it hit him that he’s actually, really, alone with Zuko. He’s alone with Zuko for the first time in six months, excluding two days ago when Sokka spent the thirty seconds they were alone with each other yelling at Zuko.

He’s alone with Zuko in an air balloon, without anything to say because there’s a heavy, unspoken, tension hanging in the air between them, and this is… way too familiar. Sokka turns and leans against the side of the balloon, situating himself so he can watch Zuko shoot fire into the furnace. Definitely too familiar.

There’s several minutes of silence before Zuko says, “I can feel you watching me.”

Sokka wants to apologize and look away, but his brain apparently has other ideas because what comes out of his mouth instead is, “I was thinking about Boiling Rock.”

“...Right,” Zuko grumbles. He shoots another blast of fire into the furnace, and Sokka can feel the heat from where he’s standing. Zuko stares at the flames, his hands curled into fists at his side, like he’s trying to decide if fire or Sokka has caused him more pain. 

(Does Sokka deserve that comparison?)

(He’s afraid he does.)

He doesn’t want to think about what Aang told him just over an hour ago - about Zuko still being in love with him - but it comes to the forefront of Sokka’s mind all the same. If it’s true (it _can’t_ be) Sokka knows his words burned into Zuko the same way fire does - hot, searing, all-consuming. Sokka knows Zuko knows what fire feels like, knows he _told_ Sokka what it feels like - heat eating away at your flesh until suddenly nothing hurts and all you feel is numbness where the unbearable pain was moments before. Sokka held Zuko’s hand as he recounted every detail of the Agni Kai against his father, and then Zuko had led Sokka’s hand up to the scar that became an ever-present reminder of Ozai’s wrath.

The snow had been swirling around them in the harsh wind, but the space between Sokka and Zuko had been so, so, warm. Charged with something that could have almost been love.

Sokka thinks, maybe, that night is what drove Zuko away. With the snow pummelling in every direction except for against them, because against them, it melted into tiny raindrops at the heat radiating off of Zuko and wrapping around both of them. With Sokka’s hand on Zuko’s scar and Zuko’s hand on Sokka’s. With Sokka once again wanting nothing more than to close the distance between them and finally, _finally_ , know what it was like to feel Zuko’s lips against his own.

He hadn’t done that, and he’s beginning to feel a little unsure if he wishes he had or not. Maybe it would have made everything right; maybe it would have made everything worse. Sokka doesn’t even know anymore. Aang _said_ Zuko was in love with Sokka, but _was he_?

Could he have been?

Sokka hadn’t kissed Zuko’s lips, no. What he _had_ done was lower his hand and press a feather light kiss to Zuko’s scarred cheek and whispered something about how beautiful Zuko was, knowing full well Zuko wouldn’t be able to hear it because Sokka’s hushed voice was tickling against his bad ear.

It was toeing the line between friends and something else, and maybe… maybe Sokka had misread the signs and pushed Zuko into leaving with his actions that night. Maybe that was when Zuko’s decision was made - when Sokka went too far, took too big a risk, crossed the quickly dissolving line between platonic and romantic and screwed everything up for good.

Maybe Sokka isn’t holding onto anger for fear of getting his heart broken by Zuko again. Maybe it’s the fear that he deserved to be left behind, and as soon as he stops being angry with Zuko, he’s going to have to face that.

Maybe it was for the best that Zuko left when he did, for the best that Zuko _told_ Sokka he was leaving when he did. Maybe their friendship was always headed for destruction, whether through Sokka’s affections running it into the ground or Zuko running away before that could happen.

“Sokka--” Zuko starts. Sokka looks up at his face, and Zuko seems surprised by the fact that he spoke. There’s something there, hanging in the air between them, almost palpable, almost identifiable, _almost_ \--

Zuko shakes his head and looks away. “Never mind.”

And whatever _almost_ was there is gone now, dissolved and untraceable, like it never existed. Like maybe Sokka had imagined it, like maybe Sokka had imagined _everything_. 

Sokka doesn’t know how he can be feeling so many conflicting things at once. Is he mad at Zuko for leaving? Is he worried it’s his fault? Is he scared of opening himself up to another heartbreak? Is he scared of facing the guilt he knows will come? Is he mad at Aang for what he said this morning? Is he well aware Aang told Sokka exactly what he needed to hear? 

Is he still in love with Zuko?

Is being in love enough?

\--

They ride in silence, passing over the ocean, the islands near the Southern Air Temple, more ocean, and finally approaching the Earth Kingdom. Sokka dozes off at some point and half-dreams of penguin sledding with Aang and Katara. He’s rudely awoken from his partial slumber by Zuko muttering a string of explicatives under his breath and then scolding Druk.

Sokka blinks his eyes open, sleep still lingering around the edges of his brain and making him feel slightly fuzzy all over. “Wha’s happ’nin’?” He mumbles, rubbing his eyes.

“Nothing! Go back to sleep,” Zuko hisses.

Unfortunately, Sokka knows Zuko’s vocal inflections too well to take him at his word. He blinks hard once before wrenching his eyes open and using the side of the balloon to pull himself up into a standing position. His vision goes blurry as he stands at a speed that’s apparently too fast for his brain to keep up with and he puts a hand to his head, a dull headache already forming in his temples. He blinks again, clearing his vision until he’s met with the sight of Zuko using one hand to frantically blast fire into the furnace while the other is blocking Druk from getting any closer to him.

That’s when Sokka realizes the balloon is losing height. Not fast enough that they’re going to crash into the ground and die, but definitely faster than it _should_ be and he’s pretty sure he can’t see Omashu from here.

“What happened?!” Sokka snaps. He’ll blame his tiredness for the sharpness of his voice.

Zuko doesn’t flinch this time. He just rolls his eyes. “I told you to go back to sleep.”

Sokka scoffs. “Right, so you could gently crash the balloon a hundred miles away from our destination?” He shoots Druk a glare that somehow _works_ and causes him to shrink backwards, out of Sokka’s way. “So are you going to tell me what you did, or do I have to figure that out all by myself too?”

Zuko actually _does_ look at Sokka now, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He stops the fire momentarily, and the balloon starts dropping faster, at a speed Sokka _really_ does not like the feel of. Zuko’s good eye widens and he resumes shooting flames into the furnace. “I don’t know what happened,” he admits. “Druk knocked into something, I think. I wasn’t paying attention to him, because he _was_ asleep.” He shoots a look at Druk.

Sokka doesn’t say anything. He crosses his arms and stares at the back of Zuko’s head.

Finally, Zuko groans. He stops the fire again - likely purposefully this time, if his body language and facial expressions mean the same things they did six months ago - and turns to face Sokka and sarcastically asks, “Oh Sokka, Master Inventor of the Air Balloon, would you _please_ fix whatever my dragon messed up?”

Sokka wasn’t aware he was waiting for Zuko to _ask_ for his help, but he smirks at the request. “Gladly.”

Sokka sets to work, looking things over and trying to figure out what Druk knocked out of place. Or… he _tries_ to. Turns out he and Zuko don’t quite work in sync like they used to, because Zuko is constantly _in Sokka’s way_ and yes, he has to keep fueling the furnace, but he also needs to _move_.

Although, Sokka knows he keeps getting in _Zuko’s_ way, and Zuko is the only thing stopping the balloon from going down fast enough to kill them both on impact. So.

“Do you have a hairpin?” Sokka asks, hand already outstretched because he knows the answer is yes.

“Does it _look_ like I have a free hand to give you my hairpin right now?” Zuko grumbles.

“ _Fine_ ,” Sokka snaps. “I’ll just take it out of your hair myself, then.” It’s not like Sokka hasn’t done Zuko’s hair a hundred times before. It’s not like Sokka didn’t spend _hours_ weaving it in and out of different styles of braids on a particularly bad night because it was the only thing that could steady his hands.

Sokka reaches for Zuko, but Zuko’s hand grabs his wrist before he makes it. “No,” he growls, something dangerous flickering in his eyes. The balloon drops faster. Zuko digs his fingers into Sokka’s wrist hard enough that it actually hurts. “ _Don’t_ touch my hair.”

Anger bubbles up inside of Sokka, and he’s done suppressing it right now. “Then give it to me _yourself_!” he shouts, ripping his arm from Zuko’s grasp.

Unfortunately, Sokka misjudges how quickly Zuko was willing to let go, and his elbow slams back into something with a concerning _clang_. Even more concerning is the _bang_ that follows. Sokka doesn’t have to look to know he knocked something important out of place, mostly because the balloon tilts, sending Zuko and Sokka both sliding away from the furnace.

Sokka mutters a string of swears under his breath. They’re falling too fast to stop an inevitable crash now, and Sokka is pretty sure he’d need some replacement parts in order to get the balloon back into flying condition at this point.

Sokka peers over the edge of the balloon, watching the ground below them approaching at an alarming rate. He hears Zuko say something, and then the balloon tilts again, and slows it’s fall a bit.

Sokka looks up to see Druk now flying next to the balloon, and then he’s above them and the balloon is falling slower, slower…

Druk is slowing their fall.

His claws tear into the fabric of the balloon, but he’s sort of saving their lives, so Sokka can’t get too mad. Even though Druk was the reason for this whole _balloon falling from the sky_ issue in the first place.

Druk isn’t strong enough to stop their fall entirely, but he does enough to slow their fall so when they _do_ crash into the ground, their worst injuries are a few bruises instead of broken limbs and death.

The balloon fabric falls over them and Sokka considers just staying there, laying on the ground, for a couple hours longer. Maybe take a nap. Maybe just waste away until he dies and then he can finally ask the spirits why they hate him so much.

Unfortunately, someone pulls the balloon fabric off from on top of Sokka, letting the sunlight back into Sokka’s field of vision. He groans and squeezes his eyes shut.

“...Are you okay?”

If Sokka didn’t know better, he might think Zuko was actually worried about him. Good thing he now knows that is clearly not the case and Aang’s accusation of Zuko still being in love with him was tasteless and unfounded. 

(That _is_ what Sokka wanted, so why does it hurt so much?)

(Maybe it’s just the giant bruises he can feel forming on his limbs.)

“Never been better.” Sokka pushes himself up into a sitting position, but when he goes to stand, his bad leg screams out in pain. He winces, and immediately regrets it when Zuko offers a hand to him.

Sokka wants to push it away and stand up on his own, but he has a funny feeling his leg will _not_ be allowing that right now. Zuko knows it, too.

“Your leg is acting up.”

“I’m fine,” Sokka says harshly. He takes Zuko’s hand anyways, letting Zuko help him to his feet. He slowly lowers a bit of weight onto his bad leg and breathes a sigh of relief when it holds. The last thing he needs is to have to use Zuko as a human crutch all the way to Omashu.

Speaking of-- how far _are_ they from Omashu?

Sokka looks around, taking in his surroundings. Everything looks vaguely familiar, like he’s been here before, but not for years. It must have been somewhere they stopped back during the war. Somewhere hopefully not far from Omashu--

_Spirits_.

_No, no, no, no, no_.

Not even Sokka’s life can be this unlucky. Seriously, his bad luck _has_ to run out at some point, right? The spirits _have_ to give him a break eventually, don’t they? The universe can’t possibly spend _all_ it’s time making Sokka’s life as miserable as possible.

Sokka knows why this place is familiar, and he knows how they’re going to get to Omashu.

Same way they got to Omashu when they thought King Bumi was going to be Aang’s earthbending master, when they couldn’t outfly the Fire Nation on Appa so they’d had to listen to that stupid band of nomads’ stupid song about a stupid love story and stupid short cut.

The Cave of Two Lovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🎶 _two lovers, forbidden from one anotherrrrr_ 🎶


	4. are we allies or enemies? (this will be the death of me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay first off, please check out the absolutely _stunning_ [art](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643231800150425600/what-if-we-held-hands-in-the-secret-tunnel) for this chapter by [hrmsketches](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/)!! genuinely one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen. and there's also a [bonus sketch](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643503632271147009/bonus-drawing-for-zukkaclawthorne-s-this) of another scene in this chapter which is just so cute, i am completely in love with it
> 
> chapter title from allies or enemies by the crane wives

**_so many things that you wish i knew_ **

**_but the story of us might be ending soon_ **

_the story of us - taylor swift_

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

If Zuko had a gold piece for every swear Sokka had muttered in the past three minutes, he would probably have enough to pay someone to take them the rest of the way to Omashu. He wants to tell Sokka as much, but he knows they’re not there anymore. And it might be Zuko’s fault.

It’s definitely Zuko’s fault.

He hadn’t _meant_ to get so uppity about his hair. He understands that it’s not the same to someone from the Water Tribe; it doesn’t mean the same things. Sokka knows hair is important in the Fire Nation, but Zuko has also never stopped Sokka from touching his hair before. And Zuko should have _known_ Sokka’s next instinct would be to just get the hairpin himself, but Zuko had to be snippy with him anyways and not think things through and then cause their balloon to crash.

It wasn’t that Zuko _didn’t_ want Sokka touching his hair. It was the principal of it. They aren’t friends like they used to be, and Sokka doesn’t even like Zuko anymore - he’s made that very clear. So _no_ , Zuko doesn’t want Sokka touching his hair right now. ~~Even if he does miss the way Sokka’s fingers feel running through it before he starts braiding.~~

He doesn’t say anything to Sokka. He just watches Sokka pull their luggage from the wreckage and whisper things to himself, knowing that what Sokka needs right now is space.

Eventually, Sokka shoves Zuko’s bags into his arms and bites out, “Follow me. I know how to get to Omashu from here.”

“I--” Zuko stops himself. He’d assumed Sokka was coming up with a plan, but he had not intended for the plan to be _let’s just walk all the way to Omashu, which will probably take us hours and being stuck with only each other for hours on end is definitely the best thing for both of us right now._ But, Zuko isn’t going to spark another argument right now. “Okay.”

Sokka starts walking without looking to see if Zuko is going to follow him or not, or offering any other information concerning _how_ or _why_ or _what_ or _anything_. But once again, Zuko isn’t looking for more arguments. So he motions for Druk to stop chasing around meadow voles, and the two of them follow Sokka from a safe distance away. Zuko does not ask where they’re going, he does not ask how Sokka knows where they are, and he does not ask how far they are from Omashu. 

Or… he doesn’t ask until they reach the entrance of what Zuko can only describe as a giant cave, and Sokka goes to walk right into it.

Druk makes a low, rumbling, sound and stops walking, flicking his tail out in front of Zuko like an arm to stop him from following Sokka. Of course, unlike an arm, Druk’s tail hits against Zuko’s shins and he nearly trips over it.

Once he’s regained his balance, he calls out. “Uh, Sokka? Listen, I’m not trying to doubt your navigation skills, but I don’t really think we should be messing with this cave.” The outside of the cave is decorated with carvings that make Zuko think walking straight into it might unleash a curse on them, and the _last_ thing he and Sokka need to deal with right now is a curse.

“It’s fine,” Sokka waves Zuko’s worries aside. He does stop walking and shoots a glance back at Zuko. “Trust me, I’ve gone through this tunnel before, and I’m still perfectly fine!” He gives Zuko one of his signature goofy smiles, which is _not_ fair right now. “Either we go through the Cave of-- the _shortcut_. Either we go through the shortcut, or we have to walk all the way around, which could take _days_. Just trust me on this, okay?”

Zuko narrows his eyes. Before he can stop himself, he says, “I’m just not sure you’re trustworthy enough for this.” It doesn’t even make _sense_ in this context, but that remark has been hanging around in the back of Zuko’s mind ever since it left Sokka’s mouth, and then Sokka mentioned _trust_ and it just fell out. “I mean--”

“Whatever,” Sokka interrupts. “I’m going through the cave. Follow me or don’t, it doesn’t make any difference to me.”

Zuko wants Sokka to be lying about that last part, but he isn’t stupid enough to convince himself of that - dwelling on the impossibility of Sokka caring about him is only going to hurt, and Zuko does _not_ have time to focus on his feelings right now.

Druk whines at Zuko, but what choice do they have? Zuko has no idea how to get to Omashu from here, and Sokka _does_ sound like he knows what he’s talking about, as much as Zuko hates to admit it. Zuko has to jog to catch up to Sokka, who is just now crossing through the entrance of the cave, and lets Druk linger behind them.

Zuko clears his throat. “So. Um. You’ve… been here before?”

“Yes.”

“Cool.”

“Yep.”

Zuko shoots a glance back at Druk, who looks scandalized and betrayed at being forced to walk through this ~~cursed~~ probably dangerous tunnel. Zuko can’t blame him. 

Zuko looks down to the ground and kicks a pebble just to watch it roll across the cave floor. “So you’re sure this shortcut isn’t cursed?”

Sokka laughs. “Oh, it is definitely cursed.”

Zuko stops in his tracks. “Don’t say it like that.”

Sokka stops walking too. “Like what?”

“Like you’re being serious.”

“I _am_ being serious. What did that guy say the curse was… _To get through the tunnel, you must believe in l--_ ” he stops suddenly and goes completely still. Before Zuko can ask what’s wrong, he lets out a nervous laugh. “That’s not even true. The crystals can’t know what you believe in.” Sokka doesn’t exactly sound like he believes himself. He shakes his head and keeps moving. “The curse is fake.”

“Right,” Zuko mumbles as he starts walking again. “Who told you about this _shortcut_ again?”

“A group of nomads,” Sokka answers, like that offers any explanation or reassures Zuko about this whole thing in any way whatsoever.

“And you’re sure you didn’t hallucinate going through this cave while high on cactus juice?” Zuko questions.

Sokka nods. “Positive. Aang and Katara would vouch for me. They’ve even been back here since - that’s how I knew the entrance was opened back up. The Fire Nation trapped us in, but Aang thinks the badgermoles must have opened the entrance again.”

“The-- _badgermoles_?”

“Yeah, that was how the nomads and I got out the first time around. But don’t worry-- Katara and Aang figured out how you’re _actually_ supposed to get through the tunnel, so we won’t have to rely on the badgermoles to guide us. It’s a good thing too, because I forgot my ukulele in the South Pole.” Sokka laughs at himself, but nothing he said was funny, so Zuko figures he must be missing something.

Sokka also doesn’t bother to explain _how_ Aang and Katara made it through the cave. Maybe Sokka has a map? Sokka _would_ be the type of person to carry around the map to a secret tunnel he’d gone through _once_ when he was fifteen, _just in case_.

As they turn the first corner, Zuko summons a fireball for light, since the light from the cave’s entrance won’t reach them anymore. As far as Zuko is concerned, this is a perfectly logical response to darkness. Sokka clearly does not have a torch. Zuko is obviously a firebender. He has been used in place of an actual torch before, because his fire lasts longer and can be put out easier. So by all logical accounts, summoning fire to light their way is the next step when met with darkness.

Sokka should understand this. Sokka is a master of logic.

But Sokka is looking at Zuko like he’s crazy, like his firebending is going to awaken the curse or the spirits or the badgermoles who live in the cave. Well, badgermoles are blind, so maybe not them.

“Put the fire out!” He exclaims.

Because Zuko is _tired_ of Sokka not providing him with information, he doesn’t just mindlessly listen to avoid an argument this time. He keeps the flame in his palm and asks, “Why?” Because the _least_ Zuko deserves right now is an explanation for why Sokka wants them to navigate a cursed tunnel in the pitch black.

Sokka does what Sokka has been doing best lately and neglects to give Zuko a straightforward answer. Instead, he lunges for the fire in Zuko’s hand like he’s going to put it out himself. 

The flame dies before Sokka’s hand makes it to Zuko’s, because Zuko’s instincts when someone he cares about is headed towards flames are exactly as fast as they need to be. Sokka’s palm slaps against Zuko’s, and they both freeze.

Sokka’s hand is cold; his hands always are. Of course, Zuko’s hands are always warm and he was just holding fire a few seconds earlier, so maybe Sokka’s hands are only _relatively_ cold, but still. Sokka’s hand is cold, and it’s also wrapped around Zuko’s. All Zuko can make out in the dark is the glint of Sokka’s eyes, much too close to Zuko’s, and staring right at him. He can feel Sokka’s breath on his nose, feel Sokka’s hand in his, feel how _close_ they are - closer than they’ve been since the night Zuko told Sokka he was leaving.

And Zuko _aches_.

He misses it. He misses the closeness, the casual touches. He misses Sokka throwing an arm around him and holding his hand for no reason at all. He misses sitting cross-legged on the floor with Sokka across from him, situated so their knees touch. He misses Sokka leaning on his shoulder and brushing his hair out of his face and tracing patterns on Zuko’s arms. He misses _Sokka_ and everything they were and everything they could have been.

In the darkness, his eyes slowly adjusting just enough to make out Sokka’s silhouette, Zuko wonders if there’s any world in which they still have a chance. He wonders if the deep, aching, twisting, love he carries for Sokka is enough to at least heal the rift of their friendship.

He thinks, maybe, it’s at least enough for a start.

A soft blue-green glow washes over them and it catches Sokka’s eyes in a way that makes Zuko _wish, wish, wish_ \--

“What did I tell you?” Sokka asks, but right now, there is no malice in his voice. He smiles, and it’s _real_ , and Zuko recognizes this feeling as the same one that filled his lungs the first time he saw Sokka smiling under the light of the auroras, except Zuko has a name for it now.

Sokka gingerly slips his hand out of Zuko’s and turns away, looking up towards where the light is coming from. Zuko follows his gaze to see glowing crystals on the ceiling, leading through the cave - or, the _system_ of caves, so more like a labyrinth - and he gets it. The crystals show which path is the right one to take; the crystals will lead them to Omashu. But the glow is only visible if there isn’t any other light source getting in the way.

There’s probably a metaphor in there somewhere.

Druk swoops past Zuko and Sokka, darting down the path lit by the crystals, and it startles a laugh out of Zuko.

“I guess Druk doesn’t like being stuck in a cave any more than Appa did,” Sokka comments.

“Guess not.”

They settle into a rhythm, then. It isn’t hard; they’ve walked together enough that the pace comes easily to them. Druk flies ahead, circles back, then flies ahead again like he’s impatient. He probably is. Zuko and Sokka don’t talk, but Zuko is okay with it. The silence isn’t tense anymore; it’s almost comfortable. There’s still a thousand things Zuko wants to say to Sokka, there’s still a thousand things hanging between them that neither one of them are brave enough to mention, but for now, Zuko is okay hanging onto the (albeit fragile) belief that their friendship can be resuscitated.

Maybe it was the look in Sokka’s eyes right as the crystals began to glow - something Zuko doesn’t want to name. Something soft and hopeful. Something that tells Zuko they have at least a single shot in the dark to make things work out in some way.

Zuko doesn’t know how long they walk for before Sokka speaks up, but it’s long enough that Zuko had fallen into the assumption that the rest of the trip was going to be silent.

Of course Zuko should have known better than that with Sokka, though. Sokka could be hiking through a cave with Ozai and he’d still have to strike up a conversation about something. 

It’s been long enough since the war that Zuko thinks that might be a funny conversation to watch, mostly because Zuko knows just being in the same room as Sokka would drive Ozai up a wall, and Sokka would gladly ramble on for _hours_ about literally anything just to annoy him even more.

“I should’ve explained the crystal thing before trying to tackle you. ...Sorry.”

If Zuko pretends for half a second that the _Sorry_ holds more weight than just what transpired earlier in the cave, that is Zuko’s business and his alone. “It’s alright. It’s been a… stressful few days.”

“Yeah,” Sokka whispers in agreement. “So, um. Have you heard the story of how Omashu got its name?”

Zuko nods, though he’s staring straight ahead so he has no idea if Sokka sees the movement or not. “Legend says it was named after two lovers from warring villages - Oma and Shu. They were desperately and tragically in love, and because of the war, they could only meet in secret. They learned earthbending from the badgermoles in order to achieve this, and created--”

Zuko stops walking. He looks around.

“The legend was real.”

It isn’t a question, but Sokka nods anyway. “At least, it was to some extent. The labyrinth is real, though I suppose the legend could be a made up explanation for a tunnel system no one knew the origin of.”

“Oma and Shu were said to be the first human earthbenders,” Zuko continues as they start walking again, because he doesn’t know what else to do right now besides finish telling the story. “They learned because it was the only way for them to be together in a world that was against their love. They met every day in the labyrinth they built, knowing no one could ever follow them because they would get lost in the tunnels if they tried.

“Until one day, Shu…didn’t show up. He was killed in the war. In her grief, Oma nearly destroyed the two villages, but she didn’t let her sadness and anger overtake her. Instead, she ended the war and united the two villages. The unified city was named Omashu, after the lovers who were never able to be together in a world that accepted them.”

There’s _definitely_ a metaphor in _that_ somewhere.

Sokka nods solemnly. Zuko feels his eyes on him for several moments before he says anything else. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think Earth Kingdom history and legends are something they taught in Fire Nation schools during the war. How’d you hear the story?”

Zuko scratches the back of his neck. “When my father banished me, I did a lot of research about the past Avatars. I had no leads to follow, since the Avatar hadn’t been seen in nearly a century. When my research on past Avatars didn’t lead me anywhere, I turned to looking into the legends of the first humans to learn the different types of bending. Many of the early Avatars tried to learn bending as close to the source as they could, so… I don’t really know where I thought that research would lead me. I think I just needed to feel like I was doing _something_ productive.”

“Yeah,” Sokka sighs. “I get that. Not knowing what you need to do next, but not being able to just sit still and think long enough to figure it out.”

Zuko laughs. “Yura told me I was crazy.”

Sokka stops walking suddenly. “Who’s Yura?”

“Oh.” Right. Zuko isn’t used to having friends Sokka doesn’t already know. “She’s the Northern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Earth Kingdom. We met while I was in Ba Sing Se. I mentioned something about one of the past Avatars who was born in the Northern Water Tribe, and she asked how I knew that. When I explained how much research I did on the Avatars, she told me I was lucky she doesn’t mind hanging around crazy people.”

Zuko realizes Sokka is still standing in place, so he pauses and looks back. Sokka’s expression is something sort of neutral and completely unreadable. “What? Contrary to popular belief, I _can_ make friends on my own.”

Sokka tightens his jaw. “Right. Of course.” He starts walking again, eyes locked ahead of him.

Zuko lets him catch up before he continues. “I think you’d like her. She kind of reminds me of Mai,” he muses. They’re both non-benders, they’re both always half a second away from stabbing someone, and, oddly enough, they’ve both used the phrase ‘mean lesbian’ to describe themselves to Zuko.

Sokka tenses and angles his body away from Zuko. “Cool,” he responds through gritted teeth. He mumbles something under his breath and then says, “Maybe next time you run off to Ba Sing Se without saying goodbye, you can bring her back for a visit.”

“I said I was sorry!” Is what comes out of Zuko’s mouth when what he really wanted to say was, _Don’t you realize I regret how I left every single day? Don’t you understand that I’ve wished I could go back and do it differently every day for the past six months?_

 _Don’t you know I only left like that because I loved you too much to think I_ could _leave if I had to see your face fall as I walked away?_

“ _Sorry_ isn’t always enough,” Sokka snaps.

It shouldn’t hurt as bad as it does. Zuko knows this - he _knows_ that he can apologize all he wants, but _Sorry_ is never going to fix his mistakes. _Sorry_ can’t change the past, _Sorry_ can’t erase the pain Zuko caused Sokka, _Sorry_ can’t do _anything_.

Zuko had been prepared for Sokka to tell him that at some point, even.

But it still knocks the breath from his lungs, still grabs his heart and squeezes it tight, still fills his stomach with heavy regret and makes it turn. It still wraps its spiny fingers around Zuko’s throat, digging into his airways, screaming at him to beg for mercy before regret kills him all while preventing him from saying anything at all.

“Sokka--”

He’s ready to say it, ready to confess why he _couldn’t_ say goodbye to Sokka in person. Not even to get forgiveness; just so Sokka _knows_. But they turn the corner and sunlight floods into Zuko’s vision and the shock of the sudden brightness cuts his words off.

As Zuko’s eyes adjust to the new, brighter, light source, whatever courage had built up inside him dissipates, and he doesn’t try to finish his admission to Sokka. He doesn’t know why he was even going to bother - it wouldn’t change anything, and he doesn’t want to guilt trip Sokka into forgiving him. So he lets the words sink, lets them drown in the knowledge that he no longer has the right to talk to Sokka in the same way he used to.

Druk is curled up outside the cave exit, dozing in the sunlight and waiting for them. Zuko wakes him with a soft nudge and a piece of seal jerky, and they continue on their way.

The silence between Zuko and Sokka is back to being tense and heavy, but Sokka doesn’t attempt to break it this time. Zuko knows better than to fight against that decision.

He considers, briefly, the conversation he had with Katara over dinner last night. She’d told him the same thing Hakoda had - that Sokka just needs to let his anger run its course. The trouble is Zuko isn’t sure how long that will take. It could take the rest of their lives, and Zuko wouldn’t even blame Sokka for that. He’s already accepted it’s what he deserves.

\--

It isn’t long before they reach Omashu, and almost immediately upon stepping into the city limits, they’re greeted by a young woman dressed in typical Earth Kingdom greens. Her brown skin is almost as dark as Sokka’s and her face and arms are covered in freckles. She has a dagger in a sheath, hanging at her waist. She’s looking at the two of them with an inquisitive expression, bright green eyes narrowed in something that could almost be confusion.

“You must be Sokka and Prince Zuko!” She says, her demeanor brightening as soon as she opens her mouth. She continues on without waiting for a response, “My name is Vai - King Bumi was supposed to tell Chief Hakoda I’ll be escorting you to the palace and answering any questions you might have about the mission or Omashu itself.” She shoots them a smile that Zuko _knows_ is a Customer Service Smile, meaning she’s definitely been forced into this job against her will.

Or she’s doing it for the money. King Bumi could probably be talked into paying big for something like this, if you play him right. 

Vai leads them through the city. Sokka seems thoroughly disinterested in the whole ordeal, but Zuko almost trips over his own feet trying to take in everything around him. He heard about the mailing system in Omashu from Aang, but seeing it in person is something else entirely. The road they take to the palace is a pretty straight one, so Zuko _knows_ there’s so much more of the city to see, but they’re not here as tourists. 

Besides, none of the citizens of Omashu seem particularly keen on Druk being there, which Zuko really can’t blame them for. Their best bet is to get to the palace quickly so Druk stares menacingly at as few people as possible.

(He doesn’t _mean_ to to be menacing - he’s just curious! But Zuko is well aware he is the only person who understands that.)

As they go, Vai points out a couple of landmarks that are important to the city and tells them how grateful King Bumi is that they could come on such short notice. She seems very knowledgeable about the city, Zuko notes. Makes sense why she got roped into being their guide.

Sokka had tried to insist that they would be fine without a guide - he’d been to Omashu before - but Hakoda said Bumi already had someone in place and he’d made it clear the offer wasn’t a refusable one. Zuko kind of likes it, though. Mostly because that means it’s Vai spouting out random facts about the city instead of Sokka, and Zuko’s brain can’t revert back to its old ways of hanging onto every word Sokka says just to listen to the sound of his voice and watching him talk just to see the way his face lights up.

In retrospect, Zuko should’ve figured out something was up with his feelings towards Sokka a long time ago. 

In retrospect, it’s so, painfully, obvious that he felt so much _more_ for Sokka than he ever had for Mai. He’d originally blamed the way their relationship seemed to fizzle out almost immediately after getting together on the fact that Mai’s a lesbian, so _obviously_ they weren’t going to work out. But Zuko knows now that they were both at fault, both trying to fall in love with someone they couldn’t. Both stuck in the mindset that they _had_ to be in love with each other, because the alternative was unthinkable.

The difference is Mai didn’t need anyone to explicitly tell her she was in love with Ty Lee. She managed to figure that out on her own, and she did so before she did something stupid like run away from Ty Lee for six months and ruin everything between them forever.

Zuko spares another glance at Sokka, who is still uncharacteristically quiet. Zuko can tell he’s lost in thought, probably planning out the ten best strategies for this mission and ranking them based on how likely they are to succeed, and then ranking them based on how little he’ll have to interact with Zuko. Sokka makes plans for everything, and Zuko used to be the one he would always explain them to. Sometimes, Zuko wouldn’t understand all the terminology Sokka used, but he still listened intently and offered suggestions where Sokka wanted them. 

They had worked well together.

 _Yeah_ , Zuko thinks bitterly as he turns his attention back to Vai, _Mai and Ty Lee are the lucky ones._

* * *

**_SOKKA_ **

On the bright side, King Bumi doesn’t challenge Sokka and Zuko to any crazy challenges just to mess with them. That’s about the only bright side Sokka can come up with right now, though.

He’s still not quite over the Yura thing, if he’s going to be completely honest with himself. That was just the final nail in the coffin, confirming Aang was _wrong_ and Zuko has clearly moved on. Maybe it would hurt less if it weren’t _someone else from a Water Tribe_. Because that means it was never the Water Tribe thing that scared Zuko away. That means the whole being-from-different-nations thing isn’t a problem to Zuko at all.

(Or, it means it was too big of a risk to take for _Sokka_ , but he’s totally fine risking it for Yura.)

(Sokka doesn’t know which option is worse.)

He supposes, of course, Yura doesn’t come with the added risk of, you know, being a guy. He _supposes_ that as Crown Prince, Zuko would probably be more inclined to marry someone he can have kids with, because that’s how monarchies work. He supposes Yura _would_ pose less of a risk in that aspect.

And okay, Zuko didn’t, like, straight up _say_ he has feelings for Yura, so maybe Sokka is assuming. But he _did_ compare her to Mai, who is his ex-girlfriend, and Sokka is smart enough to connect those dots without an explicit confession. Obviously Zuko isn’t going to outright talk about his feelings for some girl to Sokka, because Sokka has turned himself into someone Zuko can’t talk to anymore.

And it’s fine. Zuko is allowed to have a crush on whoever he wants. He doesn’t owe it to Sokka to reciprocate his feelings. It just _hurts_ and _so much worse_ than it should considering just this morning, Sokka was praying that Zuko _isn’t_ in love with him.

Why does this whole situation have to be so _complicated_?!

Sokka isn’t happy being told Zuko _does_ like him and he isn’t happy with the implication that Zuko has moved on. He’s still mad at Zuko, but he’s still a little in love at the same time. All of his feelings seem to be contradicting each other and Nanouk _said_ he’s allowed to have mixed feelings, but this just seems a little excessive.

So basically nothing is good, Sokka has so many regrets about agreeing to this mission, and the _one_ nice thing he’s got going for him is that King Bumi is slightly less unhinged than usual.

He looks up from the sad excuse for notes that he’s scribbled down so far and finds Vai looking at him critically. She’d mentioned that she’s a nonbender, but her eyes are such a bright shade of green that there almost _has_ to be some earthbending ability in her family somewhere. It reminds Sokka of himself a little; the bright blue eyes of a waterbender but no bending ability to speak of.

Zuko speaks up, then, and Sokka’s attention snaps over to him. He’s writing as he talks. “So you think this group might be the same group that was behind the assassination attempt on King Kuei?” He uses the hand not holding his brush to push Druk’s snout away from him. “That could make sense. The Kyoshi Warriors couldn’t get any information out of the assassins except for the obvious motivation of wanting to reignite the war.” He sets his brush down and looks up at Bumi. “Yura was with King Kuei when he was attacked, and she said neither one of them used bending, so it was impossible to be completely sure which nation they were from, but she _did_ say one of them had green eyes, which is generally an Earth Kingdom trait. That would tie the assassins back to this group, because it’s the only one thus far involving both Earth Kingdom _and_ Fire Nation citizens. Though we have yet to figure out _why_.”

Sokka digs his fingernails into the palm of his hand. There’s that name again - _Yura_. And of course she had to do something terribly heroic like save the Earth King from death. With _that_ knowledge in the back of his mind, Sokka isn’t sure he can even blame Zuko for liking her. Sokka is well aware his type is people who could beat him up without breaking a sweat, and Yura sounds like she probably fits that description.

Not that Sokka would ever want to date Yura. He’s a little too hung up on his (former) best friend for that. And he’s _not_ the kind of guy to try to steal someone else’s girl.

Okay, well. He’s not the type of guy to try to steal someone else’s girl if the girl isn’t stuck in a loveless engagement with him. And that was only one time.

“You know the girl who intercepted the assassination attempt on King Kuei?” Vai asks.

“I was actually in Ba Sing Se when it happened,” Zuko explains. “And yes; Yura is my friend. She told me what happened with the assassins. I spoke with some of the Kyoshi Warriors about it after the fact as well - Suki and Mai, mostly - but they couldn’t tell me too much about what the assassins said. All they were really able to say is the assassins refused to cooperate and the Warriors were having trouble figuring out if they were linked to a group or if they were rogue.”

(Should Sokka be happy that Zuko is referring to Yura as a “friend”, or is that mean?)

(Either way, it’s _definitely_ not relevant, and Sokka needs to _focus_.)

“Hm,” is all King Bumi has to offer in response, because of course he doesn’t have anything important to add to this conversation. It’s mostly just been Sokka, Zuko, and Vai talking while Bumi watches them and eats his salad. Well, Sokka _thinks_ it’s a salad. He’s not going to ask, though. They don’t have time for a tangent conversation about King Bumi’s diet.

“Why _would_ anyone from the Earth Kingdom want to work with citizens of the Fire Nation?” Sokka questions, mostly wondering aloud to himself. “Obviously we’ve figured out this group wants to spark another war, but… what would any Earth Kingdom citizens gain from that?”

Zuko furrows his eyebrows. “Are you saying maybe there’s some other motive?”

“No, I--” Sokka hesitates. “I guess maybe. Maybe this isn’t just about the war? Maybe it’s about the Earth King?” He racks his brain for anything that would make Earth Kingdom citizens want King Kuei eliminated. Possibly just his general incompetency? “You were in Ba Sing Se with him, Zuko. Why would people from the Earth Kingdom want King Kuei gone?”

Zuko stares blankly at Sokka for long enough that Vai takes the silence as an invitation to speak. “If I may… The Earth King has been known to let people, ah, _influence_ his decisions without much thought as to what motivations they might have behind their influences. Sokka, I believe you had firsthand experiences with the Dai Li while you were in Ba Sing Se with the Avatar. Maybe they want someone a little less… passive?”

She’s choosing her words carefully, likely to avoid outright saying King Kuei was manipulated and very well could be again because he doesn’t always know how to think for himself. Sokka agrees, but is that reason enough to want him dead? If this group has no qualms about attempting to murder a world leader, they should have no qualms about forming their own Dai Li and solving their issues with King Kuei that way.

Unless, of course, they _tried_ and that didn’t work. Sokka supposes the next step might as well be assassination.

“King Kuei doesn’t hold as much power as they think, then,” Zuko responds. “His council does most of the work even now, and most of them are elected officials. Seeing as King Kuei has no children right now, a successful assassination attempt…” Zuko frowns. “A successful assassination attempt _may_ end the monarchy in the Earth Kingdom. Which I suppose would give Earth Kingdom citizens a motive - if they’re looking to transform the government into a full democracy. That _doesn’t_ explain why Fire Nation citizens would be involved, though.”

A lightbulb flashes in Sokka’s mind.

“What if--” his mind is moving way too fast for _anything_ he’s about to say to be coherent, but - if he’s lucky - Zuko will still be able to understand and translate to Vai and Bumi. “What if they’re not actually working together? Like… they both think they’re using each other? Maybe that’s why this doesn’t make sense - there’s two different motives, because this one group is really a combination of two different groups?”

Zuko’s eyes widen. “Right! So… the members of this group who are from the Earth Kingdom want to end the monarchy in the Earth Kingdom, and those who are from the Fire Nation want to reignite the war. And they’re both planning to double cross the other - they’re both _using_ the other to get what they want.”

“Exactly!”

“Huh.”

Sokka looks away from Zuko and over to Vai. She looks vaguely impressed.

“You two work well together.”

And just like that, Sokka can feel everything crumble. He doesn’t have to look over at Zuko to know his shoulders tense in the same way Sokka’s do. Because they keep doing this - keep momentarily shifting back to when they could practically read each other’s minds, back to when they were inseparable, back to when no one would believe _anything_ could come between them. But it’s only for a moment, never long enough for the feeling to stick around, never long enough that either of them can lay aside their pride and fear and have the conversation they should have had as soon as Zuko returned to the South Pole. 

And just as quickly, they remember why they _can’t_ be like that anymore. Because Zuko mentions some girl, because Sokka remembers Zuko should hate him, because Vai calls to attention the fact that they have this lingering aspect of their friendship - this ghost of something that was and something that could have almost been. The phantom pains of a limb no longer attached to your body. The--

Whatever.

There’s no use dwelling on the melancholy right now. Sokka can be melodramatic and sad as much as he wants when he’s back in the South Pole. For now, he needs to just _avoid_ thinking about his feelings at all costs. Should be easy enough.

Should be easy enough, if he can also avoid talking to, looking at, or thinking about Zuko.

So basically it’s going to be impossible.

“Right,” Zuko responds, his voice strained. 

Vai flashes him a smile that might be unsettling or might just be making Sokka’s stomach flip because apparently his brain has decided every girl Zuko interacts with is his new girlfriend. Sokka really needs to _get a grip_. He’s going to drive himself insane over nothing.

The rest of the meeting passes in a blur of sinking feelings and stifling tension. Amongst all the completely useless information King Bumi provides, he explains that the White Lotus believes this group is running some sort of shop as a front, so Sokka and Zuko can start with that - going around the shopping district of Omashu and looking for any shops that seem suspicious. Bumi also offers for Druk to stay in the palace with Flopsy while Sokka and Zuko are gone, which Zuko easily agrees is for the best because “going undercover” isn’t going to work well if they have a literal dragon following them everywhere.

The meeting doesn’t, exactly, officially _end_ either. King Bumi is called by one of the guards to go address some other issue, and as he walks out, he tells the three of them to get a good night’s rest because, “There’s lots of work to be done tomorrow!”

The door _thunks_ shut, leaving Sokka alone with Vai, Zuko, and Druk.

Vai looks between Sokka and Zuko like she’s calculating something. She’s silent for a few moments before saying, “I suppose that means we’re finished for the evening. Why don’t I show you to your rooms?”

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

Druk follows closely behind Zuko as Vai leads the way to the rooms he and Sokka will be staying in. It doesn’t take long to get there - this palace isn’t _nearly_ as big as the Fire Nation palace - and the walk is silent. Zuko expects Sokka to strike up a conversation with Vai because he’s never _not_ making friends with someone, but his face is twisted into a frown and he watches his feet as he walks. 

Zuko wishes he knew what Sokka was thinking. 

Then again, maybe he’s better off not knowing.

Vai bids them farewell for the night, and Zuko is once again alone with Sokka. They look at each other, and there’s a silent question in Sokka’s expression. But Zuko can’t decipher what it is anymore.

Should they talk? Can Zuko handle that conversation right now? Can their mission handle that conversation right now?

Zuko might be able to answer that if he knew what the conversation would hold. He doesn’t know what either of them will say, doesn’t know if his mind will tell Sokka everything he’s _wanted_ to say since he was in the North Pole or if it’ll spout out something Zuko doesn’t even mean. He doesn’t know if Sokka will yell at him or forgive him or look at him in pity.

They look at each other for too long; longer than can be written off as a _Well, guess this is goodnight_. Long enough that it crosses into _Are we going to talk?_ territory, and clearly neither of them quite know what to say.

“Zuko--” Sokka starts, then stops himself. Zuko doesn’t say anything, doesn’t push him to talk, doesn’t work up the courage to put the words he wants to out in the open where Sokka can finally hear them. He just watches a whole host of complicated emotions flicker across Sokka’s face for several moments before Sokka settles on just saying, “Goodnight.”

Zuko nods much too sharply, his movements far too jerky for his liking, making it look like he doesn’t mean it or he’s just trying to be polite. “Goodnight, Sokka.” Zuko doesn’t know how forced his words sound, nor does he care to analyze that right now.

Before Zuko ruined everything, Sokka would have convinced Zuko to stay up hours later than they should have and talk about anything that came to mind. They would have sat too close to each other, too comfortable holding onto each other like they were built to last. Maybe they would have talked until they fell asleep, one of their rooms staying empty all night long. Maybe they wouldn’t have, and Zuko would’ve fallen asleep and dreamed that Sokka was still next to him.

But none of that happens, because Zuko had to mess everything up bad enough that they might never be like that again. 

Sokka waves half-heartedly and heads into his room. Zuko watches him go, and then walks into his own room, Druk on his heels. Druk makes himself comfortable on the bed while Zuko changes. He slips under the blankets and tries not to think of Sokka, who is so close and so far away at the same time.

Druk drapes himself over Zuko, and Zuko absentmindedly scratches his head. “Oh Druk,” he whispers, knowing full well the dragon will not respond to him, “we’re really in it now.”

Druk does not respond. Zuko sighs. If he weren’t so tired, maybe he’d ramble a little more to Druk or give him a melodramatic monologue about his feelings for Sokka, but his mind is in that annoying state where moving his lips is too much effort, but his thoughts can still race for hours. And of course, right now, all of Zuko’s thoughts have to do with Sokka.

He half-expects to hear a knock on the door, half-expects Sokka to be standing there, asking to talk, asking for _anything_. Half-expects him to show up and say he’s tired of fighting, tired of this standstill they have going on where they’re at each other’s throats but they won’t admit it, tired of not being friends anymore. Half-expects Sokka to ask him if he can just explain _why_ , drawing everything out of Zuko that he wants to say anyways.

The knock never comes, and Zuko drifts into a bleary half-sleep where he half-dreams of Sokka kissing him in the middle of a snowstorm.

\--

By the time Zuko and Sokka head into town the next morning, Omashu’s shopping district is already bustling, and since Druk is back in the palace with Flopsy, the two of them can easily blend in with the crowds. They’re dressed in Earth Kingdom greens and browns, so no one spares them a second glance. They look like every other ~~couple~~ pair of friends wandering around, looking for a good way to spend their day.

The first shop they go into is a jewelry store. It’s technically Zuko who makes the decision to lead them into this particular shop, but his decision was based entirely on the way Sokka’s eyes were lingering on the window.

Sokka immediately heads to look at a necklace made of bright blue and green beads, and Zuko trails behind him, more interested in looking for anything that screams _this is a front for an uprising_ or something like that. An expensive jewelry shop is an unlikely choice, but you never know.

Sokka bounces around the shop, stopping to look at everything, while Zuko half watches him and half studies the shop itself. The shopkeeper looks vaguely annoyed at them, but that’s not necessarily suspicious. Zuko would be annoyed if he and Sokka came into his shop to snoop around and not buy anything too.

Zuko has long since decided there’s nothing suspicious in this shop when Sokka finally decides he’s done looking around.

“See anything?” he asks Zuko nonchalantly.

Zuko shakes his head. “Nope.” He holds the door open for Sokka to walk through, then follows him back out into the busy streets of Omashu. “Where to next?”

“We can just… keep going door-to-door?” Sokka suggests. “See if we find anything.”

“Sure.”

“Cool.”

Zuko hates whatever this is between them, he really does. He understands it’s his fault, but he _hates_ not even being able to hold a simple conversation with Sokka. 

They go through the next several stores in near silence. Sokka buys a bracelet for Katara. Zuko buys a scarf for Ty Lee. Zuko’s beginning to think the entire day is going to be spent exchanging terse words and pretending like that isn’t the worst feeling ever when Sokka finally strikes up an actual conversation.

“Tell me about your friend from the Northern Water Tribe.”

Zuko stumbles, almost tripping over his own feet at the sound of Sokka’s voice. He hadn’t expected a conversation, and he _definitely_ hadn’t expected Sokka to ask him about Yura. “Um-- What about her?”

Sokka shrugs hopelessly, like he’s just trying to find _something_ to talk about and now Zuko is making things difficult. Fair enough.

“Okay. Well. I had to sit next to her in all of the meetings we both attended in Ba Sing Se, and the first time I met her, I was pretty sure she was plotting to kill me in my sleep. I guess since she’s a woman from the Northern Water Tribe, most of the council members and other ambassadors assume she’s a healer and shouldn’t be holding a position as important as an ambassador, even though she’s a nonbender so she _couldn’t_ be a healer. Apparently she realized I never held those same assumptions because I somehow became the one person there she didn’t regularly look like she wanted dead.” Zuko pauses as they step into the next shop. “For a while, it wasn’t really a friendship; just a mutual understanding that no one else in the council liked us and we didn’t like most of them. Our first _real_ conversation didn’t even happen until--”

 _Until she asked why you were my breaking point_. Maybe Zuko shouldn’t say that, because he knows the answer to that question now, and it’s not something Sokka is going to want to hear.

“What?” Sokka looks over at him. “Did you see something?”

Zuko shakes his head. “No. Sorry.” He turns to reach out for Druk before remembering Druk is back in the palace. “I just… spaced out.” He shoves his hands into his pockets after realizing he has absolutely nothing to occupy them right now. “Anyway. The first time Yura and I had an actual conversation wasn’t even until several months after I first got to Ba Sing Se.”

Sokka mumbles something under his breath. Zuko doesn’t question it; he’s fairly certain it was something he wasn’t supposed to catch. He turns away from Zuko to look at a display of tea cups. “So why does she remind you of Mai?”

Zuko shrugs. “Her weapon of choice is a knife and she could kill me without breaking a sweat.”

“Oh, so you have a _type_ , then?” Sokka snaps. As soon as the words are out, he’s clasping his hands over his mouth.

Zuko tenses. Several responses that he _cannot_ say come to mind. _You_ told me _your type is_ _people who could kill you without breaking a sweat_. _My type is actually guys whose weapon of choice is a boomerang._ Zuko pushes those thoughts away long enough to force, “Wait-- You think… _Yura_ \--?” out of his mouth.

“I didn’t mean to say that!” Sokka exclaims, voice still muffled by his hands. Slowly, he lowers them and pivots so he’s looking at Zuko again. “Wait. You _don’t_ have a crush on Yura?”

“What did I say to make you think I have a crush on Yura?” Zuko questions.

“You compared her to Mai! You know, your _ex-girlfriend_!”

“My ex-girlfriend who _is a lesbian_.”

Sokka throws his arms up in exasperation. “Just because _she_ didn’t actually like _you_ doesn’t mean _you_ didn’t actually like _her_ \--” he groans. “Not that she doesn’t like you, I just-- _UGH_!” he buries his head in his hands. “I just mean--”

“That I could have still been in love with Mai, even if she couldn’t be in love with me,” Zuko finishes. He knows Sokka’s brain is moving too fast to get out the words he wants to say right now, but he also thinks he probably still knows what Sokka means.

Sokka nods, still covering his face with his hands.

Zuko opens his mouth, but the words get caught in his throat. His brain has them stuck on repeat: _I’m gay, I’m gay, I’m gay_. But his voice won’t work, won’t actually admit it to Sokka. They’re _right there_ , and Zuko had honestly thought Sokka knew already, but trying to reach for the words is like trying to catch fireflies with your eyes closed. There’s a disconnect between his mind and his voice and he’s not sure he can bridge that gap right now.

“I didn’t--” Sokka lowers his hands and shakes his head. “I’m sorry. It probably sucks having your girlfriend tell you she was a lesbian the whole time. That’s, uh…” he clears his throat, “not something I should treat lightly.”

The formality of Sokka’s apology makes Zuko’s stomach turn, and his voice is still betraying him with silence. He wants to tell Sokka it’s not a big deal and he doesn’t need any sympathy because he was gay the whole time too. He wants to tell Sokka that he could crack a joke about Ozai burning his face and Zuko would still laugh because it’s _Sokka_ and Sokka often _doesn’t_ take things seriously because he doesn’t like having to face his emotions, and Zuko can absolutely respect that.

“It’s fine,” Zuko finally manages, but that’s all his brain can seem to convince himself to say. “It’s-- yeah. It’s fine.” He turns to look at a vase just so he doesn’t have to look at Sokka. He breathes in, then out. “It wasn’t… Mai and I weren’t…” he sighs. “It was mostly just to please people.”

“Oh,” Sokka says softly.

Zuko knows he should just _say it_ right now. He knows he isn’t going to get a better opportunity to come out - this is being served to him on a silver platter. If he doesn’t come out now, it’s going to feel too weird to do it later, and he’ll just keep putting it off, and…

But he can’t, can he?

Sokka didn’t ask for Zuko to vomit his feelings and his innermost secrets onto him. Sokka is only here with Zuko because he didn’t want Katara sacrificing her vacation with Aang. All Sokka did was ask about Yura; he _didn’t_ ask to be Zuko’s emotional support crutch as the first person he explicitly comes out to. 

So Zuko just nods and stays quiet. He lets the words dance around in his mouth until they fizzle away and he accepts that this just _isn’t_ something Sokka is going to be told. Zuko will tell Mai, he’ll tell Uncle. He’ll probably tell Ty Lee and Aang and Katara, but… he’s not sure he’s ever going to tell Sokka outright. Not because he doesn’t trust Sokka, but because of all the baggage that comes with it.

Because if Zuko tells Sokka, it’s going to come with the implication of something _more_ , and it always will, because Zuko is never not going to love Sokka.

“Zuko…” There’s a hand on Zuko’s shoulder, but it vanishes as quickly as it appeared. Zuko still doesn’t turn to look at Sokka, he doesn’t think he can handle it. “If you don’t… You don’t have to fall in love with anyone. You know that, right?”

“It’s not that,” Zuko insists. “I’m not…” He squeezes his eyes shut. “Let’s just move on, okay? There’s nothing here,” he suggests because really, what he wants to say is _It’s not that I can’t fall in love; it’s that I’ve only ever been in love with you_.

“Yeah,” Sokka says, his voice thick. “Sure. Yeah. Let’s go.”

\--

Shortly after noon, they stop for lunch. Sokka insists on a soup restaurant he apparently visited with Suki one time and there’s a moment when Zuko is certain Sokka _almost_ reaches for his hand. Force of habit, he guesses, because that’s the same thing that had Zuko ready to tangle their fingers together if Sokka were to offer.

Lunch is shifted to the left. That’s the best way Zuko can put it. 

It’s something _almost_ familiar; like they’ve been here before, but the rules were all different back then. They sit stiffer, with their backs straighter, with their legs tucked closer to their bodies, with their eyes trained on their own food. The air is weightier, heavy with unspoken words and unconfessed feelings. 

For lack of anything else to occupy his mind, Zuko focuses on eating with the proper etiquette he was taught growing up as royalty in the Fire Nation.

He runs through approved conversation topics in his head too, searching for something that doesn’t hold any substance, something that won’t lead to anything deeper than a surface-level discussion. Something you would talk about with a stranger.

It’s harder than Zuko thought it would be, trying to find something simple to ask Sokka that he doesn’t already know the answer to. What do you say to the person you used to share everything with? It’s eerily reminiscent to the first time Zuko visited Azula in the hospital after the war; they sat and stared at each other in silence, because what was there to say? What words could Zuko possibly come up with to help fill the empty air between them?

In the end, Sokka is the one to speak first, because of course he is. “So what do you think of the food?”

“It’s good,” Zuko answers, because of course he can’t say anything with any sort of sustenance to keep the conversation going. “Thanks for the suggestion?” He internally winces. Why is talking _so hard_?

Sokka grins. “Sure thing, dude! Suki said one of the Kyoshi Warriors who is originally from Omashu suggested this place to her, so when we were here a few years back, she told me she was forcing me to try it with her.” He sets his spoon down in his bowl and starts talking with his hands in a typical Sokka fashion. “This was before you moved to the South Pole, and Pakku was being a--" Sokka clears his throat, clearly stopping himself from dropping an insult he should say out loud in public. "He sent _me_ to go help with some Order of the White Lotus business here in Omashu instead of doing it himself. I complained about it in a letter to Suki and she offered to go with me. Aang let me borrow Appa so I could pick her up from Kyoshi Island and then we could go do Pakku’s dirty work for him. Or… that makes it sound bad. It was just delivering some pelts and then helping set up for their next meeting, and Pakku was too busy doing _spirits know what_ to do his job.”

Zuko cracks a smile. “I’m sure Pakku _loved_ you bringing Suki along to help out.”

Sokka snickers. “You know it. He was so ecstatic that he suggested I invite Mai and Ty Lee along too - you know, make a girls’ day out of it. Maybe paint our nails and do each others’ makeup. The usual.” He leans back in his seat. “You should let Mai paint your nails sometime. It’s a truly enlightening experience.”

“She _has_.” Zuko frowns. “I was eleven at the time and Azula thought it would be funny. My father reacted about as well as you would expect.” He shrugs. “Maybe it’s time to try again, though.” Briefly, Zuko considers an alternate reality where Sokka offers to paint Zuko’s nails himself, but he pushes it away before he can dwell on it for too long. He shouldn’t be thinking about Sokka holding his hand, leaning down towards it, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth because he’s concentrating--

“Oh. I’m--” Sokka shakes his head. “I keep saying things, and they keep… I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying. Please ignore me.”

“It’s not a big deal, Sokka,” Zuko assures him, because it’s _not_. Sure, Zuko doesn’t particularly _like_ to dwell on bad memories of Ozai, but it’s not like a reminder of them will break him. Sokka knows that too, but he’s apologizing like he doesn’t.

He’s apologizing like he doesn’t know Zuko well enough to feel comfortable bringing up Ozai around him.

“It _is_ , though,” Sokka insists. “We’re supposed to be working together, and I can’t… I can’t even hold a conversation without saying something I instantly regret.”

“You didn’t know.”

“It’s not just that.” Sokka looks down at his soup, fiddling with his spoon. “Zuko, I…” he sighs. “I don’t know. Nanouk told me it’s okay to have mixed feelings, but it’s just _hard_ not knowing which side my brain is going to take at any given moment.” He glances up, and Zuko can see something raw and real in his eyes - something completely unguarded - for the first time since Zuko’s return. “I just don’t know a lot of things right now, and the confusion that’s causing is making me say things I don’t mean, and… and you don’t deserve to be facing the brunt of that.”

Zuko looks away because he can’t take the emotion in Sokka’s eyes anymore. And he looks away because he doesn’t want to see how Sokka is going to respond to what he says next.

“I think I do, though.”

Sokka doesn’t say anything. Zuko can picture him biting his lip and looking away, not wanting to admit it but knowing Zuko is right. Sokka might not have _meant_ to say anything bad about Zuko to his face and he might regret what he said the night Zuko came back, but that doesn’t mean Zuko didn’t deserve it. Sokka had every right to say what he said to Zuko, and he has every right to still be mad, and Zuko _absolutely_ deserves whatever that anger makes Sokka throw at him, verbal or otherwise.

“Zuko--”

“You don’t have to say it.” Zuko pushes the soup left in his bowl around with his spoon. He could spend the rest of his life apologizing, and it still wouldn’t be enough. Zuko knows this. He doesn’t want to hear Sokka say it aloud, doesn’t think he can handle hearing it. “Seriously, Sokka, I don’t-- It’s just… It’s fine. I get it.”

Zuko’s eyes betray him and glance upwards at Sokka, only to find Sokka already staring at him. Zuko can’t even read his expression now, can’t figure out what words Sokka is trying to silently communicate. He lost something six months ago that he isn’t going to get back, and the realization knocks the breath from his lungs.

“Right,” Sokka mumbles. “Yeah, no, of course. That’s…” he nods. “Okay.” He turns back to his food, and Zuko can at least still read Sokka well enough to understand that means their conversation is over.

He’ll pretend it doesn’t hurt like it does. He’ll pretend his chest doesn’t have an ache he’s afraid is going to be permanent, a hollow space left by Sokka that feels a little like when he was thirteen years old and suddenly couldn’t see out of his left eye. There’s a dark space, a weakness, a lack of something Zuko took for granted and now has no way to get back. There’s a permanent emptiness, and if Zuko had to live his whole life without it, he wouldn’t notice it was there. But Zuko knows exactly what he’s missing, and he misses it fiercely.

But it’s over.

He’s not getting his vision or hearing back on his left side, and he’s not getting Sokka back either. The past has been written, there’s no way to undo it. The only path forward is to get used to this feeling of _something’s missing_ and pretend he’s not going to wake up in the middle of the night for the rest of his life hearing the voice of his father calling him _weak, useless, pathetic, broken_.

\--

They continue on after lunch, perusing through shops and coming up with exactly zero leads. Zuko is beginning to think if there _is_ a shop being used as a front, they somehow knew to prepare themselves to be secretly investigated. Or Zuko just has _no idea_ what he’s supposed to be looking for, which is far more probable. Generally, Zuko would never question Hakoda’s judgment, but when it comes to this, he thinks maybe Hakoda should’ve sent literally anyone else.

(He knows Sokka thinks the same.)

To avoid suspicion, they both buy a few more things. Zuko finds a necklace for Mai and a teapot with a dragon painted on it for Uncle. Sokka gets a couple scrolls for himself and a little Kyoshi figurine for Suki. 

“Do you think we’re even going to find anything?” Sokka whispers, pressing close enough to Zuko’s right side that Zuko’s entire body might as well be on fire. “Or is Bumi just sending us on a wild goosehawk chase?”

“I think you’re underestimating King Bumi’s competence,” Zuko responds, though he’s not entirely sure he believes himself. Sokka’s arm is pressed up against his, and he can’t exactly think about anything besides that right now.

“I think you’re _over_ estimating it,” Sokka shoots back as they duck into the next shop. “Or you’re at least overestimating his flair for the dramatics of messing with people. You weren’t there when he made Aang--” Suddenly, Sokka’s hand is wrapped around Zuko’s arm, and Zuko’s breath catches in his throat. Sokka says something that Zuko doesn’t comprehend.

“What?” Zuko manages when he finally recognizes that Sokka is staring at him, waiting for a response.

“I said _Why is Vai here_?”

Zuko frowns. He looks around the shop until his eyes settle on Vai, who is organizing a display of various accessories. “She said her parents own a shop here in Omashu that she works at sometimes,” he responds. She’d told them that yesterday, shortly after they first arrived in Omashu. Obviously helping with secret investigations isn’t a full time gig. 

“Oh.” Sokka lets go of Zuko’s arm, and Zuko misses the contact immediately. 

“Were you listening to anything she told us yesterday on the walk to the palace?” Zuko questions.

Sokka shrugs. “I was… distracted.” He gestures vaguely. “Coming up with plans, strategizing with myself, taking note of anything that looked off. You know - important things.”

The way Sokka shifts uncomfortably - albeit almost imperceptibly - tells Zuko he’s probably lying to some extent, but Zuko isn’t going to call him out on it. Whatever Sokka was _actually_ distracted by is none of Zuko’s business. Not anymore.

Vai looks up from the display she’s working on. Her eyes widen when they land on Zuko and Sokka, but then she breaks into an easy smile and waves at them. Zuko waves back, but Sokka does not. He looks like he’s zoned out.

Maybe he has something against Vai?

That doesn’t make sense, though. She’s been nothing but nice and helpful ever since they got to Omashu. He’s probably just figured there’s no reason for investigating this store too harshly if it’s the one Vai works at - surely she would have noticed if her own family’s shop was being used as a front - and gone back to being distracted about whatever he’s letting distract him these days.

(In Zuko’s experience, _anything_ will distract Sokka. He has at least twelve trains of thought running wild through his mind at any given moment.)

Vai sets down the piece of jewelry she’s holding and weaves her way over to Zuko and Sokka. “Find anything yet?” She whispers.

Zuko shakes his head. “Not yet.”

“Well, I mean,” Vai shrugs, “this shouldn’t be _too_ simple, right? Why call in two members of Team Avatar if this group is so easy to find?”

“Good point,” Zuko concedes, though he doesn’t really want to think about having to spend any longer than a week in Omashu with Sokka. The longer they’re stuck working together, the less he likes their odds of mending their friendship. He’s pretty sure what they _need_ is some more time apart. Just… maybe when they’re still both in the Southern Water Tribe rather than thousands of miles away from each other.

(Zuko doesn’t really want to think about being thousands of miles away from Sokka for an extended period of time so soon either, but… he would understand if Sokka wanted that.)

“You know…” Vai taps her chin. “I think it was a couple weeks ago that I overheard some guys in here talking about meeting up at a flower shop? Which could just mean they were getting flowers for some party or something, but... I don't know. They were giving off kind of weird vibes.” She sighs. “I didn't think much of it at the time, because King Bumi hadn't asked for my help at that point. And, unfortunately, this is the Earth Kingdom. Omashu has about twenty flower shops, and I didn’t catch a name.”

Zuko looks over at Sokka. They’ve already been in two flower shops, but going into flower shops when you don’t actually need flowers is not exactly inconspicuous. Still, if Vai overhead something about a flower shop, they definitely need to keep that in mind.

Sokka, however, does not seem to be paying any attention at all to the conversation Zuko and Vai are having. He’s staring off into space, looking vaguely confused. Zuko fights the urge to roll his eyes. Can’t Sokka zone out _later_?

Zuko nudges Sokka with his elbow, shaking him out of his trance. Sokka glares at him.

“Pay attention,” Zuko hisses.

“I am!” Sokka argues. “Flower shop. Shady guys. I got it.” He taps his temple. “It’s called multitasking, jerkbender. Sorry you can’t do it, but _I’m_ a master.”

“Wonderful,” Zuko mutters. “Because everyone knows multitasking is the most important element to master.”

Sokka crosses his arms. Zuko hadn’t _meant_ to make this an _actual_ argument, but he’s also not going to take back what he said. “Actually, it is. How do you expect to fend off multiple attackers if you can’t multitask?” He hardly gives Zuko time to answer before he says, “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

“ _Whatever_.” Zuko should make some jab about Sokka just being jealous because he’s a nonbender who’s constantly around some of the most powerful benders alive, but… he can’t. He won’t stoop that low, not when he knows Sokka’s spent his entire life feeling second best to Katara because she can bend and he can’t, not when he knows Sokka beats himself up because he can’t protect people like Katara and Aang and Toph and Zuko can. Sokka won’t admit it, of course, but he’s confided in Zuko before about how being the nonbender friend in a group composed almost entirely of benders isn’t exactly great for his self esteem.

And Zuko has told Sokka time and time again that it doesn’t matter if he’s a bender or not; he’s still powerful and scary and smart and brave, and _he_ was the one who came up with the plan that took out Ozai’s entire air fleet. Bender or not, Sokka has been one of the few people Zuko would trust with his life ever since Boiling Rock. Zuko has told Sokka over and over that being a nonbender doesn’t lessen his importance or his strength, because it _doesn’t_.

So Zuko knows, if he contradicts that _now_ , when he and Sokka are already at odds, it’s going to hurt Sokka. He’s going to think it’s what Zuko has always believed when that isn’t the case at all.

Nonbenders are not worth any less than benders, and Zuko won’t insinuate that they are, especially to win a pointless argument. And not just because Mai would have his head if he did - because Sokka is worth more than _anyone_ , and Zuko desperately hopes he finds someone else who will remind him of that if Zuko can’t do it anymore.

Vai chuckles under her breath. “I can’t figure you two out,” she says. “One minute, you’re pretending the other doesn’t exist and the next minute, you’re finishing each other’s sentences like some walking cheesy romance cliché.” She shrugs. “Whatever. I should get back to work, so I’ll let you two carry on. Good luck!” She waves at them and walks away, seemingly ignorant to the fact that Zuko’s entire body has frozen.

 _Like some walking cheesy romance cliché_.

It would hurt less if it weren’t exactly what Zuko wants.

He’s never been one to be particularly interested in romance. He’d always written it off as being because he knew he wouldn’t really get to choose who he married. If he fell for the daughter of one of his father’s top ranking advisors or generals, great! But the likelihood of that just _happening_ was never very high in Zuko’s mind. 

It was a passing daydream Zuko knew had no chance of coming true.

But with Sokka… _Agni_.

With Sokka, he wants it all. He wants to hold his hand any time they walk anywhere. He wants to make out with him in empty side streets and behind buildings. He wants the stupid pet names and the constant touches and the feeling of someone being _yours_ and you being _theirs_. He wants Suki and Toph to poke fun at them the same way they do Katara and Aang and Mai and Ty Lee.

He wants everything he can’t have, everything he never _could_ have.

Is this expanding chasm between them for the best?

Does it even matter if Zuko had left or not? Either way, Zuko would be expected to return to the Fire Nation eventually. Either way, Zuko is still supposed to take the throne and become Fire Lord and either way, Sokka is supposed to stay in the South Pole and take his father’s place as chief. They’d have to fall apart eventually.

Maybe it’s better that Zuko forced it early. Is it easier to live with the _almost_ than having to give up something real? Is it easier to push people away than have the spirits rip them from your grasp?

Years ago, Zuko thought he and Sokka would get some sort of _forever_ , but they were young and they were stupid. In what world can the prince of the Fire Nation get forever with someone from a Water Tribe? In what world does Zuko even _deserve_ that?

It isn’t plausible - he and Sokka being… anything at all. Whatever they were to each other before Zuko left, it was always only temporary. Whatever they could have become - whether Zuko left or not - doesn’t matter. Zuko’s feelings towards love never have mattered. Not when he was twelve years old and everyone decided he and Mai had crushes on each other, not when he was sixteen years old on a ferry to Ba Sing Se and kissing a boy just to feel _something_ , not when he was sixteen years old and dating Mai because it was expected of him, not when he was eighteen years old and promising Sokka a _forever_ he was naïve enough to believe in, not now when he’s twenty-one and trying to convince himself he and Sokka even stood a chance.

They don’t stand a chance. Not in this world, not with the lives they were born into. They had their time - they got close enough to a whirling love affair that left them both breathless and brokenhearted - and now it’s done. They’re done.

This is worse than Jet. Whatever happened back then wasn’t quite love, and it hurt so much less than _this_. It’s like…

It’s like, Zuko would have committed a few more minor scale crimes to be with Jet - he might have even broken into a high security prison with him - but it would have been more for the thrill of doing something dangerous than for Jet himself. But with Sokka, Zuko would do all that _for_ him. Zuko would get himself arrested, kidnapped, killed, _whatever_ if it would keep Sokka safe. Zuko is going to spend the rest of his life reaching out for Sokka, wishing for Sokka, clinging to the almost (the idea of forever), and everything between them was only abstract and hypothetical.

Zuko would go back to Sokka. Zuko would go back to Sokka over and over and over again. He wouldn’t do that for Jet.

He’d been an idiot, thinking that the doomed love affairs whispered about in the context of previous monarchs were things they just moved on from. Love isn’t something you can just _move on from_ , easily drifting from that into an arranged marriage that can’t mean anything. Love digs its claws into you and refuses to let go. Love lingers and it haunts until it drives you mad.

But what good is any of that?

Love isn’t always enough.

\--

Zuko stops in his tracks as soon as he crosses the threshold of the next shop. Sokka bumps into him, but he hardly feels it because his eyes are trained on a young woman standing across the shop with her back turned. Half her hair is piled into a topknot on her head the same as Zuko’s, but her topknot is held in place by a simple golden hairpiece from the Fire Nation rather than a leather cord from the Southern Water Tribe.

It’s the gold that catches Zuko’s eye, really. Other than the hairpiece, she’s dressed in Earth Kingdom commoner clothes, which is a far cry from what Zuko has seen her wearing her entire life - save the few times he visited her in the hospital. It has to be her, though. Zuko knows her body language better than he knows his own. He taught himself to single her out in a crowd so he could have someone to latch onto or so he could keep away from her, but it was a survival tactic either way.

“What--?”

Zuko is pressing his hand over Sokka’s mouth before he can even consider the infinite amount of reasons that is a _terrible_ idea. Sokka’s eyes widen in shock, but he doesn’t push Zuko away.

Last time Zuko saw Azula was well over a year ago, after she’d moved out of the hospital and into a house of her own near the palace. As far as Zuko is aware, she still lives there and it’s still monitored twenty-four/seven. Not even necessarily to prevent her from escaping, but because Azula is still royalty and that means if she’s living in the Fire Nation, she’s going to have guards following her around to protect her from potential assassins and various other threats. Uncle hasn’t written Zuko saying anything about Azula leaving the Fire Nation.

And yet, here she is - standing in a shop in Omashu, where there’s supposedly a rebel group looking to cause chaos. 

Zuko _doesn’t_ want to believe Azula has anything to do with it. He really doesn’t. Last time he saw her, Azula was making leaps and bounds in her recovery. She’d sent him a genuinely thoughtful present for his birthday and the letter that came with it was about as heartfelt as Azula could get. He knows Mai and Ty Lee have visited her more and more recently, and just a few months ago when Zuko saw them in Ba Sing Se, they’d said she _told them_ she wanted to see Zuko again soon. Zuko has never heard Azula admit to missing anyone, much less _him_.

So, by all accounts, it doesn’t make sense that Azula would be tangled up in this mess. But what else is Zuko supposed to think is going on here?

Sokka reaches up and gently pries Zuko’s hand from his face. He doesn’t say anything; just gives Zuko a confused look, silently asking _Why?_

Zuko glances over towards Azula, then looks back at Sokka. He watches as Sokka furrows his eyebrows, and then as realization crosses his face. He mouths, _Azula?_

Zuko nods. He wants to tell Sokka that they shouldn’t jump to any conclusions about _why_ Azula is in Omashu, but he doesn’t want to speak because he _knows_ that even a whisper could be enough to alert Azula of his presence. He wants to tell Sokka that he doesn’t quite know _what_ to think about seeing Azula here, but he _desperately_ doesn’t want to have to assume the worst.

Somehow, somewhere, the spirits must hear Zuko’s silent pleas, because Sokka rests his hand on Zuko’s shoulder and squeezes it reassuringly, like he’s saying _We don’t have to jump to any rash conclusions. There could be a perfectly logical explanation as to why Azula is here_.

Zuko can only offer him a weak smile in return.

Azula _can’t_ be part of the uprising. She can’t.

But Zuko thought he and Sokka were going to be friends for the rest of their lives. He’d laid in Sokka’s bed next to him and promised him forever only to realize that _forever_ wasn’t anything more than an impossible daydream. He had been so certain, so _sure_ , about Sokka, and then he’d watched their entire friendship go up in flames.

How can he trust Azula’s recovery didn’t do the same?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to be posting the next few chapters every other day, so you can look for chapter five on saturday (2/20)!!


	5. untouchable (burning brighter than the sun)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first, please please PLEASE look at the incredible [artwork](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643684790801973248/two-bros-sitting-on-a-rooftop-zero-feet-apart) that goes with the last scene of this chapter. i'll link it again in the end notes for those of you who want to avoid spoilers before reading the chapter!!
> 
> second, you may have noticed this fic is now part of a series. that's because i have no self control and have already started writing a oneshot for zukka week that takes place in this universe
> 
> chapter title from untouchable by taylor swift

**_you could break my heart in two_ **

**_but when it heals, it beats for you_ **

_back to you - selena gomez_

* * *

**_SOKKA_ **

Azula smiles briefly, before her features turn downwards and she frowns. She looks around before promptly crossing the shop and coming to a stop across from Sokka and Zuko. She crosses her arms. “What are you two doing here?”

Zuko mirrors Azula’s movements, crossing his arms as well. “We could ask you the same thing.”

There’s a beat of silence and then-- 

“Iroh sent me.”

Zuko’s frown deepens. “Look,” he says sharply, “I want to believe you, but that is the vaguest answer you could have given. _Why_ would Uncle send you to Omashu?”

Azula’s eyes dart around the shop again, like she’s looking for something. Sokka’s first thought is she’s looking for an escape, but her stance is wrong. She’s shielding herself from the other people in the shop rather than Sokka and Zuko, so if she _is_ looking to escape, it wouldn’t be from them. It would be from someone else. 

Is she being held prisoner?

No, that can’t be right. Who takes their prisoner shopping?

“I’m not talking in here,” she hisses. “There’s too many people.” She digs her fingers into Zuko’s arm, then turns and does the same to Sokka before dragging them both out of the shop. She doesn’t let go until they’ve rounded the building and are standing in an alleyway where no one will eavesdrop on their conversation.

As soon as Azula lets go of Sokka, he brings his hand up to rub at the spot where her fingernails were digging into his skin. Zuko doesn’t do the same, and Sokka wonders how often Azula drug him around like this when they were kids

“What’s going on?” Zuko demands.

“There’s a rebellion group based here in Omashu,” Azula responds. Sokka and Zuko exchange confused glances, but Azula continues speaking. “Mileh - one of the White Lotus members who lives in Omashu - sent word to Iroh, and he sent me to investigate because he thought it’d be a good way for me to,” Azula puts on his best Fire Lord Iroh impression, “ _prove how much I’ve grown in the past five years_. He sent Suki with me, though, so he obviously doesn’t trust me _that_ much.”

Sokka’s face lights up. “Suki’s here too?!”

Zuko tenses.

Azula opens her mouth, closes it, and frowns. After a few moments, she says, “Are you not concerned about the rebellion?”

“We already know about that,” Sokka explains. “That’s why Zuko and I are here too - King Bumi sent a letter to my dad. Obviously Bumi and Mileh both took it upon themselves to write for help and didn’t let the other know what they were doing. Mileh turned to Fire Lord Iroh and Bumi turned to my dad - presumably because Aang is in the South Pole, but Aang and Katara are supposed to leave for the Northern Air Temple in a few days, so he sent the two of us instead.” Sokka hadn’t exactly thought through _why_ Bumi sent a letter to the South Pole asking for help instead of King Kuei or Fire Lord Iroh, considering the Water Tribes don’t exactly have any ties to this uprising, but it would make sense that King Bumi was assuming writing to Sokka’s dad would be the best way to reach Aang.

Azula nods once. “Makes sense. I assume you’ve been given the same information Mileh gave us - that this group is using a shop as a front? And considering you’re still looking, my guess is you haven’t found anything yet either.” 

“Maybe Hakoda _should’ve_ sent Aang,” Zuko mumbles. Azula snickers at that. “He’d be doing a better job than we are.”

“That’s not true,” Sokka argues. He thinks Zuko might have a point, but he’s not going to admit that out loud, and especially not in front of Azula. “We work great together!”

Yeah, okay, that might’ve been a little much.

Zuko scoffs and rolls his eyes. Azula starts to say something, but she’s interrupted by a voice behind Sokka.

“Azula, why-- _huh_?”

Sokka spins around, but he doesn’t really need to see who it belongs to, because he _knows_ that voice. “SUKI!” He’s running forward and pulling Suki into a hug before she can even respond.

It’s only after Sokka breaks the hug that she asks, “What are you and Zuko doing here?”

“Same as us,” Azula pipes up. “Supposedly.”

“Hey!” Sokka complains, turning back to look at Azula.

She just shrugs. “Your boyfriend said it.”

A wave of _cold_ washes over Sokka’s body, and he’s not sure if it’s his mind playing tricks on him or if it’s Zuko unconsciously playing with the temperature. Either way, Sokka freezes, his eyes glued to Azula because he _can’t_ look at Zuko right now. Not when every second is bringing Sokka closer to the conclusion that he can’t fall out of love with Zuko, not when he almost _admitted_ as much to Zuko over lunch and Zuko had pleaded with him not to say it aloud.

Something deep inside Sokka _loathes_ that Azula is the only one who is going to get to refer to Zuko as Sokka’s boyfriend, and that it wasn’t even a serious claim.

“Azula,” Zuko growls. Out of the corner of his eye, Sokka sees Zuko move towards his sister.

“Anyways!” Suki exclaims suddenly, cutting off whatever fight Zuko and Azula were about to get into. Sokka sends a silent thanks he knows Suki won’t receive, because he’s not sure he could’ve emotionally handled watching Zuko and Azula fight over a comment like _that_. “Have you guys found any leads yet? If we’re all here for the same reason, we might as well consolidate our findings.”

“No, they haven’t found anything. We’d be wasting our time teaming up with them anyways.” Azula rolls her eyes. “I don’t know _what_ is up with them, but we’re clearly the only competent investigators in the city right now.”

“Nothing is ‘up with us’,” Sokka argues as Azula brushes past him. “Zuko and I are great!” Azula completely ignores Sokka’s argument, and goes to pull Suki out of the alley and back into the busy street. “We’re bros - homies, if you will.” Sokka reaches his arm out to put it around Zuko’s shoulder, but Zuko’s hand is faster, shooting up to intercept Sokka and wrapping around his wrist.

“Don’t touch me,” he hisses, and his hand on Sokka’s wrist is _hot_. Sokka’s wrist _burns_ , and Zuko is looking at him with a malicious glint in his eyes, a look that Sokka has seen in Azula.

A look Sokka saw in Ozai five years ago, right before he’d realized Aang took his bending away. Something determined, something angry, something blazing and destructive like fire itself.

But this - seeing it in Zuko - is _worse_. Not necessarily scarier, but it makes every muscle in Sokka’s body seize, and it makes him feel _horrible_ for ever comparing Zuko to his father in the first place, because Sokka _knows_ that Zuko could never come close to being as terrible as Ozai.

As if to confirm this, Zuko’s expression morphs into one of shock almost immediately. He yanks his hand away from Sokka and looks down at his palm, something close to horror settling over his face. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t really need to. Sokka knows he didn’t mean it, knows that what _almost_ happened is going to haunt Zuko for _months_.

“It’s okay,” Sokka says quickly, like that’s going to halt Zuko’s inevitable spiral. “That was my bad. I shouldn’t have-- It was my fault. You’re fine.”

“No--” Zuko starts, but as soon as he looks up at Sokka, he stops talking. Sokka wants to reach out to him, to assure him it’s _okay_ and he isn’t mad, but Zuko doesn’t want Sokka to touch him right now, and the least Sokka can do is respect that. Sokka can see the regret in Zuko’s eyes, but he can see something else there too - fear.

Not fear of Sokka, though. Zuko looks afraid of _himself_. 

He takes a half step back from Sokka, keeping his hands close to his chest.

Sokka can hear Suki and Azula whispering to each other behind him.

“...think we should keep an eye on them.”

“ _We_ should keep an eye on _them_?”

“Azula…”

Azula scoffs. “We’re not marriage counselors, Suki!” she exclaims, loud enough that both Sokka and Zuko can hear her clearly. “They can fix their own problems.”

Zuko looks down at the ground, and Sokka forces himself to look away too. He can feel his face heating up, and he’s suddenly grateful Zuko seems to not want to meet his eye after Azula’s unsolicited comments insinuating that they might love each other.

( _Do_ they love each other?)

(Sokka still loves Zuko.)

Wait--

“So we’re keeping an eye on them to make sure _Zuko_ doesn’t set anything up in flames?” Azula laughs. “Oh how the tables have turned.”

“I heard that!” Zuko snaps.

“Good.”

Sokka hardly hears the exchange, and he hardly registers Suki and Azula’s rundown of a new strategy where they work together to scope out the remaining shops. His body moves back out into the busy street, trailing behind the others, without Sokka even telling it too, because his mind is preoccupied with one specific thought.

 _He still loves Zuko_.

It’s not like he didn’t know it, but the absolute certainty with which he thought it was… surprising, to say the least. 

Sokka had his _oh_ moment years ago, two weeks after Zuko moved to the South Pole and ended up getting sick from the cold. Zuko had all but refused to let anyone besides Sokka see him while sick, so Sokka had sat next to him and fed him soup Gran Gran had made.

He’d made it about halfway through the bowl of soup before he couldn’t eat anymore, and he’d looked _so relieved_ when Sokka said that it was okay and he shouldn’t push himself. Sokka had carefully set the bowl aside so he could reach forward and brush Zuko’s hair behind his ear. When Sokka’s hand began to retreat, Zuko had reached forward, grabbed it, and whispered, _“Please stay.”_

It wasn’t any big, grand, gesture. It wasn’t seeing Zuko dressed up in fancy clothes or doused in fancy lighting. It was the vulnerability, the fact that _Sokka_ was the one Zuko trusted to see him at his weakest, and it was the whispered plea that brought the realization that Sokka would stay forever if Zuko asked. 

(Or even if he didn’t.)

But this, right here in Omashu with a thousand people going about their days around them and a rebellion group hiding in plain sight, this might constitute as an _oh_ moment in its own regard. Because Zuko is watching Azula’s back as she whispers to Suki, and he’s still clutching his hand against his heart, and Sokka _knows_ \- he _knows_ like he’s never known anything before - that the love he feels for Zuko is stronger than any anger he might still harbor towards him.

He knows, too, that he has a choice to make - a choice Aang warned him about. He can ignore this realization, he can let his bitterness simmer until it overtakes him just so he won’t have to talk about his feelings. Or he can open himself up to the possibility of another heartbreak. He can let Zuko see him at his most vulnerable, place his heart in the hands of the person who broke it in the first place, and he can hope that maybe Aang was at least a little right and Zuko still loves him at least a little bit.

Zuko had explained how important hair is in the Fire Nation to Sokka, and yet, he never once hesitated to allow Sokka to braid it, or tie it up in a topknot, or even just run his fingers through it. Time and time again, he’d opened himself, showed he _trusted_ Sokka, and Sokka had taken it for granted. Time and time again, Zuko had _shown_ Sokka he loved him, even if he hadn’t been able to say it. Even if he never _would_ be able to say it.

And _Sokka_ had broken that trust, _Sokka_ had been the one to snap, to shout, to reach for Zuko’s hair in the air balloon when he _knew_ how important it was.

Sokka thinks, maybe, he got mad at Zuko because it was easy. It was _so easy_ to hate him for leaving like he did, so easy to be mad he hardly wrote, so easy to explode and yell and say things he never really wanted to be said aloud. It’s a lot harder to love when you’re afraid that love isn’t reciprocated and never was. It’s a lot harder to love when the love is all tangled up and knotted, battered and bruised, charred beyond recognition, and you’re not sure who’s to blame.

But Aang was right. He usually is when it comes to this sort of thing.

If Sokka does what’s easy - if he lets himself be bitter for as long as possible, if he twists the bitterness and anger into his defining personality trait and lets it overtake him because then he doesn’t have to hold himself accountable - he’s going to regret it. He’s going to look back and wonder what could’ve been for the rest of his life. But if Sokka does the hard thing - if he _talks_ to Zuko, admits he was wrong, admits he’s afraid, admits he’s still in love - at least he won’t have to wonder anymore.

And maybe, _maybe_ , he and Zuko can find some remnants of a friendship between them and try to piece back together everything that they were.

\--

The four of them work together for the rest of the day, splitting off into different shops and then reconvening to discuss their findings, which, more often than not, is a whole lot of nothing. Sokka has not seen one thing that even hints at a rebel group since he arrived in Omashu, but he pours himself into investigating all the same. Because the more focused he is on looking for leads, the less he has to think about what he’s going to say to Zuko and when he’s going to say it.

After what feels like hours of fruitless searching, Suki suggests they get dinner and stop for the day, then reconvene tomorrow. Sokka is definitely not going to argue against food and some good old fashioned rest & relaxation, and Zuko doesn’t look ready to put up a fight either. Azula looks hesitant, but eventually, she gives in too. Sokka thinks maybe she’s been learning not to pick fights she can’t win.

(Although, if she really wanted to, Sokka is pretty sure she _could_ win this fight.)

Suki leads them through the winding streets and rounds enough corners that Sokka loses track before opening the door to a restaurant that Sokka _assumes_ sells Fire Nation food, if the bold red paint decorating the building is anything to go by. It sticks out like a sore thumb against the muted greens and browns of the buildings surrounding it.

“So,” Suki says after they’ve ordered their food and sat down at a table, “how have you two been?”

“Good,” Sokka answers. Zuko hums in agreement.

It doesn’t take a genius to know that neither one of them is telling the truth. Suki nods politely, accepting the answer anyways. Azula rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t say anything.

“How are things on Kyoshi Island?” Sokka asks.

Suki shrugs. “Same as usual, I guess. We got a few new recruits last week, but some of the other girls have been doing most of the introductory training with them. Mai and Ty Lee are going to Ember Island for a few days next month for their anniversary.” Suki lowers her voice. “You didn’t hear this from me, but I think Ty Lee is going to propose.”

Sokka’s first instinct is to respond with something like _No way, they’re too young!_ but Mai is older than Sokka, and Ty Lee is only a few months younger than him. And they’ve practically been dating since the end of the war - five and a half years ago now - which is plenty of time for them to decide they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other.

(Sokka tries not to think about how Aang and Katara have been dating for just as long.)

Sokka looks over at Zuko like he would be surprised by this information. He isn’t, of course, because how could he be surprised about two of his closest friends getting engaged? Mai probably told him ages ago that Ty Lee was _The One_ for her.

Azula doesn’t look particularly shocked either, which means Sokka is the only one who was out of the loop here. Why is that not surprising? Sokka is always the one left out of important information, always the last one to know things like this.

He was the last one to know about Zuko leaving, so _of course_ he’s the last one to know about Mai and Ty Lee.

But… maybe there was a _reason_ Sokka was the last to know about Zuko?

He hopes there was.

He’ll add that to his jumbled list of things he needs to talk to Zuko about, whenever he finally works up the courage to say _something_.

“When I was in the Fire Nation with her and Mai, Ty Lee took me along when she went to ask Mai’s aunt for her blessing,” Zuko says. “She didn’t tell me _when_ she was planning to propose, though.”

Azula rolls her eyes. “So that was why you two pawned Mai off on me for a day? And you didn’t even bother to say hi, Zuzu.”

“Maybe if you’d responded to any of my letters, the doctors wouldn’t have given us an unofficial restraining order,” Zuko shoots back.

Suki looks between the two of them. “You’re… _not_ supposed to see each other?”

“Not without proper supervision,” Azula corrects. “You and Sokka are acceptable. _Besides_ , like Zuzu said, it’s just because I didn’t bother responding to his pathetic excuses for letters.” She points an accusing finger at Zuko. “Maybe if you found anything _interesting_ to write me about, I would have responded. But all you talked about was stargazing with Sokka, eating lunch with Sokka, sitting in meetings with Sokka.” She scoffs. “I don’t care about Sokka.”

“Rude,” Sokka says, because otherwise, he has to address everything _else_ Azula just revealed. He does _not_ need anything else complicating everything happening in his mind, and definitely not the fact that Zuko apparently wrote about him to Azula _excessively_.

“Because you would’ve had _so much_ to write about while living at the hospital,” Zuko retorts. “ _Oh wow, the walls got a new coat of white paint today and I’m still not listening to what the doctors are telling me about my trauma because I’m stubborn._ ”

Azula moves a hand up to cover her left eye. “ _Oh wow, the South Pole got a new layer of white snow today and I’m still not listening to what my friends are telling me about my feelings because I’m stubborn._ ”

“Can we go back to the restraining order thing?” Suki asks as Zuko flips Azula off. “I don’t want to be going behind Fire Lord Iroh’s back or something by letting you two eat dinner together.”

Azula waves Suki’s concerns aside. “It’s just for our ‘mental wellbeing’ or whatever, because we were ‘raised to constantly compete with each other’ and we ‘still revert back to treating everything like a competition’. But I’m not going to strike him with lightning or anything, so I think we can handle eating one meal together.”

Suki blinks. “...Right.”

Sokka glances over at Zuko, to see if he’s going to argue against or for Azula, but he’s staring off into the distance, and Sokka isn’t sure he even heard what Azula said. He’s twisting his fingers together, and Sokka knows from the expression on his face that he’s lost in thought and that whatever he’s thinking isn’t good.

His hand is halfway to Zuko’s arm before Sokka realizes what he’s doing and stops himself. He opts instead to wave his hand to get Zuko’s attention; something he’s learned to do in order to get Zuko’s attention when his good ear is covered.

Zuko blinks several times, then pushes Sokka’s hand down.

“You okay?” he whispers.

“Yeah,” Zuko responds. “I’m fine.”

It’s a lie, and Sokka knows it, but he isn’t quite sure what he can _do_ to show Zuko that he’s worried for him. He isn’t going to touch him - Zuko had very clearly stated he did not want Sokka touching him right now - and he doesn’t want to drill him for answers in front of Azula. 

In the end, Sokka settles on giving Zuko a look he hopes says, _I know you’re not okay, but I won’t push you_. Zuko rolls his eyes, but Sokka can tell his heart isn’t in it.

Sokka ignores the looks Suki and Azula shoot them, which look a little like pity. Partially because Sokka is tired of being pitied and partially because Sokka is afraid they understand the situation a little too well - they can see how Sokka feels, and they can see that nothing can come of it.

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

Zuko is, decidedly, not fine.

He hardly registered anything that happened after the conversation with Azula and Suki in the alleyway, after--

He knows, logically, that he was present enough to join the conversations the others were having. He knows he must have helped Sokka scope out the shops they went in and he knows he must have helped report their (lack of) findings back to Suki and Azula. But before he knows it, Suki and Azula are waving goodbye to him and Sokka and the two pairs are going their separate ways for the night.

Zuko is pretty sure Azula said they were staying with… some other White Lotus member. Right? That’s why they’re _here_. Regardless, they aren’t staying in the palace, so they split off from Zuko and Sokka at one point or another, and then Zuko and Sokka are alone.

The sun is beginning to dip down towards the horizon and Zuko is pretending that if he doesn’t look at Sokka, Sokka won’t be able to see him.

It doesn’t work for very long. Silence hangs between them for maybe five minutes before Sokka speaks up. “Do you… want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Zuko snaps. He winces at the tone of his voice.

Sokka doesn’t answer right away. Zuko supposes that might be because it’s a bit of a loaded question right now - there’s just so _much_. So much that they’ve left unsaid, so much that they could leave unsaid forever at the cost of any hope for their friendship. They take several more steps in silence and Zuko still doesn’t look at Sokka.

Finally, Sokka settles on saying, “Feel free to tell me if I’m way out of line, but I think you’re probably still beating yourself up over grabbing my wrist earlier.”

Grabbing. Burning. 

Sure, whatever.

When Zuko doesn’t say anything, Sokka continues. “Seriously, I meant what I said earlier when I told you it was my fault. I know you didn’t mean for your hand to get so hot, and you didn’t even hurt me anyways, so you’re allowed to just… forgive yourself.”

“I can’t,” Zuko admits. It’s only two words, but it’s far more than he meant to let slip. And he’s not even sure what he’s referring too; almost burning Sokka or leaving him in the middle of the night. Does it even matter?

Sokka stops walking, and Zuko _almost_ just keeps going without him, simply because that would be easier. If he stops walking too, he’s going to have to talk, and he isn’t particularly fond of that idea. 

He stops anyways and finally actually looks at Sokka.

“You’re not him,” Sokka says. “You’re not even _close_. You’ve _never_ come close to being half as bad as him - not when you were sixteen years old, and not now.”

Zuko shakes his head. “There are enough people in this world who would fight you on that. Sokka--” _I ran away from you because I didn’t know what love was - how is there hope for anyone like that?_ “I hurt people. I hurt you. And _sorry_ isn’t always enough.” Zuko looks at the ground. “Sorry doesn’t change the past, sorry doesn’t bring back a broken friendship. Sorry doesn’t bring back the sixteen-year-old girl who had to become the moon in order to stave off the army _my_ nation sent after her people.” He sighs. “The Fire Nation can pay reparations all they want, but in the end, money is not a substitute for all the lives lost, and while the war might not be my fault, Yue’s death _was_.”

Zuko turns and continues walking towards the palace, knowing Sokka will follow if he has anything to say - good or bad - to that.

“Chief Arnook said--”

“I don’t _care_ what Chief Arnook said!” Zuko interrupts. “Maybe it was her fate to become the moon spirit, but maybe that was only her fate because Tui _knew_ that I would take Aang from the Oasis and leave her and La unprotected. Fate is impossible to understand the reasoning behind. If Zhao hadn’t been able to kill the moon spirit, if _I_ hadn’t gotten involved and Tui and La had remained guarded, maybe Tui never would have shown Chief Arnook that vision in the first place. Maybe Yue could have been allowed to _live_ , like she deserved.” 

Yue’s blood is on Zuko’s hands, not Zhao’s.

Sokka’s voice is quiet when he responds. “How’d you know about Chief Arnook’s vision?”

“He told me,” Zuko answers softly. “I went to the North Pole with Yura because King Kuei wouldn’t send her alone and she wouldn’t travel with anyone else in the council. I couldn’t-- I couldn’t sleep, and I guess he couldn’t either, and…” Zuko shrugs. “What else can you do when you can’t sleep besides look at the moon?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“She would’ve liked you,” Sokka says, his voice small. “Yue, I mean. She would’ve liked you, and she would’ve forgiven you. I think… I think she understands being royalty and constantly trying not to fold under the pressure. She told me--” Sokka sniffs. “She told me before she was engaged to Hahn, she had a girlfriend. But she, um, she gave into the pressure to accept Hahn’s proposal, and the girl moved on. It’s not… it’s not the same as trying to capture the Avatar to win your father’s love, except… maybe it is. Only difference is Yue had to internalize her hurt while you were given the means to externalize yours.” He looks up at the sky, despite the fact that Yue isn’t there right now. “I know you’re part of the reason she had to sacrifice herself, but the blame _doesn’t_ fall entirely on you. There were a thousand other factors that lead up to that one moment.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe if you hadn’t been there, Yue wouldn’t have had to sacrifice herself. Maybe Tui was able to see what would happen that day and the entire reason she gave part of herself over to Yue was because you took Aang and left Tui and La unguarded. But maybe things would have played out the same even if you weren’t there. You said it yourself - fate is impossible to understand the reasoning behind. There’s no way to know if Yue’s sacrifice was hinged entirely on your decisions or if it was hinged on one of a thousand other things. Regardless, I will never place the blame entirely on you, and Yue wouldn’t either. The blame also falls on Zhao for coming up with the plan to kill Tui, on Ozai for banishing you and sending you to capture Aang, on Sozin for starting the war in the first place, on Aang for disappearing for a hundred years, on Avatar Roku for letting Sozin go unchecked. We can play the blame game forever, but Zuko… I forgave you for your hand in Yue’s sacrifice a long time ago.”

“Why?” Zuko ignores the way his voice cracks.

“Because-- Because it’s what Yue would have wanted, and because…” Sokka is quiet for several moments. “Because it’s not good to dwell on anger forever, and I can’t… I don’t know. Aang says bitterness can corrupt, but not… not because being angry is _bad_. Just because, I guess, if you hold onto it for too long, you forget who you were without it. You forget how to let go, and then you become cynical and hard-hearted and you tell yourself it’s self-preservation, but really, you’re just shutting everyone out because you’re afraid of getting hurt again.”

“Some people…” Zuko hates it, but his mind wanders to a prison cell somewhere just outside of Caldera City. “Some people can’t be forgiven, though.”

“You’re right,” Sokka agrees. “But I think… even if you don’t forgive someone, I think you can still move on and stop letting the anger you feel towards them become an all-consuming fire. I think there’s a sort of power in that, too, making it so they just… don’t have a hold on your mind anymore. And you can still be mad. Katara and I aren’t going to forgive anyone for our mother’s death, and I wouldn’t expect you or Azula to forgive Ozai. I wouldn’t expect anyone to forgive Ozai, or Azulon, or Sozin, for anything. There _are_ some people I can’t forgive, but… you aren’t one of them. You never will be. Not for me.”

Sokka is right, Zuko thinks. There’s a power in the fact that Ozai doesn’t haunt Zuko in the way he used to. Sure, Zuko still wakes up in a cold sweat from nightmares and he still hears his father’s voice calling him a disappointment in the back of his mind, but it’s not as bad as it used to be. It’s scary, because Zuko has never _not_ had his father’s words haunting him, but it’s freeing too.

For years, Zuko thought letting go (forgetting?) made him weak and vulnerable, made him more susceptible to letting someone else treat him the same way Ozai had. But maybe letting go and forgetting aren’t the same thing, and maybe there’s a power in forgetting, too - in trusting that you’re still wise enough to not let anyone take advantage of you and trusting that you’re still resilient enough to come back from any hurt you might face.

Maybe you have to figure out what forgiving and forgetting and being angry mean to you, and then you have to figure out how much of each of those you want to offer to people. Some people, like Ozai, don’t deserve anything. They don’t deserve forgiveness, they don’t deserve your anger, and they can’t be forgotten. Some people don’t deserve anything besides indifference, because they’re simply not worth your time. And some people, like Sokka, deserve as much forgiveness as you’re capable of carrying. Some people can be forgiven time and time again no matter how badly they hurt you, no matter what they do, no matter how loud they yell or how hostile they speak.

Zuko doesn’t know if limitless forgiveness is love or if it’s stupidity, but if it means _something_ \- if it means anything at all - that might be enough.

“Thank you.” Zuko’s voice comes out quieter than he means it to. “And you aren’t one of those people either. I mean… there’s nothing you could do that I wouldn’t forgive you for.”

The whole conversation is beating around the bush, refusing to acknowledge what they need to, but it’s… it’s a start. It isn’t definitive forgiveness from either of them, but it’s the promise that forgiveness can and will come. And while forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean friendship, it _is_ the first step in that direction. 

And that can be enough.

* * *

**_SOKKA_ **

Sokka hadn’t told Zuko half of what he’d wanted to during their walk back to the palace, but maybe the timing just hadn’t been right. He’d said what he needed to in the moment, about forgiveness and anger.

About Yue.

If Sokka is going to be honest with himself, he tries to just… _not_ think about how Zuko was involved in that night, because it hurts and it was _cruel_. It was cruel of fate, of Tui, of Ozai, of Zhao, of Chief Arnook, of everyone who led Sokka, Yue, and Zuko to the positions they were in that night. They were all just teenagers doing what adults had told them to. They were all just trying to live and be loved, and how can there be any crime in that?

It was cruel irony, and the three of them got caught up in it - the prince, the princess, and the nobody. Three children who were just striving for love.

Sokka had forgiven Zuko a long time ago, yes, but he hadn’t even realized it until today. He doesn’t know when it happened, and it wasn’t even a conscious decision; it was just a natural progression that happened in the back of Sokka’s mind while he was busy trying _not_ to relive Yue’s sacrifice because he knows it’s never going to stop hurting and sometimes, avoidance is the best way to stifle the pain.

But when he’d told Zuko that he’d forgiven him, Sokka knew with absolute certainty that he was telling the truth. It wasn’t something Sokka said just to make him feel better or because he felt like he _had_ to forgive him - Sokka isn’t the kind of person to offer faux forgiveness because it’s what’s expected of him.

He knows, too, that Yue would have also forgiven Zuko. That she _has_ forgiven him. He doesn’t have any proof, really, except for the fact that Yue was kind, and caring, and loving, and far more of those things than Sokka has ever been. And the fact that Yue and Zuko were both born royalty with heavy crowns on their heads, expected to marry for heirs and status instead of love.

Zuko told Sokka as much, that he was expecting to marry whoever Fire Lord Iroh’s advisors lined up for him. Sokka doesn’t technically know if Zuko is straight or not, but he half-wonders if he misread the situation. He half-wonders if maybe Zuko is like Nanouk and Toph - just not interested in romance at all. Because as much as Sokka talked about Suki, Zuko never once brought up a crush of any sort. He hardly even talked about his relationship with Mai, and the one time Sokka had outright asked him about who he had a crush on - _before_ Zuko had moved to the South Pole - Zuko had just frowned and asked why he had to have a crush on anyone.

Sokka doesn’t mind - it’s not like Zuko can control who he can and can’t fall in love with. It’s a little sucky for Sokka, sure, but he can respect Zuko’s feelings, and he’s not going to make Zuko feel bad about it.

Zuko had said that isn’t the case, though, so Sokka isn’t entirely sure what to think. Zuko had been open about what sort of marriage his future held - one reminiscent of Yue and Hahn’s, though hopefully with someone better than Hahn, which meant he hasn’t spent the past five and a half years since his breakup with Mai silently pining for ~~Sokka~~ someone, right? He would have been a bit more troubled by the arranged marriage situation if that was happening.

Whatever the case, Sokka is inclined to believe that Zuko and Yue might be similar in more than just the fact that they’re both royalty. He thinks, maybe, they both love in ways that are considered _wrong_. Yue should have been allowed to reject Hahn’s proposal because she was already in love with someone else, and that should have been allowed to be _known_. Yue shouldn’t have had to hide her previous relationship with her girlfriend. And Zuko shouldn’t be forced into a marriage he doesn’t want, whether he doesn’t want romance at all or he really was in love with Sokka at one point or another and he can’t fall in love with a woman.

That’s what Sokka hates most about monarchies, he thinks. The fact that people like Zuko and Yue and even Azula have to spend their entire lives knowing that the chance they’ll be able to get married for love is slim, because it has to be politically advantageous and able to produce heirs as well. The fact that if they _do_ fall in love - like Yue - it’s going to turn into a tragic love affair.

It’s not fair.

Maybe their bloodline _is_ blessed by the spirits, but that doesn’t erase the fact that they’re just kids at one point, too. Sokka can’t imagine what it must be like to grow up and know love is nothing more than a fairytale; the one thing commonfolk can hold over your head. He knew Yue, Zuko, _and_ Azula as teenagers, and they were exactly that: teenagers. They should’ve been allowed to _be_ teenagers, not Next-In-Lines or Future Monarchs.

Then again, Sokka supposes, it’s not like he or Katara or Aang or Toph or Suki got to just be kids either. They all had their childhoods cut short; forced to fight to end a war that they shouldn’t have had to answer for. But at least the rest of them got to fall in love (or freely reject romance) along the way. Katara and Aang got to fall in love without worrying about what the world might think. Toph got to tell everyone she wasn’t ever going to date anyone and no one thought worse of her for it. Suki and Sokka got to fall in love and then fall out of love and figure out they could still be friends. Even Mai and Ty Lee got to fall in love and be open about their relationship.

Why shouldn’t Zuko and Azula be granted the same thing? Why shouldn’t Yue have been allowed to fall in love and be betrothed to someone she actually had feelings for? Is carrying on a royal bloodline really worth it - is it really worth forcing yourself into a relationship you don’t want for the rest of your life to carry on the same tradition that forced you into an unhappy arranged marriage in the first place?

Or maybe Sokka is just saying that because he wants Zuko to be allowed to fall in love with _him_. Maybe he’s being selfish and Zuko and Azula don’t care about choosing who they marry based off the suggestions of advisors. 

Maybe Sokka needs to just _stop thinking_ so he can _fall asleep_.

He’s lost track of how long he’s been tossing and turning in his bed, replaying the day’s events over and over in his mind, letting his thoughts wander down rabbit holes about Yue and Zuko and anger and… whatever.

He turns onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. If he’s not going to get any sleep tonight, why can’t his brain do something _useful_? Like figure out something they missed during the day. 

All of the shops seemed _normal_. None of the employees or customers Sokka spoke with seemed to be hiding anything or set on edge by Sokka’s questions. Sokka has done his fair share of shopping over the years - he knows how shops are supposed to work and he likes to think he’d be able to figure out if something was off. but there was just… _nothing_.

The only thing even _slightly_ off was in Vai’s shop, when--

 _Wait_.

Sokka shoots up into a sitting position. _How did they miss that?_

Right - they were talking to Vai, and the shop supposedly belongs to her family, so nothing should have been off there. Vai had been helping them, they have no reason to distrust her. And then Vai had mentioned the _romance cliché_ thing and Sokka’s brain had gone into meltdown before he’d had a chance to process anything else.

But… they don’t know anything about her family. Is it possible Vai’s family is involved with the uprising and Vai doesn’t know?

Sokka throws his blankets off of him and jumps out of bed before his mind has the chance to catch up with his body. He’s halfway out the door when he considers maybe he should _not_ wake Zuko up at… whatever time it is right now. The sun set hours ago and Zuko should be asleep.

Sokka should be asleep too.

Sokka leaves his room and knocks on Zuko’s door.

When there’s no response right away, Sokka thinks maybe now that he has Druk, Zuko is sleeping on his good ear. _But_ in that case, Druk should wake up to Sokka’s knocking and wake Zuko up. Sokka knocks again, harder this time. “Zuko!” He hisses. He doubts Zuko can hear him through the heavy wood of the door, but he tries anyway. “Zuko, I need to talk to you.”

The door swings open, and Sokka is suddenly very aware of how close to the door he was, because the door has been replaced by a half-asleep Zuko, who is rubbing his good eye and blinking at Sokka. His bedhead spurs a rush of affection in Sokka, which he pushes down because he should _not_ be thinking about how cute Zuko looks right now.

“Could this not wait until morning?” Zuko asks, voice still rough from sleep.

“No, no, sorry.” Sokka looks around, then pushes Zuko back into the bedroom and shuts the door behind him. Druk is still curled up on the bed, but he’s eyeing Sokka like he doesn’t trust him. Sokka glares back at him, fully aware that is not his best bet for gaining Druk’s trust. “Okay, I was thinking, and I just realized something.”

Zuko blinks slowly. “Have you slept?”

“Not important!”

“Sokka--”

“Shhh!” Sokka presses a finger to Zuko’s lips, which effectively shuts him up. He lowers his hand and continues talking, “Okay, so when we were talking to Vai, I noticed one of the other people working there looked like he was taking extra care to avoid stepping on a specific floorboard. I thought it was just some sort of squick - like when you’re walking on a stone path and you don’t want to step on the cracks between stones - so I didn’t think much of it, and also…” _And also_ , Sokka got distracted by Zuko and by Vai insinuating they might occasionally act like a couple.

“It was Vai’s shop,” Zuko finishes, his eyes wide. “There shouldn’t have been a reason to look around too much there.” He frowns. “Do you think Vai _knows_?”

Sokka shakes his head. “I don’t think so. That’s why I don’t think the guy was just being oddly particular about where he was stepping - when Vai walked away from us, she stepped right in the space the guy had been avoiding, and the floorboard squeaked.” At the time, Sokka’s mind had neglected to put two and two together, but now…

Well, even if it’s nothing, it’s the only lead they have. They might as well check it out.

“So there could be something hidden under the floorboards,” Zuko concludes. He glances out the window. “We’ve got a few hours still before sunrise. We should go now, because I’m not sure a secret compartment under the floor is something we can check for during the day.”

Sokka nods in agreement, and Zuko pulls two cloaks from his bag before tossing one towards Sokka. While Sokka pulls the cloak around him, Zuko throws his hair up into a messy topknot and then puts his own cloak on.

Zuko pats Druk on the head. “Sorry Druk, but you can’t come with us,” he whispers. “We’ll be back soon. I promise. Be good, stay here, and if anyone asks where we are, tell them… I don’t know, we went to the bathroom or something.”

Sokka snickers. “Both of us?”

He regrets it the moment the words come out of his mouth, but it’s too late to take it back now.

Zuko keeps his eyes trained on Druk and takes to scratching his head. Druk leans into it like a polar puppy. “You’re going to nitpick at _that_ and not the fact that Druk can’t even talk in the first place?” Zuko kisses the top of Druk’s head, and _seriously_? This is a deadly animal, why does Zuko keep treating him like a harmless housepet?

“Fair enough,” Sokka concedes. “Now, are we going to go, or are we going to wait here while you baby your dragon for another hour?”

Zuko flips Sokka off, then flips his hood up over his head. “Let’s go.”

\-- 

For the twenty minutes it takes them to make their way back to Vai’s family’s shop, Sokka can almost believe they’re teenagers trying to end a war again. Zuko has his swords strapped to his back, and Sokka has his (second) space sword and boomerang with him. And really, how much have they changed from the two boys who left in the middle of the night on a suicide mission to break into Boiling Rock without telling anyone where they were headed?

He can almost pretend they’re teenagers still trying to navigate a world in the first few months after a war they never thought would end, climbing across rooftops in Caldera City and griping about how they were the ones to finally end the war, but they’re not allowed in any of the meetings discussing how to assure peace will last. They never went very far from the palace, and half the time, Zuko would carry Sokka back to the palace on his back because Sokka’s leg couldn’t handle holding his weight for any longer. Zuko would tell Sokka he shouldn’t be climbing on roofs with his leg only half healed, but he’d let Sokka follow him anyways and he’d set a pace slow enough that Sokka could keep up.

Sokka misses those nights. 

Zuko glances back at Sokka, and the wind catches his hood just right that it slips down from over his head. The moonlight pours over him, drowning him in a soft white glow. This is a moment that would happen in one of Zuko’s stupid romance plays, with the nearly full moon pouring her light over them and making Zuko look ethereal as the wind sweeps up his hair and tosses it around his face. This is the moment when the protagonist realizes they can’t hold back from the love interest any longer and pulls them into a kiss and all of their problems are solved by true love.

Or, this is the moment when the protagonist pulls their love interest into a kiss and they’re granted one single moment of serenity before the tragedy strikes - before they’re pulled apart by war or spirits or death because their love was only ever meant to be tragic. 

“How’s your leg holding up? Need to slow down?” Zuko says it tauntingly, but Sokka can hear past that to the genuine concern he’s masking.

Sokka swallows and forces himself to think of a response instead of staring at Zuko long enough that it gets weird. “I’m good. But what about you? I didn’t know you could travel by rooftop without some dorky theatre mask on.”

Zuko rolls his eyes, but it’s accompanied by a smile. “Don’t have to hide so much here. I can’t imagine the prince of the Fire Nation getting caught on a rooftop a few blocks from the palace with some _boy_ would have gone over well with everyone.”

Sokka scoffs like Zuko doesn’t make a good point, like the entire Fire Nation didn’t have their eyes glued to him in the first months after the war ended, waiting to see who he would be now that his father was gone. Between the breakup with Mai and Fire Lord Iroh naming Zuko heir to the throne once more, Sokka knows the pressure was almost unbearable.

(And that pressure never really went away for Zuko, did it? He might have moved to the South Pole, but he’s still expected to take over as Fire Lord and live the life that role requires of him.)

(A life that can’t include Sokka.)

Sokka is beginning to think maybe this is a tragedy play. Sokka has listened to Zuko wax poetic about his favorite tragedies for hours and Sokka has sat through the productions with Zuko and pretended not to hear him crying at the end. Sokka knows Zuko likes them, and he knows that there are people out there who actually read and watch tragedies by choice, but Sokka never really understood it. Why let yourself care about something you know is going to end sadly?

But maybe Sokka understands, just a little bit, now that he’s looking at Zuko. Why did Sokka let himself get attached to Zuko, knowing that Zuko could never stay in the Southern Water Tribe forever? Why should Sokka dwell on the idea that Zuko could be in love with him when he knows this will not end in anything besides tragedy?

Sokka doesn’t have a good answer for that, but he thinks it might have something to do with the fact that he would condemn himself to a fate worse than death for just one kiss. 

And maybe he will.

Sokka laughs. “Because getting caught on a roof in Omashu with some _boy_ is so much better.”

Zuko’s smile softens and _spirits_. It’s beautiful and it’s tragic and it’s magical and it’s _not fair_. “I don’t think I care what other people think of me as much as I did back then.” He looks away from Sokka, up at the moon. “There are some things we can’t change about ourselves, and we shouldn’t be forced to hide them. There are some things we can’t change about the world, too, and some of those things directly contradict what we can’t change about ourselves. But I guess maybe we all want _someone_ to know the truth, in some capacity.” He pulls his hood back up over his head. “The citizens of the Fire Nation can say whatever they want about me. They’ve had their opinions on me since the day I was born and they will have their opinions long after I’m gone. The people who matter will know the truth.”

Is this a coming out or a love confession or a rejection - or maybe all three? Sokka doesn’t know, and he isn’t sure he wants to ask. 

Zuko shoots a quick glance back at Sokka. “You’ll know the truth.”

Right - the truth. Whatever _that_ may be.

“I can’t--” Sokka shakes his head. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t… It isn’t fair that you have an entire nation watching you and waiting to judge your every move. You should be allowed to be who you are freely. Whoever that might be.” Sokka sighs and lets his eyes wander up to Yue as well. “You, and Yue, and Azula too. You might be royalty, but you’re just as human as the rest of us and your feelings matter.” Sokka can feel Zuko’s eyes on him now, but he can’t meet his gaze. “Whoever you are - whatever rumors about you are and aren’t true - I just want you to know that I support you. And-- And I know I’m probably the last person you want to open up to right now - I get it - but… I’m here if you need me.”

“Thank you, Sokka.”

There’s an apology Sokka wants to spill right now too, but they have other things they should be focusing on, so he just offers Zuko a tight-lipped smile and a nod and leaves it at that. 

Zuko gestures to a shop a few buildings down. “That’s it, right?”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Sokka wraps his hand around the hilt of his sword to assure himself it’s still there. “You ready for this?”

“You know I am.”

\--

The shop is empty.

It would have been easier if they’d accidentally crashed a secret meeting or found some rebels openly plotting their next move, but of course this mission isn’t going to be _easy_. So Zuko busts the lock and swings the door open, a blazing flame in his fist just in case, but they’re met with nothing besides darkness and shelves of merchandise.

Sokka closes the door behind them quietly, and the fire in Zuko’s hand dims to a softer glow, providing just enough light so they can maneuver around the shop without stumbling into anything. (Or each other.)

“So where’s this mysterious floorboard of yours?” Zuko asks, his eyes scanning the floor.

Sokka struts halfway across the room, stopping near a table and dropping to his knees. Zuko follows and crouches down next to him, and Sokka tries not to let himself dwell on the heat radiating off of both Zuko and the flame in his hand, or the fact that they’re close enough he can feel it. Zuko holds the flame far enough away that there’s no risk of him hurting Sokka, but close enough that it offers plenty of light for him to fiddle with the floorboard until he manages to wrench it out of place.

He sets it down next to him and gestures for Zuko to shine the light closer. The compartment isn’t deep, and the firelight illuminates it entirely, revealing that it’s empty except for a scrap of paper, which Sokka fishes out and unfolds.

_DOCKS. TOMORROW. MIDNIGHT._

Zuko looks up at Sokka, their eyes meeting, both saying _So we’re going, right?_ Sokka wants to laugh at the fact that they’re both thinking the exact same thing because despite everything, they’re still somehow on the same wavelength.

Then, Zuko furrows his eyebrows. “Wait,” he says, keeping his voice low. “Omashu doesn’t have docks - the city is landlocked.”

Sokka frowns and shakes his head. “No - they do. Technically, the docks are outside the city limits because, like you said, Omashu is landlocked. But after the war, once they opened trade back up with the Water Tribes and the Fire Nation, they obviously needed to have access to the water.” Sokka folds the paper back up and drops it into the secret compartment. He fixes the floor board before standing to his feet. “I’ll show you where they are. It’s not too far from here, really.”

Zuko stands up as well and extinguishes his flame, letting darkness fall over them once more. “Okay,” he agrees. Sokka is suddenly very aware of how close they’re standing (how easy it would be to reach for Zuko’s hand). “Let’s go.”

\--

They end up on another rooftop, because of course they do. Sokka _should_ be insisting they get back to the palace so he can try to get at least _some_ sleep before they have to wake up and see if they can find any other leads elsewhere, but he can’t bring himself to suggest that. Not when he knows his brain is running too fast to allow him to fall asleep anyways.

So they sit - Sokka and Zuko - on the roof of some abandoned building in the outskirts of the city. They climbed up here in the first place so Sokka could point out the docks to Zuko, but that was a good ten minutes ago and neither one of them have made any move to leave. Sokka doesn’t _want_ to leave.

He’s afraid that the moment their feet hit the ground, the tension between him and Zuko will return. He’s afraid this peace is fleeting.

And yet, there’s still the urge to break it, to make this moment of content come crashing down on itself, to say something that could either repair or ruin everything. Some confession, some apology, some reminder of a past they might do better to just forget. It’s almost overwhelming, because the _chance_ that they could talk and fix things is seductive, even if Sokka _knows_ any “fix” can only be temporary (any “fix” will one day be followed by Zuko having no choice but to leave the South Pole for good).

(But didn’t Sokka already decide he’d suffer any fate the spirits throw at him to taste Zuko’s lips just one time?)

So Sokka goes for it - he takes the dive. 

“Zuko--” he starts at the same time Zuko says, “Sokka…” They shoot sideways glances at each other and Zuko cracks a smile. “Go ahead,” he tells Sokka.

Sokka opens his mouth, but he realizes he doesn’t even know what he was going to say. So instead of the apology he probably should be offering right off the bat, he brings up a different conversation. “I just… When I told you you don’t have to fall in love with anyone, I know you denied it, but… I need you to know that if that _is_ the case, I still--” Sokka sighs. “I support you, and I don’t think any less of you for that.”

Zuko tilts his head, but he doesn’t quite look at Sokka. “Thanks,” he says carefully, “but I wasn’t… I was being honest. It’s not that I _can’t_ fall in love, it’s just… I hadn’t, for most of my life.” He leans back and looks up at the sky. “Did I ever tell you about the ferry ride to Ba Sing Se?”

“You said you met Jet and helped him steal food.”

Zuko nods. “That wasn’t, uh… _all_.” He scratches the back of his neck. “I sort of left out the part where we made out a couple times.”

Um. _What?_ There’s no way. There’s _no way_ both Katara _and_ Zuko fell for wheat-mouth-boy with the funky eyebrows. That is _not_ possible. And Tui and La, Sokka wants to tell Zuko as much, but when he turns to look at him, Zuko’s face is serious and Sokka knows this is not the time for a joke.

“I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t… it didn’t mean what it should have, I don’t think. Like, I didn’t _mind_ it, but it wasn’t… I didn’t really feel anything towards him.” Zuko shakes his head. “It’s confusing - I don’t know how to explain it. But then, with Mai, what I felt for her was _different_ and _stronger_ , so I figured, _Oh okay this is what it feels like when you date someone you actually like_ , but that… that wasn’t it either. I never felt anything other than friendship for Mai, but I kept pretending I _had_ been in love with her, because the alternative… I thought the alternative was that I’d been in love with Jet, and I didn’t want to have to deal with that.”

Sokka doesn’t know what to say to that, really. He’ll readily put aside his distaste towards Jet to be there for Zuko, but how is he supposed to respond even then? “So you… _Were_ you in love with Jet?”

“No,” Zuko answers easily, like he’s thought about that question a lot. “I wasn’t in love with Jet, and I wasn’t in love with Mai either. Maybe if I’d had more time with Jet, it could have gotten there, but I didn’t know him long enough for it to get to that point.” He says it so matter-of-factly that Sokka can tell he’s considered what he’s saying thoroughly. “I think… Jet was someone I actually had the capability to fall in love with, but I didn’t have the friendship built up there. With Mai, I had the friendship and trust built up, but I couldn’t fall in love with her because I’m not--” Zuko looks down at his hands. “Because I’m gay,” he whispers. He carries on before Sokka has a chance to respond. “So it’s not that I _can’t_ fall in love. It’s just that I didn’t know what romance was for… a very long time. And when I finally figured it out, I-- I think I was too late.”

“Oh,” Sokka says, because…

 _Because_.

Zuko wasn’t in love with Jet, because the friendship wasn’t there first. Zuko wasn’t in love with Mai, because she’s a woman. But Zuko’s been in love with _someone_ \- someone he built a friendship with and someone who is not a woman - and--

And Sokka clung to Zuko’s side for the entire three years he was in the Southern Water Tribe. He would _know_ if Zuko had any other friends he might be referring to, wouldn’t he?

“Zuko…” Sokka’s voice is thick, and he can’t really get any words out. He wants to say _I’m sorry_ and _I forgive you_ and _It’s not too late_ and _But what if it is?_ and _You still have me forever_ and _Forever was never ours_ and _I love you, I love you, I love you!_ But nothing comes. Silence hangs between them and on the horizon, the sun begins it’s climb up into the sky, creeping up just enough that Sokka can see the top of it over the water.

“It’s fine,” Zuko responds so softly that Sokka can barely hear it. Maybe he wasn’t even _meant_ to hear it.

“No,” Sokka says. He shifts so his entire body is facing Zuko. “Zuko, _spirits_ , I’m sorry.”

Zuko looks over at Sokka, his eyebrows furrowed. “For what?”

“For--” Sokka throws his arms up in the air. “Just _everything_. I’m sorry for getting mad at you for leaving, I’m sorry for yelling at you when you came back, I’m sorry for taking it personally when you left, I’m sorry for telling my dad I didn’t think you were trustworthy, I’m sorry for letting my grief turn to anger and taking it all out on you, and I--” _Just say it, Sokka!_ “I’m sorry that… I’m sorry that nothing we can do changes the fact that this is - that _we_ are - just some stupid tragedy play where the prince has to say goodbye to the love interest because he was born royalty and I guess that constitutes being forced to live a life that isn’t really what you want.”

Zuko blinks slowly. “You’re…” he smiles a sad smile that is more painful than Sokka getting stabbed in the side and left to bleed out would be. “I’m sorry, too. I know I apologized, but I-- You were right. Sorry isn’t always enough, and I deserved your anger. I ran away because I was scared and confused, and then I came back and was still stupid enough to think things would be fine.” 

Zuko mirrors Sokka’s position, sitting so his entire body is facing Sokka, and he reaches up to his hair. He deftly unties the ribbon holding up his topknot and lets his hair fall loose. It’s not until he goes to tie the ribbon onto his wrist that Sokka notices it’s not a ribbon at all - it’s the cord he gave Zuko a year ago.

“I didn’t _want_ to leave without saying goodbye,” Zuko confesses. “I didn’t want to wait so long to tell you either, but… Sokka, I couldn’t say no to you. I still can’t. If I’d told you before the plans were all finalized, I would have let you talk me out of leaving, and it would have been embarrassing how easy it would have been for you. And even once everything was in place and King Kuei was expecting me and had work for me in Ba Sing Se…” Zuko lets out a bitter laugh and runs a hand through his hair. “If I’d said goodbye to you in person, I never would have left. You wouldn’t have asked me to stay - I _know_ \- but you wouldn’t have needed to. You would’ve hugged me goodbye, or you would’ve just _looked_ at me with that sad look in your eyes that says _I’m hurting, but I don’t want anyone else to know_ and I wouldn’t have been able to step foot on that ship.”

“I thought you didn’t tell me because I wasn’t important enough,” Sokka admits, the words falling from his lips before he can stop them.

“Sokka…” Zuko reaches out, but stops himself, letting his hand fall back into his lap. His expression makes Sokka feel bad for ever doubting his importance to Zuko. “You’re the _most_ important. Never doubt that.”

Sokka’s chest aches at the simplicity with which Zuko has spoken, like he could never imagine anyone being more important than Sokka despite the fact that he’s a prince and Sokka is no one.

The sky is lightening visibly now, and the sun is painting the sky soft shades of pink and purple and orange, but Sokka is staring at Zuko and he’s more beautiful than any sunrise Sokka’s seen in his life. More beautiful than any starry night, any sunset, any aurora, any _thing_.

The sunrise is magnificent.

But Zuko is everything.

Zuko is everything, and he’s completely untouchable. He isn’t Sokka’s to have, to keep, to call his own. He never has been and he never will be, because he’s the prince of the Fire Nation and Sokka is not someone who fits the standards Zuko needs to have. Zuko is everything, but he isn’t Sokka’s everything. He’s someone else’s.

Sokka has to look away. He looks at the sky instead and pretends it’s comparable to the man next to him. “Do you remember the night I told you you’d have me forever?”

“How could I forget?”

Sokka nods, and sighs. “Why did we believe ourselves? I mean… You’re _you_ , and I’m, well, _me_.” He laughs, and it’s empty and harsh. “Why on earth would the two of us get something as good as that?”

“Yeah,” Zuko says, his voice strained. “Right. We can’t…” Sokka glances over at him just long enough to see him fidgeting with the cord on his wrist. “You know, the whole star-crossed thing is a lot better when it’s on stage or in a book than it is when you have to look into its eyes and know it’s unbeatable.”

Sokka doesn’t agree. The “whole star-crossed thing” isn’t good _ever_ , in his humble opinion. What is the point of falling in love when you know every force in the universe is working to tear you apart from each other?

Well.

On second thought.

Maybe Sokka’s been star-crossed twice in his life, maybe Sokka already had to face the “whole star-crossed thing” head on when he was fifteen and he watched Yue become the moon spirit, watched her fade from his arms and knew there was nothing to be done because it was simply her fate. Maybe this is Sokka’s fate - to fall in love with people who have bigger destinies that can’t include Sokka - and maybe it’s _Sokka’s_ fault that Yue had to sacrifice herself and Zuko has to become Fire Lord. 

It’s funny, kind of. Because Sokka isn’t anyone, really. Who is he to be falling in love with royalty and somehow convincing them to fall for him in return?

“What do you think I did in my past life,” Sokka starts, because how else can he cope besides with an ill-timed joke, “for the spirits to sentence me to star-crossed twice in one lifetime?”

Zuko smiles. “That’s rough, buddy.”

“Yeah.” Sokka pulls his knees to his chest. “It is.”

There’s more silence, for several minutes, before Zuko speaks up.

“Sokka?”

“Hm?”

“...I just want us to be friends again.” A pause. “I miss you.”

“I want that too,” Sokka says honestly. He knows it’s a terrible idea - he’ll get too attached again and convince himself that _just friends_ is fine for as long as Zuko doesn’t have potential suitors being thrown his direction and is forced to just pick one - but _screw it_. If this is his fate worse than death, maybe he’ll get a kiss somewhere along the way. “I miss _us_.”

Zuko nods. They aren’t facing each other anymore; they’re facing the sunrise instead. But Zuko’s hand makes its way over to Sokka’s, and Sokka links their fingers together without any hesitation. They don’t look at each other, and they don’t need to. There’s an understanding.

 _This_ is temporary.

But they’ll both gladly go down in flames.

The sun climbs higher, and the morning light shines hot on Sokka’s face. The oranges and pinks and purples fade into blue over their heads.

Aang was right. Sokka let go of his anger, and he opened himself right up to another heartbreak, but Zuko is worth it. Sokka is letting himself be vulnerable, and Zuko is too, and they’ll regret it eventually. But for now, they’ll sit on the roof and they’ll watch the sunrise, and Sokka will let himself believe forever isn’t an impossibility for just one more moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [chapter five art](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643684790801973248/two-bros-sitting-on-a-rooftop-zero-feet-apart)
> 
> the next chapter is probably my favorite so get ready :) it'll be up monday (2/22)!!


	6. fractured moonlight (on the sea)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings for this chapter:**  
>  \- the canon-typical violence tag comes into play near the end of this chapter, though there's nothing that i would say is graphic nor is there any sort of gore.  
> \- there are also references to what i would best describe as emotional self-harm/implied self-hatred, which is specifically in reference to the guilt tag, during the one-on-one conversation between zuko and azula. so once again, nothing graphic or gory, but something that could be potentially triggering. you can also definitely ask me to add a tag to the fic if you think it needs that, but i really wasn't sure what exactly to tag it as.  
> \- if you have any concerns, please don't hesitate to leave a comment
> 
> chapter title from never let me go by florence + the machine

**_so tell me to run_ **

**_or dare to sit and watch what we’ll become_ **

_ivy - taylor swift_

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

_two years ago_

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”

They’re in the Fire Nation for the week - Zuko because Uncle wanted him to come back for the Fire Lily Festival and Sokka because he wanted to come with. Of course, Sokka had wanted to tag along for the festival food and the fireworks displays, not the sappy plays that Zuko has a soft spot for. But the romance plays are just as much a part of the festival as the food and the fireworks, and Sokka really hadn’t put up too much of a fuss when Zuko asked him if they could watch a couple together. 

Generally, Zuko would drag Mai and Ty Lee with him and end up third wheeling. It might not be so bad if Mai and Ty Lee actually _appreciated_ the arts, but Zuko’s lost count of how many times they’ve ended up either leaving halfway through to make out in the hallway or just making out in their seats.

So yeah, Sokka is definitely the better option. And even though he’d hated the first play Zuko drug him to this week, he still let Zuko drag him to the annual production of _The Final Curtain_ that always takes place on the last night of the festival.

“Shhh! I promise, this is going to be better than _The Earth King’s Daughters_ ,” Zuko insists. 

Sokka rolls his eyes, but he sits back in his seat and shoves a handful of fire flakes into his mouth. So at least he’s decided he won’t ditch Zuko and leave the theatre at the last minute. “Is this one going to be better than _Love Amongst the Dragons_?”

“Nothing is better than _Love Amongst the Dragons_ ,” Zuko answers. The smile on Sokka’s face tells Zuko that was exactly the answer he was expecting. “How can you get better than a play with dragons, a star-crossed love affair, sun and moon symbolism, and a villain who has a secret past that ties them to the protagonist?”

Sokka shrugs. “I mean, yeah, but… it’s a tragedy. The two main characters don’t even get to be together in the end. What’s the point?”

“It’s a commentary,” Zuko explains, though he’s sure they’ve had this exact conversation before. “It was written just before the start of the Hundred Year War, and it was more of a warning than anything else. It was saying _Hey, if we go to war, it’s going to end in tragedy just like this_. The author wanted his audience to get attached to the two main characters and hate the fact that the world wouldn’t allow them to be together because of war.” Zuko reaches over and grabs a few fire gummies from Sokka’s bag. “It doesn’t have to be that deep, though. I guess the most interesting part of a tragedy play to me is the fact that they _do_ get to be happy at one point. There’s always a point in the play where you know the characters think they’ll make it - they’ll get to be happy - even if the audience knows otherwise. There’s a sort of dramatic irony in it. And it makes me think… Do they feel like the heartbreak was worth it?” Zuko furrows his eyebrows. He pointedly does _not_ think about a boy on a boat or a girl who couldn’t love him. “Would _I_ feel like the heartbreak was worth it?”

“So you’re a masochist who is living vicariously through classic literature,” Sokka concludes. “I’m glad we can be this open with each other.”

Zuko shoves Sokka’s arm, but he can’t fight his smile. “Shut up,” he grumbles. “Some of us just like to be able to feel things instead of using humor to cover up any and all emotions.”

“First of all, _ouch_ ,” Sokka places a hand over his heart. “I’m truly wounded. Second of all, I _can_ feel things.” He elbows Zuko. “I just don’t need fiction to help me.”

Zuko scoffs, but doesn’t say anything else. He steals another one of Sokka’s fire gummies and chews slowly as Sokka moves closer, wrapping an arm around Zuko. They’re quiet for several moments before Sokka speaks up.

“So _do_ you think the heartbreak would be worth it?”

Zuko turns to look at Sokka. Some faraway voice in the back of his mind is saying _Of course not!_ But if it wasn’t worth it, why would Zuko even _care_ about plays like _Love Amongst the Dragons_? Maybe it wasn’t worth it for Jet (because that wasn’t _real_ ) and maybe it wasn’t worth it for Mai (because that wasn’t _right_ ), but…

“I think it could be,” Zuko decides, and he’s pretty confident in that answer. The heartbreak isn’t always worth it, not when the person wasn’t right for you. But if the person is right when the timing or circumstances are wrong - if the spirits are cruel enough to give you a soulmate you have no choice but to lose when your story’s hardly begun - then yes. Every fleeting moment with them would be worth the heartbreak that will inevitably follow.

Sokka looks up at the ceiling. “I think so too,” he says.

He isn’t looking at the ceiling, really, Zuko realizes. He’s looking up to where he knows Yue is, and something deep inside Zuko’s chest cracks. He leans his head on Sokka’s shoulder and promises himself he isn’t going to make Sokka watch any more tragedy plays. “Not to spoil too much,” he starts, “but _this_ play has a happy ending. ...You just have to make it through the pining and the arguing and the doubt and the love interest almost dying.”

Sokka laughs. “I think I can do that.”

\--

_present day_

It’s different than Zuko thought it would be.

The whole love thing. The whole tragedy thing. The whole Crown Prince of the Fire Nation, next in line to be Fire Lord thing. The whole star-crossed thing.

It’s different. It _hurts_. Zuko didn’t think it would be painless - he likes to think he has at least a _little_ common sense, despite what Azula and Mai might argue - but _Agni_. Zuko’s taken a lightning bolt to the heart and he would honestly rather do that five times over than have to deal with _this_. The _what if?_ and the _almost, almost_ and the _star-crossed sun and moon, fire and water, red and blue_ and the _right person, wrong circumstances_. 

The regret.

The _we could have had more time_ \- if Zuko had just _known_. If he’d figured out his feelings sooner, if he’d sealed his forever promise to Sokka with a kiss, would they have had a few years together before the inevitability of tragedy crashed down around them? Or would that have rushed them into a goodbye neither of them were ready for? Would that have sent Zuko on the first ship back to the Fire Nation, because the prince isn’t allowed to get attached to anyone who isn’t Advisor Approved and the son of the chief isn’t allowed to fall for someone from the Fire Nation, let alone royalty?

Zuko thought whatever went down between him and Jet was brief, but Sokka dumped him before they were even together.

Then again, didn’t Zuko do the same six months ago?

Zuko wants to talk to Azula.

Not because she’d be kind and caring and compassionate, but because she’s the only person he can think of who _might_ understand the pressure of being next in line for the throne and how that has to take precedence over your love life. Even if she’s the entire reason Zuko needs to be the one to provide an heir in the first place. She still spent the years of Zuko’s banishment being prepared to take the throne - she told Zuko as much, told Zuko their father had been wanting and expecting for him to never return so Azula could be the next Fire Lord.

And, okay, the doctors _did_ say they still shouldn’t be alone together, and Zuko understands that. He really does. Talking to Azula about his feelings is _not_ an idea anyone on the planet (Azula included) would approve of, because Azula doesn’t _do_ feelings. Azula holds Zuko’s hands just to send jolts of electricity shooting up his veins. Azula looks Zuko in the eye just so he knows she will always believe she’s better than him in any way that matters.

(Azula always lies.)

Zuko slides a note under Sokka’s door, saying he’s going to find Suki and Azula. 

They returned to the palace just after sunrise and Sokka had thrown himself down onto his bed and told Zuko not to wake him until at least noon. Which, judging by where the sun is and what Zuko’s internal clock is telling him, gives Zuko about two hours to find Suki and Azula, disregard everything Azula’s doctors have told both of them, and have a conversation that will definitely be in the running for his worst idea ever.

Then again, he can’t possibly make a worse decision than leaving the South Pole for six months, now can he? Compared to that, talking to Azula is a stroke of genius.

Zuko briefly considers taking Druk with him, but ultimately decides against it and leaves him with Flopsy again. Druk whines at Zuko when he goes to walk away without him until Zuko gives him some dried dragon fruit he picked up the previous day. After he gets extra food, Druk seems perfectly content to spend more time away from Zuko.

He goes to Mileh’s house first. He isn’t necessarily expecting Azula and Suki to still be there, but he’s hoping they might have told Mileh what their plan for the day is. All she can offer Zuko is that they said something about flower shops, so Zuko heads back to the shopping district to look through Omashu’s copious collection of flower shops until he (hopefully) finds the girls.

It doesn’t take long, surprisingly.

They’re in the third flower shop Zuko comes across, and they’re the only ones there besides the middle-aged man behind the counter who is eyeing them warily. Suki and Azula are both holding bouquets of flowers, and Zuko can’t even begin to consider why before Suki exclaims, “Zuko! You’re here!”

Azula glares at him, and then masks it with a smile Zuko knows full well is fake. “We got you flowers!” She says, thrusting the bouquets in her hands into Zuko’s arms. Suki does the same, leaving Zuko with his arms full of flowers and no answers as to _why_.

“Um…” Zuko shifts the flowers so he can see over them. “What?”

Suki twirls a strand of her hair around her finger. “You’re so silly!” She giggles, then boops Zuko on the nose. So either Suki and Azula are playing dumb because the man behind the counter is suspicious of them, or they’ve both been poisoned with something cactus juice-adjacent. Zuko prays to Agni it’s the first one.

“...Right,” Zuko’s frown deepens. “Are, uh, are you two done here or do you need more flowers?”

The man behind the counter scoffs. “Do these two look like they need more flowers?”

Zuko’s body tenses at the man’s tone. He’s beginning to think the note at Vai’s family shop was planted by someone else, just because he doesn’t like how this man is treating Suki and Azula. Suki and Azula can very much take care of themselves, but Zuko still shoots the man a glare he knows is threatening solely because of the scar. He turns to Suki. “I think you should get some flowers for Sokka.”

“I think _you_ should get some flowers for Sokka,” Azula responds. Her tone is light, but the smile on her face is malicious. Suki giggles again. Zuko bites his tongue hard enough he’s afraid it might draw blood.

“Fine,” he grumbles, shoving the flowers into Azula’s arms. “Hold these.” He doesn’t look long enough to see the death threats he knows are in her eyes and instead marches up to the counter. The man looks thoroughly unimpressed, and Zuko can’t blame him.

“Get him panda lilies!” Suki suggests, still using her high-pitched ditzy girl voice. 

Zuko has spent enough time around Mai and Ty Lee to know that panda lilies are basically a love confession in the Earth Kingdom, so that’s a no go. Unfortunately, Zuko has also spent enough time around Mai and Ty Lee that he’s very deeply overthinking this like he’s even going to give Sokka whatever flowers he gets. What he’s going to do is throw them in the first garbage bin he sees once he leaves Suki and Azula to go back to the palace.

“Too bad the fire lilies won’t bloom for another few weeks,” Azula comments innocently. “I hear the best flower shops in the Earth Kingdom get some imported during the week of the festival.” She laughs, and Zuko is surprised at how much better her fake laugh has gotten over the past few years. “Are you going to take Sokka as your date again?”

To his credit, Zuko does not firebend visibly. Instead he glances over at Azula and wills her body temperature to drop enough that she can feel it and _knows_ to stop talking. Her eyes widen, but she doesn’t say anything else.

Zuko fishes money out of his pocket and tosses it on the counter. “Just give me half a dozen red gardenias. Keep the change.”

\--

“Okay, _what_ was that?!” Azula demands as soon as they’re outside. She hands two of the bouquets in her arms over to Suki, then turns to glare at Zuko.

“I could ask the same thing! You two could kill a man, and you’re in a flower shop playing _Oh, I’m such a weak and helpless girl_ for, what, fun?”

“It’s a strategy,” Suki explains. “Also a game-slash-therapy thing.”

“I--” Zuko stops himself. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “How?”

“If people think we’re stupid and oblivious like _you_ , we might catch them slipping up, and that’ll give us a lead to follow,” Azula explains. She looks around, then ducks into an empty alley. Zuko and Suki follow. “But it’s also a game. Suki and I see who can stay in character the longest. The doctors suggested low-stakes, meaningless, games as a way to train my brain into understanding that it’s okay if I don’t win everything.”

“Low-stakes,” Zuko repeats. “You’re looking for a resistance group that tried to assassinate the Earth King.”

“And my doctors are back in the Fire Nation,” Azula finishes. Clearly this conversation is over for her. “Now would you be so kind as to explain why you felt the need to play with my body temperature?” She raises an eyebrow.

“You did _what_?” Suki demands.

“Doesn’t matter,” Zuko waves Suki’s concerns aside. “Azula, I came to talk to you.”

“Wow. You’re even more of an idiot than I thought.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Zuko sighs. “Listen. You know I wouldn’t talk to you if there was even one other person on this planet I thought might get what I’m trying to say. All I’m asking for is five minutes.” Zuko sounds desperate, he knows, but he can’t even bring himself to care. “Something happened, and I… I just want to talk to my sister.”

Zuko can see the snappy comment Azula had ready to go die on her tongue, and instead, what comes out of her mouth is, “Oh.”

Suki pipes up from behind them. “Am I legally allowed to leave you two alone?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Azula says. “The next shop on the list is just around the corner. I’ll meet you there.”

Suki nods. “Okay. But if it takes longer than fifteen minutes, I’m coming back to make sure neither of you are dead.” With that, she turns and leaves.

Zuko leans back against the wall, and then slides to the ground. Azula hesitates, then decides to sit down across from him. She sets her flowers down next to her, but Zuko keeps his hands firmly wrapped around his own bouquet.

“Okay.” Azula folds her hands together in her lap. “What talk is this? Is this the _I’m gay_ talk, the _I’m in love with Sokka_ talk, or the _It’s time for me to go back to the Fire Nation_ talk?”

“I don’t know,” Zuko says quietly. “Maybe all three.” He doesn’t _want_ it to be the last one - not yet - but… what if that would be easier? He just wants whatever will hurt Sokka the least. “I guess…” Why did Zuko even decide he needed to talk to Azula so badly? He doesn’t even know what to _say_. “I think maybe it’s the _How do you deal with the pressure of being next in line for the throne?_ talk.”

Azula nods slowly. “I thought that one would’ve come sooner, but okay. Go on.”

“Well. It has to do with the first two conversations you suggested, I guess.” Zuko looks at the flowers in his hands, red like blood. “I can’t… Azula, I can’t be _gay_. I’m supposed to become Fire Lord. I’m supposed to marry some respectable woman Uncle’s advisors pick out for me so we can produce a respectable heir who will take the throne after me.” He lowers his voice, “But instead, I fell in love with Sokka and I guess I must’ve done something to make him fall in love with me, but it can’t… it can’t happen.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “I didn’t ask to be royalty. I don’t want to be Fire Lord. I want--”

What _does_ Zuko want?

Has he ever let himself dwell on that long enough to be able to formulate an answer?

“I know,” Azula replies calmly. “Do you want to know the reason I brought you back to the Fire Nation after what happened in the Crystal Catacombs?”

Zuko has no idea what that has to do with anything he just said, but he says, “Sure,” anyways.

“I was going to use you,” she admits. This revelation doesn’t particularly surprise Zuko. Even now, Azula rarely does things out of selflessness. “I knew that if your banishment continued, I’d have to be forced into an arranged marriage for an heir. But if I brought you back to the Fire Nation, I could force you and Mai to be the ones to provide an heir instead.” She tosses her hair over her shoulder. “I told myself it was because I didn’t have a good mother to look up to for an example on how to raise my own child. But really, I just didn’t want to marry a man.”

“Why not?”

“...Don’t make me say it.”

Oh.

Zuko does the only thing he can think to do: He sets down the flowers, leans forward, and pulls Azula into a hug. He waits for the nails digging into his arms or the sparks charring his robes, but they don’t come. Azula doesn’t relax into the hug, exactly, but she doesn’t push Zuko away either, and that’s definitely an improvement. 

“Azula,” he whispers as her arms finally come up and wrap themselves around him. “I love you,” he says, and for the first time in probably fifteen years, he means it. Azula doesn’t say anything; she digs her fingers into his back but in a way that says _Don’t let go_.

They might sit there for a few seconds or they might sit there for a few hours, Zuko has no idea. But he doesn’t think Suki comes back to check on them, so it must not be _too_ long before Azula pulls back and wipes at her eyes, refusing to make eye contact with Zuko.

Zuko wipes his own tears away and pretends he doesn’t see.

“Zuzu…” Azula starts. Zuko ignores the way her voice cracks. “You and Sokka… You’re good for each other. You deserve to be together.” She cracks a smile. “Partially because you’re both the same type of stupid, but… also because of other reasons.” She takes a deep breath. “Uncle likes you. We can talk him into it.”

Zuko blinks. “We?”

“Yeah.” Azula’s smile turns empty. “No one is going to fall in love with me for real anyways. I might as well take the fall and let his advisors force _me_ into a marriage instead of you.”

“Woah, wait, hold on,” Zuko shakes his hands. “No. Absolutely not.” He points a finger at Azula. “You’re the younger sibling. The responsibility of an heir falls on _me_ first and foremost.” And what happened to Azula only doing good things if they benefit _her_?

Azula pushes his hand down. “ _Unless_ there’s something preventing you from having children. I’d say being gay counts you out.”

“But it doesn’t count _you_ out?”

Azula fixes him with a harsh glare, but the fire behind it is weak and fading. Azula’s malice isn’t the same as it used to be when it comes to the few select people she cares about. Zuko can’t believe it took him until now to realize he’s one of those people.

She wraps her arms around herself and looks away. “I… want you to be happy.”

Azula doesn’t say she loves people outright, she just doesn’t. But Zuko’s spent enough time around people who have taught him _I love you_ doesn’t always take the shape of those three words. Sometimes, it’s feeding your sick friend soup. Sometimes, it’s going penguin sledding as a birthday celebration. Sometimes, it’s letting your friend braid your hair because it calms their nerves. Sometimes, it’s _Have you eaten today?_ or _Don’t forget your mittens again!_ or _You’ll have me forever_.

Or _I want you to be happy_.

“Your happiness is with Sokka,” she continues, “and Sokka’s happiness is with you. That’s all there is to it.” She picks at her robes. “Your happiness isn’t in the Fire Nation; it’s in the South Pole. That’s the real reason I could never bring myself to respond to your letters. You were just… you were _happy_. I was jealous. And I hated the fact that you could be so happy somewhere that isn’t home.” She finally looks back at Zuko and whispers, “But Caldera City isn’t your home anymore, is it?”

“No,” Zuko confesses before he can really consider it. Because what is there to consider? Caldera City hasn’t been home since Zuko was thirteen years old.

The only difference now, though, is he can think of somewhere he _would_ call home.

“But it doesn’t matter.” Zuko picks the flowers back up. Red gardenias. _Secret love_. “Sokka and I can’t be together. It doesn’t matter who or where feels like home, it doesn’t _matter_ if we’re in love. When you’re next in line for the throne, love isn’t enough.” It’s true for Zuko just as it was true for Yue. It doesn’t _matter_. There are some things in life that can’t be changed.

“Make it enough!” Azula snaps. “I don’t have anywhere else to go besides Caldera City, and I’m _not_ spending the rest of my life watching you brood over someone you never even dated.” She gestures to the flowers in Zuko’s hands. “You’re not the only one who’s friends with Mai and Ty Lee. I know what red gardenias mean.” She stands up, holds her hand down to Zuko, and yanks him up too. “You’re in love with him. So _tell him_ , and figure out the rest later. Stop thinking so far into the future and just let yourself be happy for once in your life.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Azula?” Zuko asks instead of letting himself be swayed by anything she just said.

“Look.” She swipes her own discarded flowers off the ground. “If you and Sokka _aren’t_ meant to be together, you’ll break up before you need an heir anyways. But if the rest of us have been right this entire time and you two _are_ meant to be together, you’ll figure it out. Who cares about the bloodline? We’re all messed up anyways! I think it’s time we start fresh. Adopt a kid, bring some new blood in, maybe something less homicidal this time.”

Zuko laughs, more out of shock than anything else. He’d expected Azula to tell him to get a grip and think about the Fire Nation. Or he’d expected her to say something like, _I think you_ should _just stay in the South Pole forever so_ I _can take the throne_. But that… was not what he got.

He got the closest Azula has ever been and might ever be to a pep talk.

“‘Meant to be together’ isn’t real anyways,” Azula finishes. “I’ve been told _meant to be_ is something you make yourself.”

Zuko doesn’t know if he really believes that or not. He’s always liked the idea of soulmates better - of having someone out there who is meant for you and you alone. But there’s something tragic about that too, because really, you never know if the person you end up with is your soulmate or not. And if your soulmate is someone who’s destiny lies away from you, there’s nothing you can do and there’s no hope to find another love half as good as what you lost.

“Who told you that?”

Azula sighs. “Uncle Iroh.”

Of course. But Uncle probably meant it in the context of arranged marriages and finding love with whoever you’re matched up with. That _is_ what Uncle did, after all, as far as Zuko is aware. Unfortunately, no marriage arranged by anyone with any power in the Fire Nation is going to fit the desires of Zuko _or_ Azula.

(It’s almost fitting, really. Neither one of them particularly deserve the sort of happily ever after the fairytales illustrate.)

(If anyone deserved that type of happy ending, it was Yue.)

Zuko looks up like he’ll be able to see her despite the fact that he knows the full moon is only in the sky when it’s dark. 

“What are you looking at?” Azula questions, though she seems genuinely curious.

Zuko doesn’t answer, exactly. What he does say is, “Did anyone tell you the story of what happened to Yue?”

“I… don’t think I know who that is.”

It makes sense. As far as Zuko is aware, Azula would have still been in the palace with their father during the battle that cost Yue her life. Mai and Ty Lee haven’t heard the full story either, and no one else would tell Azula about something so heavy.

“She was a princess, the daughter of the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe,” Zuko explains. “Supposedly it was her destiny to sacrifice herself to save the moon spirit and her people. Really, she was just a sixteen-year-old girl. She was a lot like us, I think, except she actually deserved to be happy.” He lowers his gaze until it meets Azula’s. “Yue put her duty and her people first when she shouldn’t have had to. Who am I to put my own selfish desires before my people and my duty when rectifying the Fire Nation both does and _should_ fall on my shoulders? Who am I to be happy when Yue is spending eternity alone because of _my_ actions?”

“Oh,” Azula whispers. “She was the girl who turned into the moon.” She frowns. “I guess you’re right. But…my doctors have told me that spending the rest of your life letting yourself drown in guilt isn’t going to help anyone. Whether you’ve been forgiven or not, whether you think you deserve to let go of your guilt or not, wallowing in self-pity isn’t going to help.” She looks at her flowers. 

“I always laughed at that idea, but it’s true. I _know_ I don’t deserve forgiveness. I can spend the rest of my life trying to be a better person or whatever, and it won’t matter. You think the people of Ba Sing Se would forgive me for taking over their city? You think the Kyoshi Warriors - Suki excluded - want to forgive me for stealing their stuff and throwing them in prison? I’m surprised Suki hasn’t revealed she’s just been playing the waiting game and only agreed to come to Omashu with me so she could finally get her revenge.”

“You didn’t seem on edge around her,” Zuko points out. He knows all Azula’s tells for when she’s talking to someone she doesn’t trust. 

Azula nods. “Because if she does hurt me, it’s something I deserve. It’s the guilt, Zuko. The doctors were right, I guess. If we let our guilt consume us, we start to think every bad thing that happens to us is something we deserve. We start to put ourselves in situations where we could get hurt because we feel like that’s what we deserve. We start doing things to hurt ourselves. Like refusing to write to the only person we want to talk to. Like running away from our friends. Like deciding to force ourselves into a marriage with someone we will never be able to fall in love with.”

“Your doctors are smart,” Zuko admits. “But how do we stop feeling so guilty?”

“I don’t know. For you, it might be as simple as letting yourself be in love with Sokka.”

“And for you?” Zuko asks, though he knows Azula won’t have an answer. 

“Is it hypocritical of me to say I’m too far gone to save?”

“No one’s too far gone to save, Azula.” Zuko wants to hug her, or just do _something_ to let her know that he’s there for her and that he means what he’s saying, but they both have flowers in their hands and he doesn’t want to do anything that will break the comradery between them that must be fragile. “You’ve already come so far.” A thought occurs to him. “Shortly after I first joined Team Avatar, during the war, Aang told me the first step to letting go of your anger is just acknowledging that it’s something you’re letting control you. I think guilt is probably the same way. You’re already healing, even if it doesn’t feel like it.”

Azula looks like she’s ready to fight, ready to tear Zuko to shreds with her words alone about how he’s _wrong_ , but something shifts in her demeanor before she speaks. And when she _does_ speak, it’s uncharacteristically vulnerable. “I hope so.”

\--

Zuko leaves Azula to continue her investigations with Suki and heads back to the palace to check on Sokka. He doubts Sokka has woken up yet, but he probably shouldn’t let him sleep through the entire day.

Granted, they _will_ be leaving to go to the docks late tonight, but that really shouldn’t take _too_ long. So long as they don’t get caught. And Sokka can catch up fully on his sleep once he’s back in the Southern Water Tribe and the rebels who are trying to start a war and assassinate important political figures have been apprehended.

Because Zuko lost what few brain cells he had some time after moving to the South Pole, he does not throw out the flowers like he told himself he would. He got used to holding them, carried them all the way back to the palace, and still had them in his hand when he knocked on Sokka’s door. Of course, his mind neglected to alert him this might raise some questions from Sokka until Sokka had already swung the door open and fixed Zuko with a confused look.

“I thought you said you were going to find Suki and Azula?”

“I did.”

“...Did they give you flowers?”

That’s when it clicks. Zuko looks down at the flowers, then back up at Sokka and prays to Agni his face isn’t as red as it feels. After all, there’s a perfectly logical explanation for why Zuko has flowers.

(Well, sort of.)

“No,” he mumbles. He steps into Sokka’s room and the door shuts behind him. “It’s, um, a long story?” His hands tighten around the bouquet. “They were investigating some flower shops, probably because of what Vai told us yesterday, and they were playing this _game_ , I guess, where they pretend to be, um, silly?” Zuko shakes his head. “Anyway. They made me buy them.” He looks down. “For you.”

There’s several seconds of silence, then--

“For me?”

Zuko nods. He hands the flowers over to Sokka, their fingers brushing as he does so. Zuko does his best to ignore the sparks rushing through his veins at the contact and clears his throat. “You know, just because it’s weird to go into a flower shop and not buy anything, and they already had, like, a bunch of flowers, and--”

“Dude,” Sokka cuts him off. “We’re friends, remember? You can get me flowers.”

 _Friends_.

“Right!” Yes. Friends. Friends give friends flowers that mean _I’m in love with you but I can’t say it out loud_. Definitely. 

Is this how everyone felt watching Zuko when he was with Sokka for the past three(ish) years? Because if so, Zuko might owe a few people some apologies.

“Cool!” Sokka grins at Zuko. “These are really nice,” he muses as he turns and looks around the room. He ends up just laying the bouquet on the desk since there’s not a vase for them just lying around. “What kind are they?”

“Gardenias.” Zuko hopes Sokka doesn’t know anything about flower meanings. He grew up in the Southern Water Tribe, and it’s not like flowers are abundant there, so he wouldn’t exactly have a _reason_ to know the meanings of different flowers. But Sokka also fixates on things that are irrelevant to him, so Zuko really has no idea.

Luckily, Sokka proudly says, “Never heard of ‘em,” before spinning back around to face Sokka and clapping his hands together. “So what’s our plan for today? Should we look for more leads in case there’s nothing happening at the docks tonight?”

Should Zuko spend an entire day with Sokka in Omashu’s shopping district now that they’re back on good terms but Sokka has decided that they need to just be friends? Probably not. But when was the last time Zuko made a reasonable decision?

“Sounds good to me!”

* * *

**_SOKKA_ **

In hindsight, neglecting to tell Azula and Suki about the note or the fact that he and Zuko were going to sneak out of the palace in the middle of the night for a potentially dangerous spy mission was probably not the greatest plan Sokka’s ever come up with. But by the time he realized that, he and Zuko were already on their way.

In Sokka’s defense, it was supposed to be an observatory mission. They were supposed to catch some of the rebels in a meeting or putting some evil plan into action, overhear a conversation, and then leave. They weren’t supposed to be caught or get involved.

But when they arrive at the docks, no one’s around. There are a few ships sitting idly in the harbor, but other than that, it’s empty. Sokka looks up at the sky. If he’s calculated the time right, it should be just after midnight now. Maybe there’s a secret meeting happening on one of the boats?

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Zuko whispers. “I feel like maybe this was a trap.”

“How could it have been a trap?” Sokka reasons. “It couldn’t have been obvious that we noticed anything off in Vai’s shop - I didn’t even register it until, like, eight hours later.”

“Still.” Zuko looks around. Sokka can practically feel the way he’s itching to draw his swords. “No one’s around, and if any of those boats have people on them, they’re ignoring basic safety etiquette in favor of staying hidden.”

Sokka has a comeback ready to go, something like _Is that really so hard to believe_ , but a noise from behind them silences him. Sokka draws his sword and turns to face the noise in one fluid movement, and he senses more than sees Zuko do the same. Sokka is expecting an ambush, really. He’s expecting the entire group of rebels to emerge from the trees and corner them against the sea.

But the only person there is Vai.

She’s weaponless, too. When Sokka had seen her previously, she’d had a dagger in a sheath against her hip, but now, she’s dressed only in her deep green Earth Kingdom robes.

This could mean one of two things. One: She’s innocent and leaving her weapons at home is her way of convincing Sokka and Zuko to believe her. Two: She lied about being a nonbender.

Sokka takes a step backwards, closer towards the water. If Vai _is_ a bender, the farther away from solid ground she is, the better. If they can get her onto the pier…

“I hear a congratulations is in order,” Vai says, something evil playing in her eyes as her gaze fixes on Zuko. Zuko doesn’t waiver. “Or, I supposed maybe it isn’t a celebratory occasion,” she muses. “I mean - the gardenias _were_ red ones. It’s a pity, really.”

_Huh?_

Sokka doesn’t know much about flower meanings. He knows fire lilies represent love, irises are said to repel evil spirits, and a lotus flower represents purity. But beyond that, Sokka is clueless. He knows Mai and Ty Lee are far more versed in the meanings of flowers, though, which means Zuko may have picked out the flowers intentionally.

But what flower meaning would be congratulatory _and_ pitiful?

“It’s not your business, Vai,” Zuko growls. “Why did you bring us here?”

“Can’t a girl just chat with her fellow associates?” She takes a step towards them, and Sokka and Zuko step backwards in sync. Sokka can’t risk a glance behind him to see how close the pier is, but it can’t be too far. He and Zuko were nearly there when Vai revealed herself.

“We’re not your partners,” Zuko spits out. Sokka is beginning to think maybe he doesn’t want to ask about the flowers. He’s perfectly content appreciating them for the aesthetics rather than the actual meaning behind them. “Unless you’re here to plead innocent, it looks like we’re working against you.”

That would be nice, wouldn’t it? If Vai was actually here to explain that this is all a big misunderstanding and she has no ties to any rebels or uprisings or assassination plots. If Sokka didn’t have to deal with the fact that the enemy was _right in front of them_ the _entire time_ , and he failed to notice.

(Maybe his dad had a point in saying Sokka’s involvement in this mission was not mandatory.)

(But Zuko hadn’t noticed either, and Sokka’s dad had _insisted_ on his involvement.)

Sokka pushes those thoughts away. He doesn’t need to spiral into an abyss of self-doubt right now. He needs to figure out what Vai and the rebels want. And if this is a tragedy play, maybe he can get Vai to give them a Villain Monologue, explaining her tragic backstory and why she is the way that she is now. That’s how narrative storytelling works, right?

“Why are you doing this?” Sokka takes another step back. Zuko copies the movement, which means he must understand Sokka is trying to get her onto the pier. If she pulls out a secret, hidden, knife, the pier isn’t exactly going to be the best place to fight. But if Sokka’s right, and she lied about being a nonbender to throw them off, then the pier is _exactly_ where they want to fight. “What’s in it for you?”

Vai takes the bait, stepping closer to them. If they can keep her talking just long enough to lure her back a little farther… Maybe Sokka can just whack her in the head with his boomerang and knock her out. Then, they can take her to Suki, Azula, and Mileh, and figure out where to go from there.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, Water Boy?” She takes a step forward, and Sokka’s seen the stance she takes before, while watching Toph in the Earth Rumble tournaments. 

Zuko must pick up on what Sokka’s trying to do, because he starts up with, “Maybe we can talk this out?” which is pretty much the least Zuko thing to say before a fight. That’s something Sokka would get if he were fighting next to Aang, and maybe Katara. 

“Nice try, but no.”

Two things happen in the next moment: 1. Vai raises her hands like she’s raising pieces of earth to throw at them and 2. The earth between Vai and where Zuko and Sokka are standing on the edge of the pier does not move.

This means either Vai is new to bending and her bending is failing her, or she isn’t bending the earth; she’s bending something else. 

Sokka’s eyes widen. Vai isn’t an earthbender at all - she’s bending the water. The water that he and Zuko have backed themselves up against. 

They played right into her trap.

“ _WATER_!” Sokka shouts before he can even finish thinking. Thankfully, Zuko understands, because he spins around and meets the chunks of ice headed towards their heads with fire.

Sokka wants to take the time to figure out how, exactly, Vai could even be a waterbender. She’s not from the Southern Water Tribe - Sokka would remember her. But she has green eyes, and last Sokka checked, the Northern Water Tribe would have been cut off from the rest of the world at the time Vai was born. The only other waterbenders that exist, as far as Sokka is aware, are the ones from the swamp. And Vai was most definitely not with them - though that _would_ explain the eye color. But any further contemplation is cut off by, well, the fact that Vai is punching water at them from three different angles.

She might be a waterbender, but Sokka can tell she was raised in the Earth Kingdom, because she fights like earthbenders. Less flowing movement and more harsh punches and kicks.

“How are you a waterbender?” Zuko demands as he meets more water with fire, filling the air with steam.

Vai doesn’t answer. She pushes forwards, driving Sokka and Zuko further down the pier, putting water on all sides of them. Sokka liked it better when he thought Vai was a nonbender. He’s good with his sword, but it can’t exactly do much against water. It can, however, deflect the ice Vai sends towards him.

That’s something Sokka’s noticed about her fighting, too - she freezes a lot of her water before using it. He supposes that makes it more like earth, and if Vai grew up in the Earth Kingdom and watched earthbenders in order to learn how to bend, it would make sense to work with the closest substance to earth she can get in her own element.

Zuko backs up against Sokka, their shoulder blades pressing against each other. “Stay close to me,” he orders. Sokka doesn’t even have time to ask why before they’re engulfed by a whirl of flames, forming a funnel of sorts around them.

It’s not normal fire, though, Sokka realizes as soon as he’s sure the fire isn’t going to hurt him. The flames aren’t just orange - they’re tinged with pinks, and greens, and blues. He remembers Zuko told him about the Sun Warriors and rainbow fire, but he kind of figured that was limited to the firebending masters he and Aang had found, and you couldn’t witness that if you weren’t a firebender.

Sokka is actually glad that assumption was wrong.

He can feel the heat from the flames as they circle around him and Zuko, but he trusts Zuko, and he knows the fire won’t hurt him. What it _will_ do is keep Vai and her ice chunks back for a moment. 

Vai and her ice chunks seem pretty far away right now, though, if Sokka is being honest. He’s using most of his brainpower to stop himself from reaching out and touching the rainbow fire because it’s kind of one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen.

“How is she a waterbender?” Zuko asks, breaking Sokka from his thoughts. “That doesn’t make any sense. We both know she’s not from the Southern Water Tribe. The Northern Water Tribe was isolated when she was born, and she’s clearly part Earth Kingdom. _How_ is she a waterbender?”

“I don’t know,” Sokka answers. “And she wouldn’t Villain Monologue for us, so I’m not sure we’re going to find out.” He presses his back closer to Zuko’s and tells himself it’s to stay away from the flames. “We need a plan. How do you defeat a waterbender when you’re surrounded by water?”

“I’m pretty sure you don’t,” is Zuko’s encouraging response. “We have to get her back on land.”

Zuko’s right - he and Sokka are out of their element (get it?) right now. They need Vai to be on the same playing field as them. “Okay,” Sokka nods once. He’s the plans guy; he needs to figure something out, and fast. “Can we just… walk your fire funnel back onto land?”

Sokka can feel Zuko shake his head. “I can’t keep this up much longer - it’s the middle of the night - and I _won’t_ risk burning you.”

Well there goes the easy way out. It’s okay, though, because Sokka always has a thousand plans ready to go, and if he doesn’t, he can come up with one on the fly. Vai is only one person, and Sokka and Zuko have memorized the ins and outs of each other’s fighting style. They can work together - they’ve worked together for _years_.

“Maybe we don’t need to get her off the pier,” Sokka says suddenly. “Maybe one of us just needs to get behind her. She can’t fight in two directions at once.”

“Don’t underestimate her,” Zuko warns. “We don’t know what other tricks she might have up her sleeve - but you’re right. I’ll get you an opening, and you can get behind her. If all else fails, we might be able to push her back towards land from there.”

“Got it.”

The flames dissipate, and Zuko is springing into action before they’re even fully gone. True to his word, Zuko gets him an opening, and Sokka rolls behind Vai. 

The victory is short-lived, because before Sokka even has the chance to stand up, he hears Zuko’s swords clattering against the wood. _How_ did Vai manage to disarm him so quickly? It’s fine, though, because Zuko still has his fire, and--

Sokka spins around, his sword at the ready, expecting to see Zuko fighting with his fire still. He isn’t; he’s frozen in place, and Sokka can see the pure _terror_ in his eyes. He doesn’t need to look up at the sky to know there’s a full moon tonight.

Forget _How do you defeat a waterbender when you’re surrounded by water?_ Sokka should have been focused on the far more pressing question of _How do you defeat a waterbender under a full moon?_

 _You don’t_ , Zuko’s voice in the back of his head helpfully reminds him. 

Sokka does look up at the moon, then, because the only person left to help them now might be Yue. Sokka can do a lot of things, but besting bloodbending is not one of them. The only time he’s faced bloodbending before was with Hama, and _Katara_ had been the one to take her down, with bloodbending of her own. As far as Sokka’s aware, the only way to best a bloodbender is with another bloodbender.

Unfortunately, he and Zuko are fresh out of those.

Vai’s back is still to Sokka, which means he has exactly one chance to do anything. His boomerang is still on his back, and that would be his best bet, but he doesn’t have time. He has to just swing and hope for the best.

His arms lock up when his sword is mid-arc, as Vai raises her other hand towards him. His fingers are pried from the hilt, and his sword drops.

Sokka looks at Zuko to find Zuko already looking at him, asking _What do we do now?_ Because even at the end of the world, Sokka has a plan. 

But right now, Sokka feels a little bit like he’s fifteen years old again, Toph’s fingers slipping from his grasp, leg aching and burning, and the knowledge that this might just be the end slowly wrapping itself around his throat and putting him in a chokehold. There’s no besting bloodbending, and they’ve got hours before the moon will even _begin_ to set. 

Vai set them up for failure, and they walked straight into it. Everything here - the timing, the water, the moon - was in _Vai’s_ favor. And Sokka and Zuko were stupid enough (or impulsive enough) to fall for it.

If Sokka’s going to be honest right now, his last plan is to pray to Yue, or maybe to La. Every other impossible situation Sokka’s gotten himself into, he’s only gotten out of thanks to outside help. Suki, Mai, Ty Lee, Katara. But no one is coming for them now - not in the middle of the night, not when he and Zuko neglected to inform anyone that they were leaving in the first place. Yue and La are their only hope.

“You asked how I could possibly be a waterbender,” Vai says, interrupting Sokka’s (futile) prayers. Zuko winces, and Sokka imagines Vai is doing something akin to near-suffocation. “It’s _your_ family’s fault. My grandparents fled the Southern Water Tribe because the Fire Nation was kidnapping waterbenders. The other benders stayed, out of a sense of duty or a sense of honor, but my grandfather ran, and my grandmother went with him.” She looks to Sokka. “Kanna would tell you. She caught them on their way out, tried to convince them to stay and fight, but it was useless. They’d already made up their minds and chosen to live disgraced, as refugees in the Earth Kingdom, rather than let the Fire Nation take my grandfather away.

“My father - a nonbender - was born after they found a new home in the Earth Kingdom. He married my mother, who was also a nonbender, though she was born in Ba Sing Se. I may have gotten my mother’s eyes, but I got my bending from my father’s side. As for _why_ I’m doing this…”

Zuko grimaces again, and Sokka doesn’t want to watch, but at the same time, he can’t bring himself to look away from the pain in Zuko’s eyes.

“I saved this uprising from complete destruction after their failed attempt on King Keui’s life, and I did it for all of the waterbenders from the Southern Water Tribe who _didn’t_ escape. Sokka, surely _you_ can understand where I’m coming from. The Fire Nation should pay for all the harm they caused, all the lives they took, the demolition of a culture I never got to experience.”

And really, Sokka _can_ see exactly where she’s coming from. He spent the majority of his life wishing harm and pain on the Fire Nation, wishing for them to feel the same way he had his entire childhood. They took his mother, took his grandmother’s friends, took his father away, took away _everything_ until the Southern Water Tribe could hardly stand on its own two feet and Sokka had to grow up far quicker than he should have. And then, as if that wasn’t enough, they took Yue too.

Sokka _gets it_. Sokka can’t even blame Vai, really, because he _gets it_. She’s right.

Zuko looks away from him, resigned, like he’s ready to die as atonement.

And that’s the thing. Sure, it was Zuko’s family and Zuko’s nation who did those things, but it shouldn’t be up to _Zuko_ to pay for them. Maybe it should be up to Fire Lord Iroh, but Zuko - and Azula - were children. 

Sokka can’t blame Vai for this. But he can’t blame Zuko either. If Sokka were in Zuko’s position - given an ultimatum and a militia of his own to achieve what was asked of him, with the promise of his father’s love waiting on the other side, would he not have done the same? And if Sokka had been ripped away from his people - from the people who understood the bending he was gifted with and might have been able to teach him - he’d be looking for revenge, too.

“We could be family, Sokka.”

“You’re right,” Sokka admits. “We could be.”

But.

_But._

But he’s known Vai for two days, and she _lied_. 

She turns Zuko around, pushing him back towards the edge of the pier. It’s hard to tell, but it doesn’t look like he’s even fighting it.

Vai is right. They _could_ be family, but family is built more than it’s birthed, and only one of the people standing on this pier is someone Sokka would consider to actually _be_ family. Only one of them listened as Sokka told them about Yue and opened up about their past in return. Sokka failed that person once already, and he won’t fail him again.

“We _could_ be family. But Zuko _is_ my family. And I would do anything for him.”

It must be by Yue’s power that Sokka wrenches his limbs out of Vai’s bloodbending clutches. He doesn’t have a plan after that, exactly, but he lunges towards Vai with his bare hands and hopes for the best, hopes maybe Yue took her bending away, or at least won’t allow her to bloodbend anymore.

It’s too much to hope for, of course, because as soon as he’s free, Vai is freezing up his limbs again. She had to drop Zuko to do it, though, and he moves to bend fire towards Vai. But he hesitates, giving Vai the chance to overtake his body once again.

Well. It was worth a shot.

“You’d give your life for the Fire Nation?” Vai questions. Sokka’s throat tightens, like it wants to collapse in on itself.

“No,” he manages. “I’d give my life for _Zuko_.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Zuko didn’t take the waterbenders away from the Southern Water Tribe. Zuko didn’t force your grandparents to flee, Zuko didn’t kill my mother, Zuko didn’t do _any_ of that. The Fire Nation did, yes, but Zuko himself isn’t to blame.” Sokka meets Zuko’s gaze. “Zuko is kind, and he is trustworthy and reliable. He’d never purposefully let me down, and _yes_ , I would give my life for him without a second thought.”

“Sokka--” Zuko starts, but it dissolves into something that sounds like a strangled yelp. It doesn’t really matter, though, because Sokka can read his face. He can read the _Please don’t do this_ clear as day.

“How sweet.” Vai turns her back on Sokka. “But would he do the same for you?”

Zuko’s eyes widen, and Sokka knows they _both_ know what is inevitably going to follow. After all, Sokka’s not the one backed up against the edge of the pier, and Sokka’s not the one Vai has a grudge against. Sokka isn’t the prince of the nation that caused her and her family immeasurable hardship.

The worst part is Sokka can see that Zuko’s already accepted his fate. He isn’t fighting against the bloodbending - isn’t trying to get away. And he isn’t saying anything out loud, but he’s telling Sokka that _yes_ , he would do the same and he _will_ do the same.

(And that maybe _the same_ is what he was always meant to do.)

That would be fitting for a tragedy, wouldn’t it? To have Sokka lose two loves to destiny. Really, he should be thankful Zuko isn’t being asked to sacrifice himself for the sun spirit.

“Sokka, I l--”

Vai pushes Zuko over the edge of the pier, sending him into the water below.

“ZUKO!” Sokka screams, like that can do anything. Vai ignores him, waving her hand and freezing the water over. “ _ZUKO!_ ” But he can’t _do_ anything. He can’t move, _can’t_ save Zuko. Can’t bring him back just long enough to let him finish his sentence, though it’s not like Sokka doesn’t know what he was going to say. He tries to wrench his limbs free from Vai’s bloodbending, but apparently he used up his one gift from Yue before he really needed it, and everything just _hurts_. 

“Vai, please.” Sokka winces at the way her invisible grip on him tightens, his throat closing in. “I’ll-- I’ll do whatever. I - _ah!_ \- I’ll do anything. Just… just don’t let him die.” He can’t breathe, but his voice is _all he has_. He has to try, he has to do anything he still can for Zuko. “ _Please_.” He might be crying, and the tears could be from struggling against the bloodbending or from Zuko or from both, but it doesn’t really matter.

“You made your choice,” Vai says. “You chose _him_.” 

Sokka’s vision is fading, but he isn’t quite sure what Vai’s endgame here is. Will she leave him alive because he’s from the Southern Water Tribe? Will she leave him alive so she gets the satisfaction of watching Sokka grieve? Or will she just cut off his breath long enough that he dies, too?

His entire body hurts, from the straining and from the lack of oxygen and from the fact that he _failed_. He failed his dad, failed Bumi, failed the White Lotus, failed Suki and Azula, and he failed _Zuko_. If Vai leaves Sokka alive, he will never forgive himself.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Sokka won’t be conscious when Vai’s decision is made evident. He’ll either wake up alive - maybe left on the pier, but probably locked away in some secret dungeon. Or he’ll die.

(How long has Zuko been underwater? Is Vai still bloodbending him too, holding him under? Or is he trying to melt the ice?)

Vai says something else, but the blood rushing in Sokka’s ears prevents him from being able to hear what it is. He’s having trouble distinguishing what he _can_ see from what his mind is making up, too. Everything is just sort of dark. He thinks he sees a shadow of _something_ flicker behind Vai, but that’s impossible. 

Sokka hopes Zuko will forgive him one last time, though he knows he doesn’t deserve it.

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

The water is getting colder, and Zuko’s lungs are burning. He doesn’t know how much of the ice he’s managed to melt by heating up the water and his hands, but it’s not enough. He tries once more to just firebend, and blast a hole through the ice that way, but the flame sparks and sizzles out in the water. All he has is the heat, and it’s _not enough_.

He aches to breathe, his mind begging him to just open his mouth, but he can’t give up. Sokka is still up there, still controlled by Vai and her bloodbending, still in danger. 

He’s out of energy, though, and he’s sinking quickly. He tries to push more heat out into the water, but his body wants to hoard all of the heat left for itself, to protect against the bone-chilling cold of the water that is seeping in, and Zuko doesn’t really have the energy to fight it.

He hopes Vai meant what she said about him dying for Sokka. If Zuko dies, maybe Sokka will live, and that would be enough. Zuko would be okay with that.

He doesn’t know what will happen back in the Fire Nation if he dies, but that’s not exactly something that concerns him right now. Not when he’s staring into the dark abyss of the sea, wondering if Agni can hear him down here. Wondering if Yue can hear him down here, and if she’d bother helping him even if she could. He knows Uncle won’t come to any rash conclusions and start another war over his death. Zuko does wonder, though, who will take the throne next. Will Azula rise to power? Will she reignite the war, or has she come far enough that she could handle being on the throne?

Zuko knows he told her she shouldn’t let her guilt overwhelm her, but if he dies, Azula’s guilt may be the thing that saves the world - the thing that stops her from taking power and going mad with it.

He hopes Azula will be okay. 

He hopes Sokka will be okay.

Zuko is running out of time. He needs to breathe - his lungs are screaming, crying, aching. He lets his eyes slip shut and prays to anyone who might be listening to at least save Sokka. He could care less if that means Yue lets the moon fall from the sky in order to take away Vai’s bending; he just wants Sokka safe. He just wants Sokka to live. 

A hand brushes his cheek, and Zuko’s eyes shoot back open.

A young woman is floating across from him, dressed in a black gown. Her dark hair is flowing in the water, and she seems to be emitting a soft, silvery, glow. She looks vaguely like Katara, and Zuko’s waterlogged brain wonders if maybe, somehow, Katara came to save them.

Her hair is longer and darker than Katara’s, though, and Katara always wears Water Tribe blue. Never black.

(Also, if Zuko remembers correctly, she doesn’t glow.)

“Prince Zuko,” she says. Realistically, her voice should be muffled and nearly incomprehensible due to the water, but Zuko can hear her as clearly as if they were both standing on dry land. “We meet again.”

Zuko can’t talk, of course, because if he opens his mouth, it’s over. Water will fill his lungs and he’ll be done for. So he just furrows his eyebrows, silently asking who the woman is. He doesn’t recognize her, and he feels like he should remember meeting a glowing woman who lives in the water.

 _Wait_.

“My name is La. I am the spirit of the ocean. We met once, years ago, in the North Pole.” La must see the worry and regret that overtakes Zuko’s brain, because she smiles reassuringly.

She moves her hand from Zuko’s cheek, then curls it around the water between them, creating a pocket of air. Carefully, she moves the water so the air bubble floats towards Zuko and stops against his mouth, allowing him to finally _breathe_. He gasps, taking in as much air as his body will let him, and attempts to sputter out a, _“Thank you,”_ though he’s not sure it’s comprehensible.

“Yue sent me,” La tells him. Her voice is soft, but it somehow feels like waves crashing over Zuko’s body at the same time. It takes him a moment to comprehend what, exactly, she’s just revealed to him.

 _Yue_ sent her.

Zuko knows the moon and the sea are yin & yang - he saw the fish in the pond at the North Pole. He knows, objectively, they go together and they balance each other. Of course Yue could send La to save someone’s life, and La could do the same to Yue. It makes sense.

But why would Yue want to save _Zuko_?

“I would tell you something that aligns with the stories men tell - something like _It isn’t your time_ , but the truth is that no one’s death is set in stone.” _Not even Yue’s_ goes unspoken, though it confirms Zuko’s assumptions about his role in Yue’s sacrifice. “I’m not here to keep in step with destiny, nor to fight against her. I am here on Yue’s request and hers _alone_.” She narrows her eyes at Zuko, letting him know she doesn’t necessarily agree with Yue about saving his life.

Really, Zuko doesn’t blame her.

“Why?” He asks, despite the part of his brain that still holds an ounce of common sense screaming at him not to, not to risk angering La any further. “Why would Yue want to save me?”

“She said she knows what it’s like to grow up with the pressure of your parents and your title always weighing you down, and making you wonder if you could ever be truly happy.” La frowns deeply, like there’s something she doesn’t quite understand about Yue and her thought process. “She told me to tell you to not make the same mistakes she did - to not throw away your chance at happiness for a title you didn’t choose. Duty was important to Yue, and I’m inclined to believe it’s important to you as well. But there are some things that will always take precedence over your reputation, no matter how high of a position you hold. Things like love.”

It feels right that Zuko’s mind wanders to Sokka, then. It feels easy, simple, expected, like something that _was_ set in stone, but--

“This isn’t a fairytale. I can’t stand in front of the Fire Nation and tell them I should be allowed to be in love with my best friend because true love saves the day or whatever.” This is far more like _Love Amongst the Dragons_ or another tragedy play than any of the feel-good legends Zuko’s mom told him when he was really little.

La laughs lightly. “If you already believe your love is true, you don’t need Yue or I to convince you that it’s worth holding on to and fighting for - you already know. All _you_ need is allow yourself to do just that.”

Above them, the ice glows blue, and it’s different from the silvery light La is emitting. The water might be getting warmer, or that might just be Zuko’s firebending coming back to warm his body up now that he has air again.

“I’ve done all I can,” La says. “The rest is up to you.”

She fades into the sea, and the air bubble at Zuko’s lips goes with her, and with it, all of the strength that air had pushed back into his body. The blue light doesn’t fade, though, and Zuko watches it as he slips into unconsciousness. This time, he prays to Yue and La that the source of the light is something coming to help him.

Something coming to bring him back to Sokka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 7 is coming wednesday (2/24) :)
> 
> //runs away


	7. across our great divide (there is a glorious sunrise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you haven't yet, please check out all of the art for previous chapters: [chapter four (1)](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643231800150425600/what-if-we-held-hands-in-the-secret-tunnel) [chapter four (2)](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643503632271147009/bonus-drawing-for-zukkaclawthorne-s-this) [chapter five](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643684790801973248/two-bros-sitting-on-a-rooftop-zero-feet-apart)   
> and also the art for [this chapter](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/644047182878621696/chapter-7-of-this-ultraviolet-morning-light-by) (which i will link again in the end notes if you want to avoid spoilers)
> 
>  **chapter warning:** referenced character death (very briefly, and nothing graphic)
> 
> chapter title from happiness by taylor swift

**_when it’s meant to be, that’s destiny calling_ **

**_and if you listen, you’ll find your heart_ **

_meant to be (reprise 3) - teen beach two_

* * *

**_SOKKA_ **

_six months ago_

Sokka rubs the drowsiness from his eyes, wishing he could just sleep through the rest of today. Wishing he could just sleep through the next six months.

He knows, though, that he doesn’t have a choice. Zuko’s replacement got in yesterday, which means Zuko leaves this morning, and Sokka’s been just… _avoiding_ him for the past three days, ever since Zuko spilled the news that he was leaving in the first place.

Sokka thought it would be easier that way. The less he saw of Zuko before he was gone, the easier it would be after he left. But now, this morning, there’s a sick feeling twisting in Sokka’s gut, telling him _You’re out of time, you’re out of time_. He’s wishing he’d just sucked it up and let himself enjoy Zuko’s company for the last few days they had before six months apart.

He takes a deep breath in and forces himself up into a sitting position. The sun won’t rise for hours still, so Sokka fumbles around his nightstand for spark rocks. He lights a candle and carries it over to his desk, stopping short when he notices something that wasn’t there when he went to sleep last night. Placed carefully on top of Sokka’s miscellaneous scrolls and books and blueprints is an envelope with Sokka’s name on it.

Sokka’s read over Zuko’s notes enough times that he can recognize the handwriting. 

A lump forms in the back of Sokka’s throat as he sets the candle down, exchanging it for the envelope. He flips it over to find it hasn’t been sealed like Zuko’s letters usually are. Something about being from the prince of the Fire Nation getting them delivered faster? Regardless, no seal likely means Zuko delivered it himself.

Sokka looks around his room. Nothing is out of place, but it wouldn’t be the first time Zuko’s snuck in through the window silently enough that no one caught him. Last time, though, Sokka had found him perched on the edge of his bed, flipping through Sokka’s notes from meetings earlier that day. This time, it seems Zuko didn’t stick around long enough to be caught.

Hands shaking, Sokka extracts the letter from the envelope. He unfolds it and begins to read, though the sick feeling twisting from his stomach up to his throat is making it difficult to comprehend the words.

_Sokka,_

_I am deeply sorry that I’m unable to bid you farewell in person_ \--

No.

The letter slips from Sokka’s grasp, but he has no interest in reading the rest of it anyways. His thoughts blur together as he grabs the first parka he lays his hands on, tugs his mittens and boots on, and rushes outside.

He runs all the way to the docks, praying to Yue that he isn’t too late. Praying that his last words to Zuko weren’t a stilted, _“Sorry, I’m busy tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow, though,”_ after their last meeting together yesterday.

The cold air burns Sokka’s lungs, but he can’t stop. Every second he isn’t at the docks is another second since Zuko dropped off the letter, another second of distance between them.

Another second Sokka’s thoughts sink deeper into themselves, telling him he missed his chance.

He wants to believe Zuko would never leave him without a goodbye, wants to believe Zuko would stop the ship - say _“WAIT! I have to go find Sokka!”_ It would be like a stupid cheesy romance play; Zuko would run into Sokka’s arms, tug him into a kiss, and beg him to run away with him.

That isn’t what happens though, because life isn’t a stupid cheesy romance play.

What happens is Sokka runs from his home to the docks in the dead of winter, and it doesn’t matter, because he’s too late. What happens is Sokka skids to a stop at the harbor when he sees the Fire Nation ship that brought Zuko’s replacement to the South Pole is gone. What happens is the ship is too far to even hope that his voice will carry across the sea.

He’s too late.

He’s _too late_.

He missed his chance for one final goodbye, one last warm hug, one last joke just to draw a laugh out of Zuko, one last look into his golden eyes, one last promise that he’s going to come back.

 _Is_ he going to come back?

Or did he leave without saying goodbye in lieu of having to lie to Sokka’s face about his plans to return?

He watches Zuko’s ship grow smaller as it sails farther away from the Southern Water Tribe - farther away from Sokka, from everything he and Zuko had, from everything they could’ve maybe been if given more time.

He watches Zuko leave, taking with him Sokka’s hope that maybe they weren’t out of time, that maybe things could still work out.

He was too late.

When he returns home, the others are awake and Katara is holding the letter in her hands. They look caught, like a polar deer surrounded by hunters on all sides, before quickly schooling their expressions into something neutral. It’s almost funny how Katara, Aang, Bato, and his dad all mirror each other’s expressions without even trying. It might be funny if Sokka didn’t feel like his heart had fallen from his chest somewhere between here and the docks.

“I’m sorry--” Katara starts.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sokka interrupts, though he doesn’t have the energy to add the harsh edge he should to his words. Instead, he lets the pathetic melancholy seep into each syllable as he trudges back to his room.

 _Too late_ , the voice in Sokka’s head taunts, _You were too late, and now you’ve lost him forever._

\--

_present day_

Sokka registers the air rushing back into his lungs before he realizes that he’s dropped to the ground, or that he has control over his body again. He vaguely registers the sounds of a fight happening around him, but he can’t think about that right now. 

He forces himself up to his feet, dark spots still dancing in his vision, and stumbles towards the end of the pier, shoving past _someone_. He tries to say Zuko’s name, but his body is too busy still gasping for breath.

There’s a hand on Sokka’s arm, steadying him, and it definitely can’t belong to Vai. “Where’s Zuko?” The voice attached to the hand demands. But no - that doesn’t make sense. The voice belongs to Azula, and the hand on his arm is comforting and stable. The only time Azula has ever voluntarily touched Sokka was when she was digging her nails into him and dragging him somewhere. “Sokka, _where is Zuko_?”

“Water,” Sokka finally manages. “Vai. Pushed him.” He looks at the hand, then at the person it’s attached to, and finds that it is, actually, Azula standing there. He takes another step forward, but his feet don’t seem to have gotten the hang of having their free will back yet. And it’s not like his mind had time to retrain them, because the only thing his brain is really doing is shouting _ZUKO ZUKO ZUKO_ and _YOU’RE GOING TO BE TOO LATE_.

Azula’s nails _do_ dig into Sokka’s arm, then, as she drags him to the edge of the pier. She mutters something under her breath, and then she’s letting go of Sokka and jumping over the edge of the pier, onto the ice. Sokka follows her, watching as Azula blasts her fire at the ice. Suddenly, Sokka is extremely grateful for Azula’s fire being blue, because her blue fire is actually hotter than Zuko’s orange fire, and they need to melt this ice as fast as humanly possible.

Maybe even faster.

Sokka won’t let himself entertain the idea that they might be too late. He can’t be too late for Zuko, not again. _Not again_.

“Sokka, you’re going to have to go get him once I melt this ice,” Azula says, bringing Sokka back into the present. Sort of. His brain is still trying to run wild with _This is your fault_ and _It’s been too long_. “I can’t swim.”

“Huh?” is all Sokka can manage.

“ _Sokka_ ,” Azula’s voice is sharp, cutting into Sokka like a knife. “You need to work with me here.”

Sokka forces himself to nod, but he doesn’t pull his gaze away from the blue flames searing into the ice. “Okay.” Swim to get Zuko. Sokka can do that. The ice begins to fracture under the heat, but it’s still not quite enough for Sokka to be able to get to the water - to get to _Zuko_.

( _You’re going to be too late. You’re going to lose him forever._ )

Sokka doesn’t even realize that he’s muttering, _“Hurry, hurry, hurry,”_ under his breath until Azula snaps, “I can’t make my fire any hotter than it already is. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“Sorry,” Sokka mumbles, shaking his head and biting his tongue to stop himself from saying anything else. 

A loud _CRACK_ echoes through the night air. Azula says something about trying to warm the water for him, but Sokka’s already diving down. It’s been too long for Zuko to possibly still be conscious, but maybe ( _maybe_ ) it’s not too late to save his life. Sokka just has to be _fast_.

The water might warm slightly, or it might not - Sokka can’t feel much of anything with the pure adrenaline pumping through his veins. 

For the first time in his life, Sokka wishes Zuko had chosen to wear his stupid Fire Prince hairpiece - the gold one that might glint in the moonlight if Yue was feeling generous. But no. Zuko was wearing all black, because this was supposed to be a stealth mission, and while the moon _is_ full, Yue’s light doesn’t reach very far beneath the surface of the sea. 

_It’s not going to be enough._

_You’re too late._

Sokka can barely see his own limbs as he pushes deeper, looking around wildly, begging his eyes to register _anything_ besides a watery abyss. His eyes are stinging, and more than anything, he just wants to let them slip shut, but he _can’t_.

The moon either glows brighter, or Sokka’s eyes are just beginning to adjust to the lack of light, but _something_ catches his eye. A flash of silver, or a movement of some kind - Sokka isn’t quite sure, but he pushes himself towards it until his hands make contact with something heavy and solid.

 _Zuko_.

Sokka loops an arm around Zuko’s waist, ignoring the way his lungs feel ready to burst, and uses his free arm along with his legs to push them back up to the surface. Zuko’s body is limp, and Sokka doesn’t have time to check for any signs of life, but he can’t be too late, he can’t be, he _can’t be_.

It wouldn’t be _fair_.

He holds Zuko tighter against him.

They break the surface of the water, and almost immediately, there are two pairs of hands reaching out towards Zuko. Sokka doesn’t want Zuko leaving his arms (doesn’t want him fading into nothing), but he knows Azula and whoever is with her (Suki? Probably?) can’t pull them both up at the same time, so he lets Zuko go. 

Once Zuko is up on the dock, Azula reaches back for Sokka and helps pull him up out of the water. Sokka is still breathing heavily, sucking in large gulps of air. Going on a rescue mission to save someone who is drowning so soon after nearly being choked into unconsciousness was probably not the smartest idea on Sokka’s part, but he can’t really bring himself to care. He can’t really bring himself to do anything besides cling to Azula for balance as he stumbles towards Zuko and Suki.

Suki is bent over Zuko, her hands crossed over his chest. Sokka can see her mouth moving as she silently counts chest compressions, or maybe the seconds in between. He collapses on Zuko’s other side, and Azula follows suit. Sokka’s hand makes its way to Zuko’s, weaving their fingers together. 

He tears his eyes away from Zuko’s pale face just long enough to locate Vai, who is lying a few yards away from them, guarded by Druk. Sokka knows Suki wouldn’t have killed her unless absolutely necessary, and she wouldn’t have let Azula kill her either, so his guess is she’s either unconscious or she’s been chi-blocked and is entirely incapacitated for the time being.

He doesn’t dwell on that any longer though, choosing to focus back on Zuko. Azula is drying him off, but it’s a slow process. Sokka knows she doesn’t have as much control as Zuko when it comes to manipulating temperature, and based on the hesitancy in her movements, Sokka knows she’s being as careful as she can.

It feels like hours (though it couldn’t be more than a few minutes) before Zuko sputters, which turns into a cough, and Sokka wants to surge forward and pull Zuko into a hug he’ll never break, because he’s _okay_. 

Sokka got to him in time.

Suki and Sokka work together to prop him upright as he moves his arm to cover his mouth, coughing into the crook of his elbow. Suki lets go and backs away when he leans into Sokka, still hacking in order to get the water he inhaled out of his body. 

Eventually, the wet coughs turn into dry ones and Zuko turns his head into Sokka’s chest, fisting his hands into the fabric of Sokka’s shirt. He’s shivering too, though Sokka isn’t sure if that’s from the cold or the coughing. Either way, Sokka holds him tightly, resting his head on top of Zuko’s and squeezing his eyes shut. He focuses on the feeling of Zuko’s breathing as his coughing fades into shaky breaths, reminding himself that Zuko is here and he’s _alive_.

Vaguely, Sokka is aware that Azula is still sitting next to him and Suki is across from him and Druk and Vai are off somewhere to his left, but when Zuko lifts his head and looks into Sokka’s eyes, the entire rest of the world fades away.

“I’m sorry,” Sokka whispers. He moves the hand that isn’t wrapped around Zuko’s back and holding him up to cup Zuko’s cheek, thumb brushing against the edge of his scar. 

“Don’t,” Zuko rasps out. He shifts so he’s not leaning on Sokka so much for support, and Sokka instantly misses the weight. Or, he misses it until Zuko snakes the arm previously trapped between them up to Sokka’s cheek, brushing away a tear, and then letting it fall to rest on Sokka’s shoulder. “Sokka--” it’s barely a whisper, hardly audible, and yet--

Once, a long time ago, Sokka thought the moment had been _right_ for him to confess his feelings to Zuko. But the truth is, not everyone gets a _right_ moment like Katara did. Sometimes, the entire world doesn’t need to scream at you for you to know when to make your move. Sometimes, it’s just golden eyes staring into blue ones, another near-death experience hanging in the air between them, pressed up against the realization that life is too short to wait for your feelings to be convenient.

Once, not quite so long ago, Sokka had decided he would face a fate worse than death for the chance to kiss Zuko just one time. He knows this will seal his fate, but Sokka thinks his fate’s probably been sealed since Boiling Rock.

Sokka leans forward, closing the distance between him and Zuko. His lips meet Zuko’s softly, and it’s like the entire world has suddenly slotted into place. A content sigh slips from Zuko’s lips as he pulls Sokka closer to him, and Sokka knows without a doubt that he could spend the rest of his life kissing Zuko and be perfectly happy.

The kiss is over almost as soon as it started, because they’re both still short of breath, but Zuko grips Sokka’s shoulder tighter, not letting him pull away. Sokka rests his forehead against Zuko’s. 

“I…”

The words catch in the back of Sokka’s throat. Because thinking them and knowing Zuko is thinking them back is one thing, but actually _saying_ them - actually verbalizing it - makes it _real_. Makes it so there’s no going back.

“I know,” Zuko replies, and it _hurts_. It strikes an ache deep into Sokka’s chest. “I know.”

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

Azula clears her throat, causing Sokka to jerk away from Zuko. Zuko has half a mind to flip her off and kiss Sokka in front of her again out of pure spite, until he meets her eyes and notices the tears glistening in them, threatening to spill over. 

“If you _ever_ pull something like that again--” she stops when her voice cracks, electing instead to surge forward and pull Zuko into a hug. Sokka barely has time to move out of the way, and he meets Zuko’s eyes with a confused expression.

As far back as Zuko can remember, Azula has never initiated a hug.

“I can’t believe you almost let me be next in line for the throne,” she whispers, and Zuko’s pretty sure that’s her way of saying _I’m glad you’re alive_. 

He laughs, but it turns into another cough, and Azula lifts him off of her, eyebrows furrowed in concern. Zuko tries to wave her off, but his lungs seem to have other ideas. Before he can say anything else, he’s leaving over and coughing more water out of his chest (or stomach or… wherever it ended up after he inhaled it).

“We should take him to Mileh,” he hears Suki say, and it sounds far away. At the same time, Druk comes from behind Zuko and nestles his head in Zuko’s lap. Zuko starts petting him absentmindedly.

Azula nods as Zuko’s coughing eases. He still doesn’t have it in him to ask why, exactly, he should go to Mileh. And honestly, as long as Sokka’s invited too, Zuko will go wherever Suki and Azula tell him. He doesn’t have the energy to argue.

Azula stands up and looks to Zuko’s left. He assumes that must be where Suki is, though he can’t hear or see her move. “If you take care of _her_ , I can take Zuko and Sokka to Mileh.”

“I’ll meet you there,” is Suki’s response. Zuko can place her voice as being on his left side now.

Azula looks down at Zuko, Druk, and Sokka, an unamused expression on her face. “I’m not carrying Zuzu, so you boys can figure that one out on your own.”

\--

Zuko can walk on his own, but he’s also not going to push Sokka’s arm away from where it’s wrapped around his waist for support. They make their way back into town, and Zuko is grateful for the fact that the streets are empty at this time of night - they don’t need Druk scaring anyone, and with the way Azula is walking ahead of them, Zuko thinks her death glare might be just as dangerous.

“How did you and Suki know to come find us?” Sokka asks after several minutes of walking in silence. Zuko had been wondering the same thing, but he was too grateful at the fact that he wasn’t dead to really question it.

“Your dragon,” Azula answers with a vague gesture behind her, in Druk’s general direction. “I guess he woke up and noticed you two were missing or something, because he came to Mileh’s house, and he seemed anxious. Suki and I followed him to the docks and found Sokka presumably being bloodbent, according to Suki. Druk distracted her, then Suki and I knocked her out.” She takes a sharp turn left and doesn’t bother checking to make sure Zuko and Sokka are still following her. “So how did a waterbender get involved with an Earth Kingdom-slash-Fire Nation uprising? Did she say?”

Sokka tenses against Zuko. “She was born in the Earth Kingdom,” he explains. “Her grandparents left the Southern Water Tribe during the raids, when the Fire Nation took all the waterbenders away.”

Azula is silent for several moments before she says, “Oh.” Her voice has lost its hostile edge. She slows to a stop, then turns to look at Sokka. Something complicated is playing on her face, but it’s too difficult to make out what, exactly, it is in the dark. “I thought--” she hesitates. “Never mind. I’m… sorry.”

“The raids weren’t your fault--”

“I wasn’t talking about the raids,” Azula cuts Sokka off sharply. She blinks at her words, then shakes her head. When she speaks again, her tone is softer. “I mean-- I’m sorry for those, too. But I meant the fact that you came here to flush out Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom rebels and ended up having to fight someone who is family.”

Sokka’s arm tightens around Zuko’s waist. “If Vai wants to hurt the people I care about, she isn’t my family,” he replies curtly. “Let’s just keep going.”

Azula looks to Zuko, then, and Zuko is pretty sure he knows what she’s thinking. She’s thinking that she’s fought family before, and it isn’t something she wants to do again. Zuko is very much inclined to agree. Even at Azula’s worst, he didn’t _want_ to fight her; he just… didn’t have a choice. And even when Zuko was fighting for everything Azula was against, she hadn’t _wanted_ to fight him - she told Zuko that herself. Their Agni Kai was just what everything had always been coming down to, by forces that were always outside of their control.

If Zuko is being honest, he’d never thought any of his friends would have to fight their families, and he had been grateful for that. Zuko would never wish that on anyone. And Sokka doesn’t know Vai very well at all - they only met for the first time two days ago - but to find someone like that, someone you _almost_ grew up with, someone who would’ve prevented Katara from being the Southern Water Tribe’s last waterbender…

Zuko can’t imagine what must be going through Sokka’s mind. But what he _does_ know is no one should have to fight their family no matter how close you are to them. And whether Sokka thinks of Vai as family or not is his decision alone, but she’s still from the same tribe as him. She still has ties to him that cannot be erased.

Zuko feels very undeserving of his spot next to Sokka right now.

\--

Mileh is a short old woman with her grey hair all piled up on the top of her head, and Zuko thinks he’s maybe seen her once before, but he’s not entirely sure. She pokes and prods at Zuko’s chest while Sokka sits just out of reach, watching Zuko with concern in his eyes the entire time. Azula is across the room, sitting on the floor with Druk and trying to teach him to roll over on command.

(Zuko _could_ tell her Druk definitely knows how to roll over on command and he’s just after the treats Azula is giving him when he “makes progress”, but he’ll let them be for now.)

Once Mileh seems content that Zuko isn’t actively dying, she starts making a pot of tea. Zuko thinks she said it’s supposed to heal any damage that might have been done to his lungs, but he wasn’t paying much attention. His mind is still buzzing, the events of the night finally seeming to catch up with him. The fight against Vai, being bloodbent, almost drowning, talking to La, being hugged by Azula.

Kissing Sokka.

 _Kissing Sokka_.

Sokka, who is moving closer and pulling Zuko into his arms. They fall into an awkward sort of hug, and Zuko lets his eyes slip shut. He can’t stop himself from thinking that maybe this is worth the world falling apart, as selfish a thought as that is. Because _Agni_ , it would be _so easy_ to ignore the consequences and just let himself love Sokka without restraint. 

(It isn’t easy, really. But Zuko can pretend.)

They sit in silence until Mileh comes back with a cup of tea for Zuko and tells him to drink it. She’s definitely used green tea as a base, but there’s something fruity in it too that Zuko can’t name. What surprises him most, though, is that he doesn’t have to choke it down like all of Uncle’s tea antidotes. Mileh’s medicinal tea tastes almost like… normal tea.

But Zuko cannot, morally, say he likes anyone else’s tea better than Uncle’s, so he stays quiet and continues sipping his drink. 

Mileh moves over to Azula and the two of them enter into a hushed conversation, leaving Zuko alone with Sokka.

Once Zuko has finishes his tea, he sets the empty cup down and turns his focus to Sokka, who is already looking at him. He _wants_ to ask about the kiss, to ask about _them_ , but he stops himself. Instead, he quietly tells Sokka, “I know… I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, and especially not with me, but… if you _do_ want to talk about Vai, I’ll listen.”

Sokka’s face hardens, and Zuko is afraid he’s overstepped until Sokka reaches over and takes Zuko’s hands in his. “Did I tell you about Hama?” he asks.

Zuko nods. “You said she was the only waterbender who had been taken prisoner by the Fire Nation to escape, and she used bloodbending to do it. A skill which she later passed on to Katara.”

“She…” Sokka frowns, his expression twisting into something unreadable. “I know Katara hates even the _idea_ of bloodbending. It repulses her, being able to have complete control over someone else’s body. And I get it, but at the same time… Hama did what she had to do in order to escape. Should she have forced Katara to bloodbend against her will in order to save her own life, as well as Aang and I? Definitely not. Should she have used her bloodbending to capture Fire Nation citizens? Also no. But… I guess I get where all that rage was coming from, you know? And it’s the same with Vai. I’m not _defending_ their actions, I just...” He sighs, and drops Zuko’s hands. “I don’t know.”

“You’re defending their _motivations_ ,” Zuko responds. “And you should.” He reaches towards Sokka, and when Sokka doesn’t flinch away, he tucks a strand of hair behind Sokka’s ear. “I told you what Aang said to me after he found out I was the Blue Spirit, didn’t I? He asked me if I thought, if the circumstances were different, that the two of us could have been friends. He saw the good in me even then, even when I refused to see the error of my ways because that life was the only one I’d ever known.” Zuko glances over at Azula, who is scratching Druk’s belly and smiling a real, genuine, smile. “It’s important, to look for the best in people. That’s the only reason Uncle has any hope in healing the Fire Nation. That’s the only reason Azula and I can even stand in the same room as each other. I think, when we talk to Vai tomorrow, we should be looking for the best in her, too.”

“I just--” Sokka squeezes his eyes shut. “How do you--” He shakes his head, then opens his eyes and looks deep into Zuko, like he’s trying to read into his soul. “It’s not fair. It’s like-- we find people - _waterbenders_ \- who are connected to the Southern Water Tribe, when we thought Katara was the last one, but then… we just have to fight them. And it makes me worry that I’m wrong, that… I don’t know.” He buries his head in his hands. “I’d never fight _you_ , Zuko. But I guess I worry we let the Fire Nation off too easily.” He’s quiet, for a moment, before lifting his head and whispering, “If Vai hadn’t threatened _you_ , I might have sided with her.”

“Sokka--” Zuko pauses, collecting his thoughts. “You are far too kind to join a cause that hurts anyone, even if you agree with the ideas they stand for. And you are far too smart to let someone talk you into following them when you don’t have all the facts.” There’s the other part, though - the _letting the Fire Nation off too easily_ part. Zuko’s heard it before. He heard it when he first visited Sokka, Katara, and Aang in the Southern Water Tribe. He heard it in Ba Sing Se and while he was at the North Pole. 

He hasn’t ever heard it from Sokka, though.

“Thank you.” Sokka’s voice is still barely audible. “And-- and I don’t mean… I don’t mean we let _you_ off too easily, or even Azula - you two were just kids. And it’s not… it wasn’t even _us_ \- it was the Order of the White Lotus who decided Iroh should become Fire Lord. And _I_ know he’s a good ruler, but to everyone else… isn’t he just the guy who was meant to take the throne anyways?”

“That’s--” Zuko wants to say _not true_ , but… isn’t it? Uncle _was_ supposed to be Fire Lord instead of Ozai. “Huh.”

“Yeah.”

There’s a knot settling uncomfortably in the pit of Zuko’s stomach, something that makes him feel almost sick. He kind of wishes he were five years old again, and able to hide his face in his mother’s robes in order to not face reality. He kind of wishes he were sixteen years old and doing anything in the world to distract himself from the existential dread settling over him - wishes he could kiss Sokka senseless until neither one of them can remember what they’re running from, what they’re trying to ignore.

But Zuko is not five, and he’s not sixteen, and he can’t run away from the things he doesn’t want to face. So he meets Sokka’s eyes, and he asks, “What can we do?”

Sokka shakes his head. “I don’t know.” He says it like a confession, like something he’s been holding gently on his tongue, unsure if he has the right to say it or not. He says it like he’s never had to say it before.

“That’s okay.” Zuko reaches for Sokka’s hands, taking them back into his. “You don’t have to come up with a plan to fix the world on your own, you know.”

Sokka doesn’t respond. He just leans forward and rests his head on Zuko’s shoulder, and Zuko can feel some of the tension leave his body. He supposes that’s a response in and of itself - it’s Sokka silently saying _thank you_.

Across the room, Azula’s eyes meet his.

She looks happy.

\--

After Suki returns to Mileh’s house and chews Zuko and Sokka out for not telling her and Azula about their plan, they’re allowed to return to the palace. They’ll need to regroup in the morning, question Vai, and figure out what, exactly, the rebels’ plan is. But for now, they need _sleep_.

Muscle memory and force of habit lead Zuko and Sokka into their separate bedrooms, but as soon as the door shuts behind Zuko, the space next to him feels empty. Even with Druk there too, he feels like he’s missing something important.

Maybe it’s because he almost died, or maybe it’s because he wants to be selfish and cling to Sokka as long as possible, but Zuko wishes he hadn’t let Sokka’s hand slip through his when they bid goodnight to each other.

He dresses for bed silently, then slips underneath the covers. Druk lies on top of him, and the weight is a welcome feeling, but when Zuko’s eyes fall shut, all he can see is Vai choking Sokka, Sokka’s face as Zuko fell off the pier, water rushing into his lungs--

Zuko’s eyes snap back open. Druk shifts, raising his head to look at the door. Zuko hears it, then - a soft knocking, though who can be sure if it’s real or something Zuko’s sleep deprived brain is conjuring.

Zuko pushes Druk off him anyway and goes to open the door.

“I can’t sleep,” Sokka says as soon as the door is open.

“It’s barely been thirty minutes,” Zuko responds like he wasn’t thinking the same thing five seconds ago. He opens the door wider and moves, gesturing for Sokka to come in, and then closing the door behind him when he does.

Sokka doesn’t need to ask, and Zuko doesn’t need to answer. Zuko nudges Druk down to the foot of the bed, making room for Sokka, and they both crawl under the blankets. Druk gives Zuko an evil eye, which Zuko returns, causing Druk to lower his head and curl up, presumably accepting his fate of sleeping at the foot of the bed instead of on top of Zuko.

Zuko turns onto his side, laying on his bad ear, and finds Sokka mirroring his position, looking at him intently. He reaches over and cups Zuko’s cheek, and Zuko’s hand comes up to wrap around Sokka’s wrist.

“I can’t lose you,” Sokka whispers, pressing his forehead against Zuko’s. “I thought you-- I was so afraid we were too late, and,” Sokka’s voice cracks, “I _can’t_ lose you, Zuko.”

“Hey,” Zuko responds softly. He moves his hand from Sokka’s wrist to wipe the tears gathering in his eyes, letting his hands linger on Sokka’s cheek longer than strictly necessary. “It’s okay. I’m here.”

“Don’t leave me.” Sokka says it like a prayer, like his mouth has never held any words more important than these, like he would repeat it until he couldn’t remember anything else if it meant Zuko would keep holding him. “Just… stay.”

“Forever,” Zuko breathes out. It’s the easiest thing he’s said in his life. There is no other option with Sokka, and there never has been. It’s always been _forever_.

Sokka pulls back. “Is that even something you can promise?”

“We’ll make it something I can promise,” Zuko says decisively. “We’ll make it something we can promise each other.”

Sokka offers Zuko a watery smile he can barely make out in the moonlight pouring in from the window, and then he leans in and captures Zuko’s lips with his own. 

The kiss is slow and soft and it feels like a promise of eternity.

* * *

**_SOKKA_ **

Morning comes far too quickly, and it takes them back to Mileh’s house to meet up with Suki and Azula, and then to the prison where Vai is being held. Sokka doesn’t ask Suki what she told the guards about Vai - half because he thinks she probably told them as little as possible and threatened them if they tried to pry further. 

The guards let them in to see Vai without issue, and agree to leave them alone after they’re faced with twin death glares from Suki and Azula.

As soon as the guards are gone, Suki turns towards Vai. “Okay,” she starts, “here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to tell us what your rebels are doing - their goals, their motivations, all that good stuff - and the more you cooperate, the lighter your punishment will be.” She crosses her arms. “I don’t blame you for being upset about what happened to the Southern Water Tribe and your family. None of us do,” she shoots a pointed look at Zuko and Azula, who both readily nod in agreement, “but trying to drown Zuko - who had nothing to do with the raids - and kill Sokka - who is _from the Southern Water Tribe_ \- isn’t going to accomplish a single thing.”

Vai looks up at Suki, jaw clenched, green eyes staring into Suki’s brown ones. Suki has never been one to back down, though, and Vai does give in eventually.

She sighs, and fixes her gaze on Zuko. “The attempt on King Kuei’s life happened before I joined the group. They were falling apart because it failed when I found them, and I united them around a new goal: Taking out Fire Lord Iroh.”

Azula’s mouth drops open and Zuko’s good eye widens. Sokka grabs Zuko’s arm, knowing full well his temper won’t last if Iroh is in danger. And they don’t need anything happening that gives Vai a reason to be uncooperative.

“Why?” Zuko demands. Sokka kicks his shin, but Zuko doesn’t even flinch.

Vai laughs. “I want him off the throne. He might have ended the Hundred Year War, but he’s still the Dragon of the West.” She blows a strand of hair out of her face. “I don’t know how well _you_ remember the Siege of Ba Sing Se,” she’s clearly talking just to Zuko and Azula now, “but _some_ of us have family living there. My mother was originally from Ba Sing Se. She met my father when he was there studying at the university, and once they both graduated, she moved back to my father’s hometown with him, leaving her brothers and parents behind in the city. I’ve never met them, but I will _never_ forget the look on my mother’s face when she received word that her oldest brother had died in the battle.”

Sokka sees what’s coming next before Vai even opens her mouth, and he’s afraid he’s going to very quickly have to decide if he can actually hold Azula back, or if he should just focus on Zuko. He looks over at Suki, who is looking at him with wide eyes. He can practically hear her asking, _She’s not going to say it, is she?_

Sokka shrugs, then gestures to Azula with his eyes. Suki nods once, and grabs onto Azula’s arm right as Vai says--

“As far as I’m concerned, Iroh _deserved_ to lose his son in the siege.”

The temperature in the room rises, and Sokka isn’t sure if it’s because of Zuko or Azula. Zuko is definitely playing with his inner body temperature, though, because Sokka can feel his arm heating up through his sleeve. He doesn’t say anything, though, nor does he make any effort to get away from Sokka.

Azula, however, rips her arm out of Suki’s grasp and takes a step closer to Vai, pointing an accusing finger at her. Vai doesn’t look scared; she looks smug, like she was hoping to get under Azula’s skin. “Lu Ten was a _good_ person,” she growls. “He cared about me more than my own parents did.”

“I doubt that was a difficult accomplishment,” Vai responds drily. The temperature rises again, and Sokka can feel himself starting to sweat. “Besides - I’m not referring to how good of a person _he_ was. His death _hurt_ Fire Lord Iroh, and it was payback for all the lives he ended, either directly or inadvertently.”

“You would wish death on someone just to get revenge on someone else?” Azula snaps. It takes half a second for her words to register, and then her eyes widen and she steps back. “I mean--”

“Azula is right.” Suki’s voice is steady. She guides Azula back a few steps, away from Vai, and Azula just lets it happen without protest. “Obviously I never met Lu Ten, but celebrating someone’s death just because it hurt someone else is wrong.”

Vai opens her mouth to speak again, but Zuko interrupts, raising his hand halfway up like he’s in school and needs to be called on in order to talk. “Can I…?”

Suki motions for him to go on.

He takes a deep breath and disentangles his arm from Sokka’s hold. “I think Vai made a good point, but it got lost in the other things she said.”

“I did?” Vai asks, looking almost disgusted by the fact that Zuko would agree with anything she says.

Zuko nods. “It was something Sokka mentioned yesterday, too. I love Uncle, and I know he’s a good ruler, but… in the end, he’s just the guy who was supposed to get the throne anyways. We defeated Ozai to end the war, and then we stuck his older brother on the throne instead, like that was somehow changing things.” He sighs. “The truth is my grandfather never even named my father his successor; he wanted my father to kill me for the fact that he even suggested doing so. Ozai stole the throne from Uncle - he had my mother kill Azulon, he faked my father’s will, and then he turned on my mother and banished her. Uncle might be a good ruler, but he isn’t exactly the figurehead the Fire Nation might really _need_ if we want the world to understand that peace is here to stay.”

Azula is staring at her brother like he’s lost his mind. “So, what? You’re saying Iroh should abdicate?”

Zuko meets her eyes. “Yes.”

“You don’t even _want_ to be Fire Lord,” Azula points out. And _oh_.

If Iroh abdicates, Zuko is next in line. Zuko is the _only_ one in line, and Zuko will have to do Fire Lord things like move back to the Fire Nation and marry the daughter of a nobleman and push Sokka away because it’s too painful to see him and remember what almost was.

“I don’t,” Zuko agrees. “But if I need to be, I will. If the people of the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes would prefer someone in charge of the Fire Nation who wasn’t a general - who defected, who saw the pain the Fire Nation caused firsthand when he was thirteen and fighting an Agni Kai he never should have been challenged to - I can do that.”

Sokka wants to shout, wants to scream _NO NO NO!_ because it’s not _fair_. It’s not fair that he and Zuko get less than twenty-four hours together before they realize that forever will always be a lie for them. It’s not fair that they don’t get a chance to take forever into their own hands, not fair that maybe they lost their chance six months ago, not fair that Sokka feels like the entire world is crashing around him.

Azula is looking at Zuko like he’s agreed to die. Suki is looking at Sokka like he’s going to die and he didn’t agree to it.

(But he _did_ agree to it - a kiss for a fate worse than death. And Sokka got two.)

Vai clears her throat. “I don’t have anything against Zuko personally--”

“You tried to _kill_ him,” Sokka points out, unable to stop himself.

Vai rolls her eyes. “He was in my way. It’s the same reason I tried to kill you. _Anyways_ ,” she shoots a look at Sokka that clearly says _Don’t interrupt me again_. “ _I_ don’t have anything against Zuko personally, but he’s also just… next in line for the throne. And he’s not innocent, either. If you want people in the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes to _actually_ believe the Fire Nation is changing for the better, you’re going to have to _actually_ change it. Putting another member of the royal family on the throne is a cop out - a way to make it _look_ like you’re trying, but you don’t really care if the Fire Nation changes its ways at all, as long as the war stays over.”

“So what do you suggest?” Azula crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow. Sokka barely hears her, though, because his brain is spinning.

If change will come with the entire royal family stepping down--

If, like Zuko said, the Earth Kingdom is run mostly by King Kuei’s council, rather than the Earth King himself--

If no one cares whether Zuko and Azula carry on the royal bloodline--

Zuko promised that they would make forever something they could promise each other. And Sokka might know how they can go about doing exactly that.

“An elected council!” he announces.

Everyone looks at him, varying degrees of confusion etched across their faces.

“It would take some time,” he continues, “but I think it could be done. If Iroh gradually lets a council take the power from him, he could be the last Fire Lord, and that would be the _real_ change the Fire Nation needs. And, like in Ba Sing Se, the council could be members elected by Fire Nation citizens - though, we’d have to figure out the laws for who can and can’t vote, of course. And the royal family could stay as, like, something symbolic if the Fire Nation isn’t ready to let go of the monarchy entirely, but they wouldn’t have any actual power.” He looks back to Azula, then lets his gaze rest on Zuko. “And if the royal bloodline ends, the Fire Nation will be fine.”

“Would that even work?” Zuko asks carefully.

“I think it could,” Suki says. She turns to Vai. “Well?”

Vai looks between the four of them. “Did you… did you guys just agree to change the entire Fire Nation government based on the opinion of someone who tried to _kill you_?”

“Yeah.” Sokka shrugs. “But in our defense, you made some good points. Besides,” he glances over at Zuko, “someone told me we should always be looking for the best in people instead of assuming the worst and immediately writing them off as enemies.” He snakes an arm around Zuko’s waist. “You said it yourself, Vai - we’re both from the Southern Water Tribe. We could be family.”

“I’m in prison,” Vai snips, plastering a fake smile on her face.

“Well, we can’t pardon you _entirely_ \- we don’t have that power,” Suki says. “But I doubt your sentence is going to be too long if you continue to help us.”

\--

“Will Fire Lord Iroh really agree to abdicate and let a council take over?” Suki asks as they walk away from the prison, a good hour and a half of questioning later.

Zuko and Azula share a knowing look before Zuko says, “I think we can convince him.” Sokka doesn’t know what sort of secrets the two of them are hiding, but it makes him happy to see Zuko and Azula interacting like siblings _should_.

Zuko reaches for Sokka’s hand like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Azula rolls her eyes at them, but she smiles along with it, which is honestly more approval than Sokka was expecting from her.

(And Sokka thinks maybe this _isn’t_ a tragedy after all. He sends a prayer to any spirits who might be listening that they allow him to keep this one good thing intact.)

\--

Vai proves herself in the fact that all the information she offered up was accurate. They send word to Fire Lord Iroh, who sends in a team that apprehends the rebellion easily while Sokka and the others are forced to sit and drink tea with Mileh instead of helping out.

Druk is stretched out across both Zuko and Sokka, and Suki and Azula are seated across from them. Mileh is sitting away from them, knitting what Sokka assumes is a blanket, but he has no doubt she’s listening in on their conversation.

“Where will you go?” Azula asks suddenly, her eyes locked on Zuko.

They haven’t had _the talk_ yet, because Sokka thinks he knows the answer.

But Zuko surprises him.

“Back to the South Pole,” Zuko answers simply. “I’m still an Ambassador, and I still have six months of work to catch up on.” He sets his cup down. “I’ll be back in the Fire Nation for the Fire Lily Festival in a few weeks, though. And I’ll write you before then… if you want.”

Azula hesitates, then nods. “I think I’d like that. Maybe I’ll even respond this time.”

Zuko laughs, and then leans his head on Sokka’s shoulder. Azula turns to Suki. “What about you? Are you going back to Kyoshi Island?”

“Actually… I was thinking maybe I could go to the Fire Nation with you, to help you discuss our decisions with Fire Lord Iroh?”

Azula frowns. “Why?”

“Because your brother’s ditching you for his boyfriend--”

“ _Hey!_ ”

“-- _and_ because I’m your friend.”

Azula’s eyes widen in shock, and then her expression softens. “Oh. Okay, then. That… that would be nice. Thank you.”

\--

The next evening, Sokka and Zuko are on a ship, headed back to the Southern Water Tribe. They’re given separate rooms, but Sokka doesn’t even open the door to his. He just drops his stuff in Zuko’s and throws himself onto the bed. He pillows his head on his hands and watches as Zuko sets his stuff down with much more discretion than Sokka. Druk - who had nearly given the crew a heart attack when they first saw him - crawls up on top of Sokka and makes himself comfortable.

Sokka groans and tries to push Druk off of him, but there’s no point. When Druk decides he's going to lay somewhere, he becomes a dead weight.

Zuko laughs at him. “You were well aware Druk and I are a packaged deal. If you want me, you get him too.” He sits down on the edge of the bed and pulls seal jerky from his pocket, using it to lure Druk off of Sokka and onto the floor.

“Thanks,” Sokka grumbles. He sits up and wraps his arms around Zuko, resting his head on Zuko’s shoulder. “You know,” he muses, a thought occurring to him, “I think we did things a little out of order.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just that we’ve promised each other forever, and I still haven’t actually asked you to be my boyfriend.” Sokka feels Zuko heat up, and he wraps his arms tighter around him.

“Is this you asking?”

“Yes.” Sokka lifts his head so he can look at Zuko properly. “Zuko, I am in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for so long it’s embarrassing, and I think I’ll probably love you for the rest of my life. I thought maybe we were destined to be some great tragedy, some tale of star-crossed lovers who will be mourned a hundred years after it’s too late. But now I’m pretty sure we’re just destined to be Sokka and Zuko, and that’s all I’ve ever really wanted.” Zuko is looking at him with such adoration that Sokka hardly remembers why he even started talking in the first place. He reminds himself that he still hasn’t asked yet.

He takes Zuko’s hands into his. “Zuko, will you be my boyfriend?”

Zuko smiles. “I was recently told that _meant to be_ is something we make ourselves, and that we aren’t really destined for anything at all.” Zuko squeezes Sokka’s hands. “If that’s true - if we decide our own fates and forge our own paths - then I am forever grateful that the road I took led me to you. I think I assumed we were destined for heartbreak too, which is why I wouldn’t let myself believe I loved you for so long. But I do, and I have, and I will. And whether we are destined for anything or if we really are simply Sokka and Zuko, I want to face the future by your side.” He leans in and presses a gentle kiss to Sokka’s forehead. “All that to say, _yes_. I will be your boyfriend.”

“Cool.”

Zuko laughs. “You’re the worst.”

Sokka hums. “Maybe so.” He presses a quick kiss to Zuko’s lips. “But you can’t get rid of me. I take promises of forever _very_ seriously.”

Zuko’s hands come up to cup Sokka’s face. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He pulls Sokka in for a better, longer, kiss, and Sokka lets out a happy sigh. Maybe _meant to be_ is a lie the fairytales and legends like to perpetuate or maybe it’s real and the spirits have delegated that Sokka and Zuko are supposed to be together. Sokka thinks, maybe, it doesn’t really matter at all. Because they’re _here_ and this is _real_ and Sokka once said he’d suffer any fate for a stolen kiss, but these kisses aren’t stolen. They’re his to keep.

If everything the spirits have unleashed on Sokka has led him to _this_ , he’s okay with it. He’ll take anything they throw at him for as long as he can call Zuko his.

\--

Sokka wakes to Zuko tracing patterns on his chest, his body warm as it always is against Sokka’s. He keeps his eyes shut for several minutes, trying to figure out if Zuko is writing something or just fidgeting.

“I know you’re awake,” Zuko whispers eventually. “Your breathing changed.”

Sokka cracks an eye open as Zuko’s hand leaves. “How long have you been up?”

“Not long.” Zuko pushes himself up into a sitting position. He glances at Druk, who is still fast asleep, curled up on the floor, before looking back down at Sokka. He looks like he wants to say something, but he’s holding himself back.

“What is it?” Sokka questions.

“Can we watch the sunrise? It’s light in the South Pole all the time now, so this is the last one we’ll get to see until the Fire Lily Festival.”

Sokka _wants_ to say no, roll over, and fall back asleep. But who is he to deny Zuko?

“Okay.”

Zuko beams, and Sokka thinks waking up so early might be worth it today.

Sokka throws on a shirt, and then Zuko is tugging him out of their room and up onto the deck of the ship. The sky is just beginning to lighten, and on the open sea, Sokka can see the entire sky. He doesn’t have too much time to marvel at it at the moment, though, because Zuko is still pulling on his arm. 

“Where are we going?”

“Higher.”

They do, in fact, go higher. Zuko leads Sokka up to the highest point of the ship, and only then do they sit down. They face the rising sun - which is beginning to paint the sky brilliant shades of orange and pink - and Zuko nuzzles into Sokka’s side. Sokka wraps an arm around Zuko’s shoulders.

The air around them warms slightly - enough that Sokka isn’t shivering in his thin shirt and sleep pants, but not enough to soothe the bite of the morning breeze entirely. It’s exactly the sort of weather Sokka likes best.

“Thank you,” Zuko murmurs.

Sokka studies the way the sun makes the clouds glow golden. It reminds him, a little, of Zuko’s eyes. “Of course,” he whispers. He looks away from the sky just long enough to drop a kiss onto the top of Zuko’s head. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The sky is an explosion of different colors now, and Sokka wishes he could paint so he could capture this moment forever - the way the gold clouds look against the purples and pinks and oranges of the sky, the way the sun hangs heavy and bright and blazing in the middle of it all. It’s beyond explanation, beyond re-creation, beyond anything humans should ever have the pleasure of seeing.

Sokka lets his eyes close, feels the heat of the sun against his face, feels the heat of Zuko against his body. Love is a little bit like the sunrise, he thinks. Beyond explanation, beyond re-creation, beyond anything anyone really deserves. It’s something you don’t even have to see to know it’s there, soft and warm, glowing and beautiful.

It’s ultraviolet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [chapter seven art](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/644047182878621696/chapter-7-of-this-ultraviolet-morning-light-by)
> 
> chapter 8 will be up tomorrow! 
> 
> (also, i feel like i should remind you that it's an epilogue, so you don't have to worry about me taking the happy ending away from them lol - they're good people and they've suffered enough. it'll also be shorter than the chapters have been previously)


	8. EPILOGUE: meet me in the afterglow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is. the final chapter. thank you so so much for all of the wonderful comments and kudos!! i had so much fun writing this and it's wild that i've been working on this since november and it's finally coming to a close. this is the longest fic i've finished to date and the first longfic i've finished in almost five years so it means a lot to me and i'm so glad you guys enjoyed it!
> 
> if you haven't yet, please check out all of the art for this fic because it is truly gorgeous and i cannot express how much i adore it: [chapter four (1)](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643231800150425600/what-if-we-held-hands-in-the-secret-tunnel) [chapter four (2)](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643503632271147009/bonus-drawing-for-zukkaclawthorne-s-this) [chapter five](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/643684790801973248/two-bros-sitting-on-a-rooftop-zero-feet-apart) [chapter seven](https://hrmsketches.tumblr.com/post/644047182878621696/chapter-7-of-this-ultraviolet-morning-light-by)
> 
> chapter title from (of course) afterglow by taylor swift

**_time, wondrous time_ **

**_gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies_ **

_invisible string - taylor swift_

* * *

_Zuzu,_

_Suki and I spoke to Iroh about Sokka’s plan - transitioning from a monarchy to a government comprised of elected officials - and he is in full support. He says it will be a slow transition, one that will likely take many years, but in the end, neither you nor I will be expected to provide an heir to carry on the royal bloodline. Nor will either of us be expected to take the mantle of Fire Lord upon ourselves._

_When I told Uncle that was our hope - to be allowed to seek a relationship that would not necessarily provide any biological heirs, he didn’t seem particularly surprised. I suppose that is to be expected. I did not tell him about you and Sokka (that’s your information to share), but I believe he will be in full support of the two of you. I doubt he will be shocked at anything but how long it took you two to get together. He told me also that he will support me in whoever I find love with or if I don’t find love at all, so long as I’m happy._

_I think you were right about him. I only wish I had been less hellbent on following our father’s wishes so it would not have taken his demise for me to be seen as anything other than a lost cause._

_Suki is on her way back to Kyoshi Island now, and she expects to write you and Sokka once she arrives. Iroh also should be sending you a letter shortly, as well as a formal invitation to Chief Hakoda and Bato, inviting them to this year’s Fire Lily Festival - when he hopes to make the official announcement of a transition to a new type of government._

_I hope to hear from you soon. Let me know how you and Sokka are settling into your relationship (and how many times you’ve been caught making out between meetings. Don’t bother saying you haven’t; I won’t believe you.) I hope the two of you are happy and I look forward to seeing you at the Fire Lily Festival, at the very least._

_Sincerely,_

_Azula_

\--

_Azula,_

_I’m happy to hear Uncle was so supportive! Sokka helped me write my response to him (which I am sending out at the same time as this letter), telling him that we’re together. I resent your implication that everyone was aware of our feelings besides us, though I’m not quite dumb enough to disbelieve it._

_Suki did write - we received her letter the day after yours. She says she told Mai and Ty Lee the full details of the plan and they think it’s a good idea, and it will help the rest of the world believe that the war is truly over._

_For the record, Nanouk has been the only one to catch Sokka and I, and it has only happened_ _once_ _. (Did you read my letters mentioning him years ago? Likely not. He’s a friend of Sokka’s, though he went to war to fight with the older men of the tribe while Sokka stayed behind, as he is a few years older than Sokka is.)_

_Sokka and I are doing well. He and Druk are… more or less getting along. Druk can regulate his body temperature, so there’s no worry about him getting too cold here, but he (understandably) sets a lot of people on edge. Sokka says they’ll just have to get used to it because he’s not letting me go anywhere and Druk and I are a packaged deal._

_I’m sure you’ll scoff and roll your eyes at this, but I really do love him, Azula. He’s still sleeping as I write this, and I keep looking over at him, reminding myself that this is real and he’s here to stay. It feels like a dream. Would it be too cliché to say if it is, it’s one I never want to wake from? (I’m sure you would say yes. I’ll be lucky if you make it through this paragraph without deciding you’ll never write another letter to me.)_

_I won’t go on about Sokka for as long as I’m sure I could. I am very happy. Both with him and being back in the Southern Water Tribe. I do miss you, though. I hope you are well and I look forward to seeing you at the festival._

_Love,_

_Zuko_

\--

_Prince (Ambassador?) Zuko,_

_I’m hoping this letter makes it to you, because all I know is that you should be back in the Southern Water Tribe at this point. But I have just been notified that while one of the Northern Water Tribe Ambassadors to the SWT is on paternity leave for six months, I will be filling his spot._

_I suppose this means I can finally meet the ever elusive “Sokka” you told me about ;)_

_I don’t say this often, but I am actually excited to see you. Maybe the council members and ambassadors in the SWT won’t hate the two of us like the ones in Ba Sing Se do. Who knows, maybe I’ll even find a more permanent position in the SWT. Though that probably depends on if you can introduce me to any cute girls there._

_(Probably not. I doubt you have many friends.)_

_I’ll see you soon!_

_Yura_

\--

_Ambassador Yura,_

_You know me so well. It’s true - I unfortunately do not have many friends here. I’m a very poor choice for a wingman. As for everyone hating us: It took some time, but I believe most of the council members and ambassadors here do like me. Or they at least trust me to not burn the place down, which is better than in Ba Sing Se. Seeing as you’re from the Northern Water Tribe, though, I think if you don’t outright threaten to stab them, they’ll like you alright._

_Chief Hakoda and his husband, Bato, are some of the nicest people you will meet, in my humble opinion. I think you’ll like them._

_I look forward to working with you. And I will gladly help in any way I can with finding you a girlfriend, though, as I previously stated, I am not exactly the best person to ask._

_Sincerely,_

_Zuko_

_P.S. “the ever elusive ‘Sokka’” is now my boyfriend :P_

\--

_Katara & Aang, _

_Zuko’s my boyfriend :)_

_Sokka_

\--

_Sokka,_

_I cannot believe you wrote us an entire letter, sending it across the world, only to offer three words with NO OTHER CONTEXT!! You are, and I say this from the bottom of my heart, my least favorite brother ever._

_Aang and I are enjoying our time at the Northern Air Temple, if you were wondering. Not that you bothered asking. It was nice to see Teo again. He asked about you, but most of his questions just went straight over Aang and I’s heads, so I believe he’ll be writing you a letter of his own._

_Anyways. You’d better get ready for when we come home, because I both can and will strangle you for that letter._ _What_ _happened in Omashu?!_

_Love, Katara_

\--

_Sokka,_

_CONGRATS!! Tell Zuko I said congrats too!!_

_What did I tell you? I always knew you two would end up together. It just seemed right, with how well you two seem to fit. Like pieces of a puzzle._

_I’m glad you allowed yourself to be open, Sokka. I know it will be worth it. I’m sure you’re already seeing that it was. I can’t wait to see you two again! You’ll have to tell me everything, both about Omashu and how you got together!_

_Avatar Aang_

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

Zuko returns to the Fire Nation a full week before the Fire Lily Festival begins. He can still feel Sokka’s final goodbye kiss on his lips as he steps off the ship and is immediately engulfed in a hug from Ty Lee. 

“Congratulations!” she squeals in his ear, because apparently the amount of exclamation marks and hearts she added in her letter to him wasn’t enough. “Is Sokka here too?”

Zuko breaks the hug. “No; he’s coming with the rest of the group from the Southern Water Tribe later this week.”

“I’m surprised he let go of you,” Azula responds drily, a smile playing on her lips. “He seems like the clingy type.”

Zuko rolls his eyes. “It’s nice to see you too, Azula.” He turns to greet Mai as well, but her eyes are glued to Druk, who is still on the ship

“Are you going to explain?” she asks after a few moments of silence, crossing her arms.

“Druk is my dragon!” Upon hearing his name, Druk perks up. He jumps off the ship and lands next to Zuko. Ty Lee gasps, rushes up to Druk, and starts scratching behind his ears. His tail thumps happily against the ground.

“If your dragon hurts my girlfriend, I will not hesitate to kill both of you,” Mai states, pulling a knife from her sleeve and tapping her fingernails against the blade.

“Oh, come on Mai.” Ty Lee coos. “He’s so sweet, he would never hurt a soul. No you wouldn’t, would you?” She kisses the top of his head. “You’re adorable.”

“Careful,” Azula warns. “I think Mai is getting jealous.”

“I’m _not_ ,” Mai huffs. She puts her knife away anyways and turns like that will hide the pink in her cheeks. “Let’s just go. We can’t be late for tea with the Fire Lord; that would be bad form.”

\--

They make it to the palace on time, _barely_. Uncle already has cups of tea and a tray of snacks set out for them when they arrive. He welcomes Zuko with a hug, and then sends one of the guards to get food for Druk. 

Azula clears her throat and wraps her hands around her cup of tea. “So how’s the boyfriend, Zuzu?”

“He’s good,” Zuko mumbles into his tea, hoping the others can’t see his face flush. 

“It took you two long enough to get together,” Mai comments, almost absentmindedly. She grabs a cookie from the tray in the middle of the table, splits it, and hands half to Ty Lee. “What was it you said to me in Ba Sing Se? _You’re wrong Mai, I can’t be in love with Sokka._ ” She smiles at him fondly. “You’re such an idiot.

“I’m pretty sure that’s treason,” Zuko grumbles. He sets his cup down on the table and grabs a handful of fireflakes. He feeds half of them to Druk, who has been staring him down ever since he realized there was food in the room. “And not all of us can fall in love without a friendship there first.”

Mai hums in acknowledgement.

“Love?” Iroh questions, raising an eyebrow.

Zuko nearly chokes on his fire flakes. “I mean--”

Ty Lee thumps him on the back. “We know what you mean.” She turns to Iroh and stage whispers, “He’s in love with Sokka. Don’t tell anyone.”

“ _Ty Lee_!”

“What?” she asks innocently. “I didn’t say anything. Mai, did I say something?”

“Nope.”

“You guys are all the _worst_ ,” Zuko groans. “This is why I moved to the South Pole.”

Ty Lee rolls her eyes. “You love us.”

“He just loves Sokka more,” Azula responds. She meets Zuko’s glare with a smirk. It feels a little bit like when they were kids, but it’s different, too. She’s not saying something that actively hurts Zuko. In fact, she’s actually _supporting_ his relationship, in her own Azula way. 

“Not more,” Zuko corrects. “Just differently.”

\--

The day Sokka (and the others) are set to arrive from the Southern Water Tribe, Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee end up dragging Zuko to the docks to wait there because they’re tired of his pacing and bouncing around impatiently. 

When their ship finally _does_ arrive, Sokka is the first one off. He throws his arms around Zuko, nearly knocking them both onto the ground. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Azula greeting Hakoda with a proper Water Tribe greeting.

Sokka buries his head in Zuko’s shoulder. “I missed you so much, sunshine.” Zuko can feel his face flush at the pet name. It was one Sokka had tried out for the first time shortly after they’d returned to the South Pole and had stuck ever since.

“I missed you more.” Zuko shrugs Sokka’s head from his shoulder so he can press a kiss against his lips. He can feel Sokka smiling into it, and it’s more exhilarating than the rush of redirecting lightning. 

Azula groans. “It’s been less than a week, you two!” When neither of them respond, she kicks Zuko’s leg. “Be a good host and greet Chief Hakoda.”

Zuko frowns into the kiss before he breaks it, shooting an apologetic look towards Sokka, who just looks vaguely amused at the whole situation.

Zuko does greet Chief Hakoda and Bato both, and then Aang and Katara are pulling him into a hug and asking how he’s been. He hardly has a chance to wave to Yura, who is hanging back with Ambassador Shi.

Eventually, Azula says they should probably get everyone settled in, and promptly turns to lead the way to the palace. Zuko catches Sokka’s hand in his, and then he has to jog to catch up with her. Azula doesn’t look at the two of them, but she does say, “You two are obnoxious. I almost feel sorry for Katara and Aang.”

Sokka snorts. “Don’t. They’re worse than we are, and they’ve been together for a lot longer.”

“I find it hard to believe they could possibly be worse than the two of you.” Azula glances over at the two of them, her eyes dropping to their hands. “You two can’t let go of each other for thirty seconds.” She focuses her eyes forward again. “Katara and Aang aren’t even holding hands right now.”

“They are too--!” Sokka spins to look at them. “Oh.”

Zuko follows Sokka’s gaze to see Aang chatting excitedly with Ty Lee near the back of the group, while Katara is walking next to Yura and Mai, not far behind Zuko and Sokka. Katara sticks her tongue out at Sokka as Azula laughs to herself.

“Told you.”

Sokka huffs and turns to look at Zuko instead. “Your sister doesn’t like me.”

Zuko rolls his eyes. “Calling us _obnoxious_ is her way of saying she’s happy for us.” Azula sticks her leg out in front of Zuko, who stumbles over it. The only reason he doesn’t faceplant is because Sokka’s there to steady him. He glares at her, but she keeps walking, not acknowledging him. “Besides,” he brushes his robes off, “if there’s one of the two of us she doesn’t like, it’s clearly _me_.”

\--

They have a dinner that evening to welcome the visitors from the Southern Water Tribe as well as those from the Northern Water Tribe, who arrived shortly after the Southerners. Being royalty, Zuko and Azula’s seats are at the same table as Uncle, Hakoda, Bato, and Chief Arnook. Thankfully, somewhere along the line, someone added Sokka, Katara, and Aang to the table as well.

Zuko pretends not to notice Azula switching her and Sokka’s seat placements so she isn’t stuck in between them.

The meal is a combination of dishes from the two Water Tribes, for the most part. Zuko knows Kouji’s spent the past two and a half weeks trying to figure out how to serve food that will appeal to both people from the Fire Nation as well as people from the Water Tribes.

He did a good job, in Zuko’s opinion. But Zuko also has a soft spot for Southern Water Tribe food that most people from the Fire Nation don’t.

Once most everyone has finished eating, the seating gets a little more lax and people begin to get up and move around. Ty Lee comes over and pulls Zuko and Azula to her table, and Sokka follows along too. Mai and Yura are the only two still seated there when they arrive. Ty Lee plops down onto Mai’s lap like it’s the most natural thing in the world and kisses her forehead.

“Hello, lovely!”

“You’ve been gone for thirty seconds,” Mai responds, lifting an eyebrow. 

Ty Lee leans her back against Mai’s chest and brings Mai’s arms around her torso. “And?”

Mai apparently doesn’t have a good response to that, because she just shrugs and drops a kiss on Ty Lee’s shoulder.

Azula rolls her eyes. “I can’t believe I have to put up with my friends _and_ my brother being gross with their significant other.”

Zuko is about to bite back with a comment about Azula just being jealous, but Yura speaks first. “Hey, at least I’m not leaving you alone with them.”

Azula gives Yura a look that Zuko can’t describe. It isn’t mean, really. Maybe a little confused, which doesn’t really make sense. Her face flushes and her eyes shoot back down to the table. She mumbles something Zuko can’t make out. He looks over at Sokka for an explanation, but Sokka is looking at Yura with a vaguely amused expression on his face.

Zuko is definitely missing something here.

\--

The following day, Sokka challenges Azula to a game of Pai Sho. Zuko knows Sokka was mostly trying to be nice, and he appreciates the fact that his boyfriend is trying to get along with his sister, but someone should have stopped them. They’re seated in a back corner of the library and they’ve been at it for _hours_. Zuko had to force them both to take a break to eat when Katara showed up and asked why none of them had been at lunch.

Regardless, when Toph shouts, “Iroh said the happy couple was in here!” from the entrance of the library, Zuko is beyond grateful for the interruption.

Zuko leaves Sokka and Azula to their game and opts to go find Toph instead. When Zuko finds her, she’s being told off by the librarian while Jin and Katara exchange amused looks behind her.

“Sorry about her,” Zuko apologizes to the librarian. “I’ll make sure she stays quiet.” Zuko grabs Toph’s arm and drags her away before she can argue that no one can make her keep quiet and gets herself permanently banned from the palace library. Once they’re out of earshot, he whispers, “I thought you two weren’t supposed to arrive until tomorrow?”

“Surprise?” Jin says. “Our ship got in early.”

“Are your sister and your boyfriend still playing that stupid game?” Katara asks. She’s walking behind Zuko, but he can imagine that she’s crossing her arms and rolling her eyes.

“Yes,” Zuko groans. “We’ll be lucky if they’re done before the opening ceremony of the festival tomorrow evening.”

“Stop talking!” Azula snaps as they approach the table. She looks up at Zuko, a glare etched into her face, but then her gaze lands on something behind him.

(Someone?)

“Oh. Who. _Um_. Who’s your friend?”

Beside him, Toph snickers.

“Oh!” Zuko motions for Jin to step forwards. “Azula, this is Jin. We met when Uncle and I were living in Ba Sing Se, but Toph reintroduced us a few months ago. Jin, this is my sister, Azula.”

Jin smiles brightly and waves to Azula. “Hi!”

Azula’s cheeks color. She turns back to the game and mumbles a response under her breath before moving a tile, placing it in its new spot far too harshly for what Pai Sho requires.

Sokka frowns and scratches his chin. “Interesting move.”

Toph starts cackling, but it comes to an abrupt stop when Katara elbows her. “I’m taking Toph away before she gets herself kicked out,” Katara decides. “Jin, I can take the two of you to your rooms, if you’d like?”

“Sure! That’d be great,” Jin replies. She waves a farewell to Azula, Sokka, and Zuko, and then the three of them are on their way out of the library.

Once the door swings shut, Azula looks up at her brother. “How are all of your friends so pretty?!” she demands.

Zuko’s brain short-circuits. “What.”

Azula groans and gestures vaguely in the direction of the door. “Like, okay, Mai and Ty Lee are friends you leeched off of me, so that’s understandable, because I have impeccable taste. But seriously. Suki. Katara. Yura. _Jin_.” She buries her head in her hands. “ _How_?!”

Zuko shrugs and plops down next to Sokka. “I don’t-- _Hold on_.” He frowns. “ _Katara?_ ”

“ _Don’t_ tell her I said that!”

“Would you two _shut up_?” Sokka asks. “I’m trying to figure out my next move. I don’t want to hear how you think my sister’s hot.”

Azula crosses her arms. “Okay. First of all, I _never_ said that. Second, I’m pretty sure you already won.”

Sokka tilts his head, then his face lights up and he moves a tile. “Yes! Jin really fried your brain huh?” He sits back and laughs.

“Shut _up_ ,” Azula growls. She eyes the board like she’s going to flip it over, and for a second, Zuko is afraid he’s going to be jumping in front of lightning for Sokka this time.

But then she closes her eyes, shakes her head, and takes a deep breath. “We can play again sometime, right?”

“Are you kidding?” Sokka asks. “ _YES_! I never get to play this back home with anyone besides Zuko, who is pretty bad. No offense, sunshine. I love you, but you suck at Pai Sho.”

“I _know_. But, once again, no one else will play with you.” Zuko wraps his arms around Sokka and rests his chin on Sokka’s shoulder. “So really, I think you should be thanking me.”

Sokka hums. “Oh really?”

Azula fake gags. “Okay. I’m leaving. You two can be gross without me watching.” She stands up, brushes her robes off, and adjusts her hairpiece. She points at Sokka. “We’re doing a rematch before you leave, though.”

Sokka salutes her. “Of course, Your Majesty.”

\--

It feels like the entire world is watching the Fire Nation on the first night of the Fire Lily Festival. In truth, most of the people in attendance are Fire Nation citizens. But citizens from all the nations are interspersed in the crowd, and the other world leaders all accepted Uncle’s invitation. Which means, from their guarded seats, Chief Arnook, Chief Hakoda and Bato, King Kuei, and King Bumi are all watching.

So the whole world might as well have their eyes glued to the Fire Nation, holding their breath to see what could be so important that the Fire Lord would send personal invites to all the world leaders.

From his spot on the stage, in between Azula and Aang, Zuko can see Chief Arnook seated with Hakoda, Bato, Sokka, and Katara. Something twists in Zuko’s chest, because really, Yue should be sitting there too. He wants to search the sky for the moon, just to reassure himself that she’s watching, but he knows from years spent beside Sokka that Yue is behind him right now, and he can’t turn around.

He looks to Sokka instead, who makes eye contact with him and smiles. He blows a kiss to Zuko, which causes Katara to swat his arm down. It looks like she scolds him, but Sokka keeps his eyes on Zuko the whole time, a dopey smile adorning his face.

Uncle gives his speech, thanking everyone for coming and going on the usual pre-festival spiel about why the Fire Lily Festival is celebrated and explaining a bit about the origins of the celebration. He thanks Agni for guiding everyone through another year and allowing the Fire Lilies to bloom once more.

And then, the most important part comes.

“As you might have guessed, I have an additional announcement to make this year. I have spoken at length with my nephew and niece about this, and I have exchanged letters with Avatar Aang in order to get his opinion as well.

“When I first assumed the throne after the Avatar took away my brother’s bending, what I am looking to do would have been impossible. There was too much at risk. This is why the White Lotus asked for me to take up the mantle of Fire Lord. However, after nearly six years of peace, I believe it is time for me to begin stepping down from power.”

The crowd erupts into murmurs, and Zuko can’t tell if they’re good or bad. He feels like everyone’s eyes are making their way to him, though. And of course they are. Because if Uncle is stepping down, the logical next step is for Zuko to take the throne. Zuko - the banished, scarred, prince who has spent the last three years in the Southern Water Tribe because he couldn’t handle being in the Fire Nation any longer.

Yeah, Zuko wouldn’t want himself to take the throne either.

Uncle clears his throat. “This is not a process that will happen overnight - far from it - but we are looking to dismantle the Fire Nation monarchy altogether.”

The crowd gets louder at this, until Aang waves his arm and sends a breeze rippling through and a hush follows.

“The monarchy is what got us into war in the first place,” Uncle continues. “It is what brought people like Sozin, Azulon, and Ozai to a position of power they should not have held. A monarchy in the Fire Nation has brought a century of war, and it has brought lifetimes of pain for countless people both in the Fire Nation and outside of it, and in the royal family itself too.” He glances over at Zuko and Azula. “Which is why I will be the last Fire Lord. And starting once the festival is over, I will be working with the Avatar and the current members of my council to rework our government into one where the citizens of the Fire Nation will vote officials into office. By doing this, I hope to usher in an era of change - of peace, prosperity, and progress.

“As I said, this process will not be simple. It will likely take many years, but by the end of it, I truly believe the world will be better off. Thank you.”

Everything sort of blurs together after that for Zuko. There’s a lot of noise, mostly happy, and Zuko follows Azula and Aang offstage. Sokka and Katara find them, and Sokka kisses Zuko like he hasn’t seen him in months. Hakoda and Bato tell Uncle they think his plan is a good one, and he tells them they can thank Sokka, really, because it was his idea in the beginning. The other world leaders and several White Lotus members come to talk to Uncle. There’s fireworks, at some point, to mark the official start of the festival.

Eventually Zuko and Azula are allowed to go out and celebrate and spend time with their friends. Azula rushes off to find Mai and Ty Lee while Zuko stays with Sokka. They meet up with Suki, Toph, and Jin, for a bit. Suki tells them that Vai’s prison sentence shouldn’t last too long, and after she’s released, she’ll be sent to Kyoshi Island where the Warriors can keep an eye on her. 

The five of them eat festival food and talk about nothing, and it’s _nice_.

At the end of the night, though, Zuko is left alone with Sokka. They go back to the palace for Druk - who they decided probably shouldn’t be introduced to the general public yet - and they find a place away from the crowds and lights and noises, on a hillside dotted with bright orange flowers, to look up at the moon and stars.

They sit in silence, content, as Sokka braids fire lilies into Zuko’s hair with Druk curled up around both of them, snoring softly as he dozes. 

Once he’s finished, Sokka pulls Zuko back against him and presses a kiss to his neck. “Can I be honest with you?” he whispers.

“Of course.”

He sighs. “I didn’t think you were going to come back.”

“What?”

“When you left,” Sokka explains. “I know you said six months, but… I really didn’t think you were coming back.”

“Sokka.” Zuko turns to face him, taking Sokka’s face into his hands. “I will _always_ come back for you.” He kisses Sokka’s forehead. “Always. I promise.” He brushes his thumb against Sokka’s cheek. “And I’m never going to leave you without saying goodbye.”

Sokka nods, a smile slowly spreading across his face. He leans forwards, and his lips brush against Zuko’s scar. “Okay.” He wraps his arms around Zuko, situating him so Zuko’s back is once again pressed against Sokka’s chest. He buries his face in Zuko’s shoulder. He murmurs something Zuko doesn’t catch, then turns to press a kiss to Zuko’s jaw.

Zuko breathes in, the scent of something so distinctly _Sokka_ filling his lungs. And he _knows_ that everything won’t be this easy. Everything won’t be starry nights and fire lilies and sleeping dragons. But regardless of what happens next, he’s going to face it with Sokka beside him.

And really, what more could he possibly want?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end 🌅❤️
> 
> i have plans for other fics in this universe because i truly just love it so much, the first of which is a oneshot i'll be posting for zukka week in march, so keep your eyes open for that!!
> 
> anyway, thank you all once again for your kudos, bookmarks, and comments!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> be sure to check out all the other incredible fics written for the zukka big bang too!!
> 
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://zukkaclawthorne.tumblr.com/)


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